Wow, over 50 reviews! YOU ARE ALL MY BITCHES, HAHA! No, seriously, much love for you. Here, I'll give you presents! *Hands every reviewer a live firework* Careful, the fuse burns out rather quickly.
Part 2 of the 'For I Am Pharaoh' Christmas Spectacular (Failure) is below! Doesn't that just make you wanna party?! No? Fine. Be that way.
Oh, by the by. I will not, under any circumstances, refer to Isis as Ishizu. That is one fother-mucking stupid name, and I don't care if I've been using dub names thus far. Ishizu is ISIS, thank you very much.
TO SOME SELECT REVIEWERS:
Beckeh: If you're a Yami fangirl . . . what in the heck appeals to you in this story? Yami's the uber-villain that everyone loves to see getting hurt here XD.
Shishu: Yes, Duke is an ass. But, you have to admit, he also has a nice one. Ass, that is.
Queen of Hearts: I think he already was insane. Maybe there's a second level of insane though, and he'll cross into it soon. Let's find out.
Sailorsun8: That's because it's a MAGIC plane. It can't die! It just keeps reappearing in perfect working order.
Zello: You're a dork XD.
Melainy: Why thank you! Genius is as genius does, I guess. No, I'm not arrogant, what makes you say that?
And now, on with the show!
I = 16 year old white female. Owner of YuGiOh = middle aged Japanese male. Thus I do not = owner of YuGiOh.
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For I Am Pharaoh------------------------------------
We Wish You A Merry Chapter
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So let's recap. Yami wishes to take over the world. To do this, he has hijacked a plane and everyone he's ever met (which is only about 7 people). He went to Jamaica and picked up a rather drunk Bakura, then carried on his merry way to Duellist Kingdom. Intending to find some weapons, he instead got caught up in a massive battle with his Japanese self, Mou Hitori no Yuugi. The Japanese guys were really kicking our heroes' asses when Yugi saved the day by magically ending the scenario. Now, they have landed at the North Pole, where Yami is in pursuit of Santa for not agreeing to his Christmas list. The others have split up to try and reach Santa in time before Yami does. Oh, and Yami is buried under 10 feet of snow and a plane wing.
Three guesses who's getting coal in their stocking?
~*~
"Bakuraaaa!" hollered Ryou, peering through the snowstorm. "Bakuraaaa! Where are yoooou?!" Feeling worried and upset, he shivered and kept looking around. Bakura had vanished a while ago, and try as he might he hadn't been able to find him again. Of course, he'd only been spinning in a circle trying to find him, so for all he knew Bakura was a mere five steps away. But remember, this is Ryou we're talking about. And so . . .
"Bakura, come back, please!" Ryou sobbed. He sat down in the snow and started bawling his head off, paying no attention to the fact that his tears were freezing on his face. "It's cold I'm lonely you're so mean come back you took my mittens with you it's cold cold cold!" he babbled in a rather insane way. We'll cut him some slack because he's had a rough time. And because he's a sook.
Something caught his eye all of a sudden. He squinted through the swirling white, not quite sure if he'd imagined it or not. A dark shape became visible. It grew larger and taller, and started to advance on him. Staring in abject terror at the snow-fiend, Ryou opened his mouth a couple of times but couldn't force himself to speak. The shadow came closer, closer, closer . . .
Snap.
"AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!" Ryou shrieked, jumping to his feet and running like thunder in the opposite direction. He didn't get very far though. Only three steps as a matter of fact, before he tripped, sending him face-first into a snowdrift. Panicking and positively certain that the Abominable Snowman was right behind him and preparing to torture him in some way, possibly with Mars Bars, Ryou did the only thing he could think of. He shut his eyes. If I can't see him he can't see me, if I can't see him he can't see me, if I can't see him he can't see me, if I can't see him –
His futile attempt to hide (I laugh at the idea) was cut short abruptly when something grabbed his ankle and hurled him out of the snow. "NOOOOO, SAVE ME, SUPERMAN!" he cried out, prepared to die. The sound of howling laughter met his ears, and he opened one eye warily. He caught sight of the snow-demon. Take a wild guess who it was.
Bakura beat the snow with a fist as he laughed uncontrollably. Embarrassed beyond reason, Ryou got to his feet and pouted. His yami just continued to laugh non-stop, apparently finding this very funny. "You should have seen your face!" Bakura gasped, managing to roll into a sitting position, still heaving with silent giggles. He was silenced when Ryou suddenly kicked him in the side. "Aaagack!" he yelped, falling over.
"Stop laughing at me! You're always making fun of me, it's not fair, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Bakura stared at Ryou in surprise.
[ I'm so tired of being here / suppressed by all my childish fears ]
"If you hate me so much, why don't you just pack up and leave? Go live in Jamaica and get drunk off your ass every night, it's what you want obviously!"
[ and if you have to leave / I wish that you would just leave ]
"But, Ryou-" Bakura started, but was cut off as Ryou carried on like a runaway train. Or kitten.
"No, no buts! I can feel you at all times, you know, even when you're on the other side of the world. It hurts Bakura." He turned his back on Bakura, not wanting him to see how upset he was.
[ cause your presence still lingers here / and it won't leave me alone ]
Getting to his feet, Bakura went over to Ryou. "Ryou, I . . ." he trailed off, unsure of what to say. He's a freaking evil dead tomb robber, what chance in hell do you think he has of saying the right thing in this situation? "I didn't know that what I did hurt you like that."
[ These wounds won't seem to heal ]
"It never occurred to me that you might care."
[ This pain is just too real ]
"And I . . . um . . . oh shit, no wonder they sell cards for this sort of thing."
[ There's just too much that time cannot erase ]
Ryou turned a bit to look at Bakura, face pale and tear-streaked. "What are you trying to say, Bakura?"
[ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears ]
Rubbing the back of his head, Bakura tried desperately to remember a movie he'd seen once with this exact situation in it. Once he did though, he wished he hadn't. The person trying to apologise had been killed suddenly by a raging wild tiger before he'd gotten to say anything. Somehow, he didn't think there would be any tigers coming along at the North Pole to put him out of his misery.
[ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears ]
"Well, I guess I'm saying . . . uh . . . I'm sorry?" Bakura hoped like hell he'd gotten that right. It had been a choice between 'I'm sorry' and 'Burn in hell, spawn of Satan' and he still wasn't quite sure he'd chosen the right one. Luckily for him, he'd guessed right. Ryou's face broke out in a smile and he tackle-hugged Bakura to the ground. "Ack, Ryou, you're choking me!" he gasped. "I'll snap in half at this rate!"
"Oh, sorry," Ryou giggled, letting up a bit and grinning at his yami. Bakura just rolled his eyes and patted Ryou on the head.
"You sure do keep that strength hidden well."
[ and I held your hand through all of these years / but you still have . . . all of me ]
"Now do tell me, where in the f**k is that music coming from?" Bakura asked, peering into the snow. It was really getting on his nerves. Ryou shrugged, nonplussed, and starting looking around as well.
"I dunno. It started up a few lines ago." Because he is an uber-cool spirit with far better powers than the Pharaoh, Bakura was able to figure out what direction it was coming from. Dragging Ryou with him, he followed the mournful tunes for a few metres through the snow. "Oh look!" Ryou exclaimed, pointing at a dark shape in the white. Digging it out, Bakura held it up and stared at it.
"What in the hell is it?"
"It's a CD player," answered Ryou, taking it off Bakura and examining it. "Sony brand. Let's see what's in it." He popped open the lid and took out the CD inside. He squinted through the snow to look at the label. "Ah, just as I thought. 'My Immortal' by Evanescence." Bakura took the CD and scratched at the label. "It's quite popular these days. It makes it into many an angst songfic, and quite a few other stories as well. I'm not sure why."
"Hmpf," snorted Bakura, and then snapped the CD clean in two. "Annoying emo trash." Taking the CD player off Ryou, he tossed it back into the snow and retrieved the BB gun from his pants again. After shooting the offending stereo equipment at least fifty times, he was satisfied that it was dead. And for good measure, he sent the remains to the Shadow Realm. "Now that that's done with, let's continue. We must find this Santa before Mr. Fancy-Pants does."
"Mr. Fancy-Pants?" asked Ryou, scurrying to catch up with Bakura.
"Yami."
"Why'd you call him Mr. Fancy Pants then?"
"His pants are reversible. I was unfortunate enough to be subjected to the sequins-and-rhinestone side of them once."
"Ohhh."
~*~
Far across the oceans and countries and various CEO-controlled islands, a young woman stirred from her sleep. As the contents of her dreams became known to her, Isis bolted upright in her bed. There was a grumble from the bed next to hers and the rustling of sheets.
"Nrrgh . . . Isis?" moaned Marik sleepily, sitting up and blinking at her. "Whasswrong?"
Isis looked at her younger brother, then up at the ceiling as though trying to divine some message from the . . . um . . . divine. *Cough*. After a few moments, she forced herself to speak.
"I don't know where, I don't know when . . . but something AWFUL'S going to happen."
Marik stared at her. "Oh for God's sake," he grumbled, flopping over and burying his head under the pillow. "Not again with the awful happenings."
"But this time I'm sure of it!" Isis protested, absently fingering the Millenium Tauk around her neck.
(Before you canon-nazis complain at me, I am fully aware that she gave it to Yugi after her defeat on the Battle Ship. So shut up. Nazis.)
Marik replied, but it was muffled under the pillow and so came out as something along the lines of, "Lufft huhgh ig wrff feh mrrrgh."
"What was that, brother?" Annoyed, the blonde youth sat up again in bed and gave her the narrow-eyed anime look.
"I said, 'Last time it was the milk'. You said the exact same thing when the milk went off."
"No, Marik, I really mean it this time! The world is in great danger!"
"That's what you said when Michael Jackson released his new album, and while I admit that was a terrifying experience for all involved, it does not constitute a threat to the world." He smacked his face into the pillow again and muttered another unintelligible sentence.
"Marik, don't talk into the pillow. Tell me what you said."
"I said, "GRRARGHFFAGAH!"
"That's what I thought. Goodnight."
"Nfffgh."
~*~
***INSERT SWOOSHY FAST MOVING MOVEMENT TO INDICATE LOCATION/SCENE CHANGE***
~*~
Yugi and Tea forced their way through the unrelenting snowstorm. It had been quite some time since they'd lost sight of the plane and set out to find Santa's workshop. Of course, a mere five minutes after they'd set out they realized they had no idea where the hell they were going. Two minutes after that, they realized that they'd left their backpacks on the plane, which had contained all their really cool gadgets that could quite possibly have included a compass, which would have helped to some degree, but seeing as they didn't have their backpacks they couldn't even check, and even if they had checked, they most likely did not have a compass with them, because it's not a common necessity in backpacks, and I'm rambling aren't I?
In any case, they were marching along without a care. No, wait, they were marching along without a clue. They had plenty of cares. Like the freezing weather, and the snow in their shoes, and the fact that Yugi was too short to see over the snow sometimes, and on top of all of that a psychotic 3,000 year old Pharaoh could emerge out of the darkness at any moment and scream "BOO!"
Anyway.
"Yugi, I'll never forgive your spirit for this," Tea shouted, squinting through the storm at her friend. All she could make out of him was the outline of his hair. So for all she knew, she was looking at Sonic the Hedgehog.
"Neither will I!" hollered Yugi, scrambling out of a huge snow ditch for the fifth time that day. Yugi, whilst small, was no Elf, and therefore couldn't walk on the snow. He couldn't walk over it, he couldn't walk under it, and he sure as heck was having a hard time walking through it. What's a bondage collar-wearing midget card duellist reincarnated Pharaoh to do?
Only one thing to do, my dear Watson. "Tea? Can I, um, sit on your shoulders?" Tea gave him a weird look. "Only 'cause of the snowstorm!" he babbled unconvincingly, doing his cute 5-year-old look. "I can't walk through all this snow and you're much taller than me and please can I?"
"Okay Yugi," she smiled. "But only because you're my oldest childhood friend whom I trust above all others, and I know you'd never do anything foolish like Joey and Tristan did earlier, because I trust you and you're my oldest childhood friend."
"Yeah yeah, up up!" Yugi said happily, bouncing on his heels in pervy bliss. His real objective had been to gain a birds' eye view of Tea's chest. He's a dirty little man at heart, we all know that. He grinned in triumph as Tea hoisted him up onto her shoulders.
Now, if he could only keep his real intentions secret until he had satisfactorily warmed the woman up, he'd be in 'the zone'. What this 'zone' was, he didn't know, but Joey had told him a lot about it. When he filtered out the obscene amount of references to porn, hentai and Duellist Kingdom, he'd gathered that 'the zone' was a certain place you reached with a girl when you wanted to kiss her. Or do various perverted acts with her. Whichever.
"Zone, here I come," he giggled, thankful for the snowstorm that drowned out his voice. Tea marched on, with Perv-I-Oh on her shoulders.
~*~
The world was his.
He stood atop of Kaiba Corporation, the building gleaming like a pillar of gold in the setting sun. Snapping and flaring, his trench coat swirled around his ankles in the breeze, magnified by his altitude. Far below, the people of Domino carried on with their business, unaware of their master's gaze.
Kaiba smirked. Finally things were as they should be. Yugi had fallen spectacularly to him a duel earlier that week. Joey had left the city to go live as a hermit in the woods. Yami had been imprisoned in an Australian jail for shoplifting. And the other morons he knew of had vanished entirely. Yes, everything was positively fabulous.
He lifted his hand, looking at the remote in his palm. Everything was his. Pressing a button, he watched as the sun suddenly halted in its path and shot back up into the sky. He pressed another button, and the sun sank again. Up, down, up, down, up, down. He twirled a knob on the remote, and it began to rain, hard.
As lightning began to strike the earth below him and all around him, he started to laugh. The lightning metamorphed into the blue-white fire of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon as he laughed.
"It's all mine! Mine!" he cried, wielding the remote control like a sword, causing typhoons to spring up across its path. "Nobody can take it from me!"
"Seto?" Kaiba turned briefly to see Mokuba standing behind him.
"Not now Mokuba, I'm busy," he said lightly, punching a button and shooting lightning down at Rex Raptor.
"Big brother?"
"I said not now." Crash, boom, thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, hey! Galileo, Galileo, Galileo.
"Seto!" Whipping around, Kaiba glared at Mokuba angrily.
"Can't you see I'm very busy?" Without turning to look he pressed another button and smote Industrial Illusions headquarters with a large boulder.
"Come on, Seto!" Sighing, Kaiba turned from the amusing act of burning the clothes off his corporate employees and came over to Mokuba.
"What? What is it?" he asked, fairly exasperated. Mokuba, however, just continued to call his name as though he couldn't see him. "WHAT?!" Kaiba shouted, shaking his brother. "I'm right here, what do you want?"
Suddenly Mokuba's eyes snapped to his. "You're being a complete ass, big brother. This is for your own good." He then raised his arm and punched Kaiba across the head.
~*~
"AAAAAARGH!" Kaiba screamed, waking up completely once his brother had belted him. Very quickly, the real world came back to him. Snow, North Pole, bastard Pharaoh, heading to Santa's workshop . . . and then what?
"Thanks for joining us," Mokuba said haughtily, kneeling in the snow next to his brother with his arms crossed. Not coming up with any reason for his brother to be so pissed off with him, Kaiba crossed his own arms and glared back. The effect was somewhat lessened because of the small fact that he was still lying flat on his back, half buried in snow. So, throwing pride to the winds, he decided to ask.
"May I ask why you're looking at me like I just banned you from the Internet?"
"You've been unconscious for nearly an hour," growled Mokuba. "You know I hate waking you up, you sleep like a rock."
"Eh . . . unconscious?" Kaiba said cleverly, trying to remember what he'd been doing before his pleasant dream. Mokuba sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.
"Yeah, unconscious. You were going on about 'Bastard Pharaohs' and the like, and then you kinda . . . tripped." Kaiba blinked at his brother.
"I what?"
"You tripped."
"On WHAT?! There's nothing around for freaking miles!" Wordlessly, Mokuba pointed at something in the snow. It was a banana peel. "You have got to be shitting me," grumbled Kaiba. "At least no one was around to see it but you."
There was a sudden flash of light. Startled, the two Kaiba brothers turned to see a reporter hiding behind a snowdrift, camera held aloft triumphantly. "This'll get front page for sure!" he laughed, before running off swiftly into the night. Kaiba leapt to his feet and started to give chase.
"Damn you, Paparazzi! Damn you all to hell!" he shouted, shaking his fist. Luckily for the reporter, the blizzard (which is just not going to die out any time soon, obviously) covered his tracks, and there was really no way of following him. Sighing, Kaiba turned and went back to Mokuba.
"Was it David again?" asked Mokuba as he got to his feet.
"No, it was Frank this time," replied Kaiba, starting off in a direction he hoped was north. "He's been getting better. Usually David or Leanne get all the shots. Good for him."
~*~
Joey and Tristan stood in front of the large wall of ice. It was big, it was tall, and it was in their way. Or, so they assumed. They stared at it for a long while. Finally, Tristan stirred.
"We are so lost," he said.
"Well it was your idea to go left back at that polar bear," snapped Joey. Tristan rounded on the blonde angrily.
"Oh yeah? Well I didn't see you making any decisions. You were too busy screaming like a pansy and hiding behind me!"
"Hey!" Joey shouted, offended. "That bear was going to EAT me, I was on the defence!"
"Defence my ass! You were hiding!"
"I was waiting for you to take the damned initiative! You're always bitching about never being appreciated, and there I was, giving you your moment to shine, and you start insulting me."
"Give me a break! You were pissing yourself in fear, and you know it!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
"Was not infinity!"
"Was too infinity plus one!"
"IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!"
"LIKE HELL IT DOESN'T!"
"SHUT UP, TRIANGLE HEAD!"
"YOU SHUT UP, DOG BOY!"
"Oh you SO did not just call me that! Only Kaiba can call me that!"
"Why the hell can't I? What is it, an exclusive Kaiba insult?!"
"YEAH! I have the paperwork to prove it!" Joey flashed the papers in front of Tristan's face. The brunette scowled and snatched them, reading the fine print. He raised an eyebrow.
"Say, you're right. He's got copyright stamped all over it too."
"That man doesn't do anything half-assed. So you'd better not call me that again, or his team of lawyers will be here and start pounding on you."
"Joey," Tristan said, gesturing around him. "We're at the North Pole. I doubt his lawyers can reach me here."
"You don't know Kaiba's lawyers," Joey pressed. "They have powers, man. They ain't natural." There was silence between them as they listened to the wind howling. The night suddenly seemed very dark and ominous.
"You don't think . . . they might be coming now?" asked Tristan nervously. Joey glanced around through the snow, unable to see anything.
"I dunno man. But I'm worried." Silence again. More howling wind, and a loud crack from the ice. Tristan cleared his throat, but his voice still came out shaky.
"Hold me?" Joey blinked at him.
"Only if you hold me."
The pair latched on to each other and stared out at the snowstorm, trying to spot any lawyers that might come flying out of the sky.
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Hm? What's that you say? A whole chapter without Yami? Why yes, I did do that on purpose. Wahahaha. This shall now be a three part segment. Er, considering I can get inspired enough to write it. It could happen, you never know.
I apologise for the crapness of this chapter, but I wanted to get it out and it just wasn't working with me. I'll be funnier next time, promise. Until then, just kick the chapter and scream "BE MORE FUNNY!". It might work.
- Vappa