Chapter 4

"What do you want to tell me?" Tulah asked an hour later, when she and Lily were safely ensconced in the bathroom with the door locked.

"I'm going to have a baby," Lily blurted out.

Tulah experienced an odd rush of emotion; first shock, then a twinge of jealousy which she stored away for discussion with Sirius later, and finally elation for her best friend. "But…but that's great!" she exclaimed. "Are you and James going to get married then? I mean…its ok not to now, isn't it…is it a boy or a girl? What are you going to call it?" Tulah glanced at Lily's face, surprised by her silence, and frowned. "What…? It is James', right?"

Lily nodded.

"Then what?"

"I don't want a baby," Lily told her miserably. "I want a life! And a career. And I want James all to myself for a while," she added guiltily.

"Have you told James all this?" asked Tulah.

Lily shook her head. "God, this is such a fucking mess!" she wailed. "He loves kids…he's so good with them too, they always adore him." She sighed heavily, "I didn't want to get his hopes up."

"Are you going to -"

"No abortions," Lily cut in, before Tulah could even finish. An odd look crossed her face. "I don't want it to die…I just…I wouldn't be a good mum." Tulah raised incredulous eyebrows. "I've got my career, and it's a dangerous one."

"Is that all? You don't want a child because you've got a dangerous job?" Tulah was amazed; Lily was usually so sensible about things.

"No…" Lily went from guilty to embarrassed in under ten seconds. "It's really stupid."

"Only people in pointless romance stories say that," Tulah reminded her. (A/N; Ahem…)

"Ok…" She placed a casual hand over her stomach. "There's a baby in here," she declared rather dazedly, "and I don't feel a thing. No…no…I dunno, aren't I supposed to feel something; like loving, or protective, or…or…something?"

"I think all that happens afterwards."

"Still, I...I don't want to tell James until I've decided what to do…but what if he notices?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Tulah soothed. "How far gone are you?"

"About a month, I think. Maybe less."

"You won't show for a while, then."

Lily clutched at Tulah's arm. "I can't do this to him," she whispered. "You don't know…all the fights we have…they're all about kids." Her lip began to tremble. "And now I can give him one, and I don't know what to do about it…"

"I think you should tell James all this," said Tulah. "You can do whatever you want, but I think you should tell him and then you can decide together."

Lily sniffed. "Ok."

"Ok."

Sirius returned very late; pale, drawn and very unwilling to talk about the spell. He glanced perplexedly at Lily and James, who were sleeping cuddled together on the sofa. Lily still hadn't told James anything.

"They have to go home," Sirius muttered, shaking James. "James, you have to go home."

James blinked sleepily at him.

"Whatever you say, mate."

"And stay there," Sirius added. "If you go out, you're not safe...oh, I forgot…" He motioned for them to gather around. When all five of them were there, including Remus and Cassie, he said clearly, "Lily and James Potter's residence is situated at number 4, Godric's Hollow, London."

Lily frowned, realising that up until then she had forgotten where she lived…

When they had gone, Sirius slumped on the sofa and felt numbly for the remote. The TV clicked on. He gazed blankly at it, ignoring Tulah the same as if he had just come in from a bad day at work. (A/N; He's an Auror. Think guilty policeman, like when they kill someone who's trying to kill them but they still feel guilty and then they get all bitter. J ) Tulah sat beside him.

"Want to tell me about it?"

Sirius licked his lips carefully. "It's just the responsibility, you know? If I tell someone by mistake or something, Prongs and Lil might die and it'd be all my fault," he said.

Tulah nodded. The tension eased off, and when he leaned over to kiss her she made no objection.

"Can't I please just go out for five minutes?" Sirius begged Tulah a week later, as she came in from work.

"No."

"Two??"

"No."

"One???"

"Stop it, Sirius," she laughed. After the initial burst of dejection at the thought of confinement, he had taken to laughing at his dilemma; whether to go on as normal and risk being caught, or to stay in hiding and forfeit freedom for safety.

"I'll give you a massive reward," said Sirius enticingly.

"Hmm, sounds tempting." Tulah smiled flirtatiously, knowing exactly what he was up to. "What is it?"

"Come here and I'll show you…"

Tulah eyed him knowingly before shaking her head, the corners of her mouth turning up.

"I'll stay over here if it's all the same to you."

Sirius treated her to his most winning 'come-hither' look.

"Oh, it's going to take much more than just a pretty face," Tulah declared. She knew from experience the reaction her comment would provoke, and she was not disappointed.

Sirius crossed the space between them in a single stride, grabbed her round the waist, pulled her up to him and kissed her harshly. His fingers travelled down her back, hesitating over her spine and making her shudder.

"Still complaining?" Sirius murmured, his breath brushing her neck. He followed it with his lips. Tulah shook her head against him and pressed even closer. Sirius picked her up in well-muscled arms; a moment later, he deposited her on the bed and kicked the door shut behind him.

Remus walked into the flat about half an hour later. He looked around for his flatmates, spotted the closed door and rolled his eyes. "Cass?" he called quietly, knocking on her door which was also shut. "I'm making coffee, d'you want any?"

"Please," came the grateful reply. Her tousled head poked round the door a second later and she emerged in her pyjamas, pushing dishevelled hair back from her face. Remus made no comment, as it was a quirk of hers to take naps at odd hours – one she shared with him, it happened. Both found sleeping at night difficult and they had fallen into the routine of bumping into each other in the early morning. Luckily his crush on her was beginning to subside, melting into (A/N; wet!) dreams and tentative friendship. He handed her a coffee - black, like his own - and they leaned comfortably against the kitchen table, side by side.

"How long have they been there?" Remus queried, jerking his head towards Sirius and Tulah's closed door.

Cassie grimaced. "Ever since Tulah got back."

Remus smiled at the face she was making. "They've been like this ever since they met; no subtlety! You get used to it. But they were always…well…so, so in love, y'know?"

"Ever since they met? Right from the start?"

"Well…they messed around for a bit, lots of 'we're just friends' talk, but yeah."

Cassie was silent for a moment. "I didn't think it was like that," she said finally, rather subdued.

Remus shot her an odd look. "What did you think?"

Her subdued look changed to one of confusion. "Nothing…"

Remus left it; he had his own secrets and he wouldn't welcome her prying into them, so instead he shrugged and went back to peering pensively into his coffee.