Shared Destiny
Author: Norwalker
Part 5 of ?
Summary: Faith asks, in Enemies, " Everybody asks why can't you be more like Buffy. But does anyone ask why Buffy can't be more like me?" So, what if , after season 3, Buffy became more like Faith?
Rating/ Category: Rated R Romance/Angst
Spoilers: Possible season 3 and after spoilers.
Time Line: Departs after season 3
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon , Mutant Enemy and Fox own them.
Warnings: Dark fiction. Character Death happens, please be aware of this. Strong language, sexual situations between members of the same sex. Violence. Possible racial/ethnic slurs that the author in no way supports or shares.
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Faith began having the dreams again.
Perhaps it was the stress of dealing with Buffy after that incident in the club. Maybe it was that Faith felt Buffy seeming to withdraw from her. Maybe it was because Faith wouldn't admit even to herself her growing feelings for Buffy.
Whatever the cause, Faith was having nightmares. Bad nightmares. About the things she's done, and the things Buffy has done to her. They bring back the fear and anger she'd felt towards Buffy those first days after waking up.
It starts out innocently enough. They're walking along, not going anywhere in particular. The day is nice; the sun is out, the sky is clear except for a few wispy clouds. The weather is warm, but there is a cooling breeze blowing. They seem to be on casual terms, friendly but not anything else. They chat back and forth about nothing, really, but it's all pleasant.
They come to a river, winding through the countryside like a giant snake. They stand by the river, hand in hand, watching as it flows past. The sky begins to darken, the clouds covering the sun, and thickening in the sky. The river also changes, the water taking on a diamond pattern, and slowly it undergoes a metamorphosis. It becomes solid, and scaly, and begins to undulate as if a living thing. Which it's become… a huge snake creature. It lifts its head, moving towards the two of them…but it's the head of Mayor Wilkins. He looks puzzled and hurt and angry.
"What're you doing with her?" He asks, his voice deeper, and seeming to echo from deep within his body." She's our enemy, Faith. She destroyed us. Ruined our dreams!"
Faith feels Buffy drop her hand, and turns to see Buffy wielding a huge broadsword. Buffy swings the sword, and Faith cringes, expecting the blow to fall… but it doesn't come. Instead, Buffy aims at the Demon, slicing through its neck. The head of the beast goes flying, at the same time it says in its dying gasp" I told you. She's betrayed us. You're next, Faith. Don't think you won't be".
The monster's body comes crashing down, and reverts to being a river again. Faith turns to Buffy, and the sword is gone. She's smiling at Faith, a soft, sweet smile. An inviting smile. Faith feels herself drawn to Buffy, who slips her arms around Faith's hips, pulling her closer. The day has become night, and the moon is full above them. Faith feels herself drawn closer and closer to Buffy, almost as if her will wasn't her own anymore. Their faces are mere inches apart. Faith can feel her heart beating in her chest. Her lips are drawn closer and closer to Buffy's. She's about to kiss her when she feels a sharp pain in her stomach.
She backs away, looking down. She sees her knife, the one the mayor gave her, sticking in her gut. She looks at Buffy, surprised and hurt, and sees Buffy's face has undergone a change. It's hard, the smile sardonic and frozen in disgust. Her skin is pale under the moonlight, and her eyes are deep, dark wells in her face. They seem almost to be burning.
" We still haven't finished our business, Faith" Buffy says, her voice sarcastic. She pulls the knife from Faith, and lifts it to her face. Faith watches in horror and pain as Buffy licks the knife, taking her blood on Buffy's tongue. Then she notices something else… Buffy's teeth…have grown…her canines are sharp, and pointed…and her face has morphed into a vamp face.
Faith struggles to free herself of Buffy's grip, but she can't. Her will isn't her own, her strength is no match for Buffy's. Slowly Buffy leans in, whispering softly into Faith's ear:
" You're mine, my love. All mine. We'll be together for now, and forever." Buffy pulls Faith to her, violently, and sinks her fangs into Faith's neck. Faith can feel the sharp pain as they sink into her tender neck, and then an almost erotic sensation envelopes her as she feels her life flow from her body. Weakening, she watches mutely as Buffy takes her nail, and draws a line across her breast, revealing her blood. Faith feels her head forced to Buffy's breast, and her lips are in the bloody wound. Slowly, against her will, she feels herself drinking…and feeling the power of the turned slayer's blood coursing through her. The last thing she remembers before all goes black is how erotic it's, how much she needs Buffy and her blood…and then it's black.
She wakes in a cold sweat, her chest heaving as her heart beats a shattering rhythm in her chest. Her breathing is labored, and almost unconsciously she touches her neck, feeling for the wound she's afraid she'll find… and never does.
She knows Sleep is done for the night. She's too afraid to fall back asleep. Afraid the dream will continue, and she'll like what she's become. What Buffy has become, and made her become. A shudder courses through her body. Yet she feels an excitement, almost a need.
She lies there, staring at the ceiling. So afraid. So excited.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Rupert Giles and Angel sat across from each other, somewhat uncomfortably.
Giles for his part wondered why he was here. Yes, because of Buffy, of course. But from what Angel had told him, Angel had no positive leads as to where she actually was. So far, just the sighting, and the brief conversation( more like, Buffy yelling at him while running away) were the only interaction he'd had with her. He had some operatives out scouring the area for her, but so far no real leads. Though a police report of a disturbance at a club downtown did offer some small hope. A fight between a dark haired woman and a woman matching Buffy's current description was reported. Angel gone around to the club, and had a chat with the bartender who'd been on duty that night. Seems the dark haired girl had shown up after the redhead, and had started talking to her. It escalated into a fight, where the dark haired girl seemed to be hitting the other one. Finally the red head had broken down crying, and the dark haired girl had carried her out of the club. Angel , from the descriptions given, figured it was Faith and Buffy. What the fight about , he couldn't piece together. But he thought possibly they might live close… so he put his field workers looking around the general area. So far, no luck.
Giles was a bit upset being called down to L.A. with no positive lead on Buffy. But Angel had more news for him.
Seems pair of women, matching Buffy's and Faith's descriptions, have been reported shaking down ATM customers around town. Stealing the card limit at a pop. So far they hadn't been caught, but there was always the possibility they would be caught. That would mean more prison time for Buffy, and time for Faith. Not exactly what Giles or Angel desired.
Thing was, Giles had good news for both the slayers. When he'd heard the charges coming down on Faith and Buffy, he'd been a little suspicious of the timing. He did some checking, and found that a particular group on the city council had been the instigators. Though he no longer was with the Watcher's council, he still had friends there. He'd pulled in a lot of favors, but he'd been able to get the charges dropped against them.
But unless they found them before they started on a major crime spree, it might be for nothing. Giles couldn't help but feel some disappointment at the direction Buffy's life was taking. He had, of course, sensed her bitterness during his visits at prison. Understandably so, since the charges had been trumped up to discredit her. And of course, she'd been less than enthusiastic when she was released, though she tried the 'straight' route, taking a job waitressing. She seemed to be trying to put her life back together in some way, when the threat to Faith came down. Now it seems, with what Angel's told him about her current activities and look, that she's pretty much given up on her former life. It distressed Giles to no end.
He felt great anguish over what had happened to his slayer. His slayer. That didn't fit any longer. Hadn't for a long time. He no longer worked for the council, and neither did she. That didn't matter, anyway. For the longest time, she'd been more than 'his slayer'. He can't pinpoint when it'd happened, but she'd become so much more to him. The daughter he never, and would never, have. So of course what had happened to her had affected him deeply. He took a lot of the blame himself, feeling he'd let her down in a time of crisis. He wished he'd done more to keep her from going to prison in the first place. He should've done more, he realized, but he never believed that 12 supposedly sane people would convict her in the first place. Not after saving the town from certain destruction. But he'd been wrong, and had learned his own bitter lesson that day. You're only as good as your last success, and people are more than willing to believe the worst about someone. He knew he wouldn't be making those mistakes again, but that didn't help. Buffy had changed. She no longer was the sweet young woman whose heart extended to the innocent. She no longer believed that her role was to protect those who were incapable of protecting themselves. She'd lost her own innocence, and he grieved over her loss.
The problem was that a new menace was arising in Sunnydale. They needed the slayer… both slayers, as a matter of fact. A dark and powerful force was rising in Sunnydale. Without the slayers at full strength, and with their minds on the threat, there wasn't much hope of stopping it. So he knew, somehow, he had to get the slayers back to Sunnydale to face this threat. He just didn't know how.
What Giles had been able to learn about the " Dark One" was sketchy at best. But even so, it brought a chill to his heart. He was one of the ' Old ones'. The demons who roamed the earth before man. Even then he'd been a force to be reckoned with, a malevolent force with a particularly cruel streak. He'd gained power through torture and deception, destroying his enemies from within and without. The other old ones, afraid of him, had finally banded together and destroyed him. Or so they thought. While they'd destroyed his flesh, his spirit lived on, trapped in a nether dimension where he could observe what is happening in this, his former realm.
Evil has its attractions, and the Dark One was no exception. He gained a group of 'acolytes' who worshipped and worked towards his return to this plane. Not exactly a pleasant thought to anyone on this side of the sanity line. In his research Giles found that the Dark One, to exist here, required a flesh "vessel". Otherwise, his …essence would dissolve, and finally end his existence. This apparently is what his followers were trying to achieve, though at this juncture Giles had no idea who was being 'prepared' for occupation. Further, once the Dark One escaped his realm, the texts all indicated that he planned to open the hellmouth, freeing those denizens of hell dimensions to aid in his conquest of this plane. Having been witness to a few attempts of opening the hellmouth, Giles had no desire to repeat the experience. The ' Dark One' had to be stopped.
"Giles" Angel said again, disturbing Giles in his reverie. He wondered what Rupert had been thinking about.
"What? I'm sorry" Giles replied, turning his attention to Angel.
" We seem to finally have gotten a lead" Angel said, " seems Faith was spotted coming out of an apartment house over on the west side. Not sure if Buffy is with her, but my man says he definitely identified Faith. He made some inquiries, and got an address for Faith. Also found she had a 'roommate'. So it's possible that Buffy is with her."
"So, then we should go there" Giles said, a small bit of excitement escaping his normal reserve," try to talk to them."
" And say what, Giles? That there's an apocalypse coming, and we need their help?" Angel replies, a bit sarcastically," I don't think that'll make much impression."
"We could tell them what I told you" Giles says, a bit exasperated," that the charges against them have been dropped. That they can come back to Sunnydale."
" For what, Giles? Faith never was at home there, and Buffy? Think she's all rah-rah on going back? To what?" Angel responded.
"Well, we'd best figure something out" Giles said, " There IS an apocalypse, they ARE needed, and the life they're making here isn't going to serve them too well, I don't think"
Both men fell into musing over the situation.
Angel wondered if he really wanted to see Buffy again. More accurately, if he wanted Buffy to see him again. Their breakup had been difficult and painful. He knew she felt betrayed by him. Abandoned by him because of the difficulty of them having a relationship. He remembered the last time he'd seen her, up close. It was after they'd destroyed the Mayor, and the high school with him. He stood a dozen yards from her, looking across at her. She'd looked tired, not triumphant. Like all of it had been too much to handle. Giles had just given her the diploma he'd recovered from the wreckage. She seemed grateful, but dazed. Like thinking about such things was too much effort. He'd wanted to walk over to her, and hold her. He'd wanted to, but he hadn't. He'd told her he wasn't going to say goodbye, that he was just going to go. He knew that if he came over to her he wouldn't; no, he couldn't leave her. Staying would be wrong. They'd just go on as they had, falling back into the old patterns. That would be a disaster for Buffy. He knew she deserved better.
So he came to L.A., tried to make a life here. Forget about her. Failing miserably, of course. Forgetting here was like forgetting his right hand. Just wasn't going to happen. He lived day to day, remembering her. He lived with it. He did what he should do … help the innocent, fight the evil which seemed so prevalent in the world. But in those down hours of his, instead of sleeping, she was there in his head. Always in his head, haunting him. The irony didn't escape him. When he was human…. 228 years ago, he'd had a chance to live, love and be something. Instead, he'd been a wastrel, a lay about no good . He'd had life, and a soul, but both had been wasted on him. So they were taken. He spent over 100 years killing, torturing and terrorizing…and another 100 years repenting when his soul restored. He had to be a dead creature to find the one person in this life that he could love. Because of what he was, that could never be. Still he loved her, and still it hurt.
Now she was in danger of becoming what he'd become as a human… a waste, a parasite. He couldn't let that happen. She was too special, too important to allow this to happen to. He knew what she was going through. The bitterness of those who you love rejecting you. Making you feel like scum. He'd been weak, and became callous all too quickly( one does live up or down to expectations, after all). She was strong. He knew that there was still something of Buffy inside her. Her running off, berating herself for being 'bad'. That was her rebelling against the hardening. She needed help. He wanted to help.
If only he and Giles can get to her in time.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Faith gave up on sleeping.
She got up, and threw on a robe. She'd go check on Buffy. Like she did every night since that little scene in the club. It hadn't hit her 'til later how scary that'd been. Buffy had broken down, losing it totally. Faith had seen Buffy in a lot of different moods since she'd known her. Both pre and post mayor. Nothing like this, however. It was like she wanted to hurt herself. It scared Faith… she might take it to the next level. Faith didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to, but it crept in anyway.
What weirded her out was the fact that the next morning Buffy acted like nothing strange had happened. She made some half apology for being stupid and drunk, but didn't elude to what caused the scene. She acted like, except for her face, everything was normal. When Faith tried to bring it up, talk about it, Buffy would wave it off as if saying " Please, not even worth bothering with". But Faith wasn't even close to buying that book. She'd seen the look in Buffy's eyes, the desperation in her voice. The way she beat herself using Faith's hands. When Faith had time to look back at it, not being caught up in the emotion of the moment, she got chills. What scared her even more was… she understood. She had the same feelings about herself.
Faith's own emotional stability was hanging by a fraying thread. The dreams indicated that. Also, her own guilt over what she'd done. She killed a man… no, men. Lots of them. For Richard. Because it pleased him, and she'd wanted to please him. Needed to please him. He gave her something she needed. Someone who loved her. Or, that's what she thought. Someone who cared about her. He'd scolded her, and praised her, and made her feel wanted. She needed that. More than a junkie needs heroin, she needed that. For the first time in her life, she'd felt good about herself. Even if it was warped and twisted, it was what she'd needed. What she needs, even now.
When she'd learned what happened, she'd wanted to hurt Buffy so bad. Take her out, make her pay. Pay big. Take everything away from her. Make her suffer like she'd suffered. She'd wanted to stand over her and laugh as she crawled in the gutter, having lost everything important to her, everything she had. Then she found out Buffy had suffered. Had lost it all. Had been to prison, to hell, and back. Buffy's mother had died while Buffy was in prison. The only person who came to see her with any regularity had been Giles. The state had taken her mom's assets, leaving Buffy penniless. Her friends didn't reject her, but they kind of shied away from her, like she had some kind of unpleasant disease. The town, and the people she'd saved had turned against her, then turned their backs on her. It'd been as if Faith had scripted it in detail. Faith should be happy. Faith should be rubbing Buffy's nose in it, making her suffer even more.
" So why the fuck am I feeling so miserable for her?" Faith asks herself, " she got what she deserved, right? She damn well stabbed me. She shoulda paid, right? Ms. Haughty I'm-to-good-for-you blonde cheerleader got her what's coming to her. She made me feel like trash, didn't she? She rejected me as I was, made like I should be like her. Bitch. Like I was somethin' to be ashamed of. Like I stunk like sour milk, or somethin. She made me feel ugly. Like I didn't belong. Well, who doesn't belong now, Ms. Perfect Buffy? WHO???" Faith feels her anger rising in her, and tries to calm down, " I should be laughing my ass off at her. Kickin' her like she kicked me. Letting her know she's nothin' but scum. Lettin' her know how it feels."
"I don't get it. I watch her, watch what she's becomin, and it …bothers me. It's buggin' me seeing her this way. I don't know why" She ponders," but it aint her. It aint B. I thought I was likin' this, likin' the way she was becoming. I thought finally, she pulled the rod outta her ass, and she's fun. Some ways she is fun, like this. But some ways she's downright scary. It's like whoever she was died, and she's got someone else in there. Like a vamp. Knows who she was, knows her personality, but is so totally different." Faith shakes her head," maybe this is who she is, and the other face was false. But it don't track. Cause I see it in her eyes, like she's fighting to get out. Be herself again." Faith stands there, not moving, just letting her mind work," The pisser? The real surprise? I miss 'her'. I miss the tight ass kinda embarrassed about anything sexual sometimes holier than thou Buffy. Now, aint that a hoot? Why should I miss the cheerleader?" Faith's face gets a grim look to it, like she's thinking things she doesn't want to think," I miss her cuz she was decent. She cared about people or stuff. It mattered to her what she did. Now, she's kinda like…" Faith stops… not liking this part, " me. She's acting like I'd act. Like I don't give a fuck about nothing. Not that I do" Faith tells herself, lying through her teeth," But… she should care. I mean, she was totally self-involved. But…even so, she cared. You could see it. Even when she hated doing it, she'd do the right thing. Dammit, now I'm sounding like some goody-good. Fuck me!" Faith gets angry at herself, at Buffy, at the whole world," this is bogus. Why should I give a damn if Blondie screws herself up? Like she'd give a damn about me, huh?"
But Faith does care. She does, because she knows the 'old' Buffy cared about her. Little images of where Buffy reached out, tried to help her, come back to her. Faith always thought it was a come-on…she wanted something from her. That she was using her, like everybody else. But… it just wasn't so. " Like, when she came by that crap hole of a motel I was staying, at Christmas time, to invite me over for Christmas Eve. Ok, I so know Joyce kinda put her up to it, but …still…she really wanted me to come. I blew her off with some excuse(party, I think). But she tried… and I went, after I got so fucking lonely … and forgot my pride and all. Man was she blown away when I showed up" Faith chuckles to herself" Ya coulda dusted her with a feather. But she looked… happy too. Weird". But Faith remembers the other times , like patrolling, or going to the Bronze…or stuff. Or taking out a vamp nest…that'd been fun. Not because of the doing, but because she was with Buffy. Because, tight ass as she was, she liked Buffy. She knew she could count on the girl. It'd been pretty good…before it went to hell.
Faith shakes herself. " This is just stupid. What's done is done. It's over, right? No going back. Blondie … is weird, deal with it". Faith can't just 'deal with it' though. Which is why she can't sleep without the dreams. She can't help but look in on Buffy. She can't help but feel something really bad is coming. Bad enough she wants to just run. Run fast and far and away. " Why not run? Just go. Let B deal with it. Whatever demons are eating at her, it's not my fault she's going nuts. Why should I stick, anyway?". Cuz Buffy didn't run out on you, did she? She could've let you 'deal with it'. But she stuck. She fought for you. She didn't leave you behind. " SHUT UP!" Faith looks at herself in the dresser mirror, and wonders if she's not going nuts, too. Must be, sticking with her. God.
She pads towards Buffy's room, trying not to disturb her. " Just what I'd need… Buffy awake and psycho". She looks in… and sees the bed covers all askew. As usual, the room looks like a hurricane has passed through it… Buffy, this Buffy, doesn't believe in tidiness. But there's no Buffy in the bed. Odd…maybe she's using the toilet. She walks down the hall , but the bathroom door is open… no one in there. Her heart beating a bit faster, she walks into the living room. Still no Buffy. She starts to get a knot of fear in her tummy. This isn't good. She starts towards the kitchen when she sees the front door ajar. Oh, crap. She crouches, thinking break in. But she doesn't sense anyone else here… anyone at all. Damn! pulling the robe tighter around herself, she goes to the door, and sticks her head out. She looks both ways, but no one is in the hall. She pulls herself back inside. Frustrated and scared, she slams the door. " Damn her!" Faith says out loud," where the hell did she go? And why?"
Faith, upset, storms to her room to dress. She'll have to go out looking for her now. Who knows what she's up to.
Faith, standing in her room, finds herself shaking. Damn, how can she do this to me? I should let her go, just let her get stupid or killed or whatever. Damn her, damn her, damn her!
How can she do this to me?
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy sits ,running her finger around the rim of her drink. She's not sure if she wants to really drink it or not.
She just had to get out of that hole. That apartment. It felt like the walls were closing in on her, kind of like when she was in prison, in the hole. She felt trapped, couldn't breathe. Had to get out, had to.
So she sits in the club, surrounded by bodies, and noise, and smoke( what the hell is that? Don't they know? No smoking in clubs? Sigh). Not exactly heaven, but better than that box. She sips her drink, feeling the familiar stinging numbness on her tongue from the tequila, and sighs. She's been drinking way too much lately, gotta cut back, or gonna get sloppy. But right now needs the feeling of the tequila in her mouth, the numbness in her brain.
"Thinking too much. Way too much, about too many things. Living in L.A. Stealing for a living. Oh, mom would be so proud of me now. Of course how proud was she having a felon for a daughter. That musta been great. Think of all the lovely gossip she had to deal with, about her slut daughter who tried to kill someone over her no good boyfriend. Yeah, she musta been in heaven over that. So probably having a thief for a daughter woulda been a relief. Of course, it doesn't matter now, does it? She's beyond all that, being dead and all. Another fine piece of work, oh chosen one. Killin' mom. Betcha you're real proud of that. Giles told me a brain aneurysm from the surgery. But I know she died of shame, alone. Cause her wonderful, talented daughter was cooling her butt in prison. How ya gonna forgive yourself for that one, huh, Buffy? Shit, girl, why not just take a gun to her. Kill her quick. Woulda been kinder, don't ya think?"
" I dunno, let's ask Faith, what say? I mean, she can tell me after I tried to gut her if she'd prefer a knife or gun. Sure she'd love to chat about that… provided I was on the business end of the gun. How can I blame her? I mean, what'd I do it for, anyway? So Angel could live? Right. Settled that by letting him suck me near dry. More to it than that. Why don't ya admit it , Buffy? You were angry with her. Angry she could cozy up to the mayor, making us all look like fools for trusting her. Angry that she could try to blame you for Allan Finch's death.( Why not, Buffy. After all, if you hadn't thrown him down for Faith's stake, maybe it wouldn't have happened!). Angry cause she spat in your face, saying " Who needs YOU,. B?". Sorta. When she went over to the Mayor. Angry cause she was everything you couldn't be. The bad girl. The one who doesn't have to be good all the time, doesn't have to worry all the time, who could just have fun! Angry cuz all your friends liked her right off. Angry cause your mom liked her right off(ok, there was the ' she can take over slayer duties thing' but still! My mom.. MY MOM!!! Got it, Faith? MINE!). Really angry cause just as you're really getting to like her( or, was it more, Buffy? Maybe, falling for her?-- NO! -- Oh?), she could just turn her back on you, leave you! That's it, wasn't it? You were jealous and angry cuz she left you. She left you behind. So all those noble reasons of saving Angel, giving her what she deserved. Bullshit. You couldn't take it that she could spit in your face when you loved her! ( no, didn't love her, don't love her stop it, stop it, stop it!). But why shouldn't she spit in your face? What'd you do, but spit in hers?" Buffy picks up the glass and finishes the shot in one quick gulp. She feels the fire in her throat, then the gradual fogging as the tequila hits her. Not enough fogging, though. She can still think. She gets up to get another drink when a hand comes down on her shoulder.
Not a good thing. Not with a half drunk, self-pitying angry slayer.
"If you don't want me to remove your hand by ripping your arm out of your shoulder, you'll take it off of mine, now!" Buffy says quietly, but her undertone is angry and deadly. She feels the hand retract quickly.
" Buffy?" says a familiar voice.
Buffy turns, and sees a smallish red-headed girl with startling blue eyes and a pixie face looking at her. Her brow is furled worriedly.
" You really wouldn't rip my arm outta its socket, now would you?" Glenna asks, her Irish lilt coming to the fore when she's worried.
"GLENNIE" Buffy squeals, up on her feet immediately. She takes the small woman into a very large hug. A rather tight hug.
" Buffy!" Glennie says, groaning just a little." So…good to see…you too. But, you're gonna break…me" She wheezes out Buffy loosens the hug, and Glennie can breath again…whew!
" Sorry, Glennie. I forget myself sometimes" Buffy says, blushing." You ok?"
"Yeah, I think" Glennie replies." Don't think you broke anything. Might even be able to stand up straight again, one of these days".
"When'd you get out? I thought you had a couple of years to go yet" Buffy says," ummm… you didn't break out , did you?"
"No, no" Glennie laughs." Believe it or not, I got out early for good behavior. Just released a couple of days ago".
" You? Good behavior? Ms. " Ready to fight at the drop of a hat"?" Buffy says, giggling.
"Yeah… kinda funny, that. After you got kicked, I kinda… well, I didn't want to be there anymore. I mean, I really didn't want to be there anymore. So, I cleaned up my act. Really got in good with the guards and all. Guess it got back to the parole board, cuz I got sprung early. On parole, actually." Glenna grins." Can you imagine?"
" Hate to say it, girlfriend, but no. It just don't sound like you" Buffy says, smiling, " beating up the guards, taking the warden hostage…now, that's you!"
" I know…weird, huh?" Glenna says, quietly. " Speaking of weird" Glennie indicates Buffy with a wave of her hand, "what's this all about?" She gives Buffy the critical once over, "man, this is weird. You cut all that beautiful hair of yours" Glenna says , a little mournfully," I love that hair. And dyed it…red? Geeze, so not you!" Glenna reaches over, and pulls touches Buffy's ear," What's with all the earrings…you must be fun going through a metal detector." Almost absently, she strokes behind Buffy's ear. Buffy feels a small chill go down her spine. " I just don't get it" Glenna continues," this just isn't …you…is it?"
" Dunno, really, Glennie" Buffy says quietly, " anyway, kinda hiding out…not wanting to look like me, really". Buffy looks away from Glennie.
" Buffy, what's the deal?" Glennie asks, concerned," why're you hiding out?"
Buffy tells Glennie about what happened in Sunnydale, and how she came to be living in L.A. During the story, Glennie's eyes grow wide. She knows Buffy, and knows she special(ok, and particularly special to Glenna, we don't need to be reminded), but this is exciting stuff. Beating up cops, grabbing her friend and running ,stealing a car(ok, can do that in my sleep…still), and heading across the state to hide out in L.A. Glenna boosts cars, sure, but mostly outta economic necessity, not for fun. Despite being a car thief, her life up to now's been pretty dull. This is exciting stuff… like novels, ya know?
"Wow!" Glennie breathes excitedly," like, cool"
.
"Yeah" Buffy says, voice flat," cool". She looks away.
Glenna catches the note in Buffy's voice. She puts her hand on Buffy's cheek, turning her face back to Glenna.
"Buffy, what is it?" Glenna asks," You sound bummed"
"It's nothin', Glennie" Buffy replies, " Just… been thinking a lot. Too much, maybe" Buffy says, looking longingly at her glass. She's wanting more tequila so she can't think anymore, " Wondering why I'm here?"
"Dunno, B" A familiar husky voice floats over to her. Buffy looks up, a bit startled. Faith continues, " Guess It's cuz you like the night life, baby?"
Glennie looks up , and nearly falls out of her chair. She sees what must be the most beautiful woman she's ever seen. Raven black hair, dark, deep eyes, and pouty red lips. With a body to die for. Who is this, how does she know Buffy, and oh my god!
"Faith!" Buffy says, almost hissing. "What're you doing here?"
Glennie stares at both of them, like watching a tennis match. Faith? This is the friend she snatched outta the hospital?
" Dunno, B. Good question. Was startin' to ask myself that" Faith says, looking at the two of them. Not particularly happily, either. " What IS it with you and redheads, B?"
" Mind out of the gutter, Faith" Buffy says, irritated." This is a friend. From my institutional days. You know, the time I spent in prison cause I stabbed you?"
HUH? Glennie thinks. Oh god, what's goin on here?
"Yeah, like I can forget, B" Faith says, smirking, " I got the scar to remind me!"
" So do I, Faith" Buffy says, touching her neck, " so do I".
Glennie feels the tension between the two, and is beginning to wonder what the weather's like in San Diego. She doesn't like being in the middle between them. She looks at both of them, the way they're looking at each other, and the light bulb goes on in her head.
" Is this ' the guy', Buffy?" Glenna asks, in a low voice. Buffy looks at her strangely." The 'guy'. The one you had on the outside? When you wouldn't…" Glenna lets it trail off.
Buffy doesn't say anything. She just stares down at the table.
"Umm… do I look like a guy?" Faith asks, a bit put off.
"N-n-no…" Glennie replies, a bit overwhelmed." Just… well…maybe I should go" She gets up to leave, but Faith reaches over and pushes her back down. She gulps.
" Faith" Buffy growls, " Leave her alone".
" I'm not bothering you, am I?" Faith asks Glennie. She continues," I didn't catch your name, dear."
" G-G-Glenna" Glennie replies, really feeling nervous." No…you're not bothering me".
"Faith!. If you're pissed at me, great. Fine. Give me crap. But leave Glennie alone" Buffy's face is grim." Clear?"
"Chill, B" Faith says, lightly," Don't have a cow. Me and Glenna just havin' a lil chat, aren't we, honey?"
Why is it when Faith's tone is light and sunny, it can send chills down your spine?
" It's…it's fine, Buffy" Glennie says. She musters the best smile she can… a kinda nervous grin, " I like you're friend".
Buffy glares at Faith, but doesn't say anything.
"See, B? Just girl talk, right G?" Faith smiles. Watch out for that smile.
"Yeah…right" Buffy says, her voice a little angry." Never did answer me though, Faith. What're you doing here, anyway?"
" Got kinda worried when you up and disappeared from the apartment, B" Faith says, barely concealing her anger," guess I got lucky tonight. Found you at the third club I checked. Usually it's a lot more!"
"Usually? What're you getting at, Faith? You're making it sound like I'm all the time running out to clubs" Buffy is beginning to steam. " I was feeling all closed in. Sue me. I needed to get out of the apartment for awhile. God, Faith. Not like you give a damn".
" Hey, guys, it's been great. But, going now" Glennie starts to stand. Both slayers reach out, and put a hand on her shoulder, keeping her down.
"Stay" Buffy and Faith say in unison. Glennie just kinda withers.
"You sayin' I don't care, B?" Faith says, hurt and testy," What's that about? I'm been scared silly way you been acting lately"
"Acting? How? I don't get you" Buffy says, bewildered. " What's been so different?"
" How about that little scene the other night?" Faith replies, " you know the one. Where you use me to slap yourself silly".
" I was drunk, ok? Get over it" Buffy says, pissed ."Anyway, I remember you slapping me first."
" Yeah, cuz you was being nasty, as I recall" Faith spits back in her face.
Glennie is wondering if maybe she can slide down in her chair, get under the table and escape. These two got issues…issues she's beginning to feel could get her killed.
Too late. Buffy grabs her arm, and stands.
" I don't have to listen to this crap" Buffy says, " Lets get outta here, Glennie" Buffy starts pulling the redhead along with her.
Glennie feels another very strong grip on her other arm. Crap! She's beginning to understand how the wishbone feels at Thanksgiving.
"What's the deal, B? Can't handle the truth?" Faith mocks her, pulling Glenna back towards her." You've been acting nuts. Whatcha gonna do? Run and hide now?"
"Looks who's talking" Buffy says, pulling on Glennie. You can see she's hurting. They aren't being particularly gentle." You kill someone, and go running to the bad guys for cover!"
" You tried to kill me!" Faith voice rises." To feed me to your boyfriend!"
"Right, like you wouldn't have tried to kill me, if you got the chance!" Buffy screams back at her.
"STOP IT BOTH OF
YOU" Glenna screams. The whole club goes quiet. Faith and Buffy look
embarrassed. Glenna has angry tears in her eyes, her face flushed as red as her
hair." You're hurting me! Damn you both! Thanks a lot, Buffy. Been real
fun" Glenna spits out, sarcastically, " Lets do it again…how
about…never?!!!!"
She turns, and storms out heading for the exit.
Buffy whirls on Faith. Her face is angry red.
" Damn you, what's your problem?" She hisses at Faith." We were sitting here, just talking and you gotta ruin everything. Damn you Faith!" Buffy's voice is hard and cold, " Why the hell can't you leave me alone? Just leave me ALONE!" She turns, and runs out after Glenna, trying to catch up to her.
Faith stands there, staggered. She watches as Buffy leaves. The club is still quiet, everybody staring at her. She realizes it, and blows up.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" She yells," Go back to dancing or whatever!" She heads for the exit, her head down and muttering to herself.
She stands outside in the cooler air, breathing deeply. Trying to calm down. But it's not working all that well. Her heart is beating fast in her chest, and her breathing is short and labored. Why did she get so fucking upset? She wonders to herself. Why the hell did it even matter to her? She can't believe she got all pissed off back there.
"Hell, what's it to me, anyway? If B wants to fuck herself up, let her. I don't owe her squat. Stupid bitch. All she does is make me crazy, anyway. Why should I worry about her? Let her go nuts. Be my guest, B. You're a fucking moron, anyway"
So, why'd she get all crazy then when she saw B talking to someone else… another girl? Looking like she was having fun, sorta? Or at least talking to her…something she so wasn't doing with Faith? Why did it hurt?( maybe a little jealous , Faith?).
"Awww, c'mon, gimme a break? Jealous? Of what? That twerp of a red head? Why? I don't give a crap who B spends her time with. Don't give a crap about B, period. She and that little twit can go jump off a bridge for all I care" (Uh---- huh)
" Fuck her. If she wants me to leave her alone, fine by me. Tired of her whining and crap. I'm so gone" (sure)
" I am. I'm outta here."(So go. Who's stopping ya?)
" I gone. Watch me" (Watching).
Faith starts towards the apartment, walking quickly. Her pace slows, and she stops, looking around. Looking bewildered.
(What's wrong , Faith?) " Nothin!"
(Why'd you stop?) " Why am I talking to you? Not letting some voice in my head tell me what to do!" Faith mutters to herself.
( Not saying a word, Faith). " Yeah, right. Anyway, why should I move out? Let Buffy get her ass out!"
(So you're not going then?) " Hell, why should I?"
(Right. Why should you?) " Huh?"
(If you leave, then you walked out on her. If you make her leave, she walked out on you)" Shut UP!"
(Why should I?) " SHUT UP!!!!"
( …) " Fine. I'm gone" Faith starts to go again. She stops.
(Can't deal, can you Faith?)" What the fuck? Deal? With what?" Faith grumbles
(What you're feeling) " Not feeling nothing" Faith pouts.
(You care about her) " Do not!!" Faith denies.
(You love her!) " Fuck YOU" Faith says, starting to walk.
(Love her, love her, love her!) "Shut the fuck up!"
(You think she's cute, you think she's sexy, you wanna kiss her!) " DO NOT!!! DO NOT!!!"
( Do too. You wanna eat her right up)" Fuck her!"
(Yeah, that too)." Shut … UP!!!" Faith whines, cornered.
(C'mon, baby. Fess up)." Nothing to 'fess up'. I don't give a rat's ass about her!"
(Really? How come you're so upset then?)" Fuck YOU!" Faith yells at herself.
She picks up her pace.
"Fuck ME!" She whines to herself
"Fuck it!" She starts to run, trying to get away from her thoughts.
Run, Faith, run.
Faith runs off into the night.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
"Glennie, wait up… PLEASE" Buffy calls out, trying to catch up with her.
" Go to HELL, Buffy Summers!" Glenna calls back over her shoulder. " Get away from me". She starts to walk faster.
" Please, Glennie, please?" Buffy pleads, trotting up alongside Glenna. Glenna shoves her, making Buffy lose balance. She falls flat on her butt. " Please, don't leave me, Glenna" Buffy whines, not moving. Her voice is muted and remorseful.
Glenna stops, her body stiff. She turns around, and her face is a cold mask. She looks at Buffy sitting on the ground, and while her face doesn't relent, inside her anger cracks a little.
" I don't know who you are, but you're not Buffy. Not the Buffy I know. The Buffy I know was sweet and kind, even though she'd been screwed over. She cared about people. She'd never hurt a friend" Glenna says in a voice mixed with resentment and disappointment," you really hurt me tonight. You and your 'friend'. Don't even know her deal. But it hurt. Not only the arm pulling. I got humiliated." She walks over to Buffy, and looks down on her. " I don't know you. I don't know who the hell you are, but I don't like you. Not like this!". She turns and starts to walk off. She hears a sound behind her, and her heart chills. It's like a wail. She turns, and Buffy is on her feet. She's standing there, her face seeming to collapse. She looks scared and ashamed and full of self loathing. Her eyes are tearing, and wild looking. She starts to run, not looking where she's going. Just running.
Glenna starts to trot after her, then breaks into a run. Something inside her is telling her that this is going to end badly. She can't let that happen.
She cares about Buffy too much.
She starts to run faster, trying to catch up.
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
Buffy looks down at the traffic rushing below.
She's walking along the overpass, on the outside of the protective rail. She's balanced, but precariously, above the flow of the freeway.
Her vision a little blurred with tears, she stands over it all, watching the lights of the night traffic. In her mind, it's like a river flowing past. So fast… so pretty. She longs to be carried off by the river, to somewhere else. Somewhere where they don't hate her anymore. Where she doesn't hate herself anymore. Somewhere nice, and bright. And quiet. So quiet.
It'd be so easy now. She's just gotta let go. Just let her body go, fall into the river. Let it carry her home. It'd be so nice. So nice.
"Buffy?" A soft voice, panting from exertion, comes from behind her," don't do it. Please"
Buffy, not turning around, calls out over her shoulder. "Glenna?". Buffy's voice has a distant, dreamlike quality to it.
" Yes, Buffy, it's me" Glenna says. Trying to remain calm, so as not to panic Buffy. But it's hard when your heart is beating like a trip hammer in your chest.
" Look how pretty Glenna. It's like a jeweled river. So pretty" Buffy says, wistfully.
" Please come down, Buffy" Glenna says, quietly," come talk to me, ok?"
"No, I'm good here, Glennie" Buffy says, looking over her shoulder, smiling." This is where I belong". She turns back to look at the flowing traffic.
" I didn't mean it Buffy" Glenna says, slowly trying to approach Buffy. She's restrained by a strong pair of hands. She looks around, and is looking up at a tall, dark, pale man. Looks to be in his mid 20's. Next to him is an older man, wearing glasses
"Whaaat?" Glenna says quietly.
"Shhh" The younger man says, quietly." Don't get too close"
"You're right, Glennie. I've changed. I'm… bad. I'm… worthless. I just hurt people now" Buffy says not looking back." I.. can't stand this anymore. It hurts too much. I gotta do this, Glenna, don't you see?" Buffy looks down at the traffic, the lights almost hypnotizing her. Her body weaves dangerously on the edge.
From the opposite direction of the group and Buffy, Faith walks up the overpass. She came here to think. To try to sort out her thoughts. She can't deal with what's happening to her, what she's feeling. She needs time to think. At first, wrapped up in her own thoughts, she doesn't see the little tableau at the other end of the overpass. She stares down at the traffic, watching the cars pass, the lights putting on a little show for her.
Something nags at the edge of her consciousness though. Something's happening, real close. She looks up, and turns her head, noticing the group at the other end of the bridge. She follows their gaze, and sees the woman standing on the edge.
" Oh, God…she's going to jump!" Faith thinks to herself. She looks around, see if there's a way she can get to her. Try to stop her. She quietly and slowly approaches the jumper.
As she moves closer, she gets a clearer view of the group, and the woman on the edge. Something is familiar about them. She moves closer, and suddenly she recognizes two …no, all the people in the group. That's Angel…and Giles…and that's the girl from the club. What the hell? Then she looks at the jumper again… oh, god, no.
It's Buffy.
Faith feels her heart sink into her stomach. Oh, god, what's she doing? What've I done? She moves quietly closer, trying not to draw attention to herself. Slowly, slowly she edges closer to Buffy.
Glenna sees her… is about to call out when Faith puts her finger to her lips, shushing her. Glenna gets it now. She's quiet as a mouse.
"Don't you see?" Buffy continues, talking to Glenna and the air, not realizing anyone else is there, " I gotta do this. I gotta repent, Glenna. Atone for my sins. I can… I can fall into the river, honey" She says, her voice strange, distant," let it wash me away… wash away my evil. I'll be carried home, clean again".
" Buffy. No. Wait. Think." Glenna says, quietly, " If you do this, it's over. Game over. You can't make it up. Whoever you hurt, stays hurt. This is final. No redemption." Glenna is desperately trying to keep Buffy from jumping…until Faith can reach her. She's stalling, and thinking fast and hard to keep her on the edge. Faith is creeping slowly closer, nearly close enough to grab her…but not quite close enough. Angel, seeing what Faith is doing, quietly moves around, positioning himself to help her.
" Buffy? Why do you hate me?" Glenna asks. Everybody gasps internally. What's she saying?
But it works. Buffy stops weaving." Hate you? I don't hate you, Glenna" Buffy says, her tone hurt, " I love you, you know that".
"Yeah, I know, like a sister" Glenna says, but not bitterly. Just quietly." I mean, I love you. You know that. Why do you want to hurt me like this?".
Faith moves closer… just a little more… just a little more…
" I don't want to hurt you, baby" Buffy says," Why do you think that?"
"This. You're throwing me away with your life, Buffy" Glenna says, " You jump, it's like you're saying you can't stand to be around me".
Faith is close…so close…
" No, you don't understand" Buffy says. She starts to turn around, to explain.
THERE!
Faith reaches out, and grabs Buffy. Buffy, startled, loses balance. Seeing Faith, she struggles…and falls backwards….
" Oh…Shit!" Faith says, holding Buffy… but feeling herself being pulled over. She won't let go, though. She holds onto Buffy, feeling herself being pulled over the edge. Buffy struggles in her arms.
" Faith! What're you doing here?" Buffy gasps, feeling herself being pulled down by gravity. But Faith has a death grip on her. She's not letting go. " Let me go, Faith. Just let me go!" Buffy pleads," Save yourself, baby" Buffy struggles to get out of Faith's grip.
"Fuck you, Blondie. You go, I go" Faith says, holding tight. Like it means her own life.
Suddenly they pull up short. Faith's boots have hooked on the railing. Both girls are dangling, literally, by Faith's boot heels over the edge of the overpass. Buffy looks up at Faith.
"Why?" She says, her voice quiet.
" Because, you moron, I love you. If you think you can get away from me this easily, you're an idiot!" Faith says. She looks down, and is getting major vertigo. But she won't let go. Not now.
" I gotta say, Faith" Buffy says, cracking wise… she can't help it, its what she does in danger," you pick a hell of a time to tell me!"
"Shut up!" Faith says, feeling the panic rising." Can you push up?"
But at that moment, Faith feels herself being pulled up. Not daring to look back, she doesn't see Angel and Giles, each with a leg, hauling her back on the bridge… with Buffy in tow. All she knows is that she's not going down anymore, and after she stops pissing her panties, she's so gonna thank somebody. Looking down, she sees Buffy looking up, and smiling. Great, smile. When we're outta this, I'm gonna kick your ass from here to Kansas.
Right after I kiss you a million times or so.
Giles and Angel, with help from Glenna, get the two girls back up on the overpass. Faith is shaking like a leaf, and Buffy is shaking too, but it's from sobbing. All the crap inside that's been building up comes flooding out. She's near hysterical, and Faith just holds her, trying to soothe her. All the while thanking whatever Gods there are for brining Angel and Giles here, now. And even thanking for Glenna, who kept Buffy on the ledge so long.
Giles, Angel and Glenna watch as Faith holds onto Buffy, who's still sobbing, clinging to Faith. Glenna goes over, and kneels by the other side of Buffy. She gently strokes her hair. Faith looks at Glenna, and smiles. Glenna, however, is grim faced. Faith arches her eyebrow, as if asking " What?"
" Listen to me, Faith" Glenna says quietly." She's had it for you since prison. That's what I meant tonight. She told me she didn't go that way…you know" She blushes a little," I wanted her…bad. But she wouldn't. She had someone outside, she told me. That'd be you. So, I'm warning you. If you so much as look cross-eyed at her, I'm gonna rip you a new asshole. I don't care how big and tough you are." Glenna's voice leaves no room for question. "Got it?" Faith smiles and nods. Then, she reaches out and takes Glenna's hand. She squeezes it gently.
" You too, huh?" Faith says. She knows love when she sees it. Glenna looks away, blushing.
" She doesn't love me that way" Glenna says, her voice a little sorrowful.
"Maybe not. But she loves you, and that's good enough for me" Faith says, sincerely." You're a good friend. Better than either of us deserve. Hope you'll be mine, too?"
Glenna looks at Faith, like she can't believe what she's saying. But she can read Faith's sincerity on her face. She nods curtly, and turns back to Buffy.
"Good" Faith says, then chuckles, " though, when you find out what we really do, you might regret that decision"
Glenna feels a chill in her spine.
God, what've I gotten myself into now?
~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~&~~
To be continued