Disclaimer: Reality is a viciously cold shower. Oh all right...I wish I
owned it but I don't. .Hack is not mine...never has been, never will be.
Yeah, reality sucks...
A/N: Geez my muse is working some serious overtime. Since I enjoyed writing the last chapter so much, I'm taking a similar approach with this one. Kite's POV in the real world. Since no one knows his name, I'm calling him Ralph. Just kidding. I've written his name as Minari Sato. Again, as always...please review my story if you've read it. I thank everyone for his or her kind reviews. Oh...and sorry Goldberry, you'll just have to read faster...hahahahahahahahaha
Oh yeah, "" marks are spoken, Brackets [ ] are thought. Sorry if this gets confusing. Now, on with the chapter.
# # #
Broken, Chapter 3: Talking to Ghosts
Room 712 of Niizato University Hospital's long-term intensive care ward was like any other hospital room Minari Sato had ever been in. Subtle, unimaginative wallpaper painted the room in a hue of beige color that was neither pleasant nor offensive, simply boring. Of course, the overpowering scent of cleanliness reminded Minari how sterilizing this room was meant to be. He imagined with some amusement that his mother would like to see his own room this clean, scent and all.
But any traces of amusement slipped from his mind immediately upon staring at the prone figure lying in the hospital bed. Countless tubes and wires and all manner of machinery were hooked up to the young boy as if his very survival depended upon the efficiency by which the machines performed their life saving function. It wasn't an easy sight to witness, staring at the unconscious teenager, as Minari recalled so many memories of his lively smile and brilliant sense of humor that made Yasuhiko so very popular in all their classes. But there was no liveliness shining from his trademark smile that was absent from his slack face, no adventure and love of life from his sleeping form, only the occasional beep and whirl of the machines that kept him from slipping further into the abyss.
Normally visitors in the intensive care ward were restricted to family members only, but Yasuhiko's mother had forcefully told the hospital staff that Minari was family and to allow him to visit whenever he wanted. It was all Minari could do to keep from crying when he heard Yasuhiko's mother say those words. Of course, he wasn't surprised. He and Yasuhiko always joked about having two families, "yours and mine" but to hear it spoken, confirmed in such a moment of undeniable stress and grief nearly ripped him in two. It was that day that he made himself keep to the two commitments he made. He would devote two days of every week, one to visit Yasuhiko after school, and one to visit Yasuhiko's mother on the weekend. He could not, nor would he want to replace Yasuhiko, but he could live up to her faith in him as the "adopted" son. It was the only thing he had faith in anymore.
And wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, he turned away from his best friend and stared out the window as if searching for some answer that remained as lost to him as the young teenager lying on the bed. However, the answers would not be found here, they were in The World. It had been...well truthfully, Minari wasn't sure how long it had been since he logged into The World. Certainly not since he had spoken to his partner BlackRose about whether or not they were doing the right thing, defeating the Phases and everything else their misadventure was leading them to do. But whether that was four...maybe five days ago, he wasn't sure. Everything that had happened within The World over the past few months happened so quickly that the events were jumbled around inside his head until he could no longer determine when and how events had taken place. Everything had just spiraled out of control.
"You missed another test Yasu." Minari said, his soft voice breaking the uncomfortable silence of the room. He imagined it would seem pretty odd for anyone to enter the room now and hear him talking to the unconscious teenager, but it had become a source of survival for him, carrying on a conversation as if Yasuhiko were awake and could answer him. Of course, that wasn't totally untrue. He knew Yasuhiko well enough to imagine his friend's comments, and sometimes, when he couldn't handle seeing his unconscious friend any longer, he'd close his eyes and pretend he was standing in front of him, carrying on the conversation regardless.
"Or wait...I think I told you that on Tuesday didn't I? Well, we got the tests back today. I did okay...well I passed anyway. Wasn't the best test I've ever scored, and I could almost hear you laughing at me because it wasn't a great score at all. But then I had to remind myself that you weren't there to laugh at me."
[Don't worry Nari; I was there to laugh at you, even if you couldn't see me.] The words came unbidden to Minari. But it wasn't his voice he heard echoing in his mind, it was Yasuhiko's.
Closing his eyes, Minari imagined his friend next to him, the untidy jeans and wrinkled button-down shirt he wore as his own fashion statement of anti- conformity. His hair was neatly mussed, as if purposefully wind-blown, and his trademark crooked smile painted his face with a look of the Cheshire cat swallowing a canary. He often marveled at that smile, and wondered how many countless hours Yasuhiko spent in front of the mirror before perfecting it.
But as soon as Minari pictured his friend, the smile had vanished and Yasuhiko's clear gray eyes cut piercingly into him. He knew that look as well, it was the look his friend gave him when he didn't want to fool around, when he needed to talk to him seriously.
[So, why do you keep coming back Minari? This has made it every day this week.]
Minari stood there, looking at the imagined image of Yasuhiko in his mind. He worried only briefly that, should someone enter now, as he was about to converse in such a one-sided conversation with himself, he'd be committed. He sighed deeply, trying to find the words. "I miss you Yasu. Life just isn't as much fun anymore."
The mental image of his friend furrowed his brow and frowned slightly, as if lost in what to say. [But I'm still here Nari], the imagined Yasuhiko said, turning his head to look at his prone form on the hospital bed. [Well, partly. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. Stop living in the past and do what you have to do for the future.]
"Sure, easy for you to say. Your not real, just what I'd imagine Yasuhiko would say that's all." Minari shot back, his eyes glaring at his friend on the hospital bed.
[I'm real enough that you'd invite yourself to have a conversation with me.]
"Then that makes you a ghost." Minari replied. "Either that or I'm finally going mad."
[You're perfectly sane and I'm not a ghost either you idiot. I'm Yasuhiko, the voice you can hear from your heart if you'd stop a moment to listen. Just like I'd know exactly what you would say to me if our positions were switched.] But the imagined Yasuhiko's face shifted abruptly from mild amusement to deep concern. [We need to talk.]
"Yeah, right. So, seen any good movies lately? Oh, I forgot...your not seeing much of anything are you? So tell me, what can we possibly talk about?" Minari angrily said, stopping as he found it ironic that he himself told his unconscious friend about the missed test just minutes before. Yasuhiko however didn't flinch, didn't react in the slightest, and it unnerved Minari how accurate his memory of his friend was, how the real Yasuhiko would react the same as the memory that reflected from his mind. It painted the whole illusion with frightful accuracy.
"Damn you Yasu...why'd you have to pick that field? Why'd I have to agree to go with you on that day? Why couldn't we have just played a game that was only supposed to be a game?" Minari paused as he turned his face toward the ceiling, blinking away the tears from his eyes that began to swim in his stormy orbs. "God I hate this."
[I know Nari...I'd be in the same boat your in if our positions were switched. But fate operates in strange ways.]
"Don't talk about fate to me Yasu, you know I don't believe in it." Minari sighed heavily as he closed his eyes again to view the image of his friend.
[But you can't deny that this was in some way fated to happen. Every event of our lives leads us to the current events we face, which will take us to the future. Everything happens for a reason.]
"I don't feel like debating this with you." Minari answered, his voice rising a bit at his own impatience.
[Then what do you want?]
"I already told you, I want you back...awake and alive, just how I remembered you. Not just some cloudy memory I see in my head so I can justify talking to myself...but the real you." He sighed as he sank deeper in the chair, not opening his eyes as he knew the image of his friend would vanish the moment he did. "I'm scared Yasu. What if, by some miracle, we manage to defeat all the Phases without destroying the program, and you still don't wake up? What if this is all for nothing?"
[It's not nothing if you have even a fraction of hope that it will work. Hope, often enough, will save you when you have nothing else.]
"But hope can also destroy you." Minari said, his voice weak and exhausted as he rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and opted to change the subject. "I...met Balmung. We've made a sort of peace. Thought you might want to know. We're not at each other's throats anymore; we've joined forces to solve this problem...to bring you back. So, come back, okay?"
Minari stared at the imagined image of Yasuhiko in his mind, waiting for some reply, but none came, and the weight of the loss of his best friend tore at his heart once more as he realized how ridiculous he was to instigate this conversation in the first place. All the words he heard in his mind, all the wise pearls of wisdom his friend had spouted off at him were merely words he would have said had he been conscious. But there was nothing to be said; as Minari realized he and Yasuhiko had never faced a tragedy like this before...he didn't know what advice his friend would have given him. Minari opened his eyes and turned his head to stare at his unconscious friend, forgetting his own desperate need to hear Yasuhiko say everything would be okay, because deep within his heart, he wasn't so sure if it would work out that way in the end.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore Yasu. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or just thinking I'm foolish enough to make a difference. I only wish you were here to help me through this, but your not."
"A great force; its power can bring forth either salvation or destruction...at the whim of the user. That's what Aura told me...and I've been trying so hard Yasu. But defeating the third Phase, seeing the virus spread into the root towns...I don't know which way I'm headed any more. Is it bringing only destruction? What do I do?" Minari breathed deeply the purified air of the hospital room before standing and walking to the side of his friend's bed. "It should have been you who got it Yasu...not me. Not some newbie who didn't know how to even kill a goblin...but you, the great Orca of the Azure Sea. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I just...I just wish you were here."
Reaching down to squeeze Yasuhiko's hand before turning to leave, Minari called back to his unconscious friend. "I'll...I'll be back tomorrow. I don't feel much like going back to The World for a while anyway. I hope you're not disappointed in me, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a coward. I know you won't hold it against me but..." The young teenager sighed again and let his shoulders slump forward slightly. He noticed with some displeasure that his shoulders seemed to slump a bit more each day, as if The World were trying to crush.
Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand before leaving the room and letting the door close behind him, Minari left his friend as he had been since he'd fallen into the coma...alone. Had he looked closer at his friends face, he would have noticed the single tear slide from under Yasuhiko's eyelid and trace its way down his pale cheek.
-To be continued
A/N: Geez my muse is working some serious overtime. Since I enjoyed writing the last chapter so much, I'm taking a similar approach with this one. Kite's POV in the real world. Since no one knows his name, I'm calling him Ralph. Just kidding. I've written his name as Minari Sato. Again, as always...please review my story if you've read it. I thank everyone for his or her kind reviews. Oh...and sorry Goldberry, you'll just have to read faster...hahahahahahahahaha
Oh yeah, "" marks are spoken, Brackets [ ] are thought. Sorry if this gets confusing. Now, on with the chapter.
# # #
Broken, Chapter 3: Talking to Ghosts
Room 712 of Niizato University Hospital's long-term intensive care ward was like any other hospital room Minari Sato had ever been in. Subtle, unimaginative wallpaper painted the room in a hue of beige color that was neither pleasant nor offensive, simply boring. Of course, the overpowering scent of cleanliness reminded Minari how sterilizing this room was meant to be. He imagined with some amusement that his mother would like to see his own room this clean, scent and all.
But any traces of amusement slipped from his mind immediately upon staring at the prone figure lying in the hospital bed. Countless tubes and wires and all manner of machinery were hooked up to the young boy as if his very survival depended upon the efficiency by which the machines performed their life saving function. It wasn't an easy sight to witness, staring at the unconscious teenager, as Minari recalled so many memories of his lively smile and brilliant sense of humor that made Yasuhiko so very popular in all their classes. But there was no liveliness shining from his trademark smile that was absent from his slack face, no adventure and love of life from his sleeping form, only the occasional beep and whirl of the machines that kept him from slipping further into the abyss.
Normally visitors in the intensive care ward were restricted to family members only, but Yasuhiko's mother had forcefully told the hospital staff that Minari was family and to allow him to visit whenever he wanted. It was all Minari could do to keep from crying when he heard Yasuhiko's mother say those words. Of course, he wasn't surprised. He and Yasuhiko always joked about having two families, "yours and mine" but to hear it spoken, confirmed in such a moment of undeniable stress and grief nearly ripped him in two. It was that day that he made himself keep to the two commitments he made. He would devote two days of every week, one to visit Yasuhiko after school, and one to visit Yasuhiko's mother on the weekend. He could not, nor would he want to replace Yasuhiko, but he could live up to her faith in him as the "adopted" son. It was the only thing he had faith in anymore.
And wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, he turned away from his best friend and stared out the window as if searching for some answer that remained as lost to him as the young teenager lying on the bed. However, the answers would not be found here, they were in The World. It had been...well truthfully, Minari wasn't sure how long it had been since he logged into The World. Certainly not since he had spoken to his partner BlackRose about whether or not they were doing the right thing, defeating the Phases and everything else their misadventure was leading them to do. But whether that was four...maybe five days ago, he wasn't sure. Everything that had happened within The World over the past few months happened so quickly that the events were jumbled around inside his head until he could no longer determine when and how events had taken place. Everything had just spiraled out of control.
"You missed another test Yasu." Minari said, his soft voice breaking the uncomfortable silence of the room. He imagined it would seem pretty odd for anyone to enter the room now and hear him talking to the unconscious teenager, but it had become a source of survival for him, carrying on a conversation as if Yasuhiko were awake and could answer him. Of course, that wasn't totally untrue. He knew Yasuhiko well enough to imagine his friend's comments, and sometimes, when he couldn't handle seeing his unconscious friend any longer, he'd close his eyes and pretend he was standing in front of him, carrying on the conversation regardless.
"Or wait...I think I told you that on Tuesday didn't I? Well, we got the tests back today. I did okay...well I passed anyway. Wasn't the best test I've ever scored, and I could almost hear you laughing at me because it wasn't a great score at all. But then I had to remind myself that you weren't there to laugh at me."
[Don't worry Nari; I was there to laugh at you, even if you couldn't see me.] The words came unbidden to Minari. But it wasn't his voice he heard echoing in his mind, it was Yasuhiko's.
Closing his eyes, Minari imagined his friend next to him, the untidy jeans and wrinkled button-down shirt he wore as his own fashion statement of anti- conformity. His hair was neatly mussed, as if purposefully wind-blown, and his trademark crooked smile painted his face with a look of the Cheshire cat swallowing a canary. He often marveled at that smile, and wondered how many countless hours Yasuhiko spent in front of the mirror before perfecting it.
But as soon as Minari pictured his friend, the smile had vanished and Yasuhiko's clear gray eyes cut piercingly into him. He knew that look as well, it was the look his friend gave him when he didn't want to fool around, when he needed to talk to him seriously.
[So, why do you keep coming back Minari? This has made it every day this week.]
Minari stood there, looking at the imagined image of Yasuhiko in his mind. He worried only briefly that, should someone enter now, as he was about to converse in such a one-sided conversation with himself, he'd be committed. He sighed deeply, trying to find the words. "I miss you Yasu. Life just isn't as much fun anymore."
The mental image of his friend furrowed his brow and frowned slightly, as if lost in what to say. [But I'm still here Nari], the imagined Yasuhiko said, turning his head to look at his prone form on the hospital bed. [Well, partly. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. Stop living in the past and do what you have to do for the future.]
"Sure, easy for you to say. Your not real, just what I'd imagine Yasuhiko would say that's all." Minari shot back, his eyes glaring at his friend on the hospital bed.
[I'm real enough that you'd invite yourself to have a conversation with me.]
"Then that makes you a ghost." Minari replied. "Either that or I'm finally going mad."
[You're perfectly sane and I'm not a ghost either you idiot. I'm Yasuhiko, the voice you can hear from your heart if you'd stop a moment to listen. Just like I'd know exactly what you would say to me if our positions were switched.] But the imagined Yasuhiko's face shifted abruptly from mild amusement to deep concern. [We need to talk.]
"Yeah, right. So, seen any good movies lately? Oh, I forgot...your not seeing much of anything are you? So tell me, what can we possibly talk about?" Minari angrily said, stopping as he found it ironic that he himself told his unconscious friend about the missed test just minutes before. Yasuhiko however didn't flinch, didn't react in the slightest, and it unnerved Minari how accurate his memory of his friend was, how the real Yasuhiko would react the same as the memory that reflected from his mind. It painted the whole illusion with frightful accuracy.
"Damn you Yasu...why'd you have to pick that field? Why'd I have to agree to go with you on that day? Why couldn't we have just played a game that was only supposed to be a game?" Minari paused as he turned his face toward the ceiling, blinking away the tears from his eyes that began to swim in his stormy orbs. "God I hate this."
[I know Nari...I'd be in the same boat your in if our positions were switched. But fate operates in strange ways.]
"Don't talk about fate to me Yasu, you know I don't believe in it." Minari sighed heavily as he closed his eyes again to view the image of his friend.
[But you can't deny that this was in some way fated to happen. Every event of our lives leads us to the current events we face, which will take us to the future. Everything happens for a reason.]
"I don't feel like debating this with you." Minari answered, his voice rising a bit at his own impatience.
[Then what do you want?]
"I already told you, I want you back...awake and alive, just how I remembered you. Not just some cloudy memory I see in my head so I can justify talking to myself...but the real you." He sighed as he sank deeper in the chair, not opening his eyes as he knew the image of his friend would vanish the moment he did. "I'm scared Yasu. What if, by some miracle, we manage to defeat all the Phases without destroying the program, and you still don't wake up? What if this is all for nothing?"
[It's not nothing if you have even a fraction of hope that it will work. Hope, often enough, will save you when you have nothing else.]
"But hope can also destroy you." Minari said, his voice weak and exhausted as he rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands and opted to change the subject. "I...met Balmung. We've made a sort of peace. Thought you might want to know. We're not at each other's throats anymore; we've joined forces to solve this problem...to bring you back. So, come back, okay?"
Minari stared at the imagined image of Yasuhiko in his mind, waiting for some reply, but none came, and the weight of the loss of his best friend tore at his heart once more as he realized how ridiculous he was to instigate this conversation in the first place. All the words he heard in his mind, all the wise pearls of wisdom his friend had spouted off at him were merely words he would have said had he been conscious. But there was nothing to be said; as Minari realized he and Yasuhiko had never faced a tragedy like this before...he didn't know what advice his friend would have given him. Minari opened his eyes and turned his head to stare at his unconscious friend, forgetting his own desperate need to hear Yasuhiko say everything would be okay, because deep within his heart, he wasn't so sure if it would work out that way in the end.
"I don't know what I'm doing anymore Yasu. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or just thinking I'm foolish enough to make a difference. I only wish you were here to help me through this, but your not."
"A great force; its power can bring forth either salvation or destruction...at the whim of the user. That's what Aura told me...and I've been trying so hard Yasu. But defeating the third Phase, seeing the virus spread into the root towns...I don't know which way I'm headed any more. Is it bringing only destruction? What do I do?" Minari breathed deeply the purified air of the hospital room before standing and walking to the side of his friend's bed. "It should have been you who got it Yasu...not me. Not some newbie who didn't know how to even kill a goblin...but you, the great Orca of the Azure Sea. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this. I just...I just wish you were here."
Reaching down to squeeze Yasuhiko's hand before turning to leave, Minari called back to his unconscious friend. "I'll...I'll be back tomorrow. I don't feel much like going back to The World for a while anyway. I hope you're not disappointed in me, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a coward. I know you won't hold it against me but..." The young teenager sighed again and let his shoulders slump forward slightly. He noticed with some displeasure that his shoulders seemed to slump a bit more each day, as if The World were trying to crush.
Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand before leaving the room and letting the door close behind him, Minari left his friend as he had been since he'd fallen into the coma...alone. Had he looked closer at his friends face, he would have noticed the single tear slide from under Yasuhiko's eyelid and trace its way down his pale cheek.
-To be continued