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Chapter Four
Dropping the Mask
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He could feel her eyes on him as he moved through the apartment, methodically checking any obvious spot they could think of. In the bed, closets, drawers. Vaughn moved carefully, aware of her questioning gaze. He could scarcely see the objects before him, moved around them with the simple ease of someone who has been here many times before. His thoughts were veiled with darkness, he had never been forced to hide anything from her before. He feared telling her the truth, he had already hurt her so badly since she had returned. He had felt guilty since that day over a year ago when he and Jack had discovered the truth.
He held his thoughts carefully contained, though he was amazed that she could not see right through him. He would have never even thought of lying to her two years earlier, before it had all begun. So much had happened to them, so much had changed. They had both been living a lie for so long that it had become part of them, they were strangers to one another on the outside. But caged within each of them was the memory of their true selves, something he had kept hidden for so long. It rose up to become part of each of them again when they were around one another, on a mission, fighting side by side, they became who they used to be.
He was still trying to protect her but he had moved from the desk and headset to the nitty gritty of what it entailed to survive. He had killed those men without a second thought, something he would never have done before he lost her. When he had lost her, he had lost so much of himself. He had lost everything that made him human, they had scattered on the wind with her ashes. He had become what he had to be to survive, to discover a meaning to life. He was so close now to the end of it all, no more lying, no more pretending to be someone he was not, loving someone who repulsed his very soul.
When she returned to him, it had all rushed back. The man he used to be was lost somewhere inside of him and came to the surface only when her eyes met his, when her skin brushed his, when she spoke to him with love in her voice.
His fingers brushed the edge of paper and he came back to himself, seeing where he stood with a clear gaze. A quiet apartment, dead men surrounding him, there was easily a dozen, maybe more. He wasn't sure how many he killed, ten maybe, without any thought except for Sydney. The morning light was shining in through the window, Sydney was moving behind him quietly, the sounds of her search met his ears as she pulled open drawers, ripped out clothes with some degree of uneasiness. They were her clothes and she had just left them there as if she'd known she would return. And perhaps she had known, only Sydney did not know now.
Vaughn pulled the paper out from under the table and frowned as he inspected it. Inside was a code written in Sydney's familiar hand.
"Found something," Vaughn turned to her and held up the note. Sydney stopped in mid motion and turned to him, his breath caught in his throat as she looked at him. She was flushed with exertion, her eyes burning bright with confusion, anger, frustration. Vaughn stepped closer to her and grasped her hand, placing the note between outstretched fingertips.
Sydney frowned as she studied the code, she swallowed hard and shook her head. "I don't recognize it," her words were tinged with an edge of desperation. She was trying so hard to remember and yet she couldn't, there were clues everywhere but she couldn't decipher them.
Vaughn placed one hand gently on her shoulder, his touch calming the anxious knot of hysteria that threatened to well up within her. She had gone through a lot, but standing on the edge of the truth and unable to comprehend it was almost too much for her. She couldn't even allow herself to imagine what might have happened to her had not Vaughn been here.
"There's a book here," Vaughn had turned away and was looking through the drawer she had not yet explored. Sydney's attention drew away from the note to the slim journal he held in his hand. Sydney's eyes lit up and she grasped the book eagerly, flipping open the pages to read what was held within.
Her face darkened and she flipped through the book in confusion, "It's blank," she heaved a frustrated sigh and handed the book back to Vaughn. Spinning on her heel, she strode rapidly into the bathroom, Vaughn following quietly as he stepped over the dead bodies.
Sydney dropped to her knees on the tiled floor and began searching the floor amidst the scattered pills. Her fingers came across the small tube that had bounced out of the bottle when she had dropped it. Holding it up to the light, Sydney found a small crack that opened the tube. Inside was a small scroll, with a similar code written on it. Sydney stared intently at it and shook her head, "What is this code?"
"I recognize it," Vaughn's voice was somewhat hesitant behind her and she spun to her feet, facing him. He met her eyes briefly, finding them full of fire and he was burned. Looking away, he approached her and took the scroll from her hand. "It's a cipher code your mother devised.
Sydney stared at him, aghast. "How would you know that?"
Vaughn bit his lip and met her gaze steadily, "Your father and I used a similar code when we were in contact with your mother last year."
Sydney felt as if the knife in her heart had just sunk in a little deeper, "What?"
Vaughn turned away and gathered the evidence they had found, "We have to go Sydney, we've found all we're going to find."
"Vaughn!" Sydney followed him, a storm raging in her eyes. "I want an explanation, and I want it now!"
Vaughn spun on his heel, Sydney could see the anger that tensed his muscles, blazed in his eyes. Yet the anger was fueled by a burning shame, he was not angry with her.
"You think that when you died, I just gave up on you!" His words were spoken with a quiet intensity that surprised her and shook her to the core. "Everyone thinks that, but it's not true Sydney!" He came close to her and gripped her shoulders, she was startled to see tears burning his eyes and a deep sorrow. "Jack and I investigated your death together, when he was arrested for being in contact with your mother, I had to lie low. I couldn't get caught because we had come too far! There was too much at stake!"
Sydney stared at him, "What was at stake, Vaughn?" Her heartbreak was evident in every word she spoke, she could not dare to hear the implication of these words but she knew that she had to.
Vaughn let go of her and closed his eyes, "Your life was at stake, Sydney."
She stared at him, silence filling the space between them. There was too many thoughts that were running through her head, too many questions, conflicting emotions. She couldn't begin to voice any of them aloud. She stared at him, the man she loved so deeply and wondered what he had done to protect her. Whatever it was had hurt him deeply, the mask he had presented to her for the past few months had fallen away. She was seeing the new layers that had built up over the course of two years.
Sydney just shook her head and strode past him, "We have to get out of here, Vaughn."
He snapped into action at her words, his eyes opened at gazed at her in confusion. He had expected a different reaction, any reaction, but had received none. He shook his head and brought himself back to the moment.
"There is one place in Italy where I think we would be safe, its in Naples, we can drive there."
Sydney nodded and gathered up the clues, "Good. On the way you can explain yourself." She turned to him and found him inches away from her, a breath hovering between them. She caught herself and gazed up at him steadily, she would not succumb that soft gaze. She had a right to some answers, they both knew that.
Slowly Vaughn nodded his head, "Okay."
Without another word, they both turned to make yet another escape, together.
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Jack Bristow sat in an empty parking garage, darkness filling the space around his car. The small computer screen illuminated his face as it sat open on his lap, fingers tapping idly on the keys as he waited.
A message appeared on his screen, she had come. "How are you, J?"
Jack breathed a sigh of relief, sometimes she did not come and he was left waiting all night. "Good," he typed in response. "But our daughter needs your help."
"Where is she?" Irina asked. Jack typed only a question mark in response, he still did not know. When Irina did not respond for a moment, Jack typed a new message.
"M is with her."
Irina's reply was instant this time, latching onto his words with some degree of alarm. "Is it time already?"
"He believes so. They may be coming to you."
"No need," Irina typed back. "I will find them."
"Good." Jack hesitated, his fingers hovering over the keys as he pondered the implications of this conversation. "Contact me when you do."
"I will...love you." Irina's words appeared on screen as if filled with hesitation. Jack smiled softly at the screen and typed back.
"Love you too." The screen went dark and Jack was left alone in the empty garage, with only his thoughts to consume him.
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