Disclaimer: If you don't know by now or still think I own .Hack...you're
sadly mistaken.
A/N: Well, if you've read any of my stories, then you'll know that I am a big fan of one of three types of stories...angst, fluff, and fluffy-angst. This falls in there somewhere. Hope you like it. Oh, and as always, please review any works you've read. Thank you much.
# # #
Broken Chapter 4: Ballad of Lost Souls
Delta-Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. The digitally rendered cathedral sat within the solitary field, isolated from the rest of The World. It was fitting in so many ways that the Heavy Blade found herself here sitting in the front-most pew of this lonely gothic church, separated from all others who played within this online paradise. She couldn't suppress the mild amusement at the ideal that she and the church were very much the same.
She wondered how it had come to this...how she and her partner had lost the hope that they were doing what was right. Of course, maybe she was just naïve enough to believe they had hope to begin with. Maybe it was just that doing anything was better than suffering the uncertainty of doing nothing. Life just wasn't simple anymore. Or perhaps, life was never simple; it was the veil she used to separate her life from the rest of the world that had tricked her.
She didn't have the answers anymore, and that was what had scared her. Her life, though not perfect, was at least happy before everything started happening. Before her brother had fallen into his coma and had not awakened. And she realized why she was suddenly so uncertain. It was because of Kite; he was her anchor, her support and the scale that balanced her life. But now he had lost his way and she found herself adrift in the sea of uncertainty.
She had sent him an email, asking whether he was still intent on fighting to bring back the coma patients. Of course, that had been over an hour ago, and with every passing minute, the hope that he would actually come slipped further away. But if for no other reason than closure, she had to know that it was over. And so, sitting on the wooden bench, she began thinking of excuses and alibis as to his absence. Maybe he hasn't logged on yet, maybe he had some other things to attend to, maybe...maybe he just didn't want to talk to her. And despite her best efforts to believe otherwise, the latter seemed more and more likely with each passing second.
"I don't understand it anymore..." BlackRose said as she stared into the unseeing eyes of the chained statue of Aura perched on the pedestal behind the gated fence. It was a statue that represented the girl that held the answers to all the problems they wanted to solve. But it seemed unlikely they'd solve any of it. Aura was nothing short of a mystery, masked in a riddle and wrapped in an enigma. She and Kite were no closer to figuring out what was happening in The World than they were when they had started.
But still, for whatever reason, she kept hope that he would come, because the alternative was beyond her willingness to contemplate. And as if on cue, she heard the hinges of the large wooden doors of the church howl in protest as the lone Twin Blade pushed them open. She didn't turn in her seat to watch him walk up the aisle, it was more of a bond that she felt, knowing the figure approaching was her partner.
He walked up to her, standing just to her right and staring at her while shuffling his feet as if he wasn't sure whether to take the seat next to her or continue standing. But she made the decision for him, as she slid her body slightly to the left and made room for him on the bench, which he took with some reservation. They both sat silently for several minutes, staring at the statue of Aura, or the stain glass windows or just at the floor, neither really sure how to begin, and it was that awkwardness that made them both aware of how nervous they were, for it never existed between them before.
"Can...can I tell you something?" BlackRose said, breaking the silence that seemed to encompass the whole of their lives. "My brother, Kazu...fell into a coma here."
Kite's eyes opened wide as he stared at BlackRose. He knew she had a mission of her own, and often wondered about it, but didn't want to pry into her life. But he realized that was foolish...they were both deeply involved with the events surrounding The World as it was, their lives included. "Your brother?" He asked, hoping to mask the shock of the realization and failing horribly.
"Yeah." She replied, not giving any indication to Kite's shock as she bowed her head and closed her eyes as if trying to organize her thoughts before continuing. "For the longest time, I thought it was my thought. See, Kazu is a bit of a computer geek. I like sports myself, and never played games much...but he wanted me to see The World. I think he wanted to play the game with me, so we'd spend more time together. He wasn't very athletic and was always left behind in sports and stuff, so he wanted something where we were on even ground. That's why I think he wanted to show me this place.
"I think about it now...it's like he thought I was growing up without him. I guess maybe I was, and I didn't think about any of it until all this happened. It sort of put everything in perspective." BlackRose said sadly, turning only slightly to look at Kite out of the corner of her eye. She noticed that his face was painted with concern as he watched her intently. She wished she could find the courage to look at him fully, to see what he thought of her confession, but instead she closed her eyes and tumbled on with her story.
"Yeah, so Kazu told me to pick the keywords at the Delta Chaos Gate. I really didn't want to bother with it, so I picked any three keywords. Didn't really matter to me. Stupid huh?" She said bitterly, opening her eyes a fraction to allow the tear to glide down her cheek. "I never thought something like that would happen. But he met a Data Bug here, that same one you data drained when we first met, remember? It didn't matter though; he still hasn't wakened up. For the longest time though, after it happened, I blamed myself...I guess maybe I still do. Maybe if I were closer to him, he wouldn't feel the need to connect with me through an online game. Maybe I would have been more careful about the words I picked. But it just hurts...I'm sure you understand that."
Kite felt his heart rip apart at hearing BlackRose's story. He knew what she was going through, he felt that guilt everyday with Yasuhiko, and he wondered what could ever be done to rid himself of it. Perhaps if he knew, he could help BlackRose as well. Reaching his hand out cautiously before pausing, shocked at what he was doing, Kite finally gathered the courage to rest his hand on his partner's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault BlackRose."
"Saying it doesn't make it true Kite." She whispered, trying desperately not to break down entirely at the tender support of her partner's hand on her shoulder. "Tell me you feel any different about Orca?"
Kite fell silent at the harsh accusation of the Heavy Blade and made to remove his hand until her hand caught his arm by the wrist and shyly returned it to her shoulder. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm sorry I forced myself on you when we first met...and I'm sorry I told you all this stuff. I know you have your own problems and everything, it's just..."
"Don't." Kite said, breaking her confession by putting the fingers of his free hand over her lips to quiet her. Blushing furiously at the sudden action, Kite lowered his hand and dropped his eyes to stare purposefully at the floor. "Please don't apologize. It was just, ever since that last system reset...ever since the virus had worked its way into the root towns, I was scared. What if we defeat the next Phase and it gets worse. I mean," Kite paused, as if caught by the uncertainty of his words. "What if everything just keeps deteriorating? Are we really doing more good than harm?"
BlackRose reached up to grasp the hand perched on her shoulder and squeezed it slightly, trying to reassure her partner and herself. "All we can do is try. We won't accomplish anything if we just quit."
"But what if the thing we accomplish is the wrong thing? What if we only cause more problems?" Kite asked her. At this, BlackRose fell silent. She knew he was afraid of what they were doing, of what they had done. She knew that fear so well because it was the same fear that tore at her whenever she looked at one of the root towns or the many infected dungeons. It was the fear that threatened defeat. "I don't know if we can trust that we're doing the right thing anymore."
BlackRose closed her eyes and took several deep breaths as if pondering how to react to his fear...and to hers. Opening her eyes, she turned to face her partner, determination shining once again in her champagne-colored orbs. Taking his hand in hers, she pressed them together palm against palm, and intertwined her fingers with his. She placed her other hand on his shoulder as he had done to her and bent forward to look him in directly in the eye. "If we can't believe in what we are doing...then let's at least believe in each other. I lost my brother to this damn game, and you lost your friend. We both want them back...but that's not going to happen if we give up." BlackRose paused momentarily, pulling Kite forward until their foreheads came to rest against each other's. "My mom told me that Kazu isn't gone, he's just lost. That all I have to do is help him find his way back...but I can't do it alone Kite. I'm scared to even try to do this alone.
"I know I act all big and brave, but deep down I'm just a scared newbie. The truth is, the only reason I've made it this far is because of you. I mean...I don't think I would have gotten anywhere if it wasn't for you." BlackRose said, her eyes locked on those of her partner as she tried to ignore the clouding of her eyes.
"Your wrong BlackRose." Kite said shyly as he pulled his partner closer into his embrace and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Mistral told me that she couldn't play anymore...that she was afraid of what we were doing. So, I started wondering if anyone else would leave me, if this were all becoming too much for any of my other friends. In truth, the person I was most afraid of leaving was you." He said, his voice shyly quiet as he tightened his arms around her, thankful she couldn't see the blush that stained his cheeks. "Through everything I've been through, the one person who has been at my side the entire time was you. So your wrong...it wasn't that I got you where you are, it's that you are the person who got me where I am now. That's what I was most afraid of...I don't know what I'd do if you decided you couldn't do this anymore."
BlackRose struggled desperately now to keep her eyes from pouring with emotion as she too tightened her embrace on her partner. It took her a moment to find her voice, yet even then her words came out shaky and uncertain. "You'd probably do the same thing I'd do if you decided to leave...and I don't really want to think about it. But now that you know my reasons for sticking with you...you shouldn't worry. I'm not going anywhere."
The Heavy Blade felt her partner's body inflate and decompress with the deep sigh that escaped him. Nodding his head against her, he spoke in the same quiet tones that were so reflective of his character, yet his words were stronger and more confident. "You're right BlackRose. I...I still don't know if I can trust what we're doing is right, but I have trust in you. Whatever happens, we're in this together."
BlackRose closed her eyes and smiled against Kite's tunic, feeling the bond between the two of them forge into an unbreakable friendship. She was still afraid...they both were, but they would face that fear together, and she knew, they would destroy it. Untangling herself from his embrace, she put her hands on his shoulder and moved away, holding him at arms length as she stared in his eyes again and saw from his eyes the commitment of their words bind them in their common objective. Smiling her brilliant smile at him, her eyes flashed in the confident glimmer that he so often associated with her. "It's about time you came to your senses."
Kite could only chuckle as a small smile tugged at his lips. He realized with some amazement that it was the first smile he could remember since the defeat of Magus. "You too." He said, his smile stretching until it seemed ready to split his face.
"Hey!" She said, pushing him lightly yet chuckling a litter herself. Standing up and stretching the stiff muscles in her back and legs, BlackRose looked down at her partner, her smile fading as she began shuffling her feet nervously. "Still, I want to say thank you Kite. Partly for all the stuff you said, and partly because you're not giving up. It means a lot to me. I just wanted to say thanks."
"Uh...I want to thank you too BlackRose." He said, standing to face his partner. "I have no doubt this will be difficult, but knowing your right there beside me will make it easier."
"Hey," She said, putting her hand on his shoulder again. "What are friends for, right? Besides, now that I know your not giving up, you're going to have a hard time getting rid of me." Again she smiled and Kite returned it, causing them both to blush and shift their weight nervously from one foot to the other.
Nervously taking her hand in his, Kite was surprised that she made no effort to pull away from his touch. "So, shall we go partner?"
Squeezing his hand gently in response, BlackRose smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."
-The End
A/N: Well, if you've read any of my stories, then you'll know that I am a big fan of one of three types of stories...angst, fluff, and fluffy-angst. This falls in there somewhere. Hope you like it. Oh, and as always, please review any works you've read. Thank you much.
# # #
Broken Chapter 4: Ballad of Lost Souls
Delta-Hidden Forbidden Holy Ground. The digitally rendered cathedral sat within the solitary field, isolated from the rest of The World. It was fitting in so many ways that the Heavy Blade found herself here sitting in the front-most pew of this lonely gothic church, separated from all others who played within this online paradise. She couldn't suppress the mild amusement at the ideal that she and the church were very much the same.
She wondered how it had come to this...how she and her partner had lost the hope that they were doing what was right. Of course, maybe she was just naïve enough to believe they had hope to begin with. Maybe it was just that doing anything was better than suffering the uncertainty of doing nothing. Life just wasn't simple anymore. Or perhaps, life was never simple; it was the veil she used to separate her life from the rest of the world that had tricked her.
She didn't have the answers anymore, and that was what had scared her. Her life, though not perfect, was at least happy before everything started happening. Before her brother had fallen into his coma and had not awakened. And she realized why she was suddenly so uncertain. It was because of Kite; he was her anchor, her support and the scale that balanced her life. But now he had lost his way and she found herself adrift in the sea of uncertainty.
She had sent him an email, asking whether he was still intent on fighting to bring back the coma patients. Of course, that had been over an hour ago, and with every passing minute, the hope that he would actually come slipped further away. But if for no other reason than closure, she had to know that it was over. And so, sitting on the wooden bench, she began thinking of excuses and alibis as to his absence. Maybe he hasn't logged on yet, maybe he had some other things to attend to, maybe...maybe he just didn't want to talk to her. And despite her best efforts to believe otherwise, the latter seemed more and more likely with each passing second.
"I don't understand it anymore..." BlackRose said as she stared into the unseeing eyes of the chained statue of Aura perched on the pedestal behind the gated fence. It was a statue that represented the girl that held the answers to all the problems they wanted to solve. But it seemed unlikely they'd solve any of it. Aura was nothing short of a mystery, masked in a riddle and wrapped in an enigma. She and Kite were no closer to figuring out what was happening in The World than they were when they had started.
But still, for whatever reason, she kept hope that he would come, because the alternative was beyond her willingness to contemplate. And as if on cue, she heard the hinges of the large wooden doors of the church howl in protest as the lone Twin Blade pushed them open. She didn't turn in her seat to watch him walk up the aisle, it was more of a bond that she felt, knowing the figure approaching was her partner.
He walked up to her, standing just to her right and staring at her while shuffling his feet as if he wasn't sure whether to take the seat next to her or continue standing. But she made the decision for him, as she slid her body slightly to the left and made room for him on the bench, which he took with some reservation. They both sat silently for several minutes, staring at the statue of Aura, or the stain glass windows or just at the floor, neither really sure how to begin, and it was that awkwardness that made them both aware of how nervous they were, for it never existed between them before.
"Can...can I tell you something?" BlackRose said, breaking the silence that seemed to encompass the whole of their lives. "My brother, Kazu...fell into a coma here."
Kite's eyes opened wide as he stared at BlackRose. He knew she had a mission of her own, and often wondered about it, but didn't want to pry into her life. But he realized that was foolish...they were both deeply involved with the events surrounding The World as it was, their lives included. "Your brother?" He asked, hoping to mask the shock of the realization and failing horribly.
"Yeah." She replied, not giving any indication to Kite's shock as she bowed her head and closed her eyes as if trying to organize her thoughts before continuing. "For the longest time, I thought it was my thought. See, Kazu is a bit of a computer geek. I like sports myself, and never played games much...but he wanted me to see The World. I think he wanted to play the game with me, so we'd spend more time together. He wasn't very athletic and was always left behind in sports and stuff, so he wanted something where we were on even ground. That's why I think he wanted to show me this place.
"I think about it now...it's like he thought I was growing up without him. I guess maybe I was, and I didn't think about any of it until all this happened. It sort of put everything in perspective." BlackRose said sadly, turning only slightly to look at Kite out of the corner of her eye. She noticed that his face was painted with concern as he watched her intently. She wished she could find the courage to look at him fully, to see what he thought of her confession, but instead she closed her eyes and tumbled on with her story.
"Yeah, so Kazu told me to pick the keywords at the Delta Chaos Gate. I really didn't want to bother with it, so I picked any three keywords. Didn't really matter to me. Stupid huh?" She said bitterly, opening her eyes a fraction to allow the tear to glide down her cheek. "I never thought something like that would happen. But he met a Data Bug here, that same one you data drained when we first met, remember? It didn't matter though; he still hasn't wakened up. For the longest time though, after it happened, I blamed myself...I guess maybe I still do. Maybe if I were closer to him, he wouldn't feel the need to connect with me through an online game. Maybe I would have been more careful about the words I picked. But it just hurts...I'm sure you understand that."
Kite felt his heart rip apart at hearing BlackRose's story. He knew what she was going through, he felt that guilt everyday with Yasuhiko, and he wondered what could ever be done to rid himself of it. Perhaps if he knew, he could help BlackRose as well. Reaching his hand out cautiously before pausing, shocked at what he was doing, Kite finally gathered the courage to rest his hand on his partner's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault BlackRose."
"Saying it doesn't make it true Kite." She whispered, trying desperately not to break down entirely at the tender support of her partner's hand on her shoulder. "Tell me you feel any different about Orca?"
Kite fell silent at the harsh accusation of the Heavy Blade and made to remove his hand until her hand caught his arm by the wrist and shyly returned it to her shoulder. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I'm sorry I forced myself on you when we first met...and I'm sorry I told you all this stuff. I know you have your own problems and everything, it's just..."
"Don't." Kite said, breaking her confession by putting the fingers of his free hand over her lips to quiet her. Blushing furiously at the sudden action, Kite lowered his hand and dropped his eyes to stare purposefully at the floor. "Please don't apologize. It was just, ever since that last system reset...ever since the virus had worked its way into the root towns, I was scared. What if we defeat the next Phase and it gets worse. I mean," Kite paused, as if caught by the uncertainty of his words. "What if everything just keeps deteriorating? Are we really doing more good than harm?"
BlackRose reached up to grasp the hand perched on her shoulder and squeezed it slightly, trying to reassure her partner and herself. "All we can do is try. We won't accomplish anything if we just quit."
"But what if the thing we accomplish is the wrong thing? What if we only cause more problems?" Kite asked her. At this, BlackRose fell silent. She knew he was afraid of what they were doing, of what they had done. She knew that fear so well because it was the same fear that tore at her whenever she looked at one of the root towns or the many infected dungeons. It was the fear that threatened defeat. "I don't know if we can trust that we're doing the right thing anymore."
BlackRose closed her eyes and took several deep breaths as if pondering how to react to his fear...and to hers. Opening her eyes, she turned to face her partner, determination shining once again in her champagne-colored orbs. Taking his hand in hers, she pressed them together palm against palm, and intertwined her fingers with his. She placed her other hand on his shoulder as he had done to her and bent forward to look him in directly in the eye. "If we can't believe in what we are doing...then let's at least believe in each other. I lost my brother to this damn game, and you lost your friend. We both want them back...but that's not going to happen if we give up." BlackRose paused momentarily, pulling Kite forward until their foreheads came to rest against each other's. "My mom told me that Kazu isn't gone, he's just lost. That all I have to do is help him find his way back...but I can't do it alone Kite. I'm scared to even try to do this alone.
"I know I act all big and brave, but deep down I'm just a scared newbie. The truth is, the only reason I've made it this far is because of you. I mean...I don't think I would have gotten anywhere if it wasn't for you." BlackRose said, her eyes locked on those of her partner as she tried to ignore the clouding of her eyes.
"Your wrong BlackRose." Kite said shyly as he pulled his partner closer into his embrace and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Mistral told me that she couldn't play anymore...that she was afraid of what we were doing. So, I started wondering if anyone else would leave me, if this were all becoming too much for any of my other friends. In truth, the person I was most afraid of leaving was you." He said, his voice shyly quiet as he tightened his arms around her, thankful she couldn't see the blush that stained his cheeks. "Through everything I've been through, the one person who has been at my side the entire time was you. So your wrong...it wasn't that I got you where you are, it's that you are the person who got me where I am now. That's what I was most afraid of...I don't know what I'd do if you decided you couldn't do this anymore."
BlackRose struggled desperately now to keep her eyes from pouring with emotion as she too tightened her embrace on her partner. It took her a moment to find her voice, yet even then her words came out shaky and uncertain. "You'd probably do the same thing I'd do if you decided to leave...and I don't really want to think about it. But now that you know my reasons for sticking with you...you shouldn't worry. I'm not going anywhere."
The Heavy Blade felt her partner's body inflate and decompress with the deep sigh that escaped him. Nodding his head against her, he spoke in the same quiet tones that were so reflective of his character, yet his words were stronger and more confident. "You're right BlackRose. I...I still don't know if I can trust what we're doing is right, but I have trust in you. Whatever happens, we're in this together."
BlackRose closed her eyes and smiled against Kite's tunic, feeling the bond between the two of them forge into an unbreakable friendship. She was still afraid...they both were, but they would face that fear together, and she knew, they would destroy it. Untangling herself from his embrace, she put her hands on his shoulder and moved away, holding him at arms length as she stared in his eyes again and saw from his eyes the commitment of their words bind them in their common objective. Smiling her brilliant smile at him, her eyes flashed in the confident glimmer that he so often associated with her. "It's about time you came to your senses."
Kite could only chuckle as a small smile tugged at his lips. He realized with some amazement that it was the first smile he could remember since the defeat of Magus. "You too." He said, his smile stretching until it seemed ready to split his face.
"Hey!" She said, pushing him lightly yet chuckling a litter herself. Standing up and stretching the stiff muscles in her back and legs, BlackRose looked down at her partner, her smile fading as she began shuffling her feet nervously. "Still, I want to say thank you Kite. Partly for all the stuff you said, and partly because you're not giving up. It means a lot to me. I just wanted to say thanks."
"Uh...I want to thank you too BlackRose." He said, standing to face his partner. "I have no doubt this will be difficult, but knowing your right there beside me will make it easier."
"Hey," She said, putting her hand on his shoulder again. "What are friends for, right? Besides, now that I know your not giving up, you're going to have a hard time getting rid of me." Again she smiled and Kite returned it, causing them both to blush and shift their weight nervously from one foot to the other.
Nervously taking her hand in his, Kite was surprised that she made no effort to pull away from his touch. "So, shall we go partner?"
Squeezing his hand gently in response, BlackRose smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."
-The End