Disclaimer: The X-Men are not mine. Not making any money. Just torturing them for fun and games.
This story will begin to earn it's "R" rating here, though it'll be pretty mild for now. But, if sexual situations or innuendo bothers you, don't read it.
Don't even try to place this in current contunity, it'll only give you a migraine. If you gotta fit it in somewhere, let's just say it all takes place sometime after X-Men #109
Many thanks to my reviewers:
lllmantrim: The Wolverine/Kitty Pryde mini-series is a favorite of mine too. And, although Ogun won't be as prominent as you might like in this story, you just gave me a great idea for another one.
Caliente: Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're review made my day! Hope this was soon enough.
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Paper Flowers
Chapter 5 – Call of Darkness
Muir island was just as she remembered it from the time Excalibur was based there. Cold, gray, and melancholy.
The perpetual mist weeping from the low, gray clouds had seemed fitting weather for Moira's memorial service in Kinross and it was just as fitting for their visit here. The mood of the day mirrored the mood of the people.
Kitty strolled along the edge of the cliffs that bordered the small island off the Scottish coast, home to the vast, sprawling complex that made up Dr. Moira McTaggert's Genetic Research Center. She walked, as she'd done so many times before, remembering days during happier times, as well as days almost as sad and bleak as today.
Once, this had been home and, for a time, she'd been happy. Or, at least, happier than she was now.
So much had happened to her here. Like pictures in a book, moments of her life flashed through her mind.
The wounded look of betrayal on Peter's face the day she'd tricked him down from Avalon at the Professor's bidding. Waking up in 1936 after Rachel accidentally transported them through time and seeing Alasdhair Kinross for the first time. It had been love at first sight, and she still, sometimes, thought of what could have been. Losing Rachel in the time stream in order to bring Brian back. Meeting Pete Wisdom for the first time. That had not been love at first sight, but he'd grown on her. Douglock's arrival and the difficult time she'd had accepting that the wasn't a reincarnated Doug Ramsey. Peter showing up unexpectedly, and half crazy, and nearly killing Pete in a jealous rage. The battle with Black Air, the London Hellfire Club, and the Demon under London. The flirtation with Rigby Fallon during her S.H.I.E.L.D. internship that had ultimately destroyed her relationship with Pete. Brian and Meggan's wedding and the disbanding of Excalibur
Those days seemed so far away now, the girl she remembered herself to be almost like a stranger. It had all seemed so much simpler then. Band together, go forth, use your gifts, do good.
It had sounded so easy. She had been so naïve.
Muir Island was where Kitty had truly grown up. She'd come here an insecure, teenage girl, but had left a confident, if somewhat more world weary, woman.
She often wondered what her life would be like now if Excalibur hadn't disbanded.
They had been one of the more successful X groups. Here, they had been respected and appreciated for what they did, not feared, and certainly not hated. The worst a mob of citizens had ever done to any of them was ask for their autograph. Excalibur had been a success.
If they'd stayed here, not run off to help track down Xavier, would things have turned out differently? Would Moira still be alive? Or Pete? Would she be a happier person?
There were no answers, of course. Never would be. Only questions. What might have been.
On days like today, it seemed as if her whole life was one huge "what might have been".
As she neared the tallest cliff on the island, she could vaguely make out a small, slender shape huddled near the edge, staring out at the ocean.
Rhane.
Through this whole ordeal, the Scots girl had simply gone through the motions, like a zombie. How horrible it must be for her, losing her mother, her powers, all in one fell swoop.
The memorial service had been lovely, but Kitty wondered if her friend had heard or seen any of it. She'd just sat there, staring at the wall, barely blinking, still in shock. As far as she knew, the girl hadn't shed a tear since right after the attack. All the pain and rage and hate was probably just sitting there, waiting to burst forth when it grew so huge she couldn't contain it any longer.
Rhane had threatened Mystique, on the plane ride back to Westchester, as Moira lay barely clinging to life, had told the mutant assassin she would make her die screaming. Unlike everyone else, who thought the young mutant had only been speaking from the heat of the moment, Kitty had a very real idea that the younger girl was completely, absolutely serious. And it worried her.
Kitty wasn't the least concerned about Mystique. Whatever happened to her, it wouldn't be as bad as what she deserved. And she certainly wouldn't blame Rhane if she did exactly what she'd threatened, but the knowledge of what she'd done would haunt the gentle-natured girl for the rest of her life. She didn't want to see Mystique destroy Rhane's life any more than she already had.
Kitty deliberately made some noise as she approached, making sure Rhane knew she was there. Her friend didn't look up and she stood there beside her in silence for a moment.
Like herself, Rhane was still wearing the same black dress she'd worn to the service, the only difference being the thick, knitted sweater thrown over her shoulders against the day's chill. Face even more pale than normal, long, red hair, damp from the mist, hanging limply down her back, shoulders slumped, head slightly down , she stared out unseeingly at the distant horizon.
"Mind some company, Fur Top?" Kitty asked quietly, her golden brown eyes sweeping out over the silvery gray waves that reached as far as the eye could see.
"No, Kitty. Sit down if ye want." Rhane's soft Scottish burr drifted to her on the misty air. Kitty had always loved the accent, had loved to listen to her and Moira talk, especially when they were mad or excited and the inflections became even more pronounced. The rolling tones had always made her think of warm fires and hot toddies for some reason.
Carefully, she dropped down onto the grass beside the other girl. For a long while, neither spoke, both lost in their own thoughts and memories, each content with the simple comfort of the others presence.
They hadn't always been close. Kitty remembered a time, when they were both much younger, she with the X-men, Rhane with the New Mutants, that they hadn't cared for one another at all. A lot of that, she admitted, had been due to her own desperate need to distance herself from what she considered the "junior" team, the X-Babies as she'd called them, to feel that she belonged with the older, more "grown-up" senior team, the people she'd considered her surrogate family.
That had all changed, though, when Rhane came to Muir to be with her mother and joined Excalibur. They had both matured, grown up, gained experience and tolerance. It wasn't long before they'd become very close, almost like sisters.
Now, Kitty hurt, she wept inside, for her friend's loss, for her pain. She knew what it was to lose those closest to you, knew that the hurt and sorrow never completely went away. And each new loss made another hole in the soul that could never again be filled.
Without a word, Kitty draped her arm around Rhane's slender form and the former shape-changer leaned into her, dropping her head onto her friends' shoulder. Kitty leaned her own dark head against Rhane's bright red one as each girl returned to their own thoughts.
They stayed that way for what seemed like hours before either finally spoke.
"I'm so sorry, Rhaney. I know there's nothing I can do that will make it better, but I want you to know I love you. We all do. If there's anything you need, anything any of us can do for you..."
Beside her, Rhane sighed softly. "I love ye, too, Kitty and I thank ye f'r the offer... and the concern...but the only thing I really want is to have Mummy back, and there's no one can give me that."
"No," Kitty agreed sadly. "If I had that power, I'd have used it long ago. Seems like every time we turn around, though, there's an X-Man returning from the dead. But the ones we really want never seem to come back, do they?"
Rhane started to protest, but then her face hardened as she ruthlessly fought the ingrained habit of refusing such uncharitable thoughts. She'd just lost her mother. She had every right to think or feel however she wanted right now.
"'Tis a wicked thing to say, I suppose, but 'tis the truth. And I cann'a help but resent people like Jean and the Professor, who seem to die ev'ry other week and always turn up fine." There was a bitterness, a hardness in the young woman's voice that hadn't been there before. "But Lady Moira, nor Douggie, nor Pete, nor puir, wee Illyana will e'er be comin' back like that. They're gone for guid and it just isn'a fair."
Kitty hugged her friend a little tighter, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes, not for the first time that day. "That's for sure, Rhaney. If life were fair, so many things would be different than they are."
Doug, Illyana, Moira, and Pete would still be alive. My parents wouldn't have divorced and basically written me out of their life. Peter would never have broken my heart. And I'd have some kind of normal life...
The list went on and on as she ran through it in her head and Kitty cringed inwardly as she thought of Peter. She was going to have to talk to him. There was no way she could continue avoiding him. At the very least, she owed him an apology for giving him a black eye. He hadn't meant any harm and certainly didn't deserve to have her attack him as if he were Apocalypse, dropped down out of the sky for yet another try at ruling the world.
But it was still so hard sometimes. To be around him, to work with him day after day. To try to be his friend when, once, she had wanted to be so much more.
No matter what she did, those old feelings just wouldn't completely go away. They always popped up when least expected, at the most inopportune times, reopening those old cracks in her heart and making them bleed again.
Combine that with everything else happening to, and around, her and Kitty was constantly walking a fine edge of control. The incident in the Danger Room with Peter this morning had been an example of what happened when that control slipped, even the tiniest bit.
In another lifetime, Kitty wouldn't have hesitated to confined her problems to Logan, or Kurt, Ororo, Rogue, or even Rhane, seek their help and advice, but this was beyond them. She was afraid it was beyond her, as well. What was happening to her was frightening and she didn't know how to stop it. She'd tried before, and failed.
She was fighting it as hard as she could, but it wasn't doing any good. Every day, every night, she slipped a little farther and every new loss, every new problem, pushed her closer to the abyss.
Kitty knew what would happen to her if she gave in, and the idea was too horrible to contemplate and retain her sanity.
With the mental equivalent of giving herself a good shake, she turned her attention back to her companion, telling herself that there would be plenty of time to contemplate her own dubious fate later. Rhane need her support now.
"Have you decided what you're going to do now? Are you coming back to the mansion?" Kitty asked into what she realized had become a rather prolonged silence.
She felt the Scots girl shake her head gently where it lay against her shoulder and Kitty's heart broke just a little more. Rhane had to make whatever life for herself she could, of course, but in the end, it would be just one more friend this Dream had taken out of her life.
"No. I dinna belong there anymore."
Kitty lifted her head to look down at her friend. "Of course you do. You're still family, powers or no powers. That hasn't changed."
"Aye, but I have. I feel so lost, like I dinna e'en know who I am anymore. All I can think aboot is that all the fightin', all the dyin' has just been fer nothin'. We haven'a changed anythin'. Instead of gettin' better, it's all just gettin' worse and worse." The young Scots woman paused, exhaling heavily.
"I used to believe 'twas a mortal sin to kill." Rhane continued softly, dropping her eyes to her lap, where her hands twisted together nervously. "That, no matter what, it wasn'a right to take the law into yuir own hands, to take a life. I believed that anyone could change, given the chance an' the opportunity. They just had to be shown the error of their ways. 'Tis what I was taught, by the church, by the X-Men..."
"And now?" Kitty prompted gently as Rhane's voice trailed off.
When Rhane raised her head, Kitty could see the dark circles beneath tired, emerald eyes that blazed with a fury she'd had no idea the girl was capable of, even during the most fierce battle.
"Now, I think of all the innocent people Mystique, and others like her, have hurt and killed, because we dinna stop her when we had the chance, people that we were supposed to be protectin', and I want her to pay. Once and fer all, I want her stopped. She's had enough chances to change. Enough mercy." Her bright green eyes suddenly brimmed with tears and she swiped at them with the sleeve of her sweater. "Does that make me a horrible person, Kitty? Does that make me no better than the likes of her?"
Kitty looked back at her friend, saw the pain, the grief, and the helpless rage that so closely mirrored her own, and felt the first tear slip down her own cheek.
What kind of life were they living that could take someone like Rhane...someone whose heart was pure, and good, and kind...and twist them around, destroy their innocence, and leave them broken and filled with hate and anger? Wasn't the whole point of The Dream to prevent this very thing? And, if they had failed so miserably with one of their own, shouldn't that be telling them something about what they were doing?
"You might be asking the wrong person, Fur Top, but I don't think it makes you a horrible person at all. And I sure don't think it makes you anything like Mystique. It just makes you human, like the rest of us."
Taking a deep breath, Kitty wiped her eyes, regarding the girl beside her. "I've thought, for a long time, that the X-Men are just cutting our own throats trying to 'help' people like Sabertooth, Mystique, and Magneto, instead of putting a stop to their madness. Honestly, I think we've lost enough friends and family to this Dream. At least, the Professor's version of it. I don't think I can stand to lose anybody else. There's gotta be a better way."
"Aye," Rhane agreed with a nod. "Just last night, I was thinkin'...If ye really sit down, count up all the friends and family we've all lost..." The green eyes boring into Kitty's brown ones were haunted, filled with tears and a sick horror. "Kitty, 'tis..." She shook her head sadly. "I dinna have any words...there are so many..."
Rhane couldn't even find the words to finish, but she didn't have to. Kitty knew exactly what she meant. She'd spent too many sleepless nights of her own lately counting up the cost of Charles Xavier's Dream.
"I know." She took a moment to wipe her eyes again, but it was a losing battle. There was no stopping the seemingly endless well of tears in her soul. "Doug...Illyana...My God, Peter's lost his whole family...the first Thunderbird...Scott...Jamie...Larry Bodine...Mariko Yashida...Pete..." Her voice broke on the last name, and she had to stop, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as she closed her eyes against the flood of grief.
But Rhane took over where she left off, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "And Candy Southern...almost all the Morelocks...Rachel..."
"Even Madelyne Pryor." Kitty added softly. "After all, what happened to Maddie wasn't really her fault. If not for the X-Men, she wouldn't even have existed. And now, Moira."
"So many lost." Rhane almost whispered, her own tears falling like rain. Both girls had given up even trying to stop the them. It was an impossible task. "Kitty?" The redhead was wiping her face yet again on her sweater, trying to clear her vision a little.
"Yeah?" her friend responded quietly to the tentative question in the younger girl's voice.
"I think I'm guina stay here fer a while. Maybe go to university, study medicine, like Mum. Maybe carry on with her work. I dinna think..." She hesitated for a moment, worrying her bottom lip uncertainly, almost as if she were ashamed of what she was about to say, or unsure of how it would be received. "Well, I dinna think I want to be an X-Man anymore. At least, not fer a while."
Kitty closed her eyes tightly against a fresh flood of tears and and tried to offer her friend at least a small smile of encouragement, but it was so hard. Rhane was the last person on earth who should have to sound that disheartened and disillusioned with life.
Remembering the shy, sweet, innocent little wolf-girl who had first come to Xaviers, and seeing now what that life had done to such an pure and innocent soul, made the dark haired young woman want to beat her fists against the cliff, to scream in impotent rage.
They should, both of them, have been in school, going to dances and parties, dating, having a normal life, being young. Not fighting, risking their lives on a daily basis and certainly not sitting here, reminiscing about their score of dead friends and family and feeling guilty for wanting something more. Neither of them should have to be just one more sacrifice on the alter of Charles Francis Xavier's idyllic Dream.
"Neither do I, Rhane," Kitty spat out fiercely, not even pretending to be sorry for how she felt. "I think you're making the right decision. Get out of this life, if you can call it that, before it destroys you. I know Moira would be proud that you want to follow in her footsteps and I think you'd be good at it." She turned back to the other girl, knowing her eyes were blazing just as brightly as Rhane's had been a moment before. "As a matter of fact, I think it's time for me to get out, too. While I still have a chance to make some kind of life for myself."
Saying it out loud, making a conscious decision, made it real, as nothing else, not all the dreaming, thinking, and planning over the last months, had been able to do. Kitty suddenly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her.
"Well," The young woman beside her shifted so that she could see Kitty better, giving her a considering look and an almost smile, looking more like herself than she had in almost a week. "since ye mentioned it, I was wonderin' if, maybe, ye might want to stay here, too? Ye've talked so much aboot takin' some time and goin' to university. I know 'tis isolated on the island, but we're not that far away from the mainland and we'd be goin' back and forth to school all along, so it wouldn'a be so bad. An' we could keep one another company."
Rhane reached for her friend's free hand, taking it in her own. Their hands were like blocks of ice from the cold and damp, but neither girl noticed. "I know we haven'a always gotten along, but while we were with Excalibur, and o'er the last while since, I've come to think on ye like a sister."
When Kitty didn't answer right away, the young redhead dropped her eyes for a moment, studying their joined hands, before raising them again, her expression serious and sincere, her voice thick with tears. "Kitty, I know ye haven'a been havin' an easy time of things lately, either. We haven'a had a chance to talk, but I have noticed. Whate'er it is, maybe we can work it out together. Try an' help one another. Ye, Kurt, Peter, Sam, and one or two of the others...ye'r all the family I have left, now. "
Kitty stared at the other girl, at a loss for words one of the few times in her life. Unable to speak, she simply nodded, embracing her friend fiercely.
"Oh, Kitty....I miss her so much." Rhane's whispered words were almost a moan, as she clung to her. "How can she be gone? I'm not sure I can go on without her." She began to weep in earnest then, great wracking sobs that shook her small frame. "I just want her to come back..."
Closing her eyes, Kitty held her friend, stroking her hair and murmuring to her softly as the younger girl finally let go of some of the terrible pain she'd been carrying around inside for days,
"I know, Rhane. I know. So do I."
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A very long day had finally come to an end.
Today, she had stood over the grave of yet another friend, watched as yet another coffin was lowered into the cold, dark earth. She had stood with a group of people she considered her own family and mourned one of their own.
No matter how often she did it, it never got any easier. With each new loss, it only grew more difficult.
Moira's would be one more empty space in her life, one more voice that she heard in the dead of night when she couldn't sleep.
It had been a day of good-bye's, of endings.
But it had also been a day of new beginnings, with the promise of a chance at a different, maybe better, life. Kitty hoped it would be the first of many.
She was preparing for bed, wearing only a mid-thigh length nightshirt, her slender, bare legs tucked up under her as she sat on the wide vanity stool, slowly running her brush through her long, chestnut hair.
The face that stared back at her from the dresser mirror seemed much too young, compared to how old she often felt. Kitty was frequently surprised when she saw her own reflection and realized she didn't look like a crone, with white hair and wrinkles. It often seemed to her that she'd gone straight from thirteen to twenty three, with no intervening years between.
Her childhood had been spent in space, fighting monsters, saving the universe, saving the world, fighting the evil mutant du jour, traveling between dimensions. She'd passed her fourteenth birthday aboard a starship in an far flung galaxy, contemplating he own imminent death and that of her friends. Experiences like that tended to age a person very quickly.
One day, the teenager had looked up and found an adult she barely recognized staring back at her from her own face. And she'd spared only a moment to wonder where her life had gone.
Maybe now, though, after the events and decisions of the day, she would have a chance at being a normal, ordinary girl. Or as close to that as she could come, being who she was.
Rhane had stayed on Muir, but Kitty had come back, just for a little while. Just long enough to pack up her things, tell them she was leaving, and say good bye.
It was going to be a shock to nearly everyone. She had a feeling most of them thought of her as a lifer, believed that Shadowcat would never leave the X-Men, that the adrenaline junkie would never be able to put down the sword and leave the fight behind.
Kitty was determined to prove them very, very wrong.
The majority of her team mates, with perhaps the exception of Kurt and Logan, had no idea of how very sick of fighting this never-ending, useless, unwinnable fight she really was. It would be no hardship for her to leave it in favor of something bordering on a normal life. If she thought really, really hard, she could almost remember what normal was like and she was looking forward to discovering it again.
There might come a day when she would fight again, but it would not be in the way she had before. Never again would she throw herself into the middle of something as useless, as counter productive, as what she'd been doing these last ten years. If she ever rejoined the effort, it would have to be for a more realistic, attainable goal.
When she sat down, took the time to really think about it, Kitty realized that Charles Xavier, and the X-Men, may have actually done more harm to mutant/human relations than they had ever done it good.
They had kept themselves hidden, secret. They had made the public afraid. Of the X-Men in particular, and, thanks to intimidating displays of raw power from the likes of Storm, Phoenix, Cyclops, and Magneto, of mutants in general.
My God. The general public probably thinks all mutants are Alpha or Omega class and can fry their minds, call down thunder and lightning to burn them to a crisp, or blow up twelve square blocks of buildings, with no more than a look or a thought.
What a mess they had inadvertently made for themselves.
In retrospect, they should have made their team, and their efforts, more public, more open, like the Avengers. It would have saved them all a lot of grief in the long run.
Kitty's random musings were interrupted by a soft knock at the door, which didn't really suprise her. She'd been avoiding him all day. They both knew it. Just as they both knew he would track her down tonight, just before she went to bed, when she didn't have anywhere left to hide.
"Katya? May I come in for a moment?"
Laying her brush on the dresser, she turned toward him. The door was open and he was standing right there, just outside her room., barefooted and bare chested, his glossy black hair, which he'd let grow out long, secured at the nape of his neck. An exceptional example of the male species, even among a group where well above-average looks were the norm.
He could have walked right in, but he wouldn't do that. Not without permission. It would have been neither polite, nor proper, to his way of thinking.
"Sure, Peter." She waved him inside as she stood and went to the bed, taking a seat on one end, tucking her legs under her and pulling her nightshirt down over her thighs as she turned toward him. "Have a seat."
He sat carefully, a little ways away from her, close enough for conversation, but far enough apart to avoid the appearance of anything more intimate, should someone walk by in the hall and see them.
Kitty found his concern for appearances rather ironic and a little amusing, considering she was wearing nothing more than an nightshirt and he only a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.
But that wasn't particularly unusual around the mansion. No one spared much thought to their team mates walking around, watching TV, or even eating dinner, in various states of undress.
When costumes were shredded to spaghetti on a regular basis in battle, you had to fight on the spur of the moment, in the middle of the night, in your underwear, nightgown, or nothing at all, or the enemy captured you and one or more team mates, stripped you all bare, and threw you into a shared cell, modesty was the first thing that went out the window.
Kitty could have listed all her team mates' preferences in underwear, including color and style, and categorized by material, in her sleep.
Anyone who'd been with the X-Men for more than six months or so would have already seen virtually every one of their team mates in the buff at least once by now. After a while, you just didn't notice, or care, anymore.
Nor would they particularly care what she and Peter happened to be doing in her bedroom together.
Well, she corrected herself, maybe Logan would care.
But probably no one else. Still, it wasn't in Peter to ignore the proprieties. He wouldn't enter her bedroom uninvited for anything less than an emergency, and he wouldn't crowd her while they were sitting on her bed half dressed. It was sweet, really.
Realizing the silence between them was stretching out uncomfortably, she lifted her head to look up at him and immediately winced. His eye looked even worse close up and she felt a bright flush of shame at her actions.
Stretching out her hand, she lifted it toward his face before she realized what she was doing. Abruptly, she aborted the movement, letting her hand drop back down into her lap.
"I did that, huh?"
He nodded, his face unreadable. She couldn't decide if he were angry, hurt, upset, or none of the above.
"Da. I am afraid you did."
"I'm sorry." She said it with soft sincerity, hating herself for having let it happen, for having allowed herself to lose control enough for it to happen. "I didn't mean to."
"I know," he replied just as softly, and this time it was Peter who reached out, taking her hand gently. "But I'm curious as to what made you react in such a way?"
Almost instinctively, she curled her hand into his, when she knew she should withdraw it instead. But it felt so nice, his palm was so warm against hers, that she couldn't quite bring herself to do it.
It was only pretend, and it would cause her hurt later, but right now, she needed the contact, the connection.
"It was nothing. Just the stress of the last few days." She shrugged, forcing her face to adopt a bland expression, trying to play it off, though she could tell by his frown that he didn't really believe her. "You caught me at a bad time. And I'm really, really sorry."
Kitty could feel him watching her with those intense, dark blue eyes, could feel his confusion and concern, his disbelief. He wanted to be her friend. He wanted to help her, wanted her to confide in him. But she couldn't. Not this time and not about this.
"Kitty...please." The fact that he hadn't used his nickname for her, as he usually did, caught her attention, had her raising her head to look back up at him, as he'd known it would. Peter wanted to see her face, her eyes. She was trying to put him off, hiding something. He felt it. "You were furious, in a rage. That was not simple stress. Even as bad as it has been the last several days, we have endured worse. I wish you would trust me. Tell me what has been bothering you so."
"No, Peter. You're wrong." Kitty said it as confidently, made it sound as truthful, as she could. "That's all it was." She forced herself to muster a smile as she continued."But I'll be fine. In a little while, I'll be my old self again. You'll see."
"Somehow, I do not believe you."
He watched a spark of irritation flash in her eyes then, as she frowned, glaring back at him defiantly.
"You know, " she began slowly. "I don't really care what you believe. I said I'll be fine and I will."
Boshe Moi! She is a stubborn woman. If he'd been alone, Peter would have thrown up his hands in frustration.
Leaning in toward her, he tried, through sheer force of will, to make her understand how concerned he was for her. For a brief instant, he had a flash of deja-vu, remembering a similar conversation between them, years ago, when their roles were reversed and it was Kitty who was trying to coax him into talking to her. It had been just after Illyana died.
Perhaps this is divine justice. A taste of my own medicine for what I put her through.
"I find that hard to believe, after what I saw this morning." He stated evenly, trying not to let her see his frustration.
"And what, exactly, did you see, Peter? Other than me trying to work off some energy, alone, when I was upset? I went there at three o'clock in the morning for a reason. I wanted some time to calm down before I had to face anyone else."
She was becoming truly irritated with him now, and he sighed inwardly. He hadn't come in here to fight with her.
"Nyet. That is not what I mean. I was talking about the way you looked, just before you left. Your eyes..."
He actually felt her freeze, her body going completely rigid, as her eyes snapped to his, and he thought, for a moment, that he saw fear in their dark golden depths.
"What do you mean?" Kitty demanded, nearly shouting. Suddenly, the little peace she'd managed to acquire since they'd gotten back from Scotland shattered, crushed under the weight of an engulfing wave of terror. "What about my eyes? What did you see?"
"Calm down, Katya. It was nothing," he soothed. "A trick of the light, I'm sure..."
"What...did...you ...see?" She ground it out, reminding him of the tone she'd used this morning. It seemed to Peter that she was caught between rage and panic and he had no idea why she was suddenly in such a state.
"Why are you so upset?" Her face had gone deathly pale and she was clutching his hand so hard her nails were digging into his palm. And she was trembling. "Katya, please, tell me what is wrong."
"Peter, just tell me. Please. What did you see? What about my eyes?" She was on the edge of panic, on the verge of tears. Her heart was pounding so hard, she was sure it would burst through her chest at any moment. Oh, God. Please, don't let it be what I think. Don't let it have been that close.
Shaking his head in confusion, Peter gave her a helpless, uncomprehending look. He tried to reason with her, deliberately making his voice as calm, as soothing, as possible.
"Truly, it was nothing. You were obviously furious, almost in a rage and, for a moment, just a split second, it looked as if your eyes glowed red. But they couldn't have. It had to have simply been a momentary trick of the light in the Danger Room..."
Peter knew the exact moment that he lost her, that she shut him out. She straightened up, pulling her hand out of his, closing in on herself. He could almost see the wall slam down over her face. And his heart sank.
"You're right. It had to be an illusion. A reflection of the lights in the room." Her voice was dead calm, toneless, emotionless, as was her outward appearance, but inside, she was screaming. It had almost taken her. And, if it had, she would have killed him. Without a thought. Without batting an eye.
Of all the rest, besides herself, his ties to it were strongest. Almost as strong as her own. If it took her, if she succumbed and called it forth, Peter would be in far more danger than anyone else. It would take him as well, either on it's own, or through her. Kitty knew she couldn't allow that.
Before he could recover from her outburst enough to say anything else, she plunged ahead, knowing what she had to do.
"And you might as well be the first to know. I'm leaving the X-Men. I'm going to stay with Rhane, on Muir, go to college, try to have a normal life. Away from this place and away from Charles Xavier's Dream and everything that goes with it."
"Just like that?" he asked, shocked.
"Yes. Just like that." she returned, matter-of-factly. Oh, she sounded so calm, even to her own ears, when in reality, inside, she was a complete wreck. All she really wanted to do was blurt the whole thing out, tell him everything, curl up in his lap and let him hold her until it all went away.
"And there is nothing here for you any longer? Nothing that you will regret leaving behind?"
Was that hurt she heard in his voice, as he almost whispered the words? It surprised her for a moment, which at this point, wasn't difficult, but she forced herself to ignore it.
"No. Nothing." It was all she could manage to get out. When she mustered the courage to look him in the face, she got yet another suprise.
A single tear ran from the corner of his left eye as he stood, turning his broad back to her and heading for the door. He stopped, just before he stepped into the hall, but didn't turn back to face her.
"I wish you well, and I hope you are happy, Katya. But remember, running away from your problems will not help. It will not make them go away. I know. I have been there, as well."
Before she could even begin to think of a reply, he was gone.
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Bright, blinding light gave way to near total darkness. She was lying on a rough, cold, stone floor, but she was disoriented, nauseous, and she had no idea where she was.
Kitty managed to lever herself up onto her hands and knees, then eventually stand as the lurching in her stomach finally subsided. She wasn't very steady on her feet, but at least she was upright.
Why does this seem so familiar?
Her head ached, and she still wasn't sure she wouldn't throw up any minute now, but something told her she needed to get moving. Staying in one place too long was dangerous.
Taking it slowly, she made her way down the passageway, toward a dim light in the distance. She had no idea where she was going, what she might be heading into, but there was an urgency inside her, telling her not to stop, to keep moving.
She emerged into a wide corridor, the junction where half a dozen or more passages met. The glow she'd seen had come from here, where torches mounted on the wall burned low, giving off just enough light to cast vague, grotesque shadows without really illuminating anything.
Demonic shapes seemed to caper and dance in the flickering shadows of the torch light, and a chill ran up her spine, raising the hairs on the back of her neck. Kitty told herself that it had to be her imagination playing tricks on her, those transient shapes couldn't be real, but it gave her the creeps just the same.
And the walls. God, they were awful. As she walked closer, she realized that what she'd taken to be carved stone was actually something gray and pulsing that looked...organic. As if it had been grown instead of built. And they were...oh, God...oozing.
"Yeecchh!"
It was so disgusting, yet fascinating at the same time.
Almost against her own will, she reached out her hand toward one wall, wondering what it would feel like to touch it.
And realized she was wearing yellow gloves.
She looked down at herself, and her eyes went wide.
Yellow gloves. Yellow boots. Black and yellow bodysuit with red trim. Wide red belt. Yellow belt buckle with it's very prominent X.
My training uniform?!
The first uniform she'd been given when she joined the X-Men. Over ten years ago. Kitty hadn't seen it in at least seven or eight years. She had no idea where it was or even if it still existed. Truth be told, she'd never liked the thing and had gotten rid of it at the first opportunity.
So how could she be wearing it now?
Shrugging her shoulders, Kitty decided the uniform mystery could wait until she got the heck out of where ever this was. This place was making her more and more uncomfortable the longer she stayed.
Kitty picked one of the dimly lit corridors at random, keeping her senses alert for danger as she moved quietly down the passageway. The décor did not improve or become any more appealing as she went. In fact, it actually got worse, if such a thing were possible.
Here, the walls seemed to form pictographs, horrible murals depicting scenes of such obscenity it made her head spin. Demons, devils, and succubi cavorted among piles of human bones as they tortured the damned in ways too horrible to imagine.
Disgusted, Kitty tore her eyes from the spectacle, returning her attention to what was ahead of her.
The light up ahead seemed to be brighter and Kitty realized she was coming to the end of the corridor. She slowed, approaching the entrance to the next room carefully, not knowing what she might encounter.
Just inside the corridor, at the entrance to the next room, Kitty flattened herself against the wall, forcing down her disgust at the thought of actually touching it, and tried to peek around the corner.
Before she could even register the movement, a huge hand snaked out, grabbing her by the hair and pulling her roughly into the adjoining chamber. Kitty had a split second to register the massive bulk of a horned, purple monster – Demon, her mind supplied. S'ym. - before she was flung roughly to the floor, face first.
The impact nearly rendered her unconscious and it took her a few precious moments before her mind cleared enough for her to move again.
Bracing herself on her hands, she pushed her torso up, raising her head at the same time, finding her face perilously close to a large throne situated in the middle of the room.
Kitty lifted her face and her eyes fell on the man, if you could call him that, seated there. All the blood in her body froze solid, even as her quick, intelligent mind took in the red skin, horns, fangs, glowing red eyes, and clawed hands.
Every nerve in her body screamed at her to run, to flee as fast and as far as she could, but she couldn't move, even though she knew her life, her very soul, depended on it.
"Welcome, child." The creature's soft, cultured tones belied the evil that surrounded him like a second skin. "My name is Belasco. I have been waiting for you."
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Kitty sprang upright in bed, choking on her own scream, her skin sheathed in a cold sweat, though she felt as if she were burning alive.
A dream. It was only a dream. Nothing more.
She tried to make herself believe it, but it had been far too real. The stench of Limbo was still in her nostrils, she could still feel the cold, stone floor against her knees and hands, still hear the Demon Lord's maniacal laughter ringing in her ears.
Her heart was racing, her breath coming in desperate gasps. Kitty felt as if she were suffocating, about to pass out, and realized she was beginning to hyperventilate. With a conscious effort, she forced herself to calm down, forced her breathing to slow, until her bodily functions again reached something approaching normal.
Only then did Kitty open her eyes. The first thing she saw was the glowing outline of the Soulsword floating directly in front of her face, the image becoming more and more indistinct as it slowly faded again into nothing.
As she watched it flicker out and disappear, her brain finally registered that she was holding something in her right hand. Something that had not been there when she fell asleep.
Looking down as she opened her fist, Kitty was not in the least surprised to find the Bloodstone Amulet laying in her palm.
She should have been terrified, or at least shocked, but instead, an eerie calm settled over her. With the flick of a finger, she tripped the latch and the amulet's cover sprang open, revealing the three dark bloodstones nestled within their pentagram.
Kitty studied it for a few minutes, though she was exceedingly familiar with every square inch of the talisman, inside and out. And she distinctly remembered packing it away, years ago, just before she'd met Pete.
How it had gotten here, now, she could only guess.
There was one thing, however, that she did know. Kitty knew that, if she were to look in a mirror at that moment, she would find her eyes glowing the same deep, hellish, blood red as the small stones themselves.
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Scowling fiercely, Kitty limped out of the Danger Room, using the door this time, as it was much more satisfying to slam that in the faces of her trailing team mates than it was to simply phase through the wall.
She ripped off her mask and slung her katana into it's scabbard on her back, muttering darkly under her breath as she made her way to the elevator.
"Of all the asinine, stupid, bubble-brained mistakes, this absolutely takes the cake. What and idiot! I was better than that by the time I'd been here two months. I can't believe they actually let this guy go on missions. What are they thinking? He's more of a danger to us than he is the enemy."
The elevator doors slid open and she continued her tirade to herself as she stepped inside and quickly pushed the button to close the doors again. All she needed at this point was to be crammed into a little steel box with a bunch of people whose butts she was seriously considering kicking right about now.
What was it with some of these rookies anyway? Ok, so the guy had lots of raw power. Whoopee! From what she'd just seen, he had little to no control over it. He expected to barrel through battle like a runaway train. That was all fine and good, she supposed, if your goal was to kill the rest of the team.
A fine plan, if you wanted to go to work for Magneto or Sinister. Not so good if you wanted to be a member of the X-Men.
Her foot tapped impatiently as she waited for the elevator to reach it's destination. Lately, patience seemed to be in short supply where Kitty was concerned. She found she had very little these days, especially when it came to dealing with her increasingly annoying team mates. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she awakened nearly every night, sick and trembling, from nightmares that seemed to grow worse and worse.
Or, maybe it's because all my supposed friends are driving me crazy!
God, she would be so glad when she could move out of here. Most of her stuff was already packed and much of it had already been shipped ahead to Muir, but somehow, Kitty had let Kurt and Logan talk her into staying until the end of the month. Now, she really wished she hadn't.
Finally, the elevator stopped, the doors slid open, and Kitty stepped out into the passageway leading to the residential wing. Not bothering with doors now, she took the short cut, phasing through halls and empty rooms until she reached her own.
Throwing her mask on the bed, she unhooked the rigging that held her katana in place, letting it drop to the floor as she began to strip off her costume.
A soft "bamf" and the stench of sulfur alerted her to the fact that she was no longer alone.
"Kurt," His name came out on a sigh of frustration. "I'm undressing here."
"Ach. Sorry, Katzchen. I was hoping to catch you before you had gotten that far."
Holding the front of her costume up over her breasts, she turned to face the fuzzy, blue, demon-like mutant who was probably her best friend. Which was, in all likelyhood, the only reason she hadn't already taken his head off.
"Did you want something, Fuzzy?"
Kurt just grinned mischievously, raising one eyebrow as he took in her state of near undress.
"Perhaps, Leibchen, you would like to rephrase the question?"
Kitty snorted, rolling her eyes heavenward.
"Oh, please. Like you haven't seen it all before, several times. Besides, I'm not your type."
The swashbuckling Nightcrawler affected an injured look, one hand clutching at his heart.
"Madame, you wound me. I consider all beautiful, nearly unclothed women to be my type."
He was only joking. She knew that. Kurt knew that she knew. It was the kind of friendly banter they'd indulged in a million times before. Kurt looked on her as a sister. He would never think of her that way, and certainly never seriously proposition her.
So, what Kitty did next took him totally and completely by suprise.
Before his eyes, her face seemed to...change, all traces of humor gone in an instant as her golden eyes darkened to a rich chocolate. Her bearing almost predatory, she sidled up to him. When they were nearly nose to nose, she dropped her hands to her sides, letting her costume fall to her waist, exposing her breasts.
He blinked, not believing his own eyes at first, as they took in all that smooth, bare skin, those high, firm mounds with their rosy, erect nipples.
His mouth was hanging open, but there didn't seem to be much he could do about it. Though his brain was working, registering what was happening, it refused to believe the information it was receiving, leaving him pretty much frozen in place, even as it crossed his mind that this could escalate into a very uncomfortable situation if he didn't put a stop to it now.
Kurt's stunned hesitation made Kitty smile, a sharp, wicked curve of her lips that sent chills down his spine. Before he could move, or speak, she closed the remaining distance between them, twining her arms around his neck as she pressed herself tightly against him. He could feel the heat radiating off her body through his costume.
"Do you think I'm beautiful, Kurt?" She purred against his ear, her warm breath washing over him. "Would you like a chance to show me just how beautiful you think I am?"
To his consternation, his body did not seem to be obeying the commands of his brain, which was now howling in panic, telling him to run away, teleport away, disappear, crawl through the keyhole, sink into the floor, anything so long as he got far, far away from this room and this situation very quickly. He tried to speak, to tell her how wrong this was, in so very many ways, but all that came out were little helpless, gurgling noises.
The next thing he knew, her lips were pressed firmly against his, her tongue thrusting into his mouth. She didn't seem at all bothered by the fact that he wasn't participating, just standing there like a statue as he tried to process the fact that his friend, his surrogate sister, was making aggressive, sexual advances toward him.
It took her next act to finally break the spell of immobility and incoherence that seemed to have engulfed him from the moment she'd dropped the top of her costume.
When he felt one of her slender, nimble hands press between them, her long, delicate fingers gently but firmly caressing his crotch, Kurt literally jumped back three feet, uttering a strange, strangled cry of alarm.
"Kitty! Mein Gott, girl! What is wrong with you? What in hell do you think you're doing?"
The glare she sent him could have curled solid steel and, for just a fraction of a second, he thought her saw white hot flames dancing in her eyes. But the next moment, she was grinning at him, though it looked more malicious than humorous.
"Geez, Fuzzy. Can't you take a joke?" Though she didn't move otherwise, Kitty did, at least, pull her top back up over her chest, for which the German mutant was eternally grateful.
"Kitty, that was not funny!" His face was turning an almost eggplant purple he was so angry and embarrassed. "Why would you do something like that?"
Despite the fact that he was obviously furious with her, Kitty continued to smile that strange, malevolent smile as she shrugged her shoulders unconcernedly.
"God, will you lighten up? I was just kidding. Get over it, already. Besides, you're the one who came in here while I was undressing."
"And that gives you the right to molest me?" Kurt riposted sharply. What the hell was wrong with her? She wasn't even acting like herself. And, quite frankly, she was beginning to scare him.
"You started it. Can't you take a dose of your own medicine?"
She was taunting him, he realized, which only added to his confusion and unease. Kitty might joke with him, play along with his harmless flirting, but she would never, normally, take it this far. Something was wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong.
Reigning in his temper, Kurt tried to reason with her.
"I would never behave so crudely. With anyone. And, I must say, I am shocked and disappointed by your behavior. If it was a joke, it was in extremely poor taste. I certainly did not come here expecting anything like this."
Kitty's eyes glittered at him, her expression hard as flint and the blue-furred man had the strangest, most inexplicable feeling that he wasn't looking at his friend, but someone, or something, that bore a striking resemblance to Katherine Pryde.
"Oh, really? So, what did you come here for then, Kurt?"
With a sigh, he remembered the reason for his visit and decided that he might as well use her question as an excuse to change the subject.
"I came to make sure you were all right. You were limping when you left the Danger Room and I was afraid you might have been hurt."
The brittle sound of her forced laughter filled the room.
"Well, don't worry your pretty, little blue head about me. I'm fine. No thanks to the rest of you. That maniac could have killed me."
"Kitty, Thunderbird is still learning. He is much improved, compared to when he first came here, but he is going to make mistakes. We are supposed to be here to teach him, not kill him," he replied reasonably.
"He fights like a blind elephant, Kurt."
To his horror, she turned her back to him and continued to undress. He quickly spun around, facing away from her and wondering if he'd somehow teleported into an alternate dimension. This could not be his normally modest, considerate Kitty.
Kurt's reaction didn't even give her pause as she continued. "He thinks he can just smash and bash his way randomly through everything. Neal's a nice enough guy, but he caused a ten ton pile driver to fall on me. If it had been anyone else, someone who couldn't phase out of the way, they would've been killed."
Kitty's face darkened further and she scowled deeply, pinning Kurt's back with a hard look. "And you know darn well that I wasn't trying to kill him. If I was, he'd be on a slab in the morgue right now instead of the medlab."
The calm, matter-of-fact way she said it had the teleporter's hair standing on end and it drove home to him just exactly how dangerous this petite, slender woman could be when she wanted to, even without her powers. Gott help them all if she ever lost control.
"But, Leibe, you nearly broke his leg, and I am sure you scared at least five years or so off of his life."
"Then maybe he'll be more careful next time." He heard her sigh heavily. "You can turn around now, Kurt." she stated somewhat impatiently.
He did so slowly, breathing a sigh of relief and sending up a silent prayer of thanks when he found her dressed in her robe. It dawned on him that perhaps, in light of recent events and her strange behavior, this conversation should be postponed until they were somewhere besides her bedroom, alone. Before he could say anything, however, she was talking again.
"He's going out into the big, bad, unforgiving world with Ororo's team. God alone knows what they'll run into. Do you really think a Sentinel, or Magneto, or Sabretooth will go easy on him if he screws up.? Those people are my friends, my family. I won't see them hurt or killed because of his stupidity."
Kurt nodded, conceding to her point as he watched her storm around the room, gathering up her shower supplies.
Neal Sharra did have a long way to go to gain proper control of his powers. More than once recently, Nightcrawler had wondered if Storm truly knew what she was doing, including a rookie in a team that would, for all intents and purposes, be completely on their own, cut off from the rest of the X-Men, dependent on their own skills, cunning, and experience for their very survival.
"I understand your point, Katzchen. And I share some of your concerns, but you cannot simply beat up every team mate who offends you. We will soon run out of X-Men that way." He favored her with his most charming grin, trying to lighten the mood, but the gesture fell flat.
"Doesn't really matter, anyway." Kitty abruptly dismissed the whole conversation with a negligent wave of her hand. "I won't be here that much longer. Thank God."
Upset and confused by this entire encounter, Kurt sent her a wounded look. "Are you really so anxious to get away from us, Katzchen?"
Deep inside, Kitty feel a sharp stab of guilt at the way she was behaving toward Kurt. A little voice told her that she was acting irrationally, but the part of her that was in control, the angry, vengeful, wicked part, quickly pushed it down and away as she whirled to face him, dropping her shampoo and toiletries onto her dresser with a crash.
"Are you kidding me? I can't wait to get out of here! What has this place ever done but bring me grief, pain, and heartache? I should never have let you and Logan talk me into sticking around this long."
The furry, blue mutant stared at her with his glowing, golden eyes, deeply hurt by her words and her attitude. What had happened to her to make her change so much, so suddenly? This was not the friend he had known for the past decade, the girl who was like family to him.
"I am sorry you feel that way, Leibchen." Kurt dropped his head dejectedly. "You are my friend, and I love you. I hope your new life makes you happier than the one you've had with us."
With a soft "bamf" of imploding air and a puff of smoke, Nightcrawler left the same way he'd arrived.
Kitty's eyes remained fixed to the place he'd been for a moment, fighting an internal war with herself. Then, the part of her that won rolled it's eyes and shook it's head.
"Men." she groused, picking up her shower supplies. "Such big babies. Can't take a joke and sure can't take a little constructive criticism. Ought'a just kill 'em all and be done with it."
As she straightened up, Kitty caught sight of herself in the mirror. The red flames dancing in her eyes reflected back at her hotly. Slowly, she smiled.
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"She did what?!"
"For the love of God, Logan, be quiet." Kurt hissed as his friend leapt up from his chair and began to pace the length of the living room. They'd come in here, instead of the den, because interruptions would be less likely. "Do you want the entire household participating in this conversation?"
Wolverine glared at him, but did lower his voice. "Elf, are ya sure? Maybe ya just misunderstood..."
The blue man laughed humorlessly. "Mein freund, when a nearly naked woman plasters herself against me, sticks her tongue in my mouth, and grabs my crotch, there is really only one way I can interpret it." Crossing his arms over his chest, he silently dared his friend to contradict that.
Of course, he understood that Logan really didn't want to believe what he had just told him. It was only natural. After all, it had actually happened to Kurt, and even he was having a hard time believing it.
"Damn." Logan stopped his pacing long enough to throw his friend an apologetic look. "Sorry, Elf. But...damn. This is Kit we're talkin' about. If you'd said it was Emma, or Paige, or even Betts, I woudn't a batted an eye. But Kitty?"
Kurt sighed dejectedly. "Ja, I know, I know. This is definitely not like her at all."
"Yer a real master of the obvious." Logan replied sarcastically. "What the hell's gotten inta that kid lately?"
"Trust me, Logan. She is definitely not a 'kid' anymore. Our Kitty is very obviously fully grown." His rather lame attempt at humor earned him another glare and an actual growl this time.
"Elf, will ya please shut up. There're just some things I don't wanna know, alright?" Logan shook his head, absently massaging his temple, where he was almost positive a blood vessel had burst. Healing factor or no healing factor, he had an idea this situation just might kill him. "First, she pops Petey one and gives him a black eye, now she's comin' onto you like the playmate of the month...Ya know we can't just let this go, don't ya?"
Kurt's glowing, golden eyes met Logan's dark, almost black ones, and the teleporter nodded reluctantly. "I suppose I do, though I would rather go upstairs, crawl in...or perhaps under...my bed and forget this day ever happened."
"You n' me both, Wagner. You n' me both."
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A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed that. The ride's gonna get rougher after this. Next chapter may take me a little longer because there are several different elements I have to tie in to make this thing work, and it's not being cooperative. Please review. Authors live for reviews.