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Chapter Five:

Secrets and Lies

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Sydney awoke in the shadows, she was in a small unfamiliar room, stretched out on a bed. Shifting into an upright position, she rubbed her eyes wearily and glanced around the room. A frown creased her face and she shook her head, struggling to remember how she had gotten here. Glancing down at herself, she saw that she was no longer wearing the disguise Vaughn had provided for her. Clad in a tank top and sweatpants, her choice pajamas, she had been tucked into the bed carefully.

Fumbling at the table beside her, she located a lamp and switched it on. The light blinded her momentarily, eyes shutting against the brightness that consumed her suddenly. Blinking rapidly, her vision cleared and she saw Vaughn seated at the foot of the bed. He had obviously been watching her and had fallen asleep in the process. He was slumped over the edge of the bed, one hand stretched out toward her as if he was reaching for her subconsciously.

She took a moment to study him in his quiet repose, the wrinkles in his forehead were clear, his expression serene. There was no darkness in his face, no threat in the way he held himself, he was like a child who had gone to sleep after a nightmare. He was holding onto her, the one person who could soothe the fear of the nightmares away.

Gently she leaned forward and touched his face, he awoke instantly at her touch, eyes flickering open and darting around the room anxiously before falling on her. His gaze softened when he saw her gazing down at him and he smiled weakly.

"Hi," he whispered softly, his fingers brushed her hand and she felt warmth seep into her chilled flesh at the touch.

"Hey," she spoke quietly in response. It was such a simple exchange for two people whose lives had become so complicated. "Where are we?" She asked, glancing around the room once more.

Vaughn sat back and stretched, easing himself up onto the bed beside her. One arm circled her shoulders and he hugged her close to his side. "We're safe, for now anyway."

Sydney nodded, she had slept deeply but it was not her body that was exhausted. Her mind was overwhelmed with all that had happened, her spirit crumbling slowly to her feet. She didn't question his response, merely accepted it. She knew he was trying to protect her, if he said that they were safe then she would believe it.

Sighing softly, she looked up at Vaughn, meeting his eyes with a silent challenge. He stared down at her for a long moment, before closing his eyes in defeat and nodding. "You slept the whole ride here, I carried you in, changed your clothes. I have to admit that it made it a lot easier on me when you were unconscious, no questions were asked." Her eyes flashed with fire and he smiled gently, painfully.

"Though its better that I tell you here, now, before we go any further."

Sydney swallowed hard and lowered her head, dark hair falling in a curtain around her face, veiling her thoughts from him. "I deserve to know the truth, Vaughn," her gaze shifted back to him and saw the pain that resided in his eyes.

Vaughn moved from beside her, kneeling on the floor in front of her in supplication. His hands spread open on her thighs and he turned his face to her, gazing up at her with love in his eyes.

"Yes you do," the words were scarcely more than a whisper that floated through the air, but they were the stones that fell from the wall he had built around himself. The dam breaking, waters rushing forth to flood him with emotion.

Sydney gazed at him expectantly and he nodded, leaning back on his heels. Standing, he grabbed a chair from the corner and dragged it over to sit in front of her. Lowering his face into his hands, he scrubbed at his face with both hands, wiping away all traces of sleep that lingered there. She recognize the motion, something he did when he needed to concentrate, closing his eyes to all else around him and turning his gaze inward.

They sat like that for a few moments, filled with silence. Sydney staring at him, contemplating the man before her whom she loved so intensely. Vaughn's eyes were turned to his own soul, contemplating the secrets that lay hidden beneath many layers of lies and deceit.

The fact that he had hidden very important truths from her, hurt her deeply, but it had not hurt as much as the sight of that wedding ring on his hand. She felt then that he had betrayed her and now she was hopeful for his redemption. Inwardly, she was begging for the truth, to know that he hadn't given up, that he had kept fighting.

The moments seemed to stretch on into nothingness, each of them gazing into the mystery of each other and pondering what it could mean. At long last, Vaughn sighed heavily and lifted his head.

"It began three months after your death," a dark cloud passed over his features at the words and she winced slightly. She had become so accustomed to speaking of her own death in blunt terms, as the past and not the future. But when Vaughn said it, the words carried a note of finality. She had died, and so had he, in many ways.

"I was drinking my way through the pain, hadn't left my apartment for months it felt like." He shook his head heavily, the memories washing over him like fire, burning his heart. "Then one day, your father came to see me." His eyes met hers abruptly, clashing like steel in the silence.

"He told me about how he did the same thing when your mother had died. Drank until the pain was only a hollow void inside of him, what I was doing. He gave me a choice, I could sober up and avenge your death, bring your killers to justice, or I could drink myself to death." He shook his head, "You know how persuasive your father can be, he made me see that what I was doing, slowly destroying myself, was not what you would have wanted. You would want me to stand up and fight back instead of succumbing to the darkness. So I did."

Sydney stared at him, eyes intent on his face. Every word he spoke seemed to crack her heart, like a chisel slowly wearing it away. She had never considered the implications of what her death had done to him.

"You didn't know then..." Her voice cracked and the words broke away. Vaughn glanced at her, sorrow written in his eyes and shook his head.

"That you were still alive? No. Jack and I began an investigation into your death. However, it was Irina that contacted us first, not the other way around. She was the one who informed us that the Covenant was behind your death, we had suspected it but never had concrete evidence until Irina provided us with it."

"What was the evidence?" Sydney's eyes darkened, brow furrowing with perplexity.

"A paper trail leading back to the Covenant. Apparently the operation had been originally assigned to an elite assassin who was working within the Covenant and the US Government."

Sydney's confusion grew and she shook her head, frowning as she struggled to comprehend the information. "Who was the assassin?"

Vaughn took a deep breath and reached for her hands, clasping them tightly in his own. She could taste his fear, it radiated through her and echoed in her own heart. Staring deep into her eyes, Vaughn spoke quietly and calmly.

"A woman named Lauren Reed."

Sydney's eyebrows skyrocketed, face transforming with shock as she shot to her feet. Vaughn moved with her, still clutching her hands desperately.

"What?!"

"Sydney, listen to me! Lauren is Covenant, I've known that since before I ever met her."

"But, she's your wife!" Sydney stumbled over her words as the spilled from her lips, she could barely comprehend them. The shock of what he had just told her shook her too deeply, she was unsure what to feel, how to react.

"No, she's not." At his quiet words, Sydney slowly raised her eyes to his and he gazed at her pleadingly. Slowly, he eased her back down into a sitting position on the bed.

"Four months after your death, Jack and I met with your mother. Together, the three of us devised individualized missions that could lead us to the truth. Your father and I went deep undercover."

Sydney's voice was trembling when she spoke the next words. Tears threatening to spill over as she forced her voice past the lump that was thick in her throat. "Undercover?"

Vaughn nodded and squeezed her hands, "We were working for the Covenant."

Sydney felt the world fall from beneath her feet, the room around her disappeared into a hazy mist. All she could see was Vaughn, his hands were holding her's tightly, he was her anchor to reality. This was too much.

"Wha-What?"

Vaughn sighed and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, "We sought out Covenant officials in various sections of the world. Jack was stationed in Russia, I was still in the US. We were pursuing different leads, sharing information sporadically. I took it upon myself to seek out the woman who caused your death, Lauren," his eyes darkened suddenly, changing swiftly from a verdant green to almost black. The intensity of it took her breath away, the pain in his eyes made her physically ache. "But I underestimated the Covenant."

"Vaughn," Sydney whispered his name, heartbroken. Reaching out to touch his face, she felt him shiver beneath her touch. "What did they do to you?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, reveling in the simple feel of her fingers on his flesh. This was what he had worked so hard to achieve, to be able to simply sit with her again, touch her hand, her cheek, look upon her face. This is what he had been fighting for.

"They did the same thing to me that they did to you, similar anyway but it took less time. They tortured me, brainwashed me, trained me to kill without conscience," he shuddered, a faraway look in his eyes as he lost himself in the memory. Sydney felt the tears that had gathered in her eyes begin to fall freely, if only she had known.

"Vaughn," his name was a broken sob that fell from cracked lips, a broken heart. His eyes cleared as he gazed at her and he shook his head, reaching out to wipe away her tears.

"Don't cry, Sydney. I did it for you, but I also did it for me. Caged in that cell, so close to death, I realized how much of life I had missed," he smiled gently at her, through the haze of her tears and kissed the tears away. His breath lingering on her skin, her eyelids flickering beneath his lips. She couldn't move, couldn't speak, could scarcely breathe for fear that she would wake up once more and it would all be a lie.

"Your parents had trained me in what little time we had together, to resist any brainwashing they might put me to. I did not lose my identity, but they did not want me to. They only wanted to break my spirit, to mold me into a killer," his mouth twisted with disgust. "To an extent, it worked but they were not the ones who had broken my spirit. My world had come shattering down the night you died." The pain in his voice was suffused with a rush of love and the thin veil of despair that had lingered over him.

"As I sat there, amidst the ashes, staring at the black body bag," his voice cracked over the words, scraped bleeding and raw. "I died, Sydney. I died with you," with an smoldering intensity he clasped her hand over his heart. She could feel it beating rapidly beneath the trembling palm of her hand and she stared at him in wonder. "You were everything that was good in me, when you died, I lost all sense of goodness in the world. Everything was shades of grey, there was no color, no life, no hope. Not without you."

Vaughn swallowed hard and lowered his head, wiping his tears away on the sleeve of his shirt, unable to remove his hands from her grip. She was now the one holding onto him, fingers laced through his, unable to let go.

"I was in captivity for two months until the Covenant was confident they had molded me into an acceptable agent," he sneered at the words, disgust laced deep through every letter. "Even so, they didn't fully trust me so they assigned an agent to me, a 'partner.'" Vaughn scoffed and shook his head. "That was Lauren."

Sydney nodded slowly, hope blossoming in her heart amongst these newly planted seeds of despair. "You were never married to Lauren? It was just a facade for your partnership?"

Vaughn smiled and dropped to his knees once more before Sydney, Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he hugged his head to her stomach. His voice vibrated through her flesh, she could feel what he was trying to say.

"I never gave up on you, Syd. I never stopped loving you." He could feel her tears staining his flesh where they struck him from behind. "Lauren and I were pretending to be a happy couple but in reality, she was a double agent and I was a triple agent. I have been living this lie for so long, I was certain that it would be the last mission, that I would die trying to avenge you and I didn't care. I thought at least I would be at peace then, be with you." Vaughn shook his head, "Then everything changed."

Sydney breathed heavily, realization dawning slowly in her mind. "Me."

Vaughn nodded, looking up at her. "Jack and I had planned to take down the Covenant from within, destroy them all at once, but something happened. Nine months after your death, Jack contacted me with proof that you were still alive, the tape of Lazarey's death. That's when everything changed."

Sydney stared at him, mind spinning from the information he was loading on her. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and shook her head. "Why have you hidden this from me for so long? You could have told me that night in Hong Kong, why wait?"

"I had to wait," his words were filled with something close to guilt now and she shook her head.

"Why?"

Vaughn gazed deep into her eyes, trying to find a flicker of recognition there. She was hearing all of this as if it were the first time, as hard as it was, the hardest part was yet to come.

"Because," Vaughn wrapped his arms around her and leaned his forehead against her temple, kissing her fluttering eyelids softly. "You asked me to."

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