__
Chapter Nine:
Becoming Whole
__
Afternoon light seeped in through the window on the far wall, hours had passed since Vaughn had sat down on the bed and begun to speak. For Sydney it seemed like years, two years of words, images, emotions that were finally catching up with her. The mystery of her own identity had been solved, laid out before her by the person she trusted most in the world. She almost wished it had been someone else, anyone else, someone she could disbelieve, whose words she could cast aside. Vaughn was the only person she knew that she could fully trust, even after all that had been said and done when that trust had come so close to breaking, he had reaffirmed it a hundred times over in the telling.
She was staring dully at the blanket, tracing the curve of the thread with her eyes but scarcely seeing the pattern. It was woven inextricably into a thousand other threads, disappearing beneath the fabric. She could not see where it began or where it ended, only the seams that frayed beneath her fingertips.
Vaughn sat before her in silence, his story finished but far from complete. She could guess at what had happened next, knew her own mind well enough to anticipate what she had done from there. She had broken his heart, her own heart, she knew that the prophecy would not have been the only reason to erase her memories. She had erased the heartache, the pain, the nightmares of her torture that had kept her awake at night. She had smoothed it away from the canvas of her mind only to awake with a new set of these emotions. A new heartache when she had seen that ring on her finger, a new pain of losing her life and though her mind had forgotten, her soul could not forget the torture that arose in her nightmares. She realized now why she had felt so displaced upon awakening in Hong Kong, so many times in the past months she had bitterly voiced her feeling that her life had been stolen from her and only now did she realize that she had done it to herself.
She looked up at Vaughn to find his eyes turned away from her, his head hung low. Tears slid silently down his cheeks, dropping and drying on outstretched hands. Only now did she realize how much she had cost him, his own life, his integrity, had all been sacrificed to save her. She could practically see his heart lying broken within his chest, old wounds torn open where they had never fully healed. Once again, he had done this for her.
Sydney closed her eyes and took a deep breath, his words sank into her brain and a strange calm settled over her. She had done this, there was no going back, she could only go forward and correct her mistakes.
When she opened her eyes again, she could see the sunlight flickering in through the shadows. It smoothed gently across his face, his hunched form that shook with silent sobs. A lump rose in her throat, a deep sorrow consuming her. The first mistake she had to correct was the biggest, she had to make this right.
She let herself go, abandoned all thought and leaned forward to throw her arms around him. The force of her impact forced him onto his back, a slight gasp escaping his lips as she covered her body with his. She nuzzled her head into the curve of his neck, kissing the soft skin that she found there and held him close to her. Wrapping herself around him, they curled together naturally as if they had been molded to fit into one another. The solid feel of his chest, rising and falling beneath her own quelled any doubts in her mind.
His initial shock subsided and he wrapped his arms around her gratefully, a guttural sob escaping him as he realized what this meant. She was not angry with him for leaving her, for hiding the truth from her. His fear calmed somewhat and was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief that mingled with waves of sorrow.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he shook his head. Sydney felt the tears burst free from behind closed eyelids and she laughed through her tears.
"Don't," she laid her hand over his lips and shook her head, her hair tickling his neck. He kissed her fingertips gently and closed his eyes, willing the images of memory away into darkness where they belonged.
"God, Vaughn, everything that I've done to you..." She shook her head in disbelief, "You never gave up on me, not once. Even when I asked you to do so, demanded that you move on, you didn't. You kept searching for a way to get me back."
"I love you," he whispered. "I would do anything for you. Even if you tell me not to," he smiled sadly and turned his head to look at her. Her lips met his halfway for an intricate dance of love, fighting away the pain and the tears, washing away the lingering nightmare of what lay behind them.
The kiss changed halfway through, moving from a tender reaffirmation of love to a hungry, gasping need. Vaughn sensed the subtle change in her as she tightened her grip on him, fingers digging ever so slightly into his flesh and then relaxing with a moaning sigh.
"Syd," he heard his own voice moan her name softly though could not remember doing so. The raw emotion that colored his voice awoke an unknown strength inside of her, a flame kindling from a few sparks. She responded by kissing him harder, dancing with him through the exchange of lips clashing, mouth on skin, no need for air when they could breathe each other in.
She shifted suddenly, the weakness that had risen to grip her limbs during the telling of his memories falling away beneath his familiar touch. He made her strong again, gave her wings to fly again. Sydney pulled herself upright, straddling him easily, lips still connected to his, never daring to break contact.
His hands, tangled in her hair, slid down the curve of her spine and slid beneath the thin fabric of her tank top. His fingers were cold on her but quickly became warmed on the heat of her flesh. She could not feel the chill, only a different kind of fire that raced through her from his touch. An icy fire, blue flame that ignited in the deep green of his eyes as they snapped open to stare into her.
Sydney leaned back, finally breaking away from his kiss to arch her back. Head thrown back, her hips moved against his, finding the hardness that awaited her beneath layers of fabric. A smile flashed across her face before the mouth opened once more to emit a soft moan as the familiar fire rushed through her. Face flushed, body burning, she looked down at him, palms flat against his chest, fingers gripping the cloth of his shirt tightly.
Catching sight of her face, he smiled up at her and she stopped suddenly, transfixed by the sight. That smile she had longed to see for so long, a genuine smile of joy that creased his face, crinkling at the corners of the mouth, even smoothing the seemingly permanent wrinkles on his forehead away. She had memorized that smile over two years ago, and had longed for it ever since. It was free of shadow and seemed to dazzle her eyes with his innate light.
Vaughn caught her hesitation and did not question it, instead he took the opportunity to turn the tables on her. Lifting himself from where he lay, flat on his back on the bed, he looped his arms around her back and settled himself into a sitting position, facing her. Their lips were only inches apart, noses brushing together as he stared deep into her eyes, that smile still on his face. It took her breath away.
Tenderly, he cupped her cheek in the palm of his hand and kissed her face. Her eyelids flickered, heavy with desire as he planted kisses on each eye, cheek, the corners of her mouth, the tip of her nose, in a silent appraisal. She found herself smiling back, the flame burning ever brighter wherever he touched her.
"Syd," he murmured her name between kisses. She opened her eyes to look at him, the question written in his eyes. She shook her head and halted any further discussion.
"Vaughn," his name was a husky whisper that elicited a low groan from him as she punctuated it with a sharp twist of her hips against his. "I don't think its very fair that the last time I remember us making love is over two years ago, in an apartment that has long since burned to the ground." She nuzzled his face with her's, wrapping her arms around him and pulling even closer until her breasts were pressed against his chest, hips locked together.
"I believe that you have a much more recent memory that I'm not aware of," he could see a faint sparkle of mischief in her eyes, one that he recognized from long ago but it brought a sudden fierce joy to him that it never had before. There had been a time, not too long ago, when he had been convinced that he would never see her eyes sparkle like that again.
"So..." Vaughn drew the word out slowly, licking his lips as he glanced her up and down, almost playfully. "What are you suggesting?"
Sydney brought her lips close to his ear, the breath hissing across it and causing him to squirm slightly beneath her. "I want you to show me," it was a simple request that contained a faint thread of the sadness she felt at not being able to remember. He felt a pang suddenly, deep in his chest and hugged her close to him, stroking the bare flesh of her back with a soft touch.
Not another word was needed, he was more than happy to oblige her request.
Sliding his hands down her back, he gripped the edge of her tank top and ripped it free from her body with one swift motion. Gripping her hand, he moved it to the hem of his t-shirt and let go, watching as her fingers curled around the cloth knowingly. He hesitated as she pulled at his shirt, aware of what she would find beneath. Sydney seemed unaware of his hesitation and looked into his eyes, challenging him to deny him this. Swallowing hard, he obediently raised his arms and she stripped the t-shirt from him, smiling as she did so.
Her smile faded as she looked down at his chest, transforming swiftly to an expression of shock. Her eyes darkened, shadows falling across the light of joy that had struggled to take up residence.
"Vaughn..." She shuddered, partly from the heat that he was inflicting on her and from the thought of who had done this to him, and why. He shook his head and gripped her hand, placing it over his heart where the scars had faded away into memory.
The feel of his heart pounding beneath the palm of her hand soothed her anger and she sighed softly. Gently, she traced the labyrinth of scars that streaked his flesh with shaking fingertips, the exact same way she had done the last time... She looked up into his eyes, suddenly filled with pain, all laughter gone from her eyes and replaced instead by an overwhelming sorrow and a burning anger against those that had done this to them.
He shook his head, unable to explain what she knew in her heart had been done to him. There were deeper scars that could not be seen, those were the ones that mattered the most. The pain of his flesh had long since faded but the pain in his heart was what remained fresh. He sighed beneath her gentle touch as her hand smoothed over the scars, he could not place what exactly had caused those particular scars. It may have been the whips, or those needles of fire... It could have been his own fingers clawing at his flesh. It didn't matter anymore.
Leaning forward, he gripped her hand tightly where it stopped on a particular jagged scar. Stroking her face, he turned her eyes away from the scars that marred his flesh and to him. Capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, he brought the heat surging back up within her. When he broke away, gasping for air, all he could whisper was the same thing he had said to her then.
"This makes it worth it," he leaned his forehead against hers and looked down to see his fingers touch the soft swell of her stomach. He eased his hand down across the wetness that awaited him and back up again. She moaned in desire and arched her hips against his hand but it was already gone. "I would take a lifetime of pain for one moment of your pleasure." Again the fingers slipped down into her, stroking her softly, stirring the embers that burned within. She let out a gasp, eyelids fluttering and she pulled him closer to her.
"Scars fade, Syd." His words were tangled echoes in her head, reverberating as though she had heard them before. "But my love for you will never fade."
Sydney cried out as his fingers pressed deeper into her, his lips suckling softly at the spot on her neck where he knew she was the most sensitive. He still knew her perfectly, even after all this time. A hundred years could pass and he would still know exactly where to touch her to hear that guttural cry that only he could elicit from her.
He no longer even saw her scars, the first time, the last time, he had been as angry as she was. In the long nights since then, he had seen them over and over again in his mind, cursing himself for not being able to prevent them. In this moment however, those scars were not even visible to him, all he could see was her. She was whole, unbroken and alive and that was all that mattered.
Sydney's hand slipped past the scars and down to the zipper of his pants. Her hand hesitated there, as Vaughn lowered his lips to her exposed flesh. His hands gripped fistfuls of her hair, tangling it between his fingers and ever so gently he pulled her head back as he kissed the curve of her neck, nuzzling the spot beneath her ear that caused her to gasp suddenly in heightened pleasure. His lips traveled down to the hollow of her throat, placing a gentle kiss there, hands coming around to grip her shoulders and keep her still as he moved to her breasts.
Sydney sighed, a sound of contentment as he nuzzled against her breast. She barely even noticed as his hands moved around to push her shoulders back gently, easing her down onto her back on the bed. His mouth covered one nipple, teasing it to attention, his touch shooting sparks across her nerves. Her breath quickened, heart pounding beneath his lips and she could feel him smile against her flesh.
She realized that she still clutched the zipper of his pants and as soon as the thought came to her, she unzipped it and he swiftly lifted his body to kick the pants off, taking her sweatpants along with them in one fluid motion that she could not quite comprehend.
They were tangled together on the twisted sheets, the bare flesh of their bodies separated only by his boxers and her thin panties. Vaughn moved away from her breast, his hands stroking her sides softly, running up and down until they came to the waistband of her underwear and swiftly, he stripped them off of her.
She lay naked before him, the sight filling his vision even as her heat singed his flesh, his heart pounded in his chest. She could feel his eyes, devouring her hungrily and she smiled at him, crooked one finger and murmured, "What are you waiting for?"
He grinned and then froze, his mind reeling back in his memory to that moment when she had been sprawled naked before him, blonde hair contrasting oddly with pale skin and had beckoned him with one finger and asked that same question.
The touch of her hand on his skin roused him from the memories and she grinned at him, pulling him down onto her. Skillful hands slid down the length of his back to where the cloth of his boxers hid what was hidden beneath. She tore the boxers off of him, almost angry at them for being in her way and he chuckled softly against soft skin. Her breath was coming faster now and she longed to touch him, pull him into her and never let go.
Vaughn sensed this and drew away from her, she almost cried out at the absence but he pulled her to him and helped to remove the remains of his boxers. Pulling her to him, he looked deep into her eyes as he slid deep into her with a suddenness that seemed long in coming. Sydney sighed in relief, the ache that burned in her flesh was not cooled but given even more fuel to the fire. The ache that resided in her heart however seemed to lessen until it could scarcely be felt beneath the waves of pleasure he triggered within her.
She wrapped her legs around his waist and with a force she did not know she possessed, pulled herself up into his arms and kissed him hungrily. Lips crashed together as he thrust into her, slowly at first and then building with intensity as she rocked harder and harder against him. Locked together, they breathed into each other and breathed one another in, exhaling any lingering remnants of pain that clung to their hearts, any darkness that cast their soul in shadow and filled themselves with the purity of their love for one another.
Here, they were at last together, in a small room filled with sunlight and shadows. In the shadows, they seemed one figure that throbbed in pleasure, in the sunlight they could see into the depths of their own hearts and knew the truth. At long last, all masks had fallen away, lies uncovered, truths revealed. They let go of the shell that surrounded each of them. They were together and they were themselves after years of pretending to be someone else.
"I love you," Sydney was murmuring between tangled kisses and stolen breaths. Vaughn was voicing the words silently with every thrust of his hips, every push of his cock into her, every strangled gasp.
They crashed over the edge together, falling down beneath the depths of the water, submerging themselves in one another. Crying out, eyes locked, hearts pounding as one, they were finally whole again.
__