*Cough* Hello again. Don't get too excited: this isn't a proper chapter. I just figured I should update lest you thought I'd died of a rabid ferret attack or blood loss from paper cuts. Which is . . .  um . . . feasible? Maybe not. Anyway! I've been on holidays for a bit so that's why I haven't updated. Plus, I've hit the inevitable Wall of Plot-Doom. I need to break it down. Hm.

In the meantime, here is a lovely short story that took me all of twenty minutes to write. ENJOY.

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For I Am Pharaoh

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Mary-Chapter

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Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sandy. Sandy was the prettiest girl in the country, nay, the world! She had bright blue eyes and shiny pink hair and a bubbly disposition that immediately endeared her towards anyone within a ten mile radius. She was good at sports and maths and brushing her hair and collecting sparkly things and she had so many friends that her LiveJournal friends list took three hours to read through every night!

One day, Sandy was sitting at her computer having a smashing good time, writing a fanfic and looking up YuGiOh screenshots. She only saved the good ones, namely those with hot Yami/Kaiba/Joey shots in them.

SUDDENLY!

Her screen went black! Thinking that Bill Gates had screwed her again, she pressed the power switch. Nothing happened. She pressed it again. Nada, zip. And so, being a patient and lovely girl, she hammered the switch furiously. Onoffonoffonoffonoffonoff-

SUDDENLY AGAIN!

A vortex appeared in the middle of the screen and SUCKED THE AMAZED SANDY INTO IT!

***Insert blah blah about twirly vortex science***

Sandy landed with a thump on her ass. "Ouchies!" she whined, getting up and brushing off her nifty pleated denim skirt which was ever-so-nice and the envy of all her friends (she should know, she'd posted a photo on her LiveJournal and she'd had 363 comments on it). She looked all around herself. "Oh dear, where am I?"

SUDDENLY SUDDENLY SUE!

Sandy was bumped by some inconsiderate brute. "Hey!" she cried, shaking her finely manicured nails at the man. "Watch where you're going, you big meanie!" The man turned around, and she saw to her dismay that he was really rather large and ugly and smelly, and came right back towards her. "Eep!" Sandy yelped as he grabbed her arm.

Just as the man was about to . . . do something . . . to her . . . there came a voice from the left!

"Hey, let her go, foul spawn of darkness." Sandy looked over and to her ever-lasting perpetual amazement, there stood YAMI. The man looked at the spiky haired midget for a millisecond.

"Okay," the man said, letting Sandy go and walking off into the sunset.

"Are you okay?" asked Yami. As Sandy stared up at him, a bright light shone all around him and happy-sunshine music started playing in the background.

"Ohhhhh, my hero!" Sandy cried, leaping up and blitzing over to the bewildered Pharaoh. Getting him into a hug tighter than a vice, Sandy went all fangirly.

"Uh, excuse me," Yami started, obviously about to make some statement about the strange girl cutting off his air supply. However, he never got that far, because a large plot bunny came screaming out of the sky and whammed into Yami's head.

**SUPER FUN HAPPY PERSONALITY CHANGE!**

"Oh my darling," Yami purred as he stroked Sandy's hair. "You are the light of my life, divine kitten-mitten . . ."

"Yami, my sweet," sighed Sandy. She stroked his back with her fingers, delighting in the feel of his leather shirt. "I love the way your eyes sparkle like molten diamonds of cloud-shaped candy, in such a startling shade of lavenderish-violet red."

"Your skin is like fine whitewashed china on a summer's day in the snow . . ."

"You dress like Neo from the Matrix, all superb in leather and chains and fluffy slippers and your puzzle."

"When I saw your face, I knew that an angel had fallen from heaven into hell then clawed her way back up again because she didn't like the décor there."

"You are a sinister shadow of a man, delectably evil in the most sensuous of ways, indulging my sin of lust."

The two schnoogled happily whilst every person who passed by nearly vomited from the sickening rays of puppy-love and happy-sweetness coming from them.

Afterwards, Yami and Sandy bought a house together and lived on the good graces of Seto Kaiba, who sent them weekly bribes to keep them away from him. This was due to an unfortunate incident in which Yami had challenged Kaiba to a duel and Sandy had come along. The sheer lovey-doveyness of her support had practically driven Kaiba crazy and he'd chucked them off the top of his three-storey house.

They lived a happy happy HAPPY life together, making friends and engaging in threesomes with Joey sometimes. Their love was eternal and pure and wonderful and sparkly-pretty and oh-so-real and wondrous and pink and romantic and oh my God I'm making myself sick.

AN: I'm sorry. I can't write this farcical Mary Sue like this anymore. I need a quick solution before I pollute my brain. :NA

SUDDENLY WITHOUT WARNING OR DELIBERATION!

A huge cruise missile slammed into the house, killing Yami, Sandy and their five children: Susie, Fabio, Fujiko, Enrique and Bob.

The End.

Thank God.