a.n.: Kinda short. Guess I'll make the next chapter longer or something. Disclaimer: I don't own LotR, nor am I making money off this. How would I be? I SHOULD be, but...

Chapter Seven: Commanding and Delicious


-- I sat next to the fallen elf, who's breathing ceased before I arrived. Gimli was busy running around in circles, screaming in dwarfish, ripping out chunks of his beard. Like a Crimson Head is that big a deal. Okay, so it was two who tried to gang rape Gimli, but that's no different.

"But...I was only two seconds late..." I pouted, tears welling up. I quickly turned and punched the wall, knuckles feeling my frustration. "Now I'll never get to shag him!!"

Gimli promptly jumped out the window with a shatter of glass as a zombie began pounding on the door, too stupid to try the doorknob and too pathetic to bash down the door. The dwarf bellowed as the zombie dogs continued to thrash him around, although I ignored him.

Suddenly, and idea flared in my brain.

"I'll give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!!" I cried happily, puckering up and leaning in.

A hand stopped my, again, sadly. "N-no... Not... Dead... Yet..."

"Yay! I get to shag him without necrophilia!!" I then began my victory dance before a little voice stopped my from within my head.

"Try the serum, stupid!"

"Conscious? Is that you?"

"No, Conscious was the one who wanted you to kiss him."

"Mouth-to-mouth," I quickly corrected. Legolas, who was on the verge of life and death, tried his best to inch away from me. Apparently, I was talking aloud, to my conscious. Silly me. Oh, well, how else does he expect my conscious to hear me?

"Whatever floats your boat. I'm Common Sense. I've just been on holi-" A small –WHACK- came from within my head and anonymous voice popped up.

"Kiss. . .er. . .give him mouth-to-mouth again!! Hurry! While he's too weak to fight back!!"

Legolas' eyes rolled back.

"Hm. . .maybe after I give him the serum," I reasoned, inserting the syringe in his arm. He was unconscious, and, while I wasn't a doctor, I saw his chest rise with each breath.

His sexy, well-built, elf-chest.

Briefly collaborating another victory dance, I poked him once, unsure of what to do with him now that he was on his path to sexy-elf wellness again.

The door suddenly flew open, Gimli running in with the previous zombie falling on top of him in an uncoordinated welter. He thrashed about the floor apparently in some sort of seizure, until I shot off the nasty carrion bugger into little bits of brain and flesh. The zombie, I mean.

"You ruined our moment!" I cried miserably, pointing to the pale, unconscious Legolas, all guilt on the dwarf.

I should sum things up now: Was too lazy to drag Legolas all the way over to the serum room. Plus, Gimli was too annoying. Wouldn't shut up. I think he was growing paranoid, jumping up, screaming, and running around in circles at every noise.

Oh, but I was so glad when he ran into the wall. The dwarf shut up even long after Leggy came-to, in his own sexy way. Legolas' sexy way, not Gimli. That's just...sick. It's like...shagging a dog...

Alright, then, just so we're clear.

"...Ah...damn...this..." Legolas hung his head in his hands. Mental gasp. Leggy cursed!! How...rugged!! But not in an Aragorn way. In a more...hygienic way. But still smashingly sexy!!

Hmmm...going off topic...

"He-" Didn't really get to finish my greeting. Leggy glares are scary.

"Where are we?"

"Huh? Oh," I shrug, mostly in nervousness beneath the rather harsh glare. It's a love-hate glare, of course, because my Leggy and I are destined to shag like cats in heat! "Somewhere..."

"Where's Gimli?"

"Wow! You remembered his name!"

"Of course-" He paused, almost measuring everything. Sharp elven eyes surveyed everything, and he stiffened briefly before touching a hand to his arm, which had healed over already with the wonders of elf-magic-stuff, though I suppose he was a bit confused, considering he had had amnesia for the past...uh...nope, wasn't keeping track. But it was still a while, and I guess it would be hard to get mental footing or some-fin' like that.

"Tell me what happened." So commanding. So delicious.

Anyways, "Nothing."

"No, something happened, and you're going to tell me what." He fixed me with a hard, steely gaze that might make the mightiest of warriors shrink back. But I'm not a mighty warrior. So instead I simply lost myself in those dreamy blue eyes of his. God, he's gorgeous.

His gaze turned a bit derisive, then uncertain as I continued to ogle his eyes. Wow, they were very blue...

I think about ten minutes went by like this and Legolas finally sighed and stood and our love-gaze was broken. Aww.

Standing as well, I glanced over to where Legolas seemed to be retreating to: the broken window Gimli had jumped out of.

He stuck his head out and shouted over to the dwarf who had taken shelter to a tree; how he knew Gimli was there, I wouldn't know, because I don't read minds. Maybe his ear picked up his little dwarf curses or something.

"I don't suppose you need any help, there, Gimli?" he asked, with his EXTREMELY sexy voice. I mentioned the sexiness of his voice, though, didn't I? Ah, well.

The dwarf grumbled something before giving Legolas some sort of gesture with his thumbs, which must have been some sort of Middle-Earth middle- finger or something, as Legolas simply gave an almost uncharacteristic smirk and waved Gimli off, "Fine, then, I suppose the almighty dwarf can prove his worth, then?"

Then, any sort of self-restraint I had snapped. And I tackled Legolas down. Almost. He sort of moved to the left and I fell to the ground. Whatever possessed my suddenly hormonal action quickly left me, partially, and I sighed, knowing I'd get him sooner or later and then he shall be my man- bitch!

Oh, gee, I was talking aloud again. And he was backing towards the door. Damn.
Short, I know, I'll conjure something soon, summer vacation recently commenced. Wow. Summer. Vacation. So much free time...