Forget I said anything
Draco's cocky smirk instantly disappeared and was replaced by one of pure shock.
"Me?" he whispered.
"Yes, you!" Tears started to scratch at her eyes, threatening to spill over and multiply her humiliation. Already she could feel her face reddening. "You saw me being brutally rejected when you left me in that corridor last night. You saw it again when you were all over that…that slut this morning in the Great Hall! You saw it all! You made it all! I don't want to love you, Malfoy, but I don't get a bloody choice!"
She turned her back on his dumbstruck expression and wiped away the small tears that had managed to trickle from her bloodshot eyes.
"I…I didn't know." She heard him say. He'd moved. It sounded like he was sitting back down on the bench.
"Yeah, well, you do now." She told the clouds. They answered only with a small drizzle of rain.
"Hermione…I will never understand you. You keep changing. One minute you're telling me you love me, the next you're making up rape stories and getting my head bashed in. What is happening in that twisted mind of yours?"
"I…I'm sorry." She turned to face him and walked over to the bench, sitting at the opposite end from him. She let her head hang, looking at her worn shoes. "You scared me. Or maybe I scared me. I don't know. And then I hated you. I hated you for loving me. I wanted out. But it was only last night after you…after what happened, I realised how much I like you."
She rolled her eyes. "God I sound cheesy. Look, Draco; forget I said anything." She got up to leave when she felt Draco's hand grasp her arm.
"No." She turned to face him and he dropped her arm, looking in the opposite direction again. He carried on in a softer tone. "No. You can't go. I'm sick of you doing that."
She sat down again, careful not to sit too close to him. "What do you mean?"
"You always do that. That…that first day, in the corridor, you said you loved me and then walked off. Then you start talking to your little Gryffindor comrades…I think we all know what happened after that." Hermione looked away in disgrace. He was referring to when she had unintentionally accused him of rape…let's face it, not a lot else had happened that didn't trace back to that one lie.
"Draco…I'm sorry. Ok? I wish there was some way I could show you that I am but I don't know what to do." Hermione pleaded. "I've never been in this situation before, and I've never fucked any situation up this badly!"
"Including that troll in first year?" he whispered, standing up and smiling softly at her. Hermione smiled sceptically, slightly blushing.
"Including that troll in first year." She answered.
"Now, you have to admit," he laughed. "You fucked that one up pretty badly."
Hermione laughed quietly and stood up also, facing the opposite direction. "Yeah I guess I kind of did."
"I swear McGonagall gave you funny looks for a week after!" he gasped. They were both laughing heavily now, their raucous laughter seeming wrong in the silence that had surrounded them moments before.
"I don't think I'll ever forget that time when- " Hermione was caught off mid-sentence as she and Draco looked up at the same time and their eyes locked, deep hazel into swirling grey.
The laughter died immediately. The two teenagers held their gaze steadily until Draco coughed awkwardly and looked away. Hermione looked down at the rain-dampened grass beneath her feet. There'll always be tension between us she thought bitterly. We can't forget everything.
"Well, Granger; we're not first year anymore. Things won't work out ok…and Potter, no matter how hard he tries, cannot save this day." He sat on the back of the bench and looked out over the village. Hermione slumped down at the opposite foot of the bench, hoping her dark cloak would disguise any grass stains she may adopt. They could hear the shouts from the visitors and inhabitants of the wizarding village. A loud explosion erupted from the general direction of Zonko, Weasley and Jordan, formerly humbly known as Zonko's Joke Shop. Things had undeniably changed in the past few years. Hermione looked over to Draco, who still had his back to her. Thing is though, did they change for good?
"Draco?" She whispered. He turned his head slowly to face her, but didn't look at her. Instead he cast his eyes down to the wood of the bench.
"Yeah?" he said in a tone so soft she didn't think a Malfoy could ever have.
"Last…last night, in that corridor...if I hadn't said that I loved…I mean, if I hadn't said what I did…"
Hermione felt awkward. She looked down and let her fingers play with blades of grass. She could feel Draco's eyes turn to her, summing her up.
"Go on." He encouraged.
"Would you…would you have…you know…raped me?" Draco sighed and rubbed his eyes, looking back out over the village.
"I don't know." He said after several minutes, sounding almost wistful. "I guess not."
Hermione nodded slowly, glad she couldn't see his face as she fought to keep tears away. "Ok. I guess we'll never know."
"Yeah." Silence returned, the only sound being the harsh whistle of wind.
"Hermione?" Hermione look up to show she was listening. "If…if Weasley and Potter had tried to come after me again, would you have stopped them?"
Hermione swallowed a lump in her throat. Yes. Say yes, damn you. She knew she should say yes. She wanted to say yes. But if she was being completely honest, would she?
"I guess I don't know either."
"Ok."
The daunting silence returned, except this time it was brief. Only a few minutes later did they hear the all too familiar crackle of Parvati's radio being tuned.
Draco and Hermione looked at each other in shock. They couldn't be seen together – Gryffindor and Slytherin. Not now anyway. And not ever Hermione reprimanded herself.
"Hermione? Hermione, are you up here?" Parvati's voice wailed over the noise.
Hermione looked around frantically. Parvati would reach them any second. Draco took this as his cue and ran to the side of the derelict building, hiding in the shadows just as Hermione had done earlier.
"Hermione!"
"I'm here, Parvati!" She waved to the somewhat distressed girl when she was sure Draco was hidden. "Parvati, whatever's wrong?"
Parvati walked over to the bench and fell into the seat, letting tears come down her face freely.
"Oh, Hermione." She sighed, choking on a sob. "It's Lavender! We had a fight over Dean bloody Thomas and now we're not talking, and Padma's hanging out with all her Hufflepuff friends that I don't know. You're the only person I can talk to now, 'Mione!"
"It's ok." Hermione said, trying to sound soothing. She sat down beside the distraught girl and put a comforting arm round her shoulder. "I don't mind. Do you want to talk?"
Parvati sniffed. "I'd rather just get it sorted out in my own head first, if that's ok." Hermione nodded in agreement. "It's just that I didn't want to be alone."
She started fiddling with the tuner on her radio again before throwing it down on the ground in a temper. "Stupid fucking thing! I hate it! And I hate her! What kind of a bloody name is Lavender anyway? And I hate him! Bloody Dean, coming between me and Lav!" Hermione suppressed the voice inside her screaming 'Lav and I'.
"Don't worry. You'll work it out." Hermione reassured her. "You always do." She bent down and picked up the radio to try to tune it for her upset friend. Parvati laid her head on Hermione's shoulder as the machine was finally tuned.
'If I give up on you, I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be?
Even God himself, and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you'
Draco leaned against the side of the wall, sensing that this 'girly moment' could take significantly longer than a moment. He rolled his head over to look at Hermione. She was comforting Parvati. He smiled. She had so many sides.
So many sides he'd never knew she had.
'Like the side that accuses me off rape.' He thought petulantly. 'And then she comes over all loved-up…what the hell is going on in her head?' The music played on softly against the chorus of sobs and soothing noises.
'Tease me, by holding out your hand.
Then leave me, or take me as I am'
Hermione held Parvati in her arms, slowly rocking back and forth. She wondered if Draco was still there.
Waiting.
Watching.
'Probably not.' She thought solemnly. 'He probably doesn't care…I've missed the only chance I'll ever get o be with him.'
"I hate them!" Hermione looked down startled. She'd become so accustomed to the rhythmical sound of Parvati's crying that she'd almost forgotten she could speak. She patted her on her shoulder and willed Parvati's head back down onto her shoulder. As selfish as it was, she needed time to think.
'It's better this way.' She resolved. 'We couldn't work…A Gryffindor and a Slytherin…it's against every Hogwarts unwritten law.'
She let a silent tear slip from her own eyes. She knew it couldn't happen. She'd blown her chances.
And anyway, even if they had a chance, they would be shunned like a leper. No; worse than a leper. People just wouldn't understand their situation. Hermione wasn't the type to be concerned about material things or appearances, but she didn't want to lose her friends. For years they had been the only thing keeping her sane, especially at that time in fifth year when her beloved school marks had started to drop. She would never turn her back on them.
Not for anything.
Not even for love.
'And live our lives,
Stigmatised.
I can feel the blood rushing through my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane.
Hour after hour,
Day after day;
Every lonely night that I sit and pray'
The only thing she could do was admire him from afar.
It was the only practical thing to do. Practical Hermione.
*~*~*~*~*
Could it work? He knew she didn't care about appearance…the only thing really stopping her from going out with him was her friends. Draco didn't know a lot about friendship, but surely friends were supposed to back up whatever you do? And even if they didn't, were they really friends?
Most importantly, would she want to risk it all for him?
'We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I.
Just live our lives,
Stigmatised'
It could happen. Yes, it would take work. But Draco knew they could do it. What did he have to lose? His friends were only acting up to the traditional house rivalry – deep down, they knew it was bollocks. They could get over Hermione. They would have to. It wasn't as if he was becoming best friends with Potter.
Right on cue, the wounds on his torso throbbed in agony. 'Not a chance in hell will Potter and I ever be remotely friendly.'
But somehow, after what she'd just said, the injuries he'd suffered seemed insignificant. If there was a chance she could love him, even a little chance, then maybe it was worth it. Just maybe.
'We'll live our lives,
We'll take the punches every day.
We'll live our lives
I know we're gonna find our way'
Hermione sighed quietly. 'To hell with this.' She thought. Her friends would just have to accept her and Draco. If there ever was a 'her and Draco', that was. As much as she loved her friends, she knew that she'd hate herself if she didn't see what happened with Draco.
And she was fully aware at how melodramatic that sounded.
But life deserved a little over-reaction sometimes.
'I believe in you, even if no one understands.
I believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
If we're stigmatised.
We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I.
We live our lives on different sides'
But did he want her to? That was the only thing going through Draco's head. After all that shit she'd put him through, did he want to risk himself? She wasn't the girl he'd thought she was. If she could lie to her friends like that, how could he ever trust her?
Maybe it was best if they just lived their lives separately, before any of this crap got into the hands of the Gossip Mongers of Hogwarts. Just forget this entire episode in their lives and moved on. Maybe that was best.
'We're gonna live our lives,
Gotta live our lives'
Hermione's head snapped up as she heard an approaching noise. Draco. Draco was walking over. She smiled gently. What was going to happen? It could only mean two things. The first option was the preferable one. Maybe he was coming over in some mad, spontaneous romantic gesture. Maybe he'd sweep her up in front of an amazed Parvati, hold her in his arms and tell her he loved her, just like that day outside the common room. Maybe she'd get another chance to look into those mesmerising eyes, see those perfect lips…
Draco stopped in front of her. Her heart skipped a beat. Or a dozen beats.
He looked her in the eyes.
And shook his head.
"Goodbye Hermione."
Hermione's eyes followed his retreating back until he was completely out of sight. Parvati was still crying. She had been oblivious to anything that had just happened. She had been oblivious to the sound of Hermione's heart breaking into a million pieces.
For he had chosen the second option, and she knew it.
'Gonna live our lives,
Stigmatised'
*~*~*~*~*
A little note from me: well I hope you all liked that one too! Personally I didn't think it was that great – a little too fluffy for my liking. But it had to be done! Ok I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of reviews for chapter 17 – thank you all so much!Zephyr: wow that was quick! Hmm I suppose this wasn't a big enough reaction for Draco…damn it! Hehe you're nearly as random as me!
bunnygurl: thank you!
C: thanks for the email! Lol you have a knack for this…it's all I'm saying! Saying that, I don't know what's going to happen – I hadn't anticipated the fake rape storyline at all so you never know!
oliverwoodsgirl: lol yea he is pretty dense! And male! Lol thanks!
Maddy: thanks! Emm I update when I can – during holidays etc I try to be quick but during school term it can be up to a month, though I try to get chapters out quicker. Haven't decided when they will find out, but lets face it, they're gonna have to sometime! Glad you liked the story so far!
greenfairie: thank you! Ok please don't die a painful death on my lack of writing!! Lol I know – Draco!!!!
CrystallineLily: hehe your little dialogue actually made me laugh out loud – you've captured my personality perfectly!
Silverwing: thanks!
DrAcOlUvA99: lol thank you and yeah I'll email you. Hehe it was bloody brilliant was it?? (Though I'm not from England lol)
riddle: thanks for reviewing! Yeah that seems to be the general consensus about Hermione now…whoops.
flutter: hehe hope u found your heart…thanks for r/r!
Ashley: ok – thanks!
don't know me: thank you and sorry for the wait!
allee kat: thanks! Yeah CoS is good though I've only seen it once!! Tom Felton…wow…
honeygurl: yeah it is pretty twisted!! Um…why are you bumping??
Kim Malfoy: thanks!
Femme Fatale: hehe I feel really guilty 'cos you've been asking for ages! But I'm not sure how to fit them in!!! I'll try for future chapters though!
(No name): well u got one!
MuzicVibe: lol thanks!
voidsenshi: lol people are really into the mini script thing!! Have to say yours was very original though! Well, I hope you're alive enough to read this one!
Nikky: thank you!! Omg, JKR?! Reaaaally don't think I'm at her standard but thank you anyway!
Courtney: thank you – hope you liked this!
Claudia: thanks!
HarryPotterExpert: thanks! I know – Tom and Sean!!
tigris: thanks – what'd you think of this reaction?
amy: sorry I was so slow!!
caitie: thanks!!
RapPrincess: thanks! Quite concerned by the number of dying reviewers…
ramses: thank you!
LostAngel: thanks!!!!! I'm not happy with this chapter but it kind of had to be done.
Thank you everyone who reviewed and please keep up the brilliant work!!
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All Harry Potter stuff is JKR's property and the song "Stigmatised" is by The Calling (It helps to listen to that song during that part of the chapter because you get the feel of the atmosphere…that and it's a really sweet song!) Please review and leave your email address if you want me to send you an update email. In the review though please say if you want me to email you or not...I'm a bit slow like that and don't want to be emailing people who don't want to be mailed! Thank you!
mystical xx