I just noticed it's been over half a year since I last updated. *blush* oops!
Thanks for your reviews, as always! They make me grin :D
Oh yeah, Sephiroth may be a little OOC. Maybe. I dunno.
Rating: PG-13, as always..
Disclaimer: All mine, I say!
Chapter Six: Too much grass and not enough herbs.
"Just remember, you have to be very, very quiet." Sephiroth reminded. Quite unnecessarily, because it was Vincent he was talking to.
"…" Vincent shot him a deadpan glare that spoke plenty on its own.
"Alright alright…" Sephiroth gathered his big black cloak around himself, and settled further into his hiding spot.
There was silence for a few moments, then came the sound of singing. Bad singing, in fact. Actually, think of two cats pitted against each other, and you're close.
Vincent and Sephiroth peeked over the massive overturned log they were hiding behind.
"Finally…" Sephiroth muttered, a hint of satisfaction in his sneer.
Aeris was strolling through the forests of Gongaga, a basket in her hands and an off tune on her lips.
Vincent didn't know what to think. Ever since he started hanging out with Sephiroth ("And only Sephiroth. None of that Sephy bullshit."), who was a self-confessed narcissistic lunatic ("And damn proud of it!"), things had been entertaining, if a little weird. Hunting down Hojo, Vincent had to admit, was enjoyable, but perhaps not the old 'tar-and-feathers, and leaving him in Midgar City' gag. And picking on Aeris happened to be a favourite of the green-eyed, masamune-toting madman. Which was why the two of them were hiding behind that giant log. Waiting to see if Sephiroth's latest "creation" was going to work. And Vincent had to admit he was curious.
***
Cloud heaved a long sigh. His little "talk" with Cid had gotten nowhere at all, just two lungs full of second hand smoke. Which, he had learnt on television was more dangerous than smoking itself.
He nudged the snoring, drooling Yuffie with his boot. 'Weird that she's still asleep,' he thought with minimal concern. 'Seal has normally worn off by now…' He shrugged. Although it was kind of degrading for the young ninja, it was a great way to keep her quiet, if only for a few hours.
Suddenly, a sharp beeping filled the air. Cloud turned to the house in surprise; hand on his sword just in case.
There was no one in sight… no armed invasion from the East…
Then he heard, "CID!!!! I SAID NO SMOKING INSIDE!!!"
And then, a quieter, "$%^%^&%*…!!!"
Tifa and Cid. Fearing the worst, Cloud stepped over Yuffie and hurried towards the house.
"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!! I THOUGHT CLOUD TALKED TO YOU!!!"
"#$&*%&^…"
"YOU CAN GO AND DIE OF LUNG CANCER FOR ALL I CARE!!"
The front door slammed just as Cloud burst through the back door. Cid had a murderous expression on his face as he dropped his cancer stick on the ground, stomped on it, turned on his heel, and marched out through the front door as well. Cloud didn't think it was the best time to confront Cid about his language, either.
***
Yuffie rolled over with a face full of sand. "Gawd…
where am I?" she spat out excess sand, wiped her mouth, and glared at her
surroundings. Oh… she was outside her
own home. And then… she
remembered. Bothering Cid and Cloud,
falling asleep… falling asleep on the sand. Right. Making a typically perky leap to her feet, she checked her
materia. Yup, all present. Now, while
Yuffie was often a 'spirited' girl (putting it optimistically), she didn't get really
mad all that often. She also wasn't
stupid. (At least, not all the time).
Her eyes narrowed; her hands clenched into fists as she stormed towards
the house, yelling "CLOUD! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!"
***
"We're in a bit of a situation here," Tseng said. The Turks were back in their lounge, fairly pissed off that they had new missions already. And from Rufus no less – assumed dead; the chances of him retaking office were slim to none. Actually, no one had given it a second thought. Or any thought at all.
"Some understatement." Reno retorted, alternating between rubbing his bruised shin and glaring in every direction. His assignment sheet was on the carpet – the moment he'd walked into the lounge he had scrunched it up and tossed it towards the trashcan.
Rude still had his in his gloved hand.. he didn't know what to do with it.
Elena had her mind on other things. "So what happens when Reeve gets back?" she questioned. "They share the job"
Reno, still tetchy from Elena's booted attack, snapped back "They roast annoying little brats like you over hot coals for being annoying."
"Ugh Reno! That coming from you is so unsurprising." Elena turned her nose up.
Tseng rubbed his eyes. "Be quiet, you two." He muttered, stopping Reno's incoming retort. "We have a real situation on our hands."
"Not really." Rude said unexpectedly, surprising everyone. "After all, we're not on management, this is an issue which Reeve will have to deal with for himself."
The group blinked at him.
"Damn, Rude, I keep forgetting that you're not a mute," Reno remarked, reaching into his jacket pocket for stray cigarettes. Finding one, he smoothed it out, and lit up.
"Smoking gives you cancer." Elena informed him promptly. He blew a mouthful of smoke on her and she cringed, using both hands to wave the smoke away from her.
"On TV one night they said that second hand smoke is more dangerous than a cigarette itself." Reno said smugly.
The smoke alarm went off.
"Oops…"
Three pairs of eyes glared at him for a moment, before looking pointedly at the large "No smoking" sign on the door.
"Reno, go and explain to the President." Tseng ordered.
"Aww, c'mon boss!" Reno protested, his mind creating all sorts of nasty things that Rufus would do to him.
Tseng didn't change expression… and Reno eventually looked away with a grumble, and stomped towards the elevator.
In the silence that followed, Elena said brightly, "So should we do these assignments, then?"
***
Hammering on the elevator button a few times, Reno had time to mutter a few choice words at Tseng, Elena, and especially Rufus.
"God damn asshole…" he managed to vocalise before the elevator doors opened, and the very object of his dislike stood inside, grinning at him.
"Reno!" Rufus exclaimed, putting on a clearly false upbeat tone. Striding out of the elevator, he put his arm around the skinny Turk and began to guide him back towards the lounge. "I assume you were about to explain why you set off my fire alarm?"
"Actually, I was about to get the fuck outta the building…" Reno muttered. "And last time I checked, this is Reeve's building, not yours, Ruffie."
Rufus just grinned harder, pushing Reno into and through the doorway to the Turks Lounge.
***
"Cloud, move would yeh!" Barret bellowed from the couch. "I can't see the TV!"
Cloud shuffled out of the way, letting Barret get back to "The A Team".
"Damn foo…" Barret scowled at him, eyes not moving from the screen. Cloud sighed. So Cid was fairly pissed at him, Tifa was furious, and now Barret.
"CLOUD!!!" Yuffie burst into the house like an enraged whirlwind. "WHAAAT the hell is up with you casting SEAL on me!!?" She shrieked at him. "I got a mouthfulla SAND you king sized DORK!" And with that, she stole his materia, kicked him in the shins and stormed off.
Cloud blinked. "What…?" he stammered blankly.
Barret appeared to not notice the entire incident, just clutched onto the armchair as one of the characters got into trouble.
"HII GUUUUYSS!!!" An annoyingly familiar whine attached to an equally annoying Cait Sith greeted them, as the moogle bounced in the back door. "Everyone's looking damn pissed," he commented, dumping a paper bag on the kitchen counter. "I ran into that crazy Yuffie girl, and I told her she had sand in her hair. And she hit me! HARD! She coulda bruised my moogle…" Cait did his best impression of a pout.
"Cait Sith, what are you doing here?" Cloud asked bluntly.
"To watch the game, of course!" He replied happily, upturning the paper bag, revealing beer and crisps. "Junon Dolphins verses Midgar Gunners!" he plopped down beside Barret. "I put it all on your tab, by the way…"
Cloud rolled his eyes, picking up the receipt. It wasn't too serious, but the advertisement on the reverse side took his attention.
"Herbal cigarettes, hmm?" he mused. 'Less tar, which cheers up Tifa. And they're still cigarettes, so Cid's happy', Cloud grinned. Jackpot.
***
Sepiroth looked at Vincent in the way a teacher would look at a particularly slow student. "Now, watch and learn. Everyone knows that Aeris" He spat the name out like a curse. "loves flowers. So…"
"I thought we were doing something constructive…" Vincent murmured. Aeris was still singing to herself, swinging her basket and heading towards the grassy knoll covered in beautiful flowers.
"We are doing something constructive!" Sephiroth retorted, looking hurt. "Well, counter-productive…" he added with a smirk.
Aeris reached the knoll, a beatific smile on her peaceful face. "Ohh, these are beautiful…" she said happily, unleashing her basket. "I'll just take a few of these…" and she reached out to touch one.
It screamed.
She jerked her hand back… the flower didn't move.
A look of confusion crossed her face, but it soon passed, and she reached out to pluck the flower from its resting place. She pulled at the stem, and it wailed in pain. The little daisy waved it's little leaf in distress. "That huurts!" it cried out in a tinny voice.
Aeris dropped it in horror. The little flower fell to the ground, crying and twitching.
And all of a sudden, the other residents of the knoll began to wail too. "Please don't hurt us!" they cried in unison, waving their little leaves.
Aeris dropped to her knees beside the fallen flower. "I didn't mean it!" she whimpered, tears springing to her eyes. The little flower she had plucked was wilted and dead.
Sephiroth snickered. "And this is what they call job satisfaction." He remarked to Vincent, who was watching in a sort of morbid curiosity.
"How did you do that?" he asked.
"Well…" Sephiroth began, but Aeris had heard them.
"Sephy!" she growled, steam pouring out of her ears as she abandoned the flower patch and stormed over to the overturned tree.
Sephiroth rolled his eyes. "It's Sephiroth, for the thousandth time," he grumbled as Aeris stood over him.
"And Vincent, too!" She said angrily. "I never expected you to be in on this!"
He just looked impassively back at her.
"That was really mean, Sephy." Aeris pouted, her voice approaching a whine. "You said you'd stop playing tricks on people in the Promised Land."
"But you can't deny the daisies their feelings, Aeris," Sephiroth replied in a simpering voice, sounding quite distressed on behalf of the flowers.
"UGH!" Aeris lost any resemblance of being a nice, charming young woman. "When you get back home, you'll be in big trouble!" she hissed at him before stomping off into the forest.
Sephiroth waited until she was long gone before settling back on the tree. "Well, that was fun," he remarked with a grin.
Vincent was looking out onto the daisy patch. "…Don't you have anything better to do than play tricks on them?"
The response was immediate. "Well, being all powerful, a creative genius, and incredibly attractive to boot, what's a guy to do with his life?" Sephiroth shrugged and flicked his hair. "And, Valentine, believe me, you have no idea how utterly boring the Promised Land is. Full of stroppy old Ancients. It's all the flower picking, 'I love nature' crap."
Vincent gave a tiny little smirk. "Doesn't sound like your cup of tea."
Sephiroth leapt up, brushed off his immaculate clothing. "That's correct. And I prefer the real world. More fun, more people to control just like old times. Master of Puppets, yeah!" he drawled, breaking into the old Metallica song as he took off into the forest. Vincent gave a long sigh and followed suit.
Why he was hanging around with this lunatic, he had no idea.
***
Cloud made hasty tracks to the local supermarket. The place was largely deserted, the checkout chick with the beach-tan checking her fake nails in complete boredom.
"Hi." Cloud said, after standing at the cigarette counter for about five minutes.
She finally turned around to him, and he noted that she looked the complete cliché – the hair flicking, gum chewing teenage brat. "Yeah?" she asked, looking him up and down. She was apparently impressed by what she saw, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and holding her shoulders back.
"I'm looking for herbal cigarettes." Cloud said, and lost any bit of respect the girl had for him. "They're not for me!" he added quickly.
"Yeah, sure," she shrugged with an eyebrow raised. Reaching beneath the counter, she flicked a box onto the counter. "38 gil."
Cloud placed the right amount of gil in her outstretched hand, snatched up the box and hid it under his arm before leaving the store.
The girl sniggered to herself. "Herbal cigarettes… he must be gay."
***
Reno sprawled onto the carpet. Rufus strolled in after him.
"Yes, Rufus?" Tseng asked calmly.
Rufus glared at the Head Turk. "You will call me Sir, or Mr President." He barked. "And you haven't even done your missions yet! You guys are more pathetic than before!"
"Hey!" Elena squawked in restrained outrage.
"…" Rude added.
"You only gave them to us about an hour ago." Tseng reminded Rufus with a neutral expression.
"And you know what, I think I might give out some new assignments." Rufus abruptly decided, taking a seat and putting his feet up on the coffee table. "Reno, clean the latrines."
"WHAT?!" Reno squealed. Even Tseng looked surprised.
"And… Elena, give me a neck massage." Rufus added.
"That's sexual harassment in the workplace." Elena promptly informed him. If nothing else, she knew the company policies by heart.
"Grr… fine then. You can help Reno." Rufus snickered at his own genius.
"WHAT?!" Elena squealed. "I don't wanna clean the toilets!"
"Heh heh…poor little Laney having to do real work for a change," Reno remarked. Elena kicked him in the shin. "Not the fucking shins again!" He wailed, clasping the injured limb.
Tseng and Rude were just watching the scene with slightly resigned expressions. First the insults, then the shins, then the hair. It was only a matter of time.
On the other hand, Rufus was finding this most entertaining.
"Oww Reno!" Elena tried to pry Reno's hands off her hair.
"…We should never hire children…" Rude muttered.
Rufus nodded in agreement. "Y'know, I think I've changed my mind. Tseng, you and
Rude can go back to what you were doing before."
"What, sitting around drinking coffee?" Reno quipped, one hand defending his own hair while the other hand pulling Elena's.
"Well, I'll just pretend I didn't hear that, shall I?" Rufus replied mildly. He got up, brushed off his pristine white coat, and made for the door. "Oh yeah," he added, turning around. "You two can start with the ground floor."
Reno and Elena stopped their little fight. "Y'know, this time I'm really going to throw you out the window, Rufus." Reno stalked towards the President, hands extended.
And this time, Elena seemed to have no objections. Especially since she ran over and pried open the nearest windowpane.
"Wait, Reno…" Rufus backed up as far as he could go. "You can't throw your boss out the window."
"Oh yes I can!" Reno retorted, completely absorbed by righteous fury. "Make me clean the fucking toilets. Do I look like a janitor!?!"
Here was about the time where Tseng thought he should step in. "Reno."
Rolling his eyes, the redhead glanced back in his direction. "WHAT, Tseng? Can't you see I'm busy?"
"You can't kill the President." Tseng informed him.
"He pays the wages…" Rude added.
Reno paused. Rufus took advantage of the situation, whacked Reno over the head and strolled out, saying, "The janitor closet is just down the hall, guys."
Elena gave a long sigh, and Reno put his hands over his face with a groan.
***
Tifa was cooking dinner when Cloud arrived home. There had been stormy grey clouds hanging around for most of the week, and it had started pouring just as Cloud left the store. So, dripping wet, he hovered at the doorway, looking innocent and hoping that Tifa would let him in to his own house.
Eventually she noticed him, and look pity on him. Grabbing a towel, she let him inside.
"Thanks Tifa," he said gratefully, rubbing the towel over his spikes. "I bought some cigarettes for Cid," he added, checking to see if the box was dry.
"Oh, really." She scowled, turning back to the stove.
"They're herbal cigarettes. Healthy ones, I think." Cloud placed the box on the table.
Tifa looked at box in curiosity. "Cigarettes that are healthy, hmm?"
She seemed to approve – Cloud was relieved. "I'll give them to him at dinner, how's that?"
Tifa beamed at him. "Sure."
***
Yuffie was on the back porch, fuming to herself. She was also trying to think of a way to get back at Cloud for casting Seal on her… but she couldn't think of anything…
She heard the front door open, and the sound of Cloud himself. She inched to the window and peered inside. He put a tiny little box on the table; he seemed very protective of the thing, she noted. Even Tifa looked happy.
When Cloud left, Yuffie put on her best innocent expression and sauntered into the kitchen.
"It suure is wet out there," she edged past Tifa and over to the table.
"No kidding," Tifa agreed, too emersed in her cooking to notice Yuffie pocket the box. "I hope no one's out there."
"Me too yeah! Catcha later Tifa!" Yuffie hastily made tracks and examined her prize. Cloud was obviously caring about the thing… herbal cigarettes!? She burst into giggles. She had no idea Cloud smoked herbals. 'He wants herbals, I'll show him herbals…' she snickered, grabbing a raincoat and heading out towards the garden.
***
When Sephiroth finally called it a day, it was late in the afternoon. Trudging through the rain, he approached the house and noticed a strange site.
"Yuffie, why are you digging in the garden?" he asked, stopping to watch her for a moment.
She panicked, and hid something under her raincoat. "ARGGH! Vinnie don't sneak up on people like that!" She gave him a furious glare. "Now go inside before Tifa kills you for being out in the rain!"
"You're in the rain too." He pointed out.
Yuffie paused. "Yeah… but I have a raincoat!"
Vincent just shrugged and continued towards the house. 'What a strange girl' he thought.
Yuffie got back to her work.
***
Dinner was a big event in the household. Tifa insisted that everyone should come together at least once a day, to have at least a semblance of normality. She moved the box of herbal cigarettes (she coulda sworn Cloud put them on the table, not next to the stove) out of the way, and placed a giant pot of something on the table. The smell of rich hot meat would call everyone.
Cid and Barret, of course dropped in first.
"Smells good, like always Tifa!" Barret said with unusual eloquence, while Cid was silent. Cait Sith sat at the table even though he didn't eat.
Cloud, Vincent and Yuffie joined them next, and Tifa smiled happily, seeing everyone together.
"So, what have you been up to lately, Vincent?" she asked, trying to make conversation as they ate.
Vincent shrugged. "The food is nice, Tifa. How's that for evading your question?"
"I wish I could eat food…" Cait Sith whined.
"Shut up, foo!" Barret retorted.
Cloud decided now was a good time to give Cid the cigarettes. Reaching over to them, he put them on the table. "Cid, I bought something for you."
Yuffie abruptly choked on her food.
Cid gave the box a sceptical glance. "What the $%&#% is this?" he asked gruffly.
"Herbal cigarettes, Cid," Tifa explained. "They've got less tar in them."
"Oh…" Cid shook one out, glared at it for a bit. Yuffie was looking slightly panicked.
"Cid those cigs look pretty cheap if you ask me!" she chimed in. "How abouts I go down to the store and buy you a better brand huh!?"
Cid gave the ninja a rare smile. "That's nice of ya, brat." He remarked, before lighting up. "Guess I shouldn'ta cast Seal on you after all, seeing as you…" he coughed and began to choke.
"Wha?!" Barret pounded the pilot on the back. "The hell's wrong wit you?!"
"Choking on the one thing he loves the most," Cait Sith said with a grin.
Yuffie was shaking in fury. "It was YOU!?" she shrilled. "Good thing I packed them with grass and dirt because YOU DESERVE IT!"
Vincent nodded. "So that's what you were doing…" He didn't sound overly surprised.
On the other hand, Cloud and Tifa were looking on in horror as Cid coughed up whatever he just inhaled.
"%^&%^*%&*…" he finally rasped, eyes watering and his cheeks red. "I need water…" he lurched to his feet and staggered to the sink.
"Yuffie!" Tifa scowled at the ninja, who was still looking defiant. "That's a terrible thing to do!"
"No it's not!" Yuffie put her hands on her hips and glared. "He cast Seal on me! For noooo reason!"
"Man, you all $#&#$ed up." Barret exclaimed, getting up from the table. "I'm watching the football, foos."
Cait Sith whooped and joined him.
Cloud just looked around blankly as the table emptied except for Tifa. "Well," he said. "I don't think Cid'll be smoking much from now on."
Tifa glanced out the window.
"$%&%^&… that's better…" they heard Cid say, and familiar smelling smoke began to curl towards the roof.
Cloud sighed.
***
Reno hurled open the cleaning closet, cursing as a pile of mops toppled over on the pair.
"Ugh!" Elena wrinkled her nose. "This is all your fault, Reno!"
"Fuck you, Elena." Reno retorted, feeling even more pissed off because she was right. "The only reason you're with me is 'cause you and you 'sexual harassment in the workplace' bullshit."
Elena didn't respond, instead grabbing a mop and striking him in the shins.
"God dammit!" Reno responded in kind.
Upstairs, Rufus switched on the video camera, kicked up his feet, and watched the fun. "I love my job." He said to himself with a satisfied smile.
***
Okay… the next chapter should be up sometime soon, since I actually have an idea for it. Miss Midgar, anyone? And a return of Reeve, Shera, Red XIII (shock he's not dead!) and of course Aeris and our loveable lunatic Sephiroth.
R/R and I'll love you forever! Cya!