WARNINGS: *howls* Quick! If you are squicked by het, do not read this story! THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF HET! M/F, straight couples, boys kissing girls! Yaaargh! *tears at her hair* … ahem. But, in all seriousness, if you don't like slash, why are you reading this? Do not go further. If you continue to read and then whine to me about how gay people are gross, I will laugh at you.
DISCLAIMER!: OMGF, I don't own anything! I do not claim to! I am making absolutely no money off of this! Don't sue me! I have no money! *gonk*
AUTHOR'S NOTE!: This chapter is dedicated to Chickalupe because she dedicated a chapter to me. *wipes away tear* I love you. AND, I know this is pathetically short, but I was planning to have it be a one shot… but now I desperately need feedback to inspire me. Oh, and yes, I know this is strange (it's going into a series of strange ficcis o' mine) and it is so because… uhm… I got really bored one night and decided to play MASH, but like, use random plots and characters, to see who'd end up together and what to write about… eheh. ;;
MASH CRITERIA: Percy must be uke to Lucius. Percy must do the cliché 'become a magical creature all of a sudden' thing, and Lucius must have some sort of deep, dark, secret. … ONWARD!
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Percy Weasley hated Mondays. Most would agrue that he did not have grounds to, as he worked through the weekend so Monday should, by all reason, be just another day like all the rest. But, for those who worked above him, it was not. Particularly his immediate boss, Lucius Malfoy. Lucius was always in a more of a foul mood on Mondays, and would relax by loading Percy down with more meaningless tasks then usual. Percy often thought that this was the only reason he was kept around; to amuse Lucius. He knew for a fact that Lucius never read his reports, nor did anyone else, so he obviously not benefiting the Ministry in any way, so being Lucius' amusement was the only conceivable reason that he was still employed.
Percy was sitting hunched over his desk attempting to translate a five and a half foot report he had written on the medicinal benefits of poking a lawn gnome in the eye (there are no benefits. At all) into Ancient Elvish (which no elf actually speaks nor understands any longer), wishing that his "office" (which was in all actuality, a "renovated" janitorial closet with no door) had windows or at least decent lighting, when Lucius Malfoy who had just arrived, noticed him as he was passing Percy's closet-office, and non-too politely "asked" for his morning cup of coffee.
Percy silently made his way to the coffee machine. He could make Lucius' coffee in his sleep now, having done it so often, which was saying something, as Lucius was very, very, particular about just about everything. Percy had dubbed this his morning exercise routine. Make Lucius his coffee, bring it to him, get lectured and snarled at, go to get "new" coffee (he had long ago learned to simply stand out of sight for a minute and pop back in with the same cup of coffee as before), and repeat the process roughly five times until Lucius tires of "fetch the coffee" and finds another way to amuse himself.
That morning however, after sending Percy back only three times, Lucius had come up with something else for Percy to do. Research the effects of household cleaning charms on endangered species of termites. "On my desk tomorrow morning, Weasley. And I need your other report before you leave tonight."
Percy knew very well that Lucius had completely forgotten what it was he had ordered him to do, but he wasn't going to let Percy get away with not turning it in to him regardless. Percy had the biting urge to walk into the lounge, fetch the whole pot of coffee, and very calmly dump the entire thing on Lucius' perfectly groomed blonde head. He would not have time to sleep at all that night. He settled for setting down the coffee-filled mug down on Lucius' desk with a twitching eye. To anyone else Percy would have appeared quite passive about the whole thing, but Percy knew that Lucius could read him like a book with size eighty-two font. This irked Percy immensely. Lucius nearly giggled with sadistic glee.
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Percy was tired, cold, and really, really, really wanted to go to bed. He had compiled all information he could find concerning termites, and concerning cleaning charms, but as suspected, nothing linking the two of them. So he set about finding the one endangered species of termite (AN: I have no idea if there are any endangered termites, humor the author.) so that he could wash them, see if they do anything interesting, then mush all this information together haphazardly and call it a report. Odds were Lucius wouldn't read it anyway. It had turned out that the only place he had been able to find the offending insects was in an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. This led to Percy's cold and wet state.
"Incipere Lavātiō"
Percy drew his faded robes around him tighter, shivering, and gently prodded a sudsy termite with his wand from where he sat crouching in the dewy grass next to a house that seemed about ready to collapse. All the poking and prodding unsettled a small cloud of termite bitten wood-dust particles, which in turn made Percy sneeze. He sniffled a bit, covering his nose with his oversized sleeve, not noticing that his sneeze had drawn attention to him. He didn't notice the swift approach, and never would have if an owl hadn't noticed it on it's own and screeched angrily at it. Percy owed the owl his life, as he started and turned to see exactly what had screeched, but instead his attention was drawn to the large wolf barreling toward him. Percy had always thought that werewolves would seem to have intelligence in their eyes after meeting his old DADA professor Remus Lupin, rather like the gorillas he had seen before, but this one's eyes were simply glossed over with madness and bloodlust. Percy mused that that was a peculiar thought to be having right before you were ripped to shreds, but then the shock wore off, and cold terror ripped through him, just as the wolf made it's decent toward his neck. Adrenaline and fear clouding Percy's reasoning, he never thought of a spell to fire off, just to swing his wand in the general direction of the wolf's head. The tip of his wand scraped along the werewolf's right eye, and it emitted a low pained sound before snapping its oversized jaw in the general direction of Percy. The wolf had better luck then Percy did, and hit right below Percy's left collarbone. It tore somewhat happily into Percy's flesh, bringing Percy to his wits enough to hit it with the first spell that came to his mind. The wolf let out a high-pitched whine before falling to the grass, dead.
Percy just sat there staring at it for a long while, until his blood stopped running from his pale skin and he could feel it cooling and hardening in his clothes and he started to pull himself up.
It wasn't until Percy was home in his meager apartment standing in front of his bathroom mirror that realization hit him. He had peeled his shirt off his too thin frame, wincing as the dry blood was ripped from his skin. He stared for several minutes at the large wound on his upper chest before dissolving into helpless sobs. He was a werewolf.
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Percy arrived to work late the next day, and Lucius was waiting for him. He took in the sight before him silently; Percy's pathetic excuse for business robes were in total disarray, haphazardly thrown on top of a dingy blue turtleneck sweater, his red eyes looked as though the skin under them had been smeared with dark-purple eye shadow. All in all he looked even more pitiful then usual. He kept his eyes downcast as Lucius glared dangerously down at him, "You were late." Lucius didn't even bother attempting to hide the contempt in his voice.
"I'm sorry, sir," was the quiet reply
Lucius narrowed his eyes, "Don't let it happen again. I'll be needing that report now."
Percy shrunk away from him slightly and cringed, "I don't have it."
If Lucius hadn't been above showing surprised, he would have looked something like a fish, "You don't have it."
Percy looked like he was expecting a physical attack at any moment, "I'm sorry, sir."
Lucius insulted Percy for several minutes, docked his pay, and then sent him on his way, all the while wondering what had happened to his favorite plaything. Percy had never once been late to work, nor had he ever missed turning a report. Yet he did both on the same day.
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Help me. Quick, feed me reviews so that I have the strength to update. It is important that you do, for as soon as I finish this one I'll post my next MASH fic, which is a Harry Potter cross-dressing one. OoOoooOo! *wiggles fingers at you*