For disclaimers, please see chapter 1.
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Thursday, June 3 Gotham Post. Local section, birth announcements, page E8:
Wayne, Helena Martha
Female, six pounds, ten ounces, 19 1/2 inches. Parents Bruce and Selina Wayne. Monday, May 31, at 10:48 p.m. Gotham General.
Zygmanus, Stephen
Male, eight pounds, one ounce, 23 inches. Parent Susan Zygmanus. Tuesday, June 1 at 1:13 p.m. Gotham General.
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Thursday, June 3 Gotham Post. Local section, wedding announcements, page E11:
Wayne, Bruce and Selina.
Nee Kyle. Monday, May 31. Gotham General, Imam Al-Said officiating.
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"What do you mean, you can't find him?" I screeched. "I HAD the kid! We should be able to change back!"
"Miss Selina," Alfred tisked.
"I mean that I can locate J'onn's DNA in lower Manhattan. That still leaves finding one person among several hundred thousand people, and he could be ANY one of them. He's a shape-shifter, remember?" Bruce said. "You think I want to continue to lumber around like an ox?"
"You must also recall that you need his active assistance," Alfred said. "Even if you find him, you cannot force him to change your minds back."
"Wonderful. That means I have stretch marks, sore feet and periods in my future."
"Trade you for shaving, neckties and people trying to kill me," Bruce offered.
"Sold!" I said, then asked, "What about the League meeting? Can't you ask him then?"
"He's missed two, then when I saw him, all he would say was 'I will be in touch.' He sat there smirking all through the meeting. I followed his teleport tube down to the financial district, where I lost him in the lunchtime crowds." Bruce sighed, then said, "I'll try again at the next meeting."
"You will figure it out. However, you have guests arriving shortly. Perhaps you both might freshen up a bit?" Alfred said.
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"Dr. Phillips. How nice of you to come!" I said.
"I could hardly refuse an invitation to Wayne Manor," he admitted. I escorted him to the library, my heels clicking on the hardwood floors.
Alfred appeared, and the doctor took his seat. Bruce cleared his throat, and I sat next to him on the couch. "We had a favor to ask of all of you, but first, let me introduce everyone." He motioned, and said, "First of all, Alfred is … well, as close to a father as our actual fathers."
"Thank you, Master Bruce. Miss Selina."
"Next, you all know my wife, Selina, and our daughter, Helena Martha." I smiled, and he continued. "Next, going around the room, is Clark Kent, and his wife, Lois Lane. Next to the window is Dr. Phillips." He nodded, and Bruce continued, "Lastly, Sheila Hawking."
I said, "Alfred, of course is Helena's grandfather." He smiled, and I continued, "Bruce and I would like to ask you four if you would … do us the honor of becoming Helena's godparents."
Lois glanced at Clark, then said, "We would be honored to."
"As would I," Sheila said, with a bit of catch in her throat.
"I certainly would be honored," Dr. Phillips said. "I may be a little old to be a godparent, but I'm honored."
"On behalf of myself and Bruce, I thank you," I said. I stood, smoothing down my dress and picking up Helena, who was sleeping peacefully. "Bruce?"
"We have decided that, in the event you all decided to agree, that certain … secrets should be revealed," Bruce said. He stood, and moved to the grandfather clock, resetting the hands. It slid aside, and he asked, "Lois?"
"Clark?" she asked.
"Go ahead, dear. I'm right behind you."
She nodded, then walked down the stone steps. She stopped, and looked around. Bruce smiled, and motioned her off the last step. "Lois, welcome to the Batcave."
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"This next stop on the tour is a bit … special. It's someplace very few people have seen." I pressed my hand on the lockplate, and a laser field swept over us. I spoke to the computer, and said, "Addition to authorized access list. Lane, Lois. General cave and weapons lockers only. Authorization Kyle, Selina. Passphrase Stalk, Catspaw, Whiskers."
"What about Clark?" Lois asked.
"He's with Bruce," I replied. "That's one reason you're here, Lois." The door slid open with a whoosh, and another, equally impressive door loomed before us. I motioned everyone in, and the first slid shut, locking with a 'clunk'. I motioned to Lois, who hesitantly palmed the lockplate, and another door opened. The cavern walls were lined with a dull gray metal, and protective fields were everywhere.
"What do you mean?" Lois asked.
I waved her over, and slid down a protective cover. "Red and Green Kryptonite." I looked at her, and amplified, "This is the primary weapons locker. The doctor is leaning on the antimatter storage." He jumped off it like a scalded cat. I reached in, and pulled out a small object, tossing it to Sheila.
"What's this?" she asked.
"It was part of a meteorite," I replied, indicating the softly glowing object. "Amazing what you can find on the Internet. Try it on. Pity it doesn't have a charge, though. My theory is the original owner was caught on Krypton when it exploded."
"Wha … Oh, my god," she passed it to Dr. Phillips.
"What is it?" Lois asked. Dr. Phillips passed it to her.
Lois looked at the dull gray object, then looked up, and said, "It's an Oan power ring."
"It's non-functional, and I don't have a Battery to try getting it to work," I stated. "I think the reason Parallax didn't destroy it was because it was drained, and there was no battery linked to it. Otherwise, we may have been wiped out along with the Green Lantern Corps."
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"Lois, I need to ask you and Clark a favor."
She bounced Helena, then raised her eyebrow. I coughed, and said, "Bruce and I have been … unable to find someone. We were hoping you two might have better luck."
"Catwoman and Batman can't find someone? This is truly unique," she said dryly.
I glared at her, then said, "We're trying to locate the Martian Manhunter. We've narrowed it down to lower Manhattan, but without scanning each of several hundred thousand people, we can't isolate his DNA more closely than that."
"And he's a shapeshifter. Hmm," she thought. "Why do you want him so badly?"
"Back in October, Bruce and I … switched minds. We want to change back." I said, rather defensively.
"Oh, what a story I could write! Not that I would, of course," she hastily amended. She snickered, then added, "I can see why you'd get tired of skirts and heels." I glared, and she said, "Just kidding! Ok, I'll talk to Clark, and see what we can do. You owe us, you know. Both of you."
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"They're coming in the front door," Lady Justice said.
"Ready," I acknowledged. In a few minutes, I heard a key in the lock, the click of the light switch, and a muffled curse. Footsteps, and fumbling with a table lamp. I turned, and moved further into the darkness.
"Erin. Greta," I said, stepping out of the shadows.
"B … Batgirl?" Erin said.
"With a coupla' friends," Lady Justice said from behind them. Greta jumped in surprise, and Lady Justice chuckled. I scowled at her, and she told me, "Oh, lighten up, Batgirl."
"You may not remember … " I started to say.
"You had the kid!" Erin said. "Where is he? Can I see?"
I picked the carrier up, and said, "Meet Elizabeth." The lie was a necessary precaution.
"May I?" Greta asked. I nodded, and she came forward, picking her up and cradling her. She said soft baby talk in German, then handed her to Erin, who bounced her on her hip. Nuzzling her forehead, she continued the baby talk in English.
"She's beautiful," Erin sniffled. Greta added, "Ja. Danke."
"Our pleasure," Lady Justice said with a smile.
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Harley came in, wearing a collared shirt, slacks, and sneakers. The black band of the monitor encircled her left wrist. "Selina!" she called, and waved.
"Hi, Harley! How are you doing?" I asked.
"Doin' good. You brought her! Oh, may I?" she begged.
"Certainly." I picked up the carrier, and placed it closer to Harley.
"Oh, she's adorable!" Harley made little noises at the baby, who gurgled happily. I didn't know why women seemed to lose their minds around babies. "Yes, you know your Auntie Harley, don't you? Don't you? Yes you do! Yes you do!"
I let Harley babble a bit longer, then took a seat in the day room. Harley took a seat in a rocker, bouncing Helena on her lap. I passed her some mail and a couple of newspapers, and asked, "So, Harley, really. How are you doing?"
"Not bad, really. I gotta doc that lets me talk as long as I want. She was in an abusive relationship, too, so we can, kinda, well, bond. Same thing with group, although there's nobody in there quite like me." She gave a sad smile, and said, "There's a coupla other girls in group that killed their boyfriends or husbands, even a biker chick. She said she even had a run-in with the Bat." She grinned again, and dandled Helena on her knee.
"I see." I made a decision, and pulled my Palm Pilot ™ from my purse. Tapping it, I put it on the coffee table, leaned over, and said, "Now, Harley, we have an EM field that will block their sensors for a few minutes. How are you, really? Want me to help you get out?"
Harley blinked, then leaned forward and said, "Thanks, but no thanks, Cattie. I do feel a lot better, but I think I'd be better off to stay here." She picked the Palm up with one hand, turned it off, and then banged it against the edge of the coffee table until it broke. I picked it up, and threw it into my purse. Harley grinned, then said offhandedly, "I'll be getting a 30 day isolation for breakin' your Palm, but I don't mind. Thanks for askin', Selina. You're a pal." She turned, and told Helena, "Your mommy's a peach, ya know that, kid?" Helena blew a spitbubble in agreement.
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I parked, and locked the car, taking Helena in her carrier. I looked at the stop sign, and noticed that Catwoman's sign was a bit faded. I regarded it, then turned, and walked into the Iceberg.
"Hello, Sly," I said. I dug around in my bag, and handed him a letter from Harley.
"What'll you have, Miss Ky … er, Mrs. Wayne?" he asked.
"It's still Selina, and just some fruit juice, please." Sly smiled, and nodded. I headed over to the table, asking, "Is this seat taken?"
"Cattie!" Roxy said. "Is that your daughter? Oh, may I?" She started to coo over Helena, as the men slowly drifted closer. Edward gave up his seat for me, and I smiled in thanks.
"She's beautiful, Selina," Harvey said. "May we?" I nodded, and he gently took the baby in his large hands. He held her up, and she looked curiously at his scarred face, then giggled and reached for him. He allowed her to explore his face, then sat her on his knee, leaning close to her.
"He's a bit old for her," Edward said.
"quack A January / September romance, is it?" Penguin said.
"Calling us old, Oswald?" Harvey said menacingly.
"Not at all," I said. "Listen, I wanted to invite you all to the Christening. There are two conditions."
"Name conditions," Croc growled.
"St. Michael's is neutral territory. Anyone wrecks my daughter's christening, they'll deal with ME."
"What about the cops?" Harvey asked. Croc looked at me, and I nodded. Harvey reluctantly gave her up. Croc's teeth fascinated Helena.
"Bruce is laying down the law with Gordon now. Neutral territory extends for a block around St. Michael's."
"Adequate." Edward acknowledged. He looked around, and said, "I think we can promise our best behavior." I concealed my surprise. I didn't expect rationality from these people.
"What's your second condition, kitten?" Harvey asked.
"Myself, my family, and my home are off limits for jobs." I braced myself mentally, and added the next for Selina's benefit. These were her friends, after all. "If you want to visit and you're not on the run, give me a call." I gave them a crooked smile, and added, "I'm retiring."
"I never thought of you as a 'stay at home mom', kitten," Harvey said.
"Times change, my friend." I wrinkled my nose, then said, "Like someone needs her diaper changed. Excuse me, everyone."
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### Chapter 35: Of Parents and Truths
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