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Chapter Eight:
Letting Go
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"Tell me what you and Lazarey have been investigating," Vaughn was kneeling before her, as if in supplication, searching for some answers. Sydney turned her gaze away from him, the pain in his eyes so carefully masked by concern for her, fear for her and above all else the consuming love that poured forth.
"Lazarey dedicated his life to Rambaldi, he has been searching for the most precious of artifacts for over thirty years. Last time I spoke with him, he indicated a cave hidden deep underground where this artifact might be found. He has been collecting these keys, twelve total that will unlock the mystery of Rambaldi."
Vaughn's eyes narrowed in thought as he studied her carefully. He could practically hear her thoughts, whatever this Rambaldi artifact was, the Covenant was searching for it desperately.
"The Covenant cannot have it," he murmured. Sydney nodded and turned back to him, reaching out to touch his face gently. He smiled and kissed the palm of her hand, gripping it tightly. He was her anchor as she was cast adrift in a sea of the unknown.
"It's a good thing you found me when you did," Sydney said softly. "I came to Moscow to meet with Lazarey, we are supposed to leave tomorrow for Nambia."
Vaughn nodded, slowly easing back onto his heels and running a hand through his hair. "Okay..." He sank down onto the floor with a sigh and shook his head. "You will have to go through with the mission as planned. When you have recovered the Rambaldi artifact, you will have to meet your mother in Kiev. I will try to be there to meet you."
Sydney shook her head, "How can I trust my mother?" She could hardly comprehend the idea but between Irina and the Covenant, it seemed that her mother was the lesser of two evils.
Vaughn bit his lip and sighed heavily, "I can't tell you that you can fully trust her but I have. Jack has. And your mother, despite her betrayal, has proven that she has acted to protect you more often than not. It is the only choice we have."
Sydney nodded, "You're right. But what about Lazarey? What do I tell him?"
"You'll have to tell him what I believe is the truth. The Covenant doesn't have his son, they've been using him and this is his only chance to escape their hold over him."
Sydney stood and gazed down at him silently. There was a stillness in her eyes that unnerved him, a calm facade that masked an underlying struggle. "I wish you could come with me," she whispered.
His eyes softened and he brought himself closer to her, hugging her to him, resting his head on the cushion of her stomach. "I know," he whispered a soft kiss into her flesh. Standing to look into her eyes, he kissed her softly. "Me too." The sweet addiction of his lips left her breathless and filled with fire.
Raising her gaze to his eyes, she could see the heat mirrored there. With a deep breath, Vaughn pushed aside the pain and fear that hovered like a cloud above their heads and wrapped his arms tightly around her. The feel of her body pressed against his, the heat of her breath on his neck, the pulse of her heart beating in unison with his own. It was like a dream that he could not bear to wake from.
"Syd," her name was almost broken on his lips, a strangled gasp that he could barely usher from his lips. Swallowing hard, he shook his head with a familiar determination. "I'm not going to lose you twice." His voice was low and husky, colored with tones she had never heard before but a raw quality that she recognized all too clearly.
Sydney planted kisses on his face, his forehead, the corners of his mouth, the tip of his nose. Slowly she slid her hands beneath his shirt and slid it up over his head. He gave way to her easily, the clothing falling to the floor with barely a sound. She planted the seed of a kiss on his chest, over his heart. Her roots dug deep, a simple touch uncovering them from beneath the soil, the dirt and the grime. She was a rose planted in his flesh, the thorns sticking up from beneath blood and sweat, pricking them both. They had long become used to the pain, for the beauty drowned the rest in sweet surrender.
He let go with a moan, muffled by her lips as they captured his once more in a hungry kiss. Time dropped away from them, there was no space between this moment and the last when they had stood together, locked in a heated embrace. There was nothing but the two of them.
It seemed to him later that he had stumbled over himself on his way to the bed, with her arms locked around him, fingers gripping his hair, his skin, his very soul. But at the time he barely noticed the transition, they slid so smoothly from one place to another that he couldn't quite recall how they had ended up tangled together on the bed. All that mattered was the touch of her, the taste of her skin, the sweet clinging scent of her hair that seemed to fill him. He could live on these sensations, her touch, her taste, her scent, never wanting again for bread or water as long as he had Sydney. He could live off of her.
They fell into one another, two broken halves of a whole. Cracked apart, broken and unrepaired save for the touch of the other. Raw and bleeding, they lay their souls at the foot of the bed and allowed themselves this moment to heal.
Vaughn returned to the present moment, the images still reeling through his head. The touch of her skin was lingering on his fingertips and he realized it was because he had been gripping her hand so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. Breathing heavily, he released her hand with a soft sigh and looked up to meet her soft gaze. She had not voiced one complaint to his grip on her, seemed to revel in it instead. It connected her to him, to the memories that she could not recall.
"I never knew how much you loved me," she murmured softly, love glistening in her eyes. "Until that moment."
He stared at her, at a loss for words. "You remember that?" A wild hope surged within him and he leaned forward to grip her shoulders. "Syd?"
She blinked, coming out of a daze that she had not even been aware of and shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I remember the emotion," she began slowly. "The intensity of it, your words brought it back..." She frowned and removed his hands from her shoulders, clasping them gently in her lap. "Bits and pieces come back to me but not the whole picture."
Vaughn smiled in a giddy relief, "That's good, it's a start."
She nodded, "Yeah it is. But there's still more isn't there? I agreed to work with Lazarey," she could see the telltale flicker in his eyes that she had hit the sore spot. He was afraid to come to that, she could tell, he was attempting to soften the blow by reassuring her of his love.
"Vaughn," Sydney lifted one hand to her lips and kissed his palm gently. "What did I find?"
Vaughn strode into the compound, aware of the eyes of the guards following his back. He was prepared for anything he might find inside, or so he told himself over and over again. It had been weeks since he had seen Sydney in Moscow, he had been forced to return to LA and Lauren. She did not question his random disappearances, as she made plenty of her own. They were partners in name only, each keeping an eye on the other on behalf of the Covenant. They did not seem to trust any of their agents, yet they did not seem to track them very heavily. Vaughn had learned long ago to identify if he was being tracked by Covenant agents, they were trained well but he had been trained better. He had learned that in order to survive, he had to slip past prying eyes, remain unseen. He had established an art of invisibility.
Lauren was called away on unknown missions almost as often as he was. He was always keeping an eye out, however, for the subtle message that Irina would send. He knew it would be coming, but every day that passed without word heightened his fear. At last, he had received word the day before, indicating that Sydney had arrived safely in Kiev.
The tight knot of anxiety swelled in his chest as he strode through the corridors. His stance was relaxed, but anyone who knew him well would see the tension in the set of his shoulders, the way he took each stride a bit faster than the one before. Irina's message, as encoded and simple as it had been, had contained a thread of urgency, of fear. And that scared him. Anything that could scare Irina Derevko, a fearless woman, scared him as well. Especially where Sydney was concerned.
At length, he burst into the room where Irina was waiting. She looked up from the desk to find Vaughn staring at her with wild eyes. Smiling slightly, Irina stood and crossed the room to where Vaughn stood.
"Michael, thank you for coming so quickly."
"Irina," Vaughn nodded at her quickly, briefly and before he could take another breath, demanded. "Where is she?"
He glanced around the room to find Sydney standing up from where she was sitting on a nearby couch. A breath of relief rushed out of Vaughn and he rushed to her, gathering her into his arms before she could even take a step toward him.
"Syd," he shook his head and tangled his fingers in her hair. "Oh God, I was so scared."
"I'm fine, Vaughn." The words would have sounded convincing enough to anyone but him, he could hear the hollow, flat tone of her voice. The underlying apprehension. Slowly he drew back and looked at her, studying her intently. She appeared tired, worn down, shadows haunting her eyes, dark circles ringing the area beneath them.
"Syd," Vaughn touched her face gently, soothing one hand across the fresh scrapes that marred her face. "What happened? What did you find?"
Her eyes became even darker and she glanced away from him, eyes falling upon her mother who stood at the desk. Irina was waiting patiently for their reunion to conclude, so they could get down to business.
Vaughn turned to face Irina, one hand falling to his side where he clasped Sydney's hand tightly. "Irina, I assume you have heard about Jack."
Irina's dark eyes flashed with fire that was quickly quelled by something soft and sad. She simply nodded and cleared her throat, "Yes. It was unfortunate, but at least his work has not been in vain."
Vaughn nodded and took a step closer to her, his stance wary and protective of Sydney. "What is it?"
Irina's gaze flickered from Vaughn to her daughter, standing at his side. Sydney met her mother's eyes for a long moment and Vaughn could not help but wonder what had transpired between the two before he had arrived. They seemed to come to some sort of silent agreement, and Irina picked up a piece of yellowed parchment from the desk. She handed it to Vaughn and let out a soft sigh.
"There were several things in the vault," Sydney told him softly as he gazed at the parchment with wide eyes. "A Rambaldi device, instructions on how to work it and this. Another prophecy."
Vaughn stared at the prophecy, uncomprehending what it said. "What does this mean?"
Sydney's hand slipped out of his and she moved away from him, Vaughn turned to look at her, suddenly cold, bereft of her presence. Irina caught him by the shoulder and forced his eyes to her. "It is a prophecy about Sydney," she told him. "It also makes reference to myself, Jack, Sloane... and you."
Vaughn was startled by this revelation. "I don't understand."
"The original prophecy stated that Sydney would wield the greatest power," Irina's eyes lifted to search out her daughter, almost apologetically. Sydney shook her head and slumped down onto the couch once more. Vaughn fought the urge to run to her, gather her in his arms and never let go.
"The greatest power," Irina echoed, her words reverberated through Vaughn's head. "Unto utter desolation," She glanced down at the parchment in his hand and shook her head. "This prophecy says that she will wield that power, the power contained within this Rambaldi device. She will betray herself unless she forsakes all bonds of love and family and sacrifice herself to destroy the evil that has risen."
Vaughn felt his mouth go dry, he stumbled away from Irina, the prophecy fluttering from his hand to the floor. He sought out Sydney, blindly, searching for her. He stumbled over to the couch and dropped to his knees in front of her. Raising his gaze, he felt it clear as her eyes locked onto his. In them, he could see the despair that had risen to take hold of her.
"No," he whispered. He shook his head, hands clenching into fists that pounded on his forehead. "No, I will not let you do this, Syd."
"Vaughn," her voice was calm and clear, like water rippling over stones. She reached out to grasp his head, bringing his wrinkled forehead to her lips and kissing his temple softly. "I have to do this."
"No! These damn prophecies, Sloane, the Covenant, none of it is worth your life!" He was shouting, filled with rage at the prophecy, at Sloane, at Rambaldi.
"There is another way," Irina spoke softly, her voice filled with regret as she watched the scene unfold before her. She had seen how much this man loved her daughter in the past, but broken with grief as they both were, was too much for even her.
Vaughn's eyes shot to her as she approached them quietly, Sydney's eyes lowered and she swallowed hard. "What other way?" He demanded.
"If I erase my memory," Sydney whispered. "Leave the artifact here with my mother, she can destroy it, in time. I will not remember it. I can return to my old life, to the CIA." She lifted her eyes to Vaughn, her heart breaking as he stared at her, with wide eyes. "But I cannot return to you."
Vaughn felt the world come shattering down around him. His soul split apart, the darkness in his mind that he had held at bay for so long came flooding forth. He was filled with unspeakable anguish, the emotional, physical and psychological torment of the past year and a half flooding through him suddenly. He was certain then, that it had all been in vain.
He stood then, moving away from her abruptly. He felt his heart shrivel and wither away into dust, he stood stiff and unmoving. Facing the horizon that gleamed through the large bay windows on one wall, he felt the tears dry in his eyes, his heart turn cold as stone in order to withstand the pain.
"Vaughn," Sydney's voice cracked on his name and he flinched at the sound. The air between them was tense, vibrating with suppressed energy and he shuddered.
"You have to move on," her heart was breaking as she spoke, Vaughn knew because he could feel it in his own chest. "Get married, forget me... and no matter what, don't tell me the truth about these two years. Please."
Vaughn turned to her, fire flashing in his eyes, barely suppressed rage shaking his whole frame. She stared at him fearfully, tears staining her flesh and she let out a choked sob. Vaughn could not let himself break down. He could not rush to her, wrap his arms around her and soothe away the pain. He could never do that again. It was the only way they knew to save her.
It was the only way they knew, for now. But he could find a way, if it was the last thing he did. He would bring her back to him.
At length, he could not speak for fear that he would collapse at her feet. So he did the one thing he had sworn never to do again.
He left her.
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