In the beginning..
[Words on screen]
A very very very very very very very very very very long time ago. Ahh screw it!
Princess Mia of the planet Imil is about to wed that unbelievable bore Bernard. So now we have to do something about it, or else the plot would be more ruined than it is already. Forget it. Cue the ship thingy.
If you can read this, you don't need reveal. [End words on screen]
[The ship, moves slowly across the screen. It is the dreaded "Spaceball Won" and the symbol of that dreaded dork of the galaxy, Ivan Helmet. Spray- painted somewhere on the ship are the words "Ivan is a wiener, signed Felix" This is not part of the plot. This is all Felix's fault. This will all be very important later. At the back of the spaceship is a bumper sticker saying, "We cast 'halt' for nobody"]
[Scene: Spaceball Won main deck.]
Sheba as Spaceball soldier: Sir!
Picard: What is it, ensign?
Sheba: You told me to let you know the moment Planet Imil was in sight sir. Wait, "ensign"?
Picard: This is a ship. You get called ensign.
Sheba: Anyway, on with the parody.
Picard: ::sigh:: so?
Sheba: Planet Imil is in sight sir!
Picard: Oh, I'll notify lord Ivan immediately!
Sheba: I already did so.
Loudspeaker voice: All rise, in the presence of Ivan Helmet!
[The door slides open ominously. A short figure is standing there, wearing a black suit, cape and sporting a ridiculous helmet. He is also wearing a silver-lined black tie. He starts walking toward Picard and Sheba with an evil-sounding clomping sound. He reaches them, and we can hear his rasping breath. Suddenly, the mask slides up, revealing Ivan looking very hot (temperature wise, morons) and gasping. He is wearing big "dork" glasses]
Ivan: I can't breathe in this thing!
Picard: Planet Imil is in sight sir!
Ivan: Good. I'll notify President Felix at once.
Sheba: I've already done so, sir!
Ivan: You went over my helmet?
Sheba: Not over! More like, around! Oh shit.
[Ivan takes out a ring and puts it on his finger]
Sheba: [sweet voice] You wouldn't do anything to hurt me, would you Ivan?
Ivan: Crap. You know I can't resist the "innocent" look!
Sheba: [smiling in an evil manner] I know.
Picard: Let's just pretend you're in pain so we can move on, all right?
Ivan and Sheba: All right.
[Sheba lets out a screech of pain and is escorted from the room by some random Spaceball soldiers]
Ivan: So. Where is it?
Picard: Where's what?
Ivan: Planet Imil, you moron!
Picard: We don't have visual contact, so we can't see it except on. Ray-da? Is that how you say it?
Loudspeaker: It's Ray-dar.
Picard: Oh.
Ivan: Show me.
Picard: Show you what?
Ivan: [yelling] Planet Imil!
Picard: Oh. Right this way.
[Picard leads Ivan to a machine. We can see some sort of machinery on the screen. There is a lot of churning and bubbling]
Ivan: What's with all this churning and bubbling? You call this radar?
Picard: No. We call it: Mr.Coffee!
[He backs up and the camera expands to include the writing on top of the machine, which says, surprise surprise "Mr. Coffee"]
Ivan: Coffee! Gimmee!
[Picard wisely jumps out of the way as Ivan drinks the whole pot of coffee in one gulp and goes on a coffee-induced rampage, nearly destroying the ship, and definitely bringing this chapter to a premature end]
[Words on screen]
A very very very very very very very very very very long time ago. Ahh screw it!
Princess Mia of the planet Imil is about to wed that unbelievable bore Bernard. So now we have to do something about it, or else the plot would be more ruined than it is already. Forget it. Cue the ship thingy.
If you can read this, you don't need reveal. [End words on screen]
[The ship, moves slowly across the screen. It is the dreaded "Spaceball Won" and the symbol of that dreaded dork of the galaxy, Ivan Helmet. Spray- painted somewhere on the ship are the words "Ivan is a wiener, signed Felix" This is not part of the plot. This is all Felix's fault. This will all be very important later. At the back of the spaceship is a bumper sticker saying, "We cast 'halt' for nobody"]
[Scene: Spaceball Won main deck.]
Sheba as Spaceball soldier: Sir!
Picard: What is it, ensign?
Sheba: You told me to let you know the moment Planet Imil was in sight sir. Wait, "ensign"?
Picard: This is a ship. You get called ensign.
Sheba: Anyway, on with the parody.
Picard: ::sigh:: so?
Sheba: Planet Imil is in sight sir!
Picard: Oh, I'll notify lord Ivan immediately!
Sheba: I already did so.
Loudspeaker voice: All rise, in the presence of Ivan Helmet!
[The door slides open ominously. A short figure is standing there, wearing a black suit, cape and sporting a ridiculous helmet. He is also wearing a silver-lined black tie. He starts walking toward Picard and Sheba with an evil-sounding clomping sound. He reaches them, and we can hear his rasping breath. Suddenly, the mask slides up, revealing Ivan looking very hot (temperature wise, morons) and gasping. He is wearing big "dork" glasses]
Ivan: I can't breathe in this thing!
Picard: Planet Imil is in sight sir!
Ivan: Good. I'll notify President Felix at once.
Sheba: I've already done so, sir!
Ivan: You went over my helmet?
Sheba: Not over! More like, around! Oh shit.
[Ivan takes out a ring and puts it on his finger]
Sheba: [sweet voice] You wouldn't do anything to hurt me, would you Ivan?
Ivan: Crap. You know I can't resist the "innocent" look!
Sheba: [smiling in an evil manner] I know.
Picard: Let's just pretend you're in pain so we can move on, all right?
Ivan and Sheba: All right.
[Sheba lets out a screech of pain and is escorted from the room by some random Spaceball soldiers]
Ivan: So. Where is it?
Picard: Where's what?
Ivan: Planet Imil, you moron!
Picard: We don't have visual contact, so we can't see it except on. Ray-da? Is that how you say it?
Loudspeaker: It's Ray-dar.
Picard: Oh.
Ivan: Show me.
Picard: Show you what?
Ivan: [yelling] Planet Imil!
Picard: Oh. Right this way.
[Picard leads Ivan to a machine. We can see some sort of machinery on the screen. There is a lot of churning and bubbling]
Ivan: What's with all this churning and bubbling? You call this radar?
Picard: No. We call it: Mr.Coffee!
[He backs up and the camera expands to include the writing on top of the machine, which says, surprise surprise "Mr. Coffee"]
Ivan: Coffee! Gimmee!
[Picard wisely jumps out of the way as Ivan drinks the whole pot of coffee in one gulp and goes on a coffee-induced rampage, nearly destroying the ship, and definitely bringing this chapter to a premature end]