Shared Destiny

Author: Norwalker

Part 4 of ?

Summary: Faith asks, in Enemies, " Everybody  asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?

Rating/ Category:  Rated R  Romance/Angst

Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.

Time Line: Departs after season 3

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.

Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.

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ca·bal (kaw -bal , -bäl )
n.

1. A conspiratorial group of plotters or intriguers

2. A secret scheme or plot.

They met in the usual place.

The lights were dim. They preferred it that way. They worked best in the dark corners, the shadows no one notices. They didn't like the glare of the spotlight; they shunned it. They had others for that. The ones perceived as powerful. But the true power rested with them. They didn't care about perception, power was their goal. Getting it, using it, keeping it. Wealth and fame were illusory. They weren't power; power came from controlling those who sought them. That was their goal. To control.

The time was approaching when their control would be absolute. Things were in a delicate stage; there was no room for error. Things must be done, and in sequence, so he they served could come. He would bring them the power they sought; that was their reward for service to him. Long had he languished in his shadow prison, trapped behind the hellmouth. He longed to walk this world again, claim it as his own. That was their job; to prepare the way for his coming. Much still needed to be done. But that was a small price to pay to realize what he offered. Power, pure and simple. He was to rule this miserable planet, shape it to his liking. And they, as his cabal, were to be lords of the earth, in his service, yet wielding absolute power over those beneath them.

" It's done then?" She asked from the shadows, her voice strong and sharp." The problem has been solved?"

"Yes, it's done" came the reply" They'll be no threat from here on out. The police have assured that they will be arrested if they set foot back in town. As is, they are pursued by both the police and The Watcher's council. The council considers both of them rogues, is set to capture or kill them as necessary. So, they might even eliminate all threat from the slayers, if things go well."

"This is great" She said, her voice reflecting her approval" With the chosen two out of the way, things will be less… troublesome. The Dark One will be pleased."

One of the others in the group speaks up" I'm not so sure. I won't be happy 'til I'm sure they're dead. They've disrupted our plans before".

Another speaks. " Yeah. Remember what happened with Richard Wilkins. He thought he had it all under control. Now he's just barbecued snake meat. The dark one wasn't too thrilled about that one".

" Wilkins was a fool" She says forcefully." He thought he could bring about the Dark One's rise by brute force. He was unstable, and made the mistake of pitting the slayers against each other. He didn't realize the psychic bond that existed on a mystical level between them. That's why Faith told Buffy in their shared dream how to defeat him. That's why they have to be put out of the way, or destroyed. They are too powerful together, even when  they oppose each other. It's the curse and strength of who they are".

" Can we talk about something BESIDES the slayers, please?" A member of the cabal speaks up" How are the rest of the preparations going?"

" They are coming together. Certain elements required to bring forth the Dark One are hard to come by. But we have our agents out, looking. I don't think we have much to worry about".

"What about the Dark One's vessel. He needs the body to inhabit. He cannot survive here otherwise." A cabal member reminds the others.

She frowned. This was the one part that wasn't going well" She's proving to be more trouble than anticipated. We're using the Magi and the spells to clear her mind, and destroy her will. But so far, she's warded off our attempts. Not even realizing, I believe, what's going on. She seems to have some innate natural resistance. But it'll be overcome".

" Damned better well be." A cabal member says." The Dark One won't be pleased if the vessel isn't ready on time".

" It will be" She said." Just stop worrying, ok? It's all in control."

"I still think it's too bad about Faith" One of the members says, bringing the discussion back to the slayers" She had some real darkness in her. She would've made a good… recruit".

"She made her choice." Another member counters" She could've had it all, but she threw it away to be with the wimpy blonde one. She's useless to us"

" I don't agree. I think she can still be turned" The first says." She has real potential. The Dark one would be most pleased."

" It's not gonna happen, get over it" The other member responds. "She's gone, get used to it".

"She just needs the right incentive" The first one muses aloud.

"You know what? You're sort of a moron…and an obsessed moron to boot." The other member taunts.

"ENOUGH!! The both of you. We've got a lot of other things to take care of." The moderator puts a halt to the 'discussion'. God, I'm surrounded by idiots!! She continues. " Rather than worrying about the slayers, get on your tasks so things are ready when the Dark One is ready. Got it?"

"Fine. Are we done here?" A member asks, exasperated by the whole thing.

" We're done"

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Buffy found herself in a loud, noisy club.

The band was playing loud, the rhythm was pounding in her head. Perfect, she thought, as she moved onto the dance floor. She didn't want to think anymore, she just wanted to dance, to move. She could get lost in the sound,  let it take her over. Not have to worry about things. She started to move and shake in time with the beat,  relishing the delicious sense of freedom it gave her. She didn't care that she was dancing alone, it was all good. Just to feel the music flow through her, into her nerves and blood and muscles, feeling her body react as her mind took a holiday.

Others soon moved in on her circle,  attracted like moths to the flame. She was all fire and danger and heat, and the others could feel it. She was surrounded, and it became almost ritualistic and stylized. Their bodies moved together, touching occasionally, the fire building. As the song  reached its crescendo , so did their dance. It was animalistic, almost sexual. Mindless fervor and craving flowed through all of them, their arms and legs and bodies intermingling. Finally, as the song ended, so did the dance, as they gradually faded from each other.

Buffy was alone again, her thoughts racing back in. She was hot, and sweaty, and decided on a drink or 5. She wandered to the bar, ordering something long and cold and mind numbing. She made her way to a table , and  sat.

She couldn't deal with what was happening. She's not even sure she  knows what's happening. All she knows is Faith kissed her. It wasn't a kiss you give casually, she could feel the heat behind it, the desire and want and need.

Why? Why , why dammit why? Why now? Why is this happening now? Why didn't this happen before, when I wasn't such a worthless piece of crap? She couldn't leave it alone. We were doin' ok. I could deal with her being aloof. I can't deal with this. What IS this? She can't have feelings for me. That's totally impossible. I nearly killed her. I ruined her life, stole her life. She's gotta hate me. She's gotta. I gotta make it right by her. This…is wrong. I'll just fuck it up. Like I fuck everything up. Why did she have to kiss me? Is she trying to torture me? When I'm around her, I'm nuts. I can't think. I only want to do for her. I'm her dog, her bitch. She's gotta know that. Maybe that's what she wants. Me to be her bitch. Tease me and torture me and hurt me, and make me come  begging for more. And I'm so fucked up over her, I want it. I want to be her bitch. I want her to hurt me, make me beg. Make me scream and whimper. Make me cry my heart out over her, while she drives me further down. I want it so bad I ….uhhh. Damn, what's she doin' to me? I don't know, I don't care if it'll make her not hate me anymore Like I deserve.

It can't happen. If I let her get close, she's gonna see what I don't want her to see. She's gonna know I'm trash, worthless. She'll use me then throw me away. What then? I might as well fucking die. God, I was so full of myself. Thought I was something. The slayer. Some kinda hero,  worth something.  I thought I meant something. Until they showed me. I'm nothing. Less than nothing. A piece of meat to be chewed and spit out when I'm no longer wanted. God, why didn't I see it? I'm too damned stupid is why. All my life I lived as some bubble headed  pom-pom waving fool. Trying to be popular, be noticed. Be something. It was a big fat lie, and I was the liar.

Daddy knew. He knew I was nothing. He told me over and over that'd I be nothin'.  No one would want me. I'd be trash, something to throw out. Lazy, worthless, and stupid. That's what I was, that's what I  am. ' All anyone would want from me'  he said one time 'was what between my legs… and someday they wouldn't even want that'. I fought back, didn't want to believe it. I knew better. I knew I could be somethin'. Yeah, right. A slut. A whore. That's what I can be. I'm fucking nothing. He was right, I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

She sat at the table, feeling the anger fill her.  Waiting for the bitterness to take over. She wanted the blackness to come. So she could stop feeling. Stop caring. She hurt, and she wanted to hurt back. Her head was throbbing from the heat and noise. She barely heard someone talking to her.

"B?" Faith says, standing next to her table. She can feel the waves of anger flowing off Buffy. She knows what it's like.

"What?" Buffy says, looking up at Faith. Her expression is hard, her eyes like stone.

Faith had spent hours looking for Buffy. When Buffy didn't return to the apartment, she went half nuts.. She didn't understand what was happening to her, she didn't want to understand it. It just hurt that Buffy wasn't there. She hated that feeling, more than anything she'd felt in her life. She was afraid that  Buffy was hurt, or dead, or might leave her. She'd never been scared this way before, and she… lost it.

"Where the fuck you been?" Faith scolded, harsher than she meant to be." I couldn't' find you anywhere. I've been going crazy looking for you!"

" Gee, mom" Buffy mocked her." Didn't know I had to check in with ya. Gonna ground me now?"

" Dammit, B. What the hell is you're problem?" Faith spits out at Buffy, feeling her anger rising. " What the hell? I got scared cause you ran out of the café like I shot you. You disappeared before I could catch you. You didn't come home, and I got worried about you. Well, excuse ME, for Christ's sake for givin' a damn!"

" I guess this is where I get all weepy and say I'm sorry, huh?" Buffy says, her tone scornful. " Gimme a break, Faith. I'm supposed to buy that you give a rat's ass about me? I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb, Faith"

"What the hell is that supposed  to mean?" Faith asks, offended "Where do you come off say that crap?"

"C'mon, Faith. Be real, ok? You think I'm  dumb enough to think we're buddy-buddy now?" Buffy asks." Only reason you haven't dumped me so far is cause I got your ass outta the fire in Sunnyhell, and then been bringing in money. First chance you get, you're gonna leave my ass as far behind as you can."

"That's what you think, huh?" Faith says quietly, stinging from Buffy's words." You think I don't ….I just want to use you? That's it? I guess I could …I  guess I could see that. You're totally wrong and stupid, but I could see you seeing it that way". She turns away, her anger turning to pain and sadness. She can feel tears coming, and she doesn't want that bitch who calls herself Buffy to see them.

"Awww" Buffy gets up, needling her. "What now? You're gonna cry?  C'mon Faith, cry!" Buffy says, her tone mocking and cruel.

"Shut up, B" Faith says, not turning. " Just shut up".

" C'mon, Faithy. Cry. Let it out. Be a weepy blubbering baby. I know ya can" Buffy goads her. Inside, Buffy is dying . She's watching herself do this, pushing Faith away. She hates what's she doing. She seems helpless to stop, the blackness in her heart is ruling her. She cringes and hides from herself.

" Fuck YOU, B!" Faith says, turning and  slapping Buffy, hard. " FUCK YOU!"

Buffy, a little surprised, touches her stinging cheek." Hey, good one. C'mon, hit me again, Faith. You know you wanna!" Buffy prods her.

Faith just looks at her, her own expression hardening." Fuck off, B." She turns to walk away.

Buffy won't let her. She gets in front of her, blocking her. She gets in her face.

"C'mon, Faithy. You know you wanna. Hit me. Go on, I won't even fight ya. Just hit me!" Buffy sneers at her.

Faith just makes a dismissive noise, and looks to get around Buffy. Buffy's not gonna let her.

"C'mon, Faith. Do it. Here's your chance. Hit me, make me bleed. Like I bled you. C'mon, you hate my guts. Admit it , you bitch. You wanna hurt me. Quit being a coward!" Buffy starts to push Faith. " C'mon, DO IT!"

" Get away from me, B" Faith growls at her, her anger reasserting itself. " Clear out!"

"Hit me. Dammit, hit me" Buffy said. " It's what you want, isn't it? C'mon just do it, hit me!" Buffy won't move. She weaves around Faith, not letting her pass. " Hit me, you bitch, hit me!"

" Goddamn you, B. Get outta my way!" Faith yells at her. She grabs Buffy by the shoulders, and tosses her aside. She starts to walk away.

Buffy, recovering quickly,  runs after her.

"Oh, no you don't!" She screams at her. " Don't you walk away from me". She tackles Faith, bringing her down on the now empty dance floor. The crowd around her starts chanting " Fight! FIGHT!"

Faith struggles to get free, but Buffy is working from an insane place. Faith is on her back, Buffy over her.

"C'mon,  hit me! Hit me NOW!" Buffy is outta control. She gets off Faith, and pulls her to her feet. She grabs Faith's arm, and slaps herself with Faith's hand. " Hit me, HIT ME, HIT ME!"  She grabs Faith's other arm, and hits herself with Faith's hand. She keeps doing this, all the time muttering " Hit me, hit me!" Faith is in shock, watching Buffy disintegrate before her. She finally pulls herself together, and struggles against Buffy's strength.

"Stop it , Buffy" Faith screams at her. " Stop it!" The crowd around, seeing what's happening, starts to get uneasy. Madness does that to people. They start to mill around, and break up…moving away.

Buffy has dropped Faith's hands, but is using her own fists to hit herself. She keeps saying over and over " Hit me, hit me" and she's starting to cry. Her knees give out, and she sinks down. Faith follows, trying to stop her. She finally gets hold of Buffy's arms, and pins them to her sides. She bear hugs Buffy, holding her so she can't hurt herself anymore.

"Stop it, B" She says, quietly but firmly. She holds Buffy as Buffy breaks down, leaning into her. She's crying uncontrollably now, shaking and sobbing. She keeps saying over and over " Hit me, please just hit me. It's what I deserve. Please, hit me"

Faith just holds her as the pain overtakes her, trying to soothe her and protect her. Her face is an unreadable mask, but her heart slowly cracks as she feels the suffering her  … the woman she …  she can't deal with that now … goes through. She waits until Buffy regains some control, then, supporting her , they stand. Her arm around her waist, holding her up, Faith leads Buffy out of the club.

As they walk back to their place, Buffy is like a limp doll . She's barely walking, like all the life has been sucked out of her. She puts one foot in front of another, but it's a slow process, almost like she can't quite remember how to do it. Her gaze is vacant, like the owner has left the building.  But she's still there, and still feeling all the bad things.

"Faith" Buffy says, hoarsely." Just leave me. Let me go." Buffy begins to struggle under Faith's arm.

"Shut up, B. Just lets get home, then you can get all strange, ok?" Faith says, feeling like she's aged 100 years tonight.

"No!" Buffy says, managing to break from Faith's grip. She's exhausted, however, physically and emotionally, and she gets about 3 steps when her legs give out again, and she sits hard, straight down on the sidewalk. She just sits there like some emaciated Buddha, not moving. Her head hangs down, and she's seemingly out of it, again. Faith sighs, and goes to get her. She reaches down to lift her up, but Buffy starts batting her away.

"Go, go 'way, let me be" Buffy says, slurring her words." This is where I belong".

"Cut it out, B." Faith growls impatiently." This stopped being funny half an hour ago". She reaches down to grab Buffy, but  Buffy again bats at her, striking her in the face.

"Lemme  'lone!" Buffy yells. "Hate you. Hate you all!" She tries to stand, but can't. She's on all fours, starting to crawl away. Even that is hard, with the alcohol and the energy drain. She's weaving as she crawls, barely managing to stay up.

Faith's had enough. Buffy hurt her in a lot of ways tonight, and that was deal buster. She calls out after her.

"Fine, you hate me. Great. Go on, make a mess of yourself. You fucking baby." She turns on her heels. " I don't care about losers. Get lost!" She walks away, leaving Buffy to crawl wherever.

She walks quickly, her anger fueling her speed. She nearly makes it to the apartment… goes up the steps, gets the key for the front door out, and stops. She pounds her thigh.

"AWWW, FUCK ME" She yells to no one in particular. She can't do it. She can't just let her lay in the streets. She bounces down the stairs, and retraces her steps. She fully expects to find Buffy laying face down , ass up in some corner of the building where she left her. But  Buffy isn't around. She looks around, hoping that she got farther than Faith thought she could…but still no Buffy. Damn!

" Where the hell did she go?" Faith puzzles, not seeing an unconscious slayer anywhere. She's beginning to panic a little. She starts trotting down the alley, hoping she'll see Buffy passed out at each turn…but nothing.

Finally, she hears the sounds of a struggle. And a scream. Oh, FUCK.

She turns the corner, and there is a vamp, trying to put the bite on Buffy. Problem is, he took on a slayer without knowing it. Buffy, though seeming out of it, suddenly comes alive as the slayer kicks in, marshalling her resources. The vampire is confused. This shoulda been an easy kill…the girl could barely stand. All of a sudden, she's all fists and kicks. He finds himself being driven back into a wall. Faith starts in to help…but sees Buffy is in control. She's beating the crap out of the vamp, while the vamp covers himself…still not getting it. Finally, Buffy looks for something to stake him with. Finding an old piece of discarded lumber, she breaks it, and  drives it home, turning the vampire to ash.

Buffy looks up, and sees Faith standing there. She throws her a half grin, saying like " Hey, look what I did".

Faith, for her part, sees the fire in Buffy's eye…recognizes it as the mark of a successful kill. She watches as Buffy starts towards her. About 3 steps in, Buffy weaves…and says " Aw, shit" and collapses.

Faith, shaking her head, goes over and collects her now unconscious partner. Hoisting Buffy over her shoulder, she starts the twisted route back to their apartment.

With a half mocking grin on her face, she says to no one that can hear her:

"Good work, B".

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Faith laid the sleeping slayer on the bed.

Even in this light she can see the bruising starting on her face. Never mind the cuts from her rings where she hit herself with her own fists. She looks like she went 3 rounds with the garbage disposal and lost. Already feeling like hell herself, she still goes and gets some supplies to help Buffy out.

Coming back with the med kit, some towels and a bowl of ice, she carefully starts to daub the cuts with antiseptic. The larger ones she bandages. Putting some ice in a towel, she carefully puts it on her face, leaving her nose and mouth uncovered. She hopes that'll help a little with the swelling.

After a few seconds, Buffy sits up suddenly, the makeshift ice pack falling off.

"What the hell?" She says, looking around. Faith pushes her back down.

"Be quiet. You're pretty banged up. I'm using ice to keep down the swelling." Faith scolds her. She's tired and cranky and so wants to be anywhere else but here right now.

Buffy doesn't resist. She lays back down. Their eyes meet briefly, and Faith can see the shame and remorse in her eyes. Buffy looks away, not wanting to see Faith. Faith replaces the ice pack.

"Try to get some rest" She says to Buffy as she heads for her own bed. " Don't  take that off, or you'll swell like a balloon." Faith says as she leaves the room.

In her own room, she starts to undress, with the intention of getting under the covers and catching a few thousand z's. But her body aches, and she feels dirty. So, changing course, she heads for the shower to try to wash off some of this crappy day.

Standing naked in the shower, she turns on the faucets, letting the tiny needles of the spray hit her skin. She lets out a tiny sigh as the soothing water does its work, relaxing her coiled, tense muscles. She lifts her face to the water, letting its magic take the gritty heat from her eyes and cheeks and jaw. She turns and lets the water stream down her back as she reaches for the soap and sponge . She lathers up, enjoying the soft clean scent of the soap.

Her mind is going a thousand miles a minute, trying to make sense of today. Images float by, some good, most disturbing. She remembers the sensation of Buffy's lips on her, how her heart started hammering in her chest. How Buffy broke off, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. How Buffy ran out, and the time Faith spent looking for her. She can't figure what spooked Buffy so badly, or why she even cares. Why she even bothered to look for her.
"She's a big girl, can take care of herself. I shouldn't have bothered. God, what is her problem, anyway? I didn't try to rape her or nothin', I just kissed her. You woulda thought I beat her with a club. I know she wanted it. I could feel how hungry she was for it. Ok, I wanted it a little too. But her lips were hot, like kissing a fuckin' volcano. Then she musta realized who she was kissin', cause she gets all wigged. Runs off like I'm gonna hit her or somethin'. Can't figure her. Then, like an idiot, I go running after her. Whatta dope. God, I spend hours looking for her…that'll so not happen again. And I find her, and she treats me like smelly dog shit. Goes all psycho on me, bites my fucking head off for no reason, then starts yelling at me to hit her. What the fuck am I doing here? She's fucking nuts. If I had a single brain cell I'd get my ass outta here."

"So, why am I still here, anyway? I'm 5 by 5, I don't need this crap ' I'm Buffy, boo- hoo , I'm so miserable'. Gimme a break! Get over it already, crap happens, got it? This is bogus. Not exactly like I was livin' large while you  were in prison, bitch. Try being trapped in nightmares for 3 years, see if you think it's Club Med. Do you see me getting all weepy? Fuck no. I go on, get it done. That's your problem, B. You're spoiled. You can't deal with nothin'. It's all bodice ripping and chest beating . Whine, whine, whine. Crap!"

Faith lets the water run over her, and her anger starts to dissipate . Her anger is replaces by sadness and more tender feelings. She doesn't understand that at all.

" And so? I piss and moan about her, and I'm still here, worried sick about her. What the hell is that about? I don't get it. I should be gloating she's turning into a bowl of mush brains, but …it's making me sad. That's just so not right. The bitch tried to kill me! Don't forget that, Faith" But her mind just won't let it go." Yeah, and if I had the chance I would've tried to kill her. Lets face it, it was kill or be killed up there, and despite it all, we're both still alive. So, that's not gonna fly no more, Faith. You bitch about her whining, but that's pretty much the same deal. And she did like go to prison for it" Faith shivers at the thought. She'd be psycho after a couple of years in prison, too.

She steps out of the shower, towels off and throws on a robe. She looks at herself in the mirror.

"What's your deal, girl?" She says to herself." Why you feeling like you do, huh?  Why are you all a sudden worried about her, anyway? What's it mean to you? She don't mean squat to ya, does she?"  But Faith can't even fool herself with that lie. She walks out of the bathroom, back to her room, and sits on her bed.

"Damn, that's the thing. I do care. I shouldn't. She's nothing to me, never has been. But I want her to…I need her…God, What IS my problem? I want her to like me. I want her to more than  like me. I want her to love me. And that so sucks. But, dammit I can't help it. She… gets to me. Even when she had the 2x4 stuck up her ass. She…got to me. I thought I was gonna have a blast messing with her head, but it so wasn't that way. She got to messing with mine, and I didn't even get it. Yeah, ok, I'm the dumbest bitch breathing. I saw how she treated her friends, how she… cared about them, worried about them. And I wanted that for ME! I wanted her to care about me, want me, and love me too. She wouldn't talk much about Angel…well, hell I get that. Who wants to admit you're gaga over some vampire. Soul or no soul. Ok, he was kinda hot…in an undead thing way. But still.( she shivers). But I saw the little sparkle in her eye when she thought of him, even when it was supposed to be 'over'. Yeah, that sure happened. And I got jealous. I wanted that for me. I wanted to see her spark over me. God, I'm totally a dork. I fucking wanted the cheerleader. How pathetic is that?

Fuck me, I still want the cheerleader. Even if she's more like the skag queen from hell these days. She acts all badass and uncaring, but you'd have to be blind not to see it's an act. Well, if you know her, anyway. She's about as tough as whipped cream. God, why does she bring out this " I gotta save her" crap in me? It pains me to watch her around her, acting like a whipped dog around me. Like she's afraid I'm gonna bite her or somethin'. Why does she feel like I gotta punish her? I don't get it. I'm tired. I gotta sleep."

Faith throws off the bathrobe, and crawls into bed. Her head hits the pillow, and she tries to sleep. And tries…and tries…

She winds up staring at the ceiling all night, cursing out the formerly blonde slayer.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Angel sat in his office, staring at the phone.

He was debating with himself. Should he call Giles now, or wait? After all, he'd spotted Buffy( god, she was changed), but she ran off. He didn't really know where she was exactly.  She might have bolted by this time, and it would be pointless to get his hopes up, only to find that Buffy was gone again.

Damn, he'd been careless. He should've been more alert. He should have caught her scent sooner. But he wasn't really paying attention. This thing with Darla, her just being turned again by Drusilla( that woman would haunt him for the rest of his immortality), had him even more broody than usual. She'd been human, had a soul… and then was dying. Drusilla saved her…but the cost. Darla was back … in her worst form. She and Dru were hooked up, up to some scheme, and he had that to deal with.

And then out of the darkness comes Buffy. But so different. She… looked nothing like he remembered her. But it was Buffy…  her voice, her  scent doesn't lie. And she ran from him… like he was some kind of monster(ok, vampire, but soul here… she knows that). She acted like… she never wanted to be found… wanted to stay lost. Prison had changed her,  he knew that from Giles. But he hadn't been prepared for this kind of change.

Somehow, he had to reach her. He knew she was going to be lost if someone didn't reach out to her, bring her back. That's the sticking point. Their relationship had ended… badly. He knew she felt something for him  still, but not sure if it was good or bad. He needed Giles. She trusted Giles. He could reach her.

He reached out, and lifted the receiver.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

Rupert Giles was settling in for the night.

As was his custom of late, he had a tumbler of scotch by his elbow. Sleeping hadn't been easy these last months. Not since Buffy had disappeared from Sunnydale with Faith. He missed her, like a father misses his child. And he was troubled by how his  'child' had turned out.

He couldn't exactly blame her for being bitter, however. She'd more than done her share to save humanity from the darkness surrounding them. And how did they repay her? Sent her to prison on a trumped up charge. He remembered the day the jury brought back the verdict. She looked at them like she couldn't believe it. Like they'd stabbed her in the back. In that brief instant he saw her lose her belief in humankind. Her faith had been shattered, and couldn't be restored easily. If at all.

He watched her change over time while in prison. He visited her every week, more often if she would let him.  He saw the light die slowly in her eyes. How they became like flint… hard, volatile, and unyielding. He saw the scars on her, and it took time for him to learn about the Council. How they were trying to kill her. He didn't show it to her, but  he was beyond outrage. When he got home, he destroyed half his apartment  in his anger. Finally, he regained his control. He made a little call to The council, specifically Quentin Travers. In no uncertain terms, he laid it out for him. Either the council ceases and desists in their efforts, or he would reveal what he knew about Travers' past to the council. He could almost hear Travers choke on his end, but the threat to Buffy ceased. He never told her about that.

When she was released, it looked for a time like she was going to re-integrate herself into normal society. She got a job, started saving money. She reconciled with Willow. The fact that the state took all her mother's inheritance didn't help. The fact that her mother died while Buffy was in prison nearly was a deal buster. But what drove her over the edge, what put her on her current path, was when some burke at  the city government decided to arrest Faith. Again, on  trumped up charges. Buffy went ballistic, assaulting the three arresting officers. That right there revoked her parole. Never mind she helped Faith escape, and both were now fugitives. After that, they had disappeared. He got a letter from her a few days after she was gone, and it broke his heart every time he read it( a lot, since the wear marks were all over it from being read and re-read). Despite what she'd written, he couldn't help feeling he'd failed her. Again.

He knew she'd carried a lot of guilt concerning Faith. He'd tried to counsel her on that, tried to make her see that it wasn't her fault. She was doing her job, she needed to stop Faith. But Buffy couldn't see it that way. It was more like she'd betrayed Faith, destroyed her. The bond they shared, something he could intellectually understand, but not emotionally, was severely strained. He knew it hurt Buffy in ways she couldn't talk about. If she'd had time to adjust, living a normal life, she might have come to deal with it more rationally. But getting charged and convicted for it only reinforced her perception. Nothing he could say or do would help her alleviate her guilt. After she had been paroled, she went to see Faith every day. She tried to keep it a secret from everyone, and had succeeded in most cases. But he'd sussed it out. At first he thought of trying to stop her(though, to be honest, he knew that he couldn't have if she really wanted to. Don't piss off the slayer, if you get the drift), but after reflection he thought it might be a good idea. Maybe she'd come to deal with Faith being in a coma, and finally find a way to deal with her emotions.

He'd never expected Faith to recover from her coma. She'd been in it nearly 3 years, and all the doctors said it was likely she'd never wake up. He'd been shocked(as he was sure, were the doctors) when she awoke. And then she and Buffy bolted, disappearing into the night. He couldn't explain it. Only thing that seemed to make sense was that mystic bond the two shared.. Being the chosen two. Faith somehow must have sensed Buffy's return. Whatever the motivation, it was enough to bring her out of the coma.

He'd slept poorly since she left. That's why the scotch was here. It didn't knock him out, it was just enough to allow him to have a pleasant enough haze so he could sleep. It became a ritual; a hated, but necessary ritual.

He'd been reading the same page for the last hour. Buffy was particularly strong on his mind this evening. No reason for it, really. She was always close to the forefront of his conscious mind. But tonight had been particularly bad. He couldn't shake the feeling she was in trouble, somewhere. In a crisis, needing help and support. It kept nagging at him, and finally he gave up reading in exasperation. Just as he was reshelving the volume, the phone rang.

" Hello?… Angel?…  How are you? I heard about Darla…What?!?! You saw her? Where?…When?… Ok, yes, I understand. Do you know where she is? What? Changes? I don't follow…. Ok, you'll explain when I get there. Yes, I'll be leaving soon… soon as I can pack some clothing…yes… ok… alright then, I'll see you then. Goodbye" Giles hung up the phone.  He was puzzled at Angel's attitude…and more so about changes…but he'd figure that out when the time came.

Right now, he had to get to Los Angeles.

Nothing else mattered.

~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~

 To Be Continued.