Well, I'm back from the dead.
Actually, I wasn't dead. More like "mortally wounded"
Come to think of it, I wasn't really wounded either.
Whatever. It's time for an update! Yay!
Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun or Jesus. Any of you who are offended by him in this story should flame my @$$. Seriously, I don't mean to offend anyone here. If you don't want to read satire with Jesus, skip to the next chapter. You probably already saw the movie, so you know what's going to happen. I promise that Jesus will not come back to this fic.
Chapter 7: Holy freakin' crap!
[Ivan Helmet and Picard are in desert clothing and standing in a landspeeder thingy. Helmet is looking around with binoculars.]
Ivan: I don't seeee them.
Picard: Of course not. We already searched this area.
Ivan: So why haven't we moved on yet?
Picard: We're about to. [To pilot] Prepare to move out?
Ivan: Prepare this! Prepare that! Why are you always preparing? Just GO!
Picard: Shouldn't you sit down?
[The landspeeder tales off, and Ivan falls back into his seat.]
[Scene: Sol Sanctum]
Isaac: Ahh, good old sol sanctum.
Mia: Isaac, we're not supposed to know where this is!
Garet: Right.
Isaac: Sorry.
Mia: Ahem. What is this place?
Garet: It looks like the temple of doom.
Jenna: Well, it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
[The Djinni disappear into the structure]
Isaac: Well, come on. We should follow them.
[They do.]
Garet: Duh.
Isaac: Holy Crap!
[Isaac is responding to the big statue of Kraden standing in front of them]
Kraden's disembodied and amplified voice [KDAV]:Silence!
[Impressive steam and flame effects]
KDAV: OW! You [expletive deleted]'s! That was my LEG!
Forge: Sorry.
KDAV: Screw you all!
Isaac: What's up with Kraden?
Jenna: Who knows?
KDAV: THAT FRIGGIN HURTS! STOP IT!
[Kraden, his pants on fire, runs out of the foot of the statue. Mist quickly casts douse on him, putting out his pants.]
Kraden: A whole lotta help YOU turned out to be, Forge.
Forge: You wanted fire effects, you got fire effects.
Kraden: I meant on the statue's pants, not mine.
Forge: Sue me.
Kraden: Hey, that's a good idea!
[Kraden pulls out his Lawyer-summoner ™ and summons a lawyer. Kraden, the lawyer and Forge exit]
Isaac: This sucks.
Jesus: Yep. This really sucks. More than the fourteenth century.
Jenna: Who the hell are you?
Jesus: You have two guesses.
Isaac: You're... Ivan in disguise!
Jesus: Nope!
Jenna: You're an adept, probably someone's long-lost sibling.
Jesus: Nope! Wrong again! Your baby is Mine! [evil laugh]
Jenna: What baby?
Jesus: You know, THE baby.
[The entire cast gives him puzzled looks]
Jesus: Oh crap. You mean this isn't the heavenly version of Rumplestiltskin?
Isaac: What?
Jesus: Darn. Got it wrong again. Sorry to bother you all. I'll just be going now.
[Jesus disappears]
Isaac: That was weird.
[Yes, it was]
Jenna: Now what?
[We're going to skip the yogurt parts. We'll do the "comb the desert" next time, then skip to Isaac chasing Spaceball Won.]
Mia: Why? I love the whole "Merchandising" speech.
[Kraden is a little busy. We'll come back to it later.]
Garet: OK.
[Glad you all agree. Let's go.]
Isaac: I'm not sure about this...
[Scene: End of chapter]
Thalia: I'm pretty sure that's not a scene.
I like it anyway.
Thalia: Whatever. What threat are we going to use on reviewers today?
Hmm.... How about...
Thalia: updating?
Yeah, that's it. Do your job...
Thalia: Review, or he'll never update again!
Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun or Jesus. Any of you who are offended by him in this story should flame my @$$. Seriously, I don't mean to offend anyone here. If you don't want to read satire with Jesus, skip to the next chapter. You probably already saw the movie, so you know what's going to happen. I promise that Jesus will not come back to this fic.
Chapter 7: Holy freakin' crap!
[Ivan Helmet and Picard are in desert clothing and standing in a landspeeder thingy. Helmet is looking around with binoculars.]
Ivan: I don't seeee them.
Picard: Of course not. We already searched this area.
Ivan: So why haven't we moved on yet?
Picard: We're about to. [To pilot] Prepare to move out?
Ivan: Prepare this! Prepare that! Why are you always preparing? Just GO!
Picard: Shouldn't you sit down?
[The landspeeder tales off, and Ivan falls back into his seat.]
[Scene: Sol Sanctum]
Isaac: Ahh, good old sol sanctum.
Mia: Isaac, we're not supposed to know where this is!
Garet: Right.
Isaac: Sorry.
Mia: Ahem. What is this place?
Garet: It looks like the temple of doom.
Jenna: Well, it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.
[The Djinni disappear into the structure]
Isaac: Well, come on. We should follow them.
[They do.]
Garet: Duh.
Isaac: Holy Crap!
[Isaac is responding to the big statue of Kraden standing in front of them]
Kraden's disembodied and amplified voice [KDAV]:Silence!
[Impressive steam and flame effects]
KDAV: OW! You [expletive deleted]'s! That was my LEG!
Forge: Sorry.
KDAV: Screw you all!
Isaac: What's up with Kraden?
Jenna: Who knows?
KDAV: THAT FRIGGIN HURTS! STOP IT!
[Kraden, his pants on fire, runs out of the foot of the statue. Mist quickly casts douse on him, putting out his pants.]
Kraden: A whole lotta help YOU turned out to be, Forge.
Forge: You wanted fire effects, you got fire effects.
Kraden: I meant on the statue's pants, not mine.
Forge: Sue me.
Kraden: Hey, that's a good idea!
[Kraden pulls out his Lawyer-summoner ™ and summons a lawyer. Kraden, the lawyer and Forge exit]
Isaac: This sucks.
Jesus: Yep. This really sucks. More than the fourteenth century.
Jenna: Who the hell are you?
Jesus: You have two guesses.
Isaac: You're... Ivan in disguise!
Jesus: Nope!
Jenna: You're an adept, probably someone's long-lost sibling.
Jesus: Nope! Wrong again! Your baby is Mine! [evil laugh]
Jenna: What baby?
Jesus: You know, THE baby.
[The entire cast gives him puzzled looks]
Jesus: Oh crap. You mean this isn't the heavenly version of Rumplestiltskin?
Isaac: What?
Jesus: Darn. Got it wrong again. Sorry to bother you all. I'll just be going now.
[Jesus disappears]
Isaac: That was weird.
[Yes, it was]
Jenna: Now what?
[We're going to skip the yogurt parts. We'll do the "comb the desert" next time, then skip to Isaac chasing Spaceball Won.]
Mia: Why? I love the whole "Merchandising" speech.
[Kraden is a little busy. We'll come back to it later.]
Garet: OK.
[Glad you all agree. Let's go.]
Isaac: I'm not sure about this...
[Scene: End of chapter]
Thalia: I'm pretty sure that's not a scene.
I like it anyway.
Thalia: Whatever. What threat are we going to use on reviewers today?
Hmm.... How about...
Thalia: updating?
Yeah, that's it. Do your job...
Thalia: Review, or he'll never update again!