Interlude: I object, your sliminess.
[A courtroom. Kraden and generic lawyer 1 (GL1) are sitting at the prosecutor's table thing. Forge and GL2 are sitting at the defendant's table. The judge is... The Kraken! The rest of the cast is in the audience.]
GL1: Your sliminess, this is a clear case of arson. My client clearly stated that-
Kraken: This court will take a recess for three hundred years.
GL2: But your sliminess! We'll be dead by then!
Kraken: Did I say three hundred years? I meant two days.
Forge: Fine by me.
[Two days later]
Kraken: This court will reconvene.
Bob the bailiff: All rise in the presence of his sliminess the Kraken!
[Everyone stands up]
Kraken: ...
Bob: Okay, you all can sit down now.
[No one moves]
Kraken: SIT DOWN!
[Everyone sits down]
Kraken: Good. Prosecutor, make your case.
GL1: I would like to present as evidence: Kraden's Pants!
[Bob brings out Kraden's burnt pants]
Kraken: Your point?
GL1: What point? I just wanted to torture you all by making you look at Kraden's pants.
GL2: Objection, your sliminess!
Kraken: Overruled!
GL2: Why?
Kraden: Yeah. It's a perfectly good objection. Even I don't want to look at my pants!
Kraken: I just like to say 'overruled'.
GL1: Bwahahahahahaha!
Kraken: The court will take a recess!
[Several days later]
GL1: I call as a witness to the stand, Kraden.
GL2: 'witness to the stand?'
GL1: Shut up.
[Kraden goes to the witness stand]
GL1: Kraden, could you tell us what happened on the night of the incident?
Kraden: Which night was that?
Forge: It was Stardate 3.141529-
Everyone except Forge and Kraden: SHUT UP!
Forge: Why?
Kraken: Stardate Pi will do.
Kraden: Oh, then.
GL1: Answer the question already!
Kraden: I was acting in the parody of Spaceballs, and Forge set my pants on fire.
GL1: Are you sure it was Forge?
Kraden: Yes.
GL1: I rest my case.
Kraken: Very well. GL2, do you have any questions for the witness?
GL2: As a matter of fact, I do, your sliminess.
Kraken: Ask away.
GL2: Why did Forge set your pants on fire?
Kraden: He/she/it was trying to do some fire special effects for my dramatic entrance.
GL2: Did you ask him to do that?
Kraden: Yes.
GL2: What were your exact rules?
Kraden: I don't recall.
GL2: I'm pretty sure you do. Can you think again?
Kraden: Can you light my pants on fire for my dramatic entrance?
Forge: With pleasure.
[Kraden's pants burst into flame]
GL2: Your sliminess, I think that we can agree that this is a simple problem of Kraden not understanding his instructions. I rest my case.
Kraken: Hmm. I will give you the verdict now. But first...[dramatic pause]... The court shall take a recess.
[A few days later]
Kraken: I have come to a verdict.
GL2: Well, your sliminess?
Kraken: I toss this case out of the court for being stupid and holding up one of my favorite fanfics!
[The Kraken picks everyone up and literally tosses them out of the courthouse. The end. For now.]
Thalia: That was most certainly odd.
Yes, it was.
Thalia: Next time, stick to the fanfic. People won't necessarily want to read this.
But it's funny!
Thalia: Let the muse of comedy decide that, OK?
Shut up.
Thalia: No. REVIEW!
[A courtroom. Kraden and generic lawyer 1 (GL1) are sitting at the prosecutor's table thing. Forge and GL2 are sitting at the defendant's table. The judge is... The Kraken! The rest of the cast is in the audience.]
GL1: Your sliminess, this is a clear case of arson. My client clearly stated that-
Kraken: This court will take a recess for three hundred years.
GL2: But your sliminess! We'll be dead by then!
Kraken: Did I say three hundred years? I meant two days.
Forge: Fine by me.
[Two days later]
Kraken: This court will reconvene.
Bob the bailiff: All rise in the presence of his sliminess the Kraken!
[Everyone stands up]
Kraken: ...
Bob: Okay, you all can sit down now.
[No one moves]
Kraken: SIT DOWN!
[Everyone sits down]
Kraken: Good. Prosecutor, make your case.
GL1: I would like to present as evidence: Kraden's Pants!
[Bob brings out Kraden's burnt pants]
Kraken: Your point?
GL1: What point? I just wanted to torture you all by making you look at Kraden's pants.
GL2: Objection, your sliminess!
Kraken: Overruled!
GL2: Why?
Kraden: Yeah. It's a perfectly good objection. Even I don't want to look at my pants!
Kraken: I just like to say 'overruled'.
GL1: Bwahahahahahaha!
Kraken: The court will take a recess!
[Several days later]
GL1: I call as a witness to the stand, Kraden.
GL2: 'witness to the stand?'
GL1: Shut up.
[Kraden goes to the witness stand]
GL1: Kraden, could you tell us what happened on the night of the incident?
Kraden: Which night was that?
Forge: It was Stardate 3.141529-
Everyone except Forge and Kraden: SHUT UP!
Forge: Why?
Kraken: Stardate Pi will do.
Kraden: Oh, then.
GL1: Answer the question already!
Kraden: I was acting in the parody of Spaceballs, and Forge set my pants on fire.
GL1: Are you sure it was Forge?
Kraden: Yes.
GL1: I rest my case.
Kraken: Very well. GL2, do you have any questions for the witness?
GL2: As a matter of fact, I do, your sliminess.
Kraken: Ask away.
GL2: Why did Forge set your pants on fire?
Kraden: He/she/it was trying to do some fire special effects for my dramatic entrance.
GL2: Did you ask him to do that?
Kraden: Yes.
GL2: What were your exact rules?
Kraden: I don't recall.
GL2: I'm pretty sure you do. Can you think again?
Kraden: Can you light my pants on fire for my dramatic entrance?
Forge: With pleasure.
[Kraden's pants burst into flame]
GL2: Your sliminess, I think that we can agree that this is a simple problem of Kraden not understanding his instructions. I rest my case.
Kraken: Hmm. I will give you the verdict now. But first...[dramatic pause]... The court shall take a recess.
[A few days later]
Kraken: I have come to a verdict.
GL2: Well, your sliminess?
Kraken: I toss this case out of the court for being stupid and holding up one of my favorite fanfics!
[The Kraken picks everyone up and literally tosses them out of the courthouse. The end. For now.]
Thalia: That was most certainly odd.
Yes, it was.
Thalia: Next time, stick to the fanfic. People won't necessarily want to read this.
But it's funny!
Thalia: Let the muse of comedy decide that, OK?
Shut up.
Thalia: No. REVIEW!