Authors Note:
Hi. First time poster, long time reader. Decided it was about time I posted this bit of Sirius/Remus fluff that has been mouldering on my hard drive for about a year. All usual disclaimers apply - no, I am not JKR.
It was just after closing time on the night before the Christmas holidays. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter were making their way back to Hogwarts from the Three Broomsticks. James and Sirius were favourites of young Rosmerta and they had been illegally visiting the pub since fifth year. They were now in sixth year, and since it was the holidays they'd celebrated by getting really drunk for a change, not just happy. They could always sleep on the train if they had to.
Sirius and Peter were leading the way back to Hogwarts. Sirius was a rowdy drunk and tended to snog anything that moved, and tonight Peter had gone through his usual morose drunk stage to be noisy as well. They were loudly singing a Puddlemere United song. James, a Caerphilly Catapults fan, was trying to drown them out with a Welsh song, brandishing like a flag a beer mat from the pub that he'd "souvenired". (The others often joked that when he married Lily there'd be no need to buy glasses as a wedding present, as James had already nicked a whole set.) Remus was trying to forget about the forthcoming full moon by running down the small slopes with his arms outstretched, then doubling back and circling the others.
They had to shut up once they reached the castle. Had there been anyone in the halls, they would have heard snorts of laughter coming from nowhere as the boys approached Gryffindor tower under James's invisibility cloak.
The common room was deserted, so they sat there for a while, eating some chocolate frogs that someone had foolishly left lying around. They were quiet now, and soon Peter had fallen asleep on the floor, sitting against the wall.
Sirius ran to the stairs. "I think I'm going to be sick."
And he was, but fortunately he got to the bathroom in time.
"Heh, stupid git," James said, getting up and drunkenly stumbling over Peter's outstretched legs. "Oops. Bed time."
James headed for the stairs, but couldn't quite make them. Remus, laughing silently, lurched towards him and they supported each other to the dorm.
James collapsed on his bed the minute they got there. Remus shook him, but was answered only by a snore, so he removed James's shoes and covered him with a blanket. As he drew the curtains of James's four-poster, Sirius appeared at the door.
"I threw up," he announced.
"I know."
Sirius staggered to his bed. "Moony, I'm never drinking again. Well, unless it's for a special occasion." He gagged.
"Want a basin?" Remus had a good head for alcohol, combined with a useful but annoying habit of insisting on playing nurse and cleaner to his inebriated friends.
"Nah, I can't possibly have anything left in my stomach. Well… maybe."
When Remus returned with a bowl Sirius was trying to remove his own boots.
"Bloody laces."
"Let me," said Remus, putting the bowl on the bedside table.
"Nah, nah, I've got it, you over helpful bugger. There. Ow!"
Sirius was trying to take his boots off without untying the laces and somehow one of them managed to fly up in the air and bop him on the head.
James gave a huge snort as he rolled over. Remus was almost doubled up with laugher, and had to sit on the edge of Sirius's bed to recover.
"Are you all right?" he asked finally, pushing back Sirius's fringe to take a look for a bump.
"Mmm," replied Sirius, lying down on top of the covers. "Lie with me a while, would you? I might have to… have to chuck again."
Remus, heart in mouth, lay down on his side, stroking Sirius's hair.
"That's nice," Sirius muttered. Remus said nothing, just combed Sirius's hair with his fingers. For a while there was silence, and he thought Sirius had fallen asleep. He started to get up quietly.
"Don't go."
Sirius grabbed Remus's hand and started playing with his fingers.
"Moony, how come you never get as drunk as the rest of us? You always have to be the sensible one." Sirius spoke slowly, half asleep but interested.
"Because I lose control once a month as it is," Remus answered, distracted by his hand but addressing the question seriously. "I drink enough to become … liberated. But I guess I'm afraid that if I drank any more I could turn into the beast. I like to know what I'm doing, remember the next day what I've done." He smiled awkwardly. "And I'm not a big fan of throwing up, either."
Sirius opened his eyes and stared owlishly at Remus's face. "I never thought," he said. "All this time I never really thought what it must be like for you."
Remus looked the other way. "Yeah, well, I don't mind getting a bit silly, and you need someone to take care of you."
"So I do, oh excellent Moony." Sirius closed his eyes again. "I wish I could look after you these holidays. The others have families but since I've been disowned it could've been perfect.
"If it wasn't for my stupid parents," Remus said bitterly. "They can't stand the thought of anyone knowing what a freak I am."
"I don't think you're a freak." Remus looked at Sirius, surprised by the sobriety of the declaration. Sirius opened his eyes again and leaned over to whisper in Remus's ear. "I think you're great."
Remus couldn't stop himself. He caught Sirius's lips with his own.
"God, I am drunk," he said, breaking away quickly.
"No… liberated," Sirius corrected, initiating a kiss of his own.
This one went longer, and to Remus it was the culmination of months of angst. Sirius tasted of stale beer and vomit, neither very pleasant. But it was Remus's first real kiss, and he didn't care. He could've explored Sirius's mouth forever, but Sirius had other ideas and was trailing kisses down Remus's neck, hands slowly going up Remus's jumper. Remus shivered.
"Mmm, Moony tastes like honey," Sirius murmured.
"That's my honey and almond shower gel," replied Remus stupidly, distracted by sensation.
Sirius laughed, then stopped. Remus opened his eyes.
"Moony, I have to spew again," Sirius said. Remus held Sirius's hair back as he gagged over the plastic basin. When Sirius had finished, he lay back and gave a weak smile.
"Love you Moony," he said, closing his eyes. "Night." He was asleep.
Remus's brain was still fuddled. He got up, took the bowl to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, almost unable to contemplate that he looked the same after what had happened. I've kissed Sirius, he thought in disbelief as he rinsed out the vomit bowl. MY mouth states foul because I've been properly kissed, he thought as he cleaned his teeth thoroughly. His mouth felt alien to him, even after a strong mouthwash potion. I can still taste Sirius. Sirius kissed me back. Maybe he'll kiss me again.
Remus lay awake for hours, staring at the beautiful boy opposite him. He fell asleep as birds stared waking up in the darkness outside.
The dorm was empty when he woke a few hours later. The others' trunks were packed, ready to go. Remus performed a rather messy packing spell of his own before rushing down to breakfast.
"Sleeping beauty!" James greeted him through a mouthful of bacon. Peter, nursing a cricked neck, glared at James. Remus poured himself a black coffee, looking for a reaction from Sirius. But there was nothing… Breakfast finished, back to dorm to get ready to catch the train… still nothing.
Remus caught Sirius's arm as the others left the dorm.
"Sirius, uh…" What did you say to a friend you'd been snogging? "Um, about last night… you feeling better this morning?" Wimped out.
Sirius smiled. "Yeah, fine. Must've thrown up all the bad stuff last night, though I don't remember it. Did you end up cleaning up after me again? How can you do that?"
Remus's heart sank. Sirius had been drunk, and had forgotten, and he certainly wasn't going to bring it up. Why remind him of a drunken act that meant nothing? Sirius would snog anyone when drunk. One night's madness, thinking wonderful Sirius had meant to kiss little werewolf Remus. Remus would continue to wait, hope the memory would come back or that one day Sirius would consciously kiss him, and mean it.
Until then there was always something to clean up…