A/N: If anyone is uncomfortable with the mature content of this latest
chapter, then you don't have to read it. But it might help the story if you
do. Or if you find you're too uncomfortable with some of it, just read
hints. *Hands round more cookies to help people through the chapter*.
Sabertooth - Oh, you do make me smile! :) Thanks for the review! *Hugs*
Elvesmagic - Cool! An Illusionist plushie! *Hugs it along with her Virgil, Richie and Adam plushies* Thanks for the review! I'm enjoying your fanfic like CRAZY!
By the way, I've made a few minor changes to Chapter 3. Nothing big - just correcting some spelling mistakes and errors (I need to use a dictionary...)
Anyway, I know I said at Club DM that Woodruff comes from Dover but now he's got a place in London, 'K? Just clearing that up!
*
Chapter 5
DM gasped in shock at the temperature of the cold water raining down on him in the shower. He arched his back and leaned against the wall until he felt the water temperature grow warmer, and with a sigh of relief walked backwards underneath the spray. He ran his fingers through his damp tuft of hair as he tried to think.
Woodruff liked Kim. It wasn't Kim's fault, and it probably wasn't Woodruff's fault either. Judging by what Kim had told him, the collie was new to the dating game. And he had chosen Kim as his first player.
But why? DM thought, as he reached for the soap. Surely, SURELY, he knew Kim and I were -
What are we?
DM paused in rubbing the soap in his hands. At what stage was he at with Kim? They certainly weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, and you couldn't exactly say they were lovers. Once they had...but twice they hadn't...
DM furrowed his brow as he ran one soapy hand down his arm, leaving lather on his skin. The water washed it off again almost immediately. DM bent down and covered one of his legs in soap, feeling the water on his back and shoulders. As he stood up again, he rested his head against the left wall of the shower and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, the water continuing to run.
Why was it, every time, when he and Kim were trying to get closer, something came up? Greenback, Crumhorn, now Duckula...DM felt all he had to do was sit down before a call came through.
When they allowed me to have this position, I bet they weren't expecting me to have so many experiences, thought DM, trying (with difficulty) to wash his back. I wasn't even expecting to meet Kim.
Then I guess it's true. Life is full of surprises. And what happened today has proved it.
DM turned the shower tap off, and pulled back the screen as he snatched a towel from the radiator. He made his way through into his bedroom, which was attached to the bathroom. He sat on the bed and dried himself as quickly as possible, putting his jumpsuit back on before curling up on the bed. He realised, absent-mindedly, that it was starting to get dark.
DM put his head on the pillow, glad for its warmth. He closed his eyes and just lay there. His clock read 5.50pm.
When DM opened his eyes, the clock read 8.00pm and someone was stroking his forehead.
"Hi there", said Kim gently. "You've been asleep for over two hours".
DM smiled up at her. "Sorry. Any calls?"
"No, none".
At that moment though, they both heard the faint sounds of the videophone in the lounge.
"I spoke too soon", sighed Kim. She stood up and offered DM her hand. As soon as their fingers touched, DM felt her warmth - and realised that no matter what happened, everything was going to be alright.
The tender moment passed and all business again, DM ran through to the lounge, closely followed by Kim, and answered the videophone to see Colonel K, as usual, sitting at his desk.
"DM? Colonel K here".
"DM recieving you, Colonel".
"Ah, I'm glad I got through to you", said the Colonel. "There's something strange going on in Willesden Green, DM".
"In what way, Colonel?" asked DM.
"There's some sort of riot going on", replied the Colonel.
"Good grief!" cried DM.
"What is it, sir? Gang members?" asked Kim.
"Er - no. This is the bit you two are going to find strange", said Colonel K.
"Sir?" asked DM.
"It's men fighting women".
"WHAT?!" cried Kim and DM at the same time.
"I don't believe it either. But it's true", said Colonel K. "I don't think the men started it - but Agent 14 is on the scene and that's what he said it looked like. But I think it's the other way round".
"But - why?" asked DM. "It sounds too strange - unless it's some kind of protest".
"I doubt it, DM", said Colonel. "This is real fighting. The police have been trying to break it up, but the mass is too big. Many people ran off in fright when the fighting started. It's as if half of London has just suddenly gone mad!"
DM exchanged a troubled glance with Kim.
"So, I want you to go down there and see if you can help break things up", continued the Colonel. "Try and see if you can find some clues. This is isn't normal behaviour, DM. In fact, it could mean trouble!"
*
Woodruff peeked through the branches of the tree he had taken refuge in. Down below, he could hear people screaming and shouting. Woodruff winced as he watched a women just below the tree punch her husband in the jaw. He didn't want to get involved - one opponent was OK, but a whole mass of them? No way!
Anyway, what was the point? He would probably just make things worse - and he didn't want to hurt any of the women. Woodruff was a wrestler, but he was a sensible one.
What's HAPPENED? he thought. This is crazy! I'm strolling through Willesden Green, and then suddenly all heck breaks loose!
He had gone out for a walk after his conversation with Kim and as he approached Willesden Green, had spotted two couples fighting and people nervously avoiding them. He had thought nothing of it, only deciding it to be stupid that two couples were fighting in public and in the same place, and had gone on. But as he walked through the green, he had seen more couples fighting, and then gradually, the fight had started.
"I HATE WOMEN!" shouted one man now.
"YOU AND ME BOTH!" yelled the man who had been punched. His wife slapped him across the face.
"Yeah? Well, don't expect me to break down and cry - I hate you too! I don't know why I decided to marry you!" she screamed.
"For money, maybe?" he taunted.
"Why not? It's the only thing you're good at producing!"
Woodruff's eyes narrowed. He realised something now - the people weren't fighting in one big mass, even though it did look that way. They were fighting individually - and by the looks of it, in couples.
At that moment, the Border Collie was brought to attention by the sound of motors and looked up. He saw the Mark III coming in to land.
Maybe DM can sort this out, he thought hopefully. He brushed some hair out of his eyes and then jumped down the branches onto the ground. But looking around at the crowd, he realised that maybe this wasn't such a good idea: how could he get through to DM without getting caught up in the violence?
His question was soon answered: DM deliberately brought the Mark III down right in the middle of the green. People scattered to get out of his way.
"Alright!" DM held a small loud-hailer to his mouth as he jumped out, Kim (Woodruff's heart started to beat considerably fast) close behind him, shining a very bright torch.
"I don't want any more violence", said DM through the loud-hailer. "People are scared and arrests are likely to be made. Now, I want the women to line up on the left side of the green, and the men to line up on the right".
"YEAH! 'CAUSE MEN ARE RIGHT!" one man yelled hoarsely. This earned cheers from the men and protests from the women.
"That's ENOUGH!" snapped DM. The entire green immediately hushed up. "If you don't do as I say, I will be forced to take extreme measurements and open fire with my car".
"He's just bluffing", sneered a teenage girl. "He wouldn't dare".
DM reached into the car and pressed a button. Immediately, the Mark III's built-in cannons shot out continuous spitfire before the crowd and there were several screams of alarm.
"Now what will it be? Surrender now, or surrender later?"
Immediately, the crowd started to move - the women to the left, the men to the right. DM breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thanks, DM", said one policeman, running past. "I think we can take it from here".
Kim grinned and put one hand on DM's shoulder. Unable to resist, she gave him a rather flirtatious smile.
"Are you this good at everything?" she asked innocently.
DM raised an eyebrow at her suggestively. "Maybe".
Kim gave DM a kiss on the cheek. She gave it a rub as she pulled away, and DM shivered, as always delighted at the attention she was showing him.
Suddenly, Kim looked over his shoulder and her look turned to one of horror. "Oh, no..."
DM spun around to see Woodruff running towards them. He gave a frown - he hadn't expected to see the collie here. And he had to confess, he wasn't looking forward to talking to him.
"Woodruff", he said stonily, as the collie came to a halt in front of them. "What are you doing here?"
"Taking a walk. Hey, Kim". Woodruff tipped Kim a wink. She gave him a very nervous smile.
"Any idea what happened here?" asked DM, avoiding Kim's gaze.
"Nope. People just started fighting. It's weird".
At least we agree on something, thought DM darkly. He looked at Kim out of the corner of his eye and watched as Woodruff slung his arm around her shoulder. DM turned away and looked ahead, his face set. Kim watched him sadly, making a split-second decision. Woodruff had to know the truth - but in private.
The three of them walked in silence. Suddenly, DM felt something crack beneath his boots.
"What - ?" he started, before looking down and seeing a shard of glass beneath his feet. "Oh, good grief. Why can't people throw their rubbish into - WHAT?"
Kim had shone her torch across and the light revealed the grass to be thick with some sort of black substance.
"What is it? Ink?" asked Woodruff curiously.
DM picked up the biggest shard of glass where a label was intact. He read it out with disbelieving eyes.
"It's 'Fresh Milk'".
"No way", said Woodruff, taking his arm away from around Kim's shoulders. She breathed a sigh of relief as Woodruff snatched the glass from DM.
"Milk isn't black", he said as he read it and then handed it back to DM.
"Obviously", said Kim. "But what - ?"
Her torch was shining around the grassy patch, and the beam came to a halt on another bottle, black liquid seeping steadily out onto the grass.
"Look!" cried Kim. It was Woodruff this time who picked the bottle up.
"What's going on here?" he said. "This isn't MILK!"
"Yes", mused DM. "Maybe the fights this afternoon were caused by a substance of some sort". His fingers tightened around the glass shard. "Made by a certain SOMEONE".
"Duckula", breathed Kim. "Maybe it's him!"
"It could be. He's our area of current suspicion", frowned DM. "But - by what motive?"
Kim sighed and shrugged. For a moment, her thoughts drifted back to visiting Penfold that morning...to meeting Carlotta...to Woodruff discovering that -
VALENTINE'S CARD!
"Maybe he wants to wreck Valentine's Day". The words were out of Kim's mouth before she could stop them.
DM looked around at her.
"That might actually be the answer!" he cried.
"Why, though?" asked Woodruff, miffed.
DM turned to him, his resentment towards the collie temporarily forgotten.
"What makes someone turn evil?" he challenged the collie.
Woodruff thought for a moment. "I'm not sure - TV they might have watched, blackmail...bad childhood?"
"Exactly!" replied DM. "Almost every villain I've come up against has experienced a bad upbringing. It's easy to feel jealous - and to wreck someone else's life". He tapped the glass shard with a finger.
"There's still a bit of this...stuff...in here", said Woodruff, peeking through the rim of the bottle. "What do I do with it?"
"Give it to me, Woodruff", ordered DM. "I need to take it in for study".
Woodruff shrugged and handed it over. "Fair enough". He slung his arm back around Kim and DM in turn looked in the opposite direction.
"Um, Woodruff", said Kim quickly. "I need to talk to you".
"Sure - what about?" he asked.
"Come back to the pillarbox with us", said Kim. "It's important". Better let him know now, before things gets out of hand, she thought. With that, she took Woodruff's arm and so as not to hurt his feelings, held him arm-in- arm. Feeling a little more comfortable, she pulled Woodruff along until they were right next to DM. DM looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her a tiny smile. She smiled back.
Woodruff, however, saw the exchange and his brow furrowed. They're friends, he reminded himself. They have every right to smile at each other.
Just friends. Nothing more.
Right?
*
Duckula sat at the edge of his bed, watching the small portable TV in his hands. In a newsflash, there had been a riot on Willesdon Green - between men and women. Danger Mouse had been on the scene, but he had just left.
Duckula's brow furrowed as he heard that DM had been present. He didn't want any traces of the hate potion to be discovered - not while the fun was just starting! He wanted revenge, and he was going to have it - and no-one was going to stop him.
"He c-c-can't DO t-t-this!" hissed Duckula, turning the TV off and throwing it on the bed. "I've w-w-waited too long - it w-w-won't end this w-w-way!"
He reached into the folds of his cloak and brought out a radio. He decided to call Helen and Jack - despite Jack's eager nature, the two were the best henchmen for the job.
"Jack? Helen?" he snapped down the line. "This is Duckula".
"Helen to Duckula. Go ahead, sir", came the reply.
"Where are you two?" asked Duckula.
"We're in a motel. We're just settling down for the night".
"Oh, n-n-no you don't", spat Duckula. "I want you and Jack to go b-b-back to London - NOW".
Helen groaned inwardly before answering. "Why, sir?"
"You are to lay in w-w-wait for Danger Mouse, and take him captive at the f- f-first opportunity", said Duckula. "I think he might have d-d-discovered some of my hate potion - I can't risk this g-g-getting out".
"But so many people have already drunk the potion", reasoned Helen. "So why not just leave it at that?"
"Helen", said Duckula, his voice now dangerously low. "H-h-how would you like to be out of a j-j-job?"
"No, sir!" cried Helen quickly. "I only meant - "
"L-l-listen, Helen. To y-y-you it may be so m-m-many people, but to m-m-me it's just a t-t-tiny part of Britain - understand?"
"Y-yes, sir", said Helen's voice, trembling slightly. "I understand. I'll get Jack and we'll set off - but we'll need to stay awake on the road".
"That's not m-m-my problem", said Duckula coldly.
"I wasn't indicating that it was, sir. Over and out". Helen thought it best to end this conversation while she still had a salary.
Jack was asleep on the next bed. Helen sighed. He's not going to be too happy, she thought.
"Jack?" she whispered, going over and shaking the tiger gently. "Jack?"
The tiger moaned, and turned over.
"Jack!" said Helen, louder this time.
"Just five more minutes, Mummy..." he murmured.
"Jack..." Helen's patience was running out. She ran to the bathroom and took up the tumbler that stood by the sink. She filled it up with cold water and then ran back into the bedroom. She stood right by Jack's bed, and then tipped the tumbler right over, icy-cold water raining down on Jack's head.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" yelled Jack, sitting bolt up-right. "Who? What? Where?'
"Come on, Jack". Helen tossed the tumble to the floor. "Rise and shine. We've got some business to attend to".
"Uh?" Jack looked at the hawk strangely. "Is it morning already?"
"No - "
"Then GOOD NIGHT!" Jack started to throw the covers over his head, but Helen pulled them down and threw the covers to the floor.
"JACK!" she snapped. "Will you listen for two seconds? Duckula wants us to go back to London - TONIGHT!"
"Can't we get some sleep first?" moaned Jack.
"No". Helen shook her head. "We need to go back NOW".
"Oh, come off it!" cried Jack. "What's the rush?"
"Could it be that we're a hundred miles away from London, and need to get moving while it's still night-time?"
"So you chucked water all over me? You couldn't just shake me?"
"I tried that, but you didn't get up", answered Helen. "Besides, would you rather I used my beak?"
Jack shied away from the female hawk. "OK, point taken. But can we at LEAST have some coffee first?"
"Even I can't say no to that". Helen put a wing to her forehead. "It's going to be a long night. We've got to travel to London, find Danger Mouse - and who knows how long THAT'S going to take - and then we have to drive him to Duckula's castle!"
"Thankyou, Miss Songthrush, for that cheery little update", muttered Jack, turning away for the door.
*
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" asked Woodruff cheerfully, as the sofa came up into the lounge.
Kim smiled nervously and got off the couch. She gestured Woodruff to her.
"I need to talk to you in private", she said.
Woodruff turned and smirked at DM. "Don't wait up!" he grinned.
DM gave a very tight smile back.
Kim decided the kitchen was the best place to have a talk with Woodruff. She opened the door, let him in, and then shut it after her.
"Bit of an odd place, this, isn't it?" asked Woodruff.
He's not making this easy, thought Kim. She took a deep breath.
"Woodruff - I - about the conversation we had earlier - it's - not what you think", she said.
He gave her a look. Kim could see dread in his eyes.
"I don't understand", Woodruff said, giving a nervous little laugh.
"The thing is - " Get it out in the open, Kim. He needs to know, she thought.
"I lied". Kim bowed her head after saying those words. She could feel the Border Collie's eyes on her.
"Lied?" Woodruff's voice was very small. Kim forced herself to look back up at him.
"Woodruff - I'll always be your friend", she said. "But - I could never like you like that".
"You lied". Woodruff's voice was flat. "You lied because you felt sorry for me".
"I couldn't back out", said Kim. "I mean, I just didn't realise that you never had a girlfriend until you told me".
"You try having parents who disagreed on my well-being", Woodruff replied. His voice was now sharp. "With them, and the gym, there was no time to think of girls".
"If it's any consolation, I didn't have a boyfriend until I was seventeen", said Kim.
"I'M twenty-four! Do you realise how foolish I feel?" snapped Woodruff. "In my twenties, and never even been kissed! YOU were a teenager - I'M an adult! There's a difference, Kim!"
Kim took a step back. She knew she was being stupid, but she was seriously afraid that Woodruff was going to hit her.
"Don't worry", snapped Woodruff, as if he could read her mind. "I won't hit you. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I would - I mean, I've already almost stolen DM's girlfriend today, so why not just sink lower and hurt her as well? Then that'll punch my reputation's ticket".
"Woodruff - don't act like this", pleaded Kim, reaching her hand out. "Would you rather I told you later, rather than tell you now?"
Woodruff shied away from Kim's outstretched hand. "You like DM, don't you?" he said suddenly, ignoring her last question.
"Yes..." said Kim slowly.
"Yes, it's always DM, isn't it?" he said bitterly. "He's the one with the charm, the looks, the fame - never mind Woodruff, he's way out of DM's league".
"Woodruff, there WILL BE someone in your life", said Kim desperately. "But it doesn't have to be me".
"Why not?" he asked quietly.
"Because - I - don't love you", she replied.
That seemed to end the conversation. Woodruff gave a big heavy sigh, and then bowed his head. Kim felt really sorry for him.
"There's a spare bedroom, if you want some time to yourself", she said gently.
He nodded, not looking at her. Then he slowly eased up off the chair, and walked straight past her. Kim stared after him, feeling terrible.
Back in the lounge, DM was nervously playing with his hands when he heard a thumping of footsteps in the hall. He ran to take a look and saw Woodruff's back disappearing into a spare room. Then the kitchen door opened and Kim came out.
"He's taking it a bit hard", she said quietly. "We'd better leave him".
DM looked at his watch. It was nearly ten, but DM wasn't feeling sleepy. Maybe he could still get over to the hospital before visiting hours were over for the night.
"I'm going to see Penfold", said DM to Kim. "Are you coming?"
She shook her head. "No. I'll stay here". She saw the look of unease growing on his face.
"Don't worry. I'll call if we have any problems", she said.
He nodded. "I'll see you later". He smiled at her and then went to sit on the couch. The next minute, he was in the Mark III, and driving off into the night.
*
DM opened the door to the hospital ward and almost did a double-take. There two bedside tables by the bed. Both were decorated with different Valentines cards. Penfold was sitting up in bed, watching TV.
"Penfold!" DM exclaimed. "You should be asleep!"
"Chief!" cried Penfold, delighted to see him. "Where are Kim and Woodruff?"
"Back at the pillarbox".
"Alone?"
"Yes".
A look of horror passed over Penfold's face. "Oooh, Chief. I have to tell you something". He them went on to tell Danger Mouse about his conversation with Woodruff. DM smiled ruefully at him when he had finished.
"Penfold - don't worry", he said kindly. "Kim's spoken to Woodruff, and it's all sorted out".
Penfold looked relieved. "Oh, good".
DM reached across and put his hand to Penfold's forehead, giving it a gentle rub.
"I know Kim and I don't make the elements of our relationship awfully clear", he said gently. "I don't blame you for anything, Penfold. You're still our best friend".
Penfold smiled.
"You're my best friend too, Chief. You AND Kim".
DM smiled back and lowered his hand to Penfold's, giving it a squeeze.
"I'll NEVER let anyone shoot you again, Penfold", he promised.
"I'll never make a mistake like I did today again, Chief".
"You didn't make a mistake".
"YOU didn't let Duckula shoot me. The bullet was aimed off the mark; even I could see it".
DM stood up and put an arm gently around Penfold's shoulders, hugging him extremely carefully. Penfold hugged him with his one good arm, glad to have his friend here with him.
"Anyway", said DM, pulling away. He looked at all the cards curiously. "What's all this, then? More things from Carlotta?"
"No? These are from Katie, Jessie, Sophie, Laura and Paula".
DM looked at him blankly.
"The other nurses", explained Penfold. "Some of them sent cards more than once".
"Oh!" Needless to say, DM was pleased and surprised at the same time for Penfold. His friend was often clumsy, but he had a good heart and always tried his best. No wonder the nurses were all paying attention to him.
"Well, many congratulations", he smiled. At that moment, there was a knocking at the door and Carlotta looked in.
"Sorry, DM, visiting hours are over", she said gently.
DM sighed. He would have loved to stay longer, but it WAS late, and he needed some sleep.
"I'll see you tomorrow", he said to Penfold. "Sleep well".
He grasped Penfold's arm for a moment before leaving the ward. The hospital corridors were still and silent. DM realised he must be the only visitor left. He sped up his pace.
Outside in the carpark, it was quite cold. DM hugged himself, feeling goosebumps on his flesh. He definitely needed a warm bed and a Highlight hot chocolate right about now. He clambered into the Mark III and started off for the pillarbox.
When he arrived back, flew overhead and then came in to land, DM was surprised to see a van parked near the pillarbox. As the Mark III landed, he climbed out and just as a precaution, decided to take a look around.
He had not taken two steps forward when a rough hand grabbed him and spun him round.
"DM!" said a familiar voice.
"Woodruff!" cried DM. "You startled me!"
The collie roughly pushed DM backwards and the force of his arm sent DM sprawling to the floor. The mouse sat up, slightly alarmed.
"Woodruff, I know you're upset - "
"Too right!" snapped the collie. "How could you let me EMBARRASS myself like that?"
"It's not what you think - " said DM, getting up.
"What is it, then?"
"I - I don't know - " said DM, startled by this sudden change in his friend.
"Well, I'm not interested in explanations, anyway", growled Woodruff, his voice low and dangerous.
DM barely had time to get into a martial arts position before Woodruff ran at him. In a split-second decision, DM grabbed the collie, swung him over his head and then slowly tackled him down onto the pavement, not wanting to hurt him.
However, Woodruff didn't slow down. He pushed DM away, and then got up again. Without even pausing for breath, he ran at the mouse. DM ducked underneath the swing of his arm, skillfully ran around him and then as Woodruff turned around, he slapped him across the face.
"That's enough!" he snapped. "Woodruff, Kim has her own life. She has rights and hopes and dreams - and she wants to live by them! She isn't going to fall for you just because you care for her. You can accept that or not!"
Woodruff glared at DM. Suddenly, the gaze turned to one of puzzlement and Woodruff moved his head to look over DM's shoulder.
DM, however, wasn't going to fall for it. It was obvious that Woodruff was going to tackle him as soon as he looked around. The oldest trick in the book, he thought ruefully.
But Woodruff's curious gaze was still fixed at something behind DM, and the agent was beginning to wonder if Woodruff was actually bluffing or not.
"DM - there's - LOOK OUT!" Woodruff's voice reached an octave just as someone clamped a hand over DM's mouth, and he felt a tight grip on his arm. DM struggled, and spotted Woodruff trying to fend off someone tackling him. Then a bandanna was tied around the mouse's eyes, and he was pushed to the ground. There was a heavy thump and DM realised that Woodruff was down too. But this didn't stop Woodruff from yelling abuse at their captives.
Someone pinned DM's arms behind his back and tied them together in something that the mouse could identify as rope. It was rough against his wrists.
"Shall we take this one too?" asked a male voice.
"Yeah. It'll stop him shouting his mouth off", said another voice, a female one this time.
"Who are you?" asked DM.
"Never mind", snapped the female voice near his ear. "You'd better take the collie", she said to her accomplice. "He's a fighter".
A pair of arms wrapped themselves around DM and he was dragged across the ground.
"Where are you taking us?" he asked.
There was a moment's silence before the female answered.
"To see an old friend".
Sabertooth - Oh, you do make me smile! :) Thanks for the review! *Hugs*
Elvesmagic - Cool! An Illusionist plushie! *Hugs it along with her Virgil, Richie and Adam plushies* Thanks for the review! I'm enjoying your fanfic like CRAZY!
By the way, I've made a few minor changes to Chapter 3. Nothing big - just correcting some spelling mistakes and errors (I need to use a dictionary...)
Anyway, I know I said at Club DM that Woodruff comes from Dover but now he's got a place in London, 'K? Just clearing that up!
*
Chapter 5
DM gasped in shock at the temperature of the cold water raining down on him in the shower. He arched his back and leaned against the wall until he felt the water temperature grow warmer, and with a sigh of relief walked backwards underneath the spray. He ran his fingers through his damp tuft of hair as he tried to think.
Woodruff liked Kim. It wasn't Kim's fault, and it probably wasn't Woodruff's fault either. Judging by what Kim had told him, the collie was new to the dating game. And he had chosen Kim as his first player.
But why? DM thought, as he reached for the soap. Surely, SURELY, he knew Kim and I were -
What are we?
DM paused in rubbing the soap in his hands. At what stage was he at with Kim? They certainly weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, and you couldn't exactly say they were lovers. Once they had...but twice they hadn't...
DM furrowed his brow as he ran one soapy hand down his arm, leaving lather on his skin. The water washed it off again almost immediately. DM bent down and covered one of his legs in soap, feeling the water on his back and shoulders. As he stood up again, he rested his head against the left wall of the shower and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, the water continuing to run.
Why was it, every time, when he and Kim were trying to get closer, something came up? Greenback, Crumhorn, now Duckula...DM felt all he had to do was sit down before a call came through.
When they allowed me to have this position, I bet they weren't expecting me to have so many experiences, thought DM, trying (with difficulty) to wash his back. I wasn't even expecting to meet Kim.
Then I guess it's true. Life is full of surprises. And what happened today has proved it.
DM turned the shower tap off, and pulled back the screen as he snatched a towel from the radiator. He made his way through into his bedroom, which was attached to the bathroom. He sat on the bed and dried himself as quickly as possible, putting his jumpsuit back on before curling up on the bed. He realised, absent-mindedly, that it was starting to get dark.
DM put his head on the pillow, glad for its warmth. He closed his eyes and just lay there. His clock read 5.50pm.
When DM opened his eyes, the clock read 8.00pm and someone was stroking his forehead.
"Hi there", said Kim gently. "You've been asleep for over two hours".
DM smiled up at her. "Sorry. Any calls?"
"No, none".
At that moment though, they both heard the faint sounds of the videophone in the lounge.
"I spoke too soon", sighed Kim. She stood up and offered DM her hand. As soon as their fingers touched, DM felt her warmth - and realised that no matter what happened, everything was going to be alright.
The tender moment passed and all business again, DM ran through to the lounge, closely followed by Kim, and answered the videophone to see Colonel K, as usual, sitting at his desk.
"DM? Colonel K here".
"DM recieving you, Colonel".
"Ah, I'm glad I got through to you", said the Colonel. "There's something strange going on in Willesden Green, DM".
"In what way, Colonel?" asked DM.
"There's some sort of riot going on", replied the Colonel.
"Good grief!" cried DM.
"What is it, sir? Gang members?" asked Kim.
"Er - no. This is the bit you two are going to find strange", said Colonel K.
"Sir?" asked DM.
"It's men fighting women".
"WHAT?!" cried Kim and DM at the same time.
"I don't believe it either. But it's true", said Colonel K. "I don't think the men started it - but Agent 14 is on the scene and that's what he said it looked like. But I think it's the other way round".
"But - why?" asked DM. "It sounds too strange - unless it's some kind of protest".
"I doubt it, DM", said Colonel. "This is real fighting. The police have been trying to break it up, but the mass is too big. Many people ran off in fright when the fighting started. It's as if half of London has just suddenly gone mad!"
DM exchanged a troubled glance with Kim.
"So, I want you to go down there and see if you can help break things up", continued the Colonel. "Try and see if you can find some clues. This is isn't normal behaviour, DM. In fact, it could mean trouble!"
*
Woodruff peeked through the branches of the tree he had taken refuge in. Down below, he could hear people screaming and shouting. Woodruff winced as he watched a women just below the tree punch her husband in the jaw. He didn't want to get involved - one opponent was OK, but a whole mass of them? No way!
Anyway, what was the point? He would probably just make things worse - and he didn't want to hurt any of the women. Woodruff was a wrestler, but he was a sensible one.
What's HAPPENED? he thought. This is crazy! I'm strolling through Willesden Green, and then suddenly all heck breaks loose!
He had gone out for a walk after his conversation with Kim and as he approached Willesden Green, had spotted two couples fighting and people nervously avoiding them. He had thought nothing of it, only deciding it to be stupid that two couples were fighting in public and in the same place, and had gone on. But as he walked through the green, he had seen more couples fighting, and then gradually, the fight had started.
"I HATE WOMEN!" shouted one man now.
"YOU AND ME BOTH!" yelled the man who had been punched. His wife slapped him across the face.
"Yeah? Well, don't expect me to break down and cry - I hate you too! I don't know why I decided to marry you!" she screamed.
"For money, maybe?" he taunted.
"Why not? It's the only thing you're good at producing!"
Woodruff's eyes narrowed. He realised something now - the people weren't fighting in one big mass, even though it did look that way. They were fighting individually - and by the looks of it, in couples.
At that moment, the Border Collie was brought to attention by the sound of motors and looked up. He saw the Mark III coming in to land.
Maybe DM can sort this out, he thought hopefully. He brushed some hair out of his eyes and then jumped down the branches onto the ground. But looking around at the crowd, he realised that maybe this wasn't such a good idea: how could he get through to DM without getting caught up in the violence?
His question was soon answered: DM deliberately brought the Mark III down right in the middle of the green. People scattered to get out of his way.
"Alright!" DM held a small loud-hailer to his mouth as he jumped out, Kim (Woodruff's heart started to beat considerably fast) close behind him, shining a very bright torch.
"I don't want any more violence", said DM through the loud-hailer. "People are scared and arrests are likely to be made. Now, I want the women to line up on the left side of the green, and the men to line up on the right".
"YEAH! 'CAUSE MEN ARE RIGHT!" one man yelled hoarsely. This earned cheers from the men and protests from the women.
"That's ENOUGH!" snapped DM. The entire green immediately hushed up. "If you don't do as I say, I will be forced to take extreme measurements and open fire with my car".
"He's just bluffing", sneered a teenage girl. "He wouldn't dare".
DM reached into the car and pressed a button. Immediately, the Mark III's built-in cannons shot out continuous spitfire before the crowd and there were several screams of alarm.
"Now what will it be? Surrender now, or surrender later?"
Immediately, the crowd started to move - the women to the left, the men to the right. DM breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thanks, DM", said one policeman, running past. "I think we can take it from here".
Kim grinned and put one hand on DM's shoulder. Unable to resist, she gave him a rather flirtatious smile.
"Are you this good at everything?" she asked innocently.
DM raised an eyebrow at her suggestively. "Maybe".
Kim gave DM a kiss on the cheek. She gave it a rub as she pulled away, and DM shivered, as always delighted at the attention she was showing him.
Suddenly, Kim looked over his shoulder and her look turned to one of horror. "Oh, no..."
DM spun around to see Woodruff running towards them. He gave a frown - he hadn't expected to see the collie here. And he had to confess, he wasn't looking forward to talking to him.
"Woodruff", he said stonily, as the collie came to a halt in front of them. "What are you doing here?"
"Taking a walk. Hey, Kim". Woodruff tipped Kim a wink. She gave him a very nervous smile.
"Any idea what happened here?" asked DM, avoiding Kim's gaze.
"Nope. People just started fighting. It's weird".
At least we agree on something, thought DM darkly. He looked at Kim out of the corner of his eye and watched as Woodruff slung his arm around her shoulder. DM turned away and looked ahead, his face set. Kim watched him sadly, making a split-second decision. Woodruff had to know the truth - but in private.
The three of them walked in silence. Suddenly, DM felt something crack beneath his boots.
"What - ?" he started, before looking down and seeing a shard of glass beneath his feet. "Oh, good grief. Why can't people throw their rubbish into - WHAT?"
Kim had shone her torch across and the light revealed the grass to be thick with some sort of black substance.
"What is it? Ink?" asked Woodruff curiously.
DM picked up the biggest shard of glass where a label was intact. He read it out with disbelieving eyes.
"It's 'Fresh Milk'".
"No way", said Woodruff, taking his arm away from around Kim's shoulders. She breathed a sigh of relief as Woodruff snatched the glass from DM.
"Milk isn't black", he said as he read it and then handed it back to DM.
"Obviously", said Kim. "But what - ?"
Her torch was shining around the grassy patch, and the beam came to a halt on another bottle, black liquid seeping steadily out onto the grass.
"Look!" cried Kim. It was Woodruff this time who picked the bottle up.
"What's going on here?" he said. "This isn't MILK!"
"Yes", mused DM. "Maybe the fights this afternoon were caused by a substance of some sort". His fingers tightened around the glass shard. "Made by a certain SOMEONE".
"Duckula", breathed Kim. "Maybe it's him!"
"It could be. He's our area of current suspicion", frowned DM. "But - by what motive?"
Kim sighed and shrugged. For a moment, her thoughts drifted back to visiting Penfold that morning...to meeting Carlotta...to Woodruff discovering that -
VALENTINE'S CARD!
"Maybe he wants to wreck Valentine's Day". The words were out of Kim's mouth before she could stop them.
DM looked around at her.
"That might actually be the answer!" he cried.
"Why, though?" asked Woodruff, miffed.
DM turned to him, his resentment towards the collie temporarily forgotten.
"What makes someone turn evil?" he challenged the collie.
Woodruff thought for a moment. "I'm not sure - TV they might have watched, blackmail...bad childhood?"
"Exactly!" replied DM. "Almost every villain I've come up against has experienced a bad upbringing. It's easy to feel jealous - and to wreck someone else's life". He tapped the glass shard with a finger.
"There's still a bit of this...stuff...in here", said Woodruff, peeking through the rim of the bottle. "What do I do with it?"
"Give it to me, Woodruff", ordered DM. "I need to take it in for study".
Woodruff shrugged and handed it over. "Fair enough". He slung his arm back around Kim and DM in turn looked in the opposite direction.
"Um, Woodruff", said Kim quickly. "I need to talk to you".
"Sure - what about?" he asked.
"Come back to the pillarbox with us", said Kim. "It's important". Better let him know now, before things gets out of hand, she thought. With that, she took Woodruff's arm and so as not to hurt his feelings, held him arm-in- arm. Feeling a little more comfortable, she pulled Woodruff along until they were right next to DM. DM looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her a tiny smile. She smiled back.
Woodruff, however, saw the exchange and his brow furrowed. They're friends, he reminded himself. They have every right to smile at each other.
Just friends. Nothing more.
Right?
*
Duckula sat at the edge of his bed, watching the small portable TV in his hands. In a newsflash, there had been a riot on Willesdon Green - between men and women. Danger Mouse had been on the scene, but he had just left.
Duckula's brow furrowed as he heard that DM had been present. He didn't want any traces of the hate potion to be discovered - not while the fun was just starting! He wanted revenge, and he was going to have it - and no-one was going to stop him.
"He c-c-can't DO t-t-this!" hissed Duckula, turning the TV off and throwing it on the bed. "I've w-w-waited too long - it w-w-won't end this w-w-way!"
He reached into the folds of his cloak and brought out a radio. He decided to call Helen and Jack - despite Jack's eager nature, the two were the best henchmen for the job.
"Jack? Helen?" he snapped down the line. "This is Duckula".
"Helen to Duckula. Go ahead, sir", came the reply.
"Where are you two?" asked Duckula.
"We're in a motel. We're just settling down for the night".
"Oh, n-n-no you don't", spat Duckula. "I want you and Jack to go b-b-back to London - NOW".
Helen groaned inwardly before answering. "Why, sir?"
"You are to lay in w-w-wait for Danger Mouse, and take him captive at the f- f-first opportunity", said Duckula. "I think he might have d-d-discovered some of my hate potion - I can't risk this g-g-getting out".
"But so many people have already drunk the potion", reasoned Helen. "So why not just leave it at that?"
"Helen", said Duckula, his voice now dangerously low. "H-h-how would you like to be out of a j-j-job?"
"No, sir!" cried Helen quickly. "I only meant - "
"L-l-listen, Helen. To y-y-you it may be so m-m-many people, but to m-m-me it's just a t-t-tiny part of Britain - understand?"
"Y-yes, sir", said Helen's voice, trembling slightly. "I understand. I'll get Jack and we'll set off - but we'll need to stay awake on the road".
"That's not m-m-my problem", said Duckula coldly.
"I wasn't indicating that it was, sir. Over and out". Helen thought it best to end this conversation while she still had a salary.
Jack was asleep on the next bed. Helen sighed. He's not going to be too happy, she thought.
"Jack?" she whispered, going over and shaking the tiger gently. "Jack?"
The tiger moaned, and turned over.
"Jack!" said Helen, louder this time.
"Just five more minutes, Mummy..." he murmured.
"Jack..." Helen's patience was running out. She ran to the bathroom and took up the tumbler that stood by the sink. She filled it up with cold water and then ran back into the bedroom. She stood right by Jack's bed, and then tipped the tumbler right over, icy-cold water raining down on Jack's head.
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" yelled Jack, sitting bolt up-right. "Who? What? Where?'
"Come on, Jack". Helen tossed the tumble to the floor. "Rise and shine. We've got some business to attend to".
"Uh?" Jack looked at the hawk strangely. "Is it morning already?"
"No - "
"Then GOOD NIGHT!" Jack started to throw the covers over his head, but Helen pulled them down and threw the covers to the floor.
"JACK!" she snapped. "Will you listen for two seconds? Duckula wants us to go back to London - TONIGHT!"
"Can't we get some sleep first?" moaned Jack.
"No". Helen shook her head. "We need to go back NOW".
"Oh, come off it!" cried Jack. "What's the rush?"
"Could it be that we're a hundred miles away from London, and need to get moving while it's still night-time?"
"So you chucked water all over me? You couldn't just shake me?"
"I tried that, but you didn't get up", answered Helen. "Besides, would you rather I used my beak?"
Jack shied away from the female hawk. "OK, point taken. But can we at LEAST have some coffee first?"
"Even I can't say no to that". Helen put a wing to her forehead. "It's going to be a long night. We've got to travel to London, find Danger Mouse - and who knows how long THAT'S going to take - and then we have to drive him to Duckula's castle!"
"Thankyou, Miss Songthrush, for that cheery little update", muttered Jack, turning away for the door.
*
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" asked Woodruff cheerfully, as the sofa came up into the lounge.
Kim smiled nervously and got off the couch. She gestured Woodruff to her.
"I need to talk to you in private", she said.
Woodruff turned and smirked at DM. "Don't wait up!" he grinned.
DM gave a very tight smile back.
Kim decided the kitchen was the best place to have a talk with Woodruff. She opened the door, let him in, and then shut it after her.
"Bit of an odd place, this, isn't it?" asked Woodruff.
He's not making this easy, thought Kim. She took a deep breath.
"Woodruff - I - about the conversation we had earlier - it's - not what you think", she said.
He gave her a look. Kim could see dread in his eyes.
"I don't understand", Woodruff said, giving a nervous little laugh.
"The thing is - " Get it out in the open, Kim. He needs to know, she thought.
"I lied". Kim bowed her head after saying those words. She could feel the Border Collie's eyes on her.
"Lied?" Woodruff's voice was very small. Kim forced herself to look back up at him.
"Woodruff - I'll always be your friend", she said. "But - I could never like you like that".
"You lied". Woodruff's voice was flat. "You lied because you felt sorry for me".
"I couldn't back out", said Kim. "I mean, I just didn't realise that you never had a girlfriend until you told me".
"You try having parents who disagreed on my well-being", Woodruff replied. His voice was now sharp. "With them, and the gym, there was no time to think of girls".
"If it's any consolation, I didn't have a boyfriend until I was seventeen", said Kim.
"I'M twenty-four! Do you realise how foolish I feel?" snapped Woodruff. "In my twenties, and never even been kissed! YOU were a teenager - I'M an adult! There's a difference, Kim!"
Kim took a step back. She knew she was being stupid, but she was seriously afraid that Woodruff was going to hit her.
"Don't worry", snapped Woodruff, as if he could read her mind. "I won't hit you. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought I would - I mean, I've already almost stolen DM's girlfriend today, so why not just sink lower and hurt her as well? Then that'll punch my reputation's ticket".
"Woodruff - don't act like this", pleaded Kim, reaching her hand out. "Would you rather I told you later, rather than tell you now?"
Woodruff shied away from Kim's outstretched hand. "You like DM, don't you?" he said suddenly, ignoring her last question.
"Yes..." said Kim slowly.
"Yes, it's always DM, isn't it?" he said bitterly. "He's the one with the charm, the looks, the fame - never mind Woodruff, he's way out of DM's league".
"Woodruff, there WILL BE someone in your life", said Kim desperately. "But it doesn't have to be me".
"Why not?" he asked quietly.
"Because - I - don't love you", she replied.
That seemed to end the conversation. Woodruff gave a big heavy sigh, and then bowed his head. Kim felt really sorry for him.
"There's a spare bedroom, if you want some time to yourself", she said gently.
He nodded, not looking at her. Then he slowly eased up off the chair, and walked straight past her. Kim stared after him, feeling terrible.
Back in the lounge, DM was nervously playing with his hands when he heard a thumping of footsteps in the hall. He ran to take a look and saw Woodruff's back disappearing into a spare room. Then the kitchen door opened and Kim came out.
"He's taking it a bit hard", she said quietly. "We'd better leave him".
DM looked at his watch. It was nearly ten, but DM wasn't feeling sleepy. Maybe he could still get over to the hospital before visiting hours were over for the night.
"I'm going to see Penfold", said DM to Kim. "Are you coming?"
She shook her head. "No. I'll stay here". She saw the look of unease growing on his face.
"Don't worry. I'll call if we have any problems", she said.
He nodded. "I'll see you later". He smiled at her and then went to sit on the couch. The next minute, he was in the Mark III, and driving off into the night.
*
DM opened the door to the hospital ward and almost did a double-take. There two bedside tables by the bed. Both were decorated with different Valentines cards. Penfold was sitting up in bed, watching TV.
"Penfold!" DM exclaimed. "You should be asleep!"
"Chief!" cried Penfold, delighted to see him. "Where are Kim and Woodruff?"
"Back at the pillarbox".
"Alone?"
"Yes".
A look of horror passed over Penfold's face. "Oooh, Chief. I have to tell you something". He them went on to tell Danger Mouse about his conversation with Woodruff. DM smiled ruefully at him when he had finished.
"Penfold - don't worry", he said kindly. "Kim's spoken to Woodruff, and it's all sorted out".
Penfold looked relieved. "Oh, good".
DM reached across and put his hand to Penfold's forehead, giving it a gentle rub.
"I know Kim and I don't make the elements of our relationship awfully clear", he said gently. "I don't blame you for anything, Penfold. You're still our best friend".
Penfold smiled.
"You're my best friend too, Chief. You AND Kim".
DM smiled back and lowered his hand to Penfold's, giving it a squeeze.
"I'll NEVER let anyone shoot you again, Penfold", he promised.
"I'll never make a mistake like I did today again, Chief".
"You didn't make a mistake".
"YOU didn't let Duckula shoot me. The bullet was aimed off the mark; even I could see it".
DM stood up and put an arm gently around Penfold's shoulders, hugging him extremely carefully. Penfold hugged him with his one good arm, glad to have his friend here with him.
"Anyway", said DM, pulling away. He looked at all the cards curiously. "What's all this, then? More things from Carlotta?"
"No? These are from Katie, Jessie, Sophie, Laura and Paula".
DM looked at him blankly.
"The other nurses", explained Penfold. "Some of them sent cards more than once".
"Oh!" Needless to say, DM was pleased and surprised at the same time for Penfold. His friend was often clumsy, but he had a good heart and always tried his best. No wonder the nurses were all paying attention to him.
"Well, many congratulations", he smiled. At that moment, there was a knocking at the door and Carlotta looked in.
"Sorry, DM, visiting hours are over", she said gently.
DM sighed. He would have loved to stay longer, but it WAS late, and he needed some sleep.
"I'll see you tomorrow", he said to Penfold. "Sleep well".
He grasped Penfold's arm for a moment before leaving the ward. The hospital corridors were still and silent. DM realised he must be the only visitor left. He sped up his pace.
Outside in the carpark, it was quite cold. DM hugged himself, feeling goosebumps on his flesh. He definitely needed a warm bed and a Highlight hot chocolate right about now. He clambered into the Mark III and started off for the pillarbox.
When he arrived back, flew overhead and then came in to land, DM was surprised to see a van parked near the pillarbox. As the Mark III landed, he climbed out and just as a precaution, decided to take a look around.
He had not taken two steps forward when a rough hand grabbed him and spun him round.
"DM!" said a familiar voice.
"Woodruff!" cried DM. "You startled me!"
The collie roughly pushed DM backwards and the force of his arm sent DM sprawling to the floor. The mouse sat up, slightly alarmed.
"Woodruff, I know you're upset - "
"Too right!" snapped the collie. "How could you let me EMBARRASS myself like that?"
"It's not what you think - " said DM, getting up.
"What is it, then?"
"I - I don't know - " said DM, startled by this sudden change in his friend.
"Well, I'm not interested in explanations, anyway", growled Woodruff, his voice low and dangerous.
DM barely had time to get into a martial arts position before Woodruff ran at him. In a split-second decision, DM grabbed the collie, swung him over his head and then slowly tackled him down onto the pavement, not wanting to hurt him.
However, Woodruff didn't slow down. He pushed DM away, and then got up again. Without even pausing for breath, he ran at the mouse. DM ducked underneath the swing of his arm, skillfully ran around him and then as Woodruff turned around, he slapped him across the face.
"That's enough!" he snapped. "Woodruff, Kim has her own life. She has rights and hopes and dreams - and she wants to live by them! She isn't going to fall for you just because you care for her. You can accept that or not!"
Woodruff glared at DM. Suddenly, the gaze turned to one of puzzlement and Woodruff moved his head to look over DM's shoulder.
DM, however, wasn't going to fall for it. It was obvious that Woodruff was going to tackle him as soon as he looked around. The oldest trick in the book, he thought ruefully.
But Woodruff's curious gaze was still fixed at something behind DM, and the agent was beginning to wonder if Woodruff was actually bluffing or not.
"DM - there's - LOOK OUT!" Woodruff's voice reached an octave just as someone clamped a hand over DM's mouth, and he felt a tight grip on his arm. DM struggled, and spotted Woodruff trying to fend off someone tackling him. Then a bandanna was tied around the mouse's eyes, and he was pushed to the ground. There was a heavy thump and DM realised that Woodruff was down too. But this didn't stop Woodruff from yelling abuse at their captives.
Someone pinned DM's arms behind his back and tied them together in something that the mouse could identify as rope. It was rough against his wrists.
"Shall we take this one too?" asked a male voice.
"Yeah. It'll stop him shouting his mouth off", said another voice, a female one this time.
"Who are you?" asked DM.
"Never mind", snapped the female voice near his ear. "You'd better take the collie", she said to her accomplice. "He's a fighter".
A pair of arms wrapped themselves around DM and he was dragged across the ground.
"Where are you taking us?" he asked.
There was a moment's silence before the female answered.
"To see an old friend".