Grawr! I return! *Ignores the boos and sighs from the audience* We hate the audience anyway. Lousy no good ingrates. INGRATES! *Dodges popcorn* Ah fooey. I'll just get on with it. And this happy chapter gets a promotion, from PG to PG-13!
YuGiOh doesn't belong to me. Stupid. *Is knocked unconscious by a large Coke bottle*
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For I Am Pharaoh------------------------------------
I Can't Believe It's Not Another Chapter!
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Yami was not a happy man . . . uh, spirit. Pharaoh-dude. Whatever. Point being, he was not happy. Why wasn't he happy? Well, for one thing, he was currently stuck between a rock and a hard place. Literally.
"Is anyone out there?!" he shouted, twisting under the large Acme boulder. "I could really use some help here!" There was the sound of footsteps, and he twisted his head back to look at who it was.
Bakura peered down at him from above. "What's our favourite pharaoh doing today, eh?"
"I'm having a damn tea party," Yami snarled sarcastically. However, in his drunken state, Bakura didn't pick up on it very well.
"Ooh, really? Tha' sounds nice. Can I join ya?" Without waiting for permission Bakura flopped down on top of the boulder and started pouring himself some Earl Grey, before adding liberal amounts of vodka.
Yami seethed. "YOU MORON! DO YOU NOT KNOW SARCASM WHEN YOU HEAR IT?!"
"Whazzat? Sah Chasm? I've never been to Sah Chasm," Bakura giggled, sloshing his tea all over Yami's head. "I been to th' GRAND CANYON though, and lemme tell ya somethin' . . . it ain't that grand."
Unable to contain his rage any longer, Yami exploded the boulder apart with his shadow magic. He picked himself up off the ground and dusted his shirt off, trying to regain some dignity. Whatever piece of dignity he'd gotten back however disappeared when Bakura slung his arm around his shoulders. "So where to, Cap'n? I hear the moon's nice this time o' year."
"Argh!" Yami shouted, pushing the tomb robber away. "I have no time for your drunken shenanigans! I must find the weapons that you stashed here, and the rest of my troops. Pathetic as they may be, they are a great deal more useful and coherent than you."
"Awwww," Bakura purred. "I love ya too Yammy." Venting his annoyance on a nearby tree (poor tree, never stood a chance), Yami seized Bakura by the wrist and started dragging him along the path towards the Duellist Kingdom castle.
~*~
"So," said Tea.
"So," said Tristan.
"So," said Ryou.
The three so-sayers stood in a circle, lost in thought. Or perhaps lost in insanity. I don't know. I don't particularly want to find out. Having gotten out of their third of airplane some time ago, they were attempting to figure out what to do.
After a few more minutes of silence, Tea spoke up again.
"We're definitely in Duellist Kingdom's castle then."
"Looks that way," Tristan mused, studying a painting nearby.
"Strange," Ryou added, also staring at the painting, which portrayed a very drunk Pegasus having a party with Marik Ishtar, The Riddler and Darth Vader, under the title 'International Bad-ass Villains Convention 02'. There was a pause in the conversation . . . if you can call it that.
"So," said Tristan.
"So," said Tea.
"So," said Ryou.
This went on for quite some time. They aren't terribly clever, are they? Anyway, they eventually moved out of their stupor and began to walk down the hallway they were in.
"I suppose we should find the others, shouldn't we?" Ryou asked, trying to brush a stubborn piece of grass off his shirt. Tristan folded his arms as he walked and huffed.
"I don't know. Why would we want to? We'll just be rounded up to take over the world again for that dumbass Pharaoh. Doesn't sound like my idea of a good time really.
"And, you know, we wouldn't even be helping much," sighed Tea. "We haven't had much of a say lately in anything."
"You're right, Tea." Tristan halted and looked at the other two. "Do you ever get the feeling that we're pointless background characters whose only purpose is to provide the heroes with something to rescue or a romantic interest?"
Tea nodded solemnly. Ryou rubbed his chin in thought, and then smiled a bit. "It could be worse, Tristan. We could be Duke Devlin." They all laughed and agreed, continuing down the passageway.
~*~
Back in Domino, Duke jumped suddenly and lifted his head off the table. "Did somebody say my name?" he wondered aloud.
~*~
"It was green!"
"It was purple!"
"Green!"
"Purple!"
"Green!"
"Purple!"
"Bloody GREEN!"
"Damned PURPLE!"
"Shut the FLYING F**K UP, please!" Both Kaiba and Joey stared at Mokuba in shock. The kid was giving them both extremely aggravated looks, and it was fair to say that he had inherited some of his brother's frightening 'charm'. "You two have been going on and on like a broken record for hours. I'm sick of it! So just shut up for once and let me speak." The two older boys were quite silent, so he continued. "Now listen, and listen good. Joey, Seto was correct about the direction to the castle." Kaiba smirked. "Seto, Joey was right about the falling boulders." Joey stuck his tongue out at Kaiba. "Joey was right about the banshee, but was wrong about the werewolf. Seto was right about Madonna's hair colour and the underground passages, but got the time of the next emergency bombing run wrong. And you are both wrong about the colour of Bakura's original hair colour. It was blue. That's it for what you were arguing about. And I don't want to hear another word of disagreement from either of you, or there'll be hell to pay, got it?"
Kaiba and Joey muttered something along the lines of 'yes sir' while looking at the ground. Giving a satisfied nod, the younger Kaiba brother turned and continued along the forest path. They looked at each other briefly, then away again. "We shall agree," Kaiba said softly, "that Mokuba is wrong."
"Yes," whispered Joey, before they both followed Mokuba. A short while later (my, how exciting my writing skills are) they emerged out of the forest. Before them, in all its fruity-Pegasus-like glory, was the castle. Such a sight had never been seen before by mortal man. Resplendent in stone of the finest grain, it glowed softly in the sunlight. The two knights stood in front of the castle, knowing the deadly peril hidden behind its deceptively lavish doors.
"Lancelot," said Arthur, adjusting his helmet. "Whatever happens next, it has been a pleasure battling beside thee."
"No, the honour is mine, worthy knight," replied Lancelot, as he . . . wait.
*Flips through some pages*
Oh, sorry. Wrong script.
*Tosses it aside and picks up 'For I Am Pharaoh*
Right.
"Back at this castle again," muttered Kaiba. "Someone should have blown it up while they had the chance."
"Hell, I'll do it, just as soon as we find the others," Joey offered, pulling a stick of dynamite out of his pocket and brandishing it at the castle. Mokuba stared at the dynamite.
"Uh, Joey?"
"What is it Mokuba?"
"Don't let Yami see that." Joey suddenly looked shocked and stuffed the dynamite back into his pants.
"Damn, I'd better not. He'd probably go waving it around like a wand and knighting his subjects with it."
"That's not what I meant," Mokuba said but Joey had already run halfway up the steps. Sighing, he followed along with Kaiba. Once they got to the top, they promptly ignored the sign on the door ('No entry without an invitation, appointment or Mardi Gras costume') and barged right in. Kids today, no manners.
The entrance hall was, for lack of better term, enormous. Three houses could have quite easily fit inside it. As they walked through it, Joey got the distinct feeling of being as insignificant as an ant. The feeling wasn't helped by the huge statue of an anteater right in front of him.
"Disturbing décor," he said.
"Indeed," Kaiba answered, looking at the ceiling, which was covered with images of Funny Bunny, that ridiculous cartoon that Pegasus adored so much. He shuddered slightly. "Rascally rabbits . . ."
Just then, the doors banged open again and Yami bolted inside, looking a bit more insane than usual. "Stay away from me, you deranged freak!" he shouted at the doors. After a moment, Bakura danced in after him. He dropped the pogo stick he'd been carrying and gaped at the room.
"Holy cow, Yami-man, jus' lookat this room!" Yami wasn't looking at the room though. He ran up to Joey and hid behind him.
"He is cursed, I tell you. Cursed!"
"Oh get offa me, Yami," Joey groaned, elbowing the pharaoh in the face. Yami dropped to the floor. Rubbing his nose, he got back up and started punching Joey in the back.
"How dare you do that to me! Have you no respect for your Pharaoh?" Joey, however, just studied his nails as Yami kept thumping his fist into him. After all, Joey is much, much bigger than Yami.
"Hey, guys!" They turned to look at the side door, where Tristan, Tea and Ryou had just appeared. "I see you found us all right." Joey looked at Mokuba blankly.
"Were we looking for them?" he whispered. Mokuba just shrugged. Joey shrugged as well and went up to Tristan. "Uh, yeah, man, we found you okay. None of you got hurt or anything?"
"Nope." Ryou looked around and spotted Bakura. As he watched, he saw Bakura walk a slow circuit around the room, apparently fixated on the decorations. Seeing this as a bad sign, he chose to ignore it. If he couldn't see it, it wouldn't be a problem. That is the mentality of Ryou.
Most of the group got into a circle and started talking. What this meant was this: Yami tried to shout his servants into submission, but was ignored; Kaiba and Joey started arguing about whether the duelling platform was in the left wing or the right wing; Ryou and Tea played hopscotch; Mokuba kicked Yami in the leg for good measure and Tristan stood there like an idiot. Yugi was nowhere to be found, but none of them had noticed that fact yet.
Now, Bakura had other ideas. He discretely left the room and went down one of the many hallways. He was beginning to think a bit clearer. He knew where he was now, and what he was doing. And what he did know was that he was getting a splitting headache and nauseous feeling in his stomach. Yes, he was getting a hangover. In case you don't remember what Ryou said back in chapter two, this is a bad thing.
"Confounded modern drinks," he grumbled, massaging his temples. As he passed by a doorway, he noticed something on the periphery of his vision that made him pause. He turned back and went through the open doorway . . . and froze.
"Bakura? What are you doing over here, Bakura?" called Ryou as he came up behind him. "You shouldn't run off by yourse-" When he saw what was in the room, Ryou froze too.
Right across the other side of the room were two people, who appeared for all the world to be their exact doubles. The two pairs stared at each other.
"Holy crap," Bakura said at last, staring at them. "They look just like us." One of the boys across the room – the one who looked like Bakura – took a step forward.
"Who are you, and why do you share our form?"
"Excuse me?!" Bakura asked indignantly. "I believe you are the one who stole our looks."
"I beg to differ!" shouted the other Bakura.
"Wait, please, just a second!" Ryou stepped in, knowing full well what two Bakuras might be capable of. "Just tell us what your names are, please." The other Ryou glanced at the other Bakura, then cleared his throat.
"Well, my name's Bakura Ryou, and this is Yami no Bakura."
"No . . . kidding . . ." Ryou said in surprise, looking at Yami no Bakura strangely. Yami no Bakura just continued to glare daggers at Bakura. As they stood there, the doors behind Yami no Bakura opened, and a bunch of other people piled in.
"Bakura?" inquired one of them, who looked disturbingly similar to Yugi. "What's going on here? And – whoah. Look at that!" he said, having spotted Ryou and Bakura on the other side. Ryou gave Bakura a worried and confused look.
"Bakura," he whined. "I'm confused. Why is there suddenly a bunch of people who look like us?"
"How the hell should I know?" Suddenly, they could all hear that familiar booming/annoying voice of their omnipotent Pharaoh coming closer.
"Bakura! Ryou! Do not desert me when I have need of you," he raged, storming up behind them with the other members of their group. Then he noticed what Ryou was staring at. "What . . . what magic is this?!" The duplicate of Yami on the other side of the room looked equally shocked.
"Well, that's certainly strange," muttered Kaiba, giving his double the once-over. The Yugi on the other side of the room tugged his yami's sleeve.
"Mou Hitori no Boku, what's going on here?"
"I do not know, aibou, but I intend to find out," replied Mou Hitori no Yuugi.
"As do I," snarled Yami, taking a step forward. "For I am Pharaoh, and nobody takes on my appearance without my permission.
"Crikey, would you look at this?! It looks like a showdown between the English and the Japanese cast, boys and girls. Things could get pretty ugly here! Danger danger!"
"Who let Steve Irwin in here?"
"Oh crikey, I've been spotted! I'd better get out of here quick, as they'll see this as an invasion of their natural habitat!"
"Somebody shoot him." There was a loud bang as Tea unloaded her handgun into the Crocodile Hunter, rendering him silent.
"Thank god for that," said Yami. "Now!" He turned back to Mou Hitori no Yuugi. "We must determine who is the real Pharaoh here!"
"Yes, indeed," Mou Hitori no Yuugi said evilly, advancing on Yami.
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Oh, aren't I cruel? Leaving you on a point like that? Well too bad! If I was going to finish the English vs. Japanese battle here, it would be way too long. So you'll have to wait and see who is victorious in the next chapter.
- Vappa (my money's on the Japanese guys)