INT -- CHARLES' COURT -- MIDDAY
(The court of King Charles is enormous and royal. Charles sits on his thrown, sleeping and snoring loudly. The leading player and the young man stand in one corner.)
LEADING PLAYER
(Whispers.)
The royal court of Charles the Great, a giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.
(Pippin burst through the doors excitedly.)
PIPPIN
Father!
(Charles awakens with a start.)
CHARLES
What? Oh, Pippin. Yes, what is it?
PIPPIN
(Disappointed by Charles' unenthused response.)
I'm home.
CHARLES
Home?
(It dawns on him.)
Well yes! Yes you are! How did things go in... um... uh....
PIPPIN
Padua, sir?
CHARLES
No thank you, it gives me gas. How did things go at school?
PIPPIN
Very well, sir. Some of my tutors....
CHARLES
(Interrupting.)
Good, good. I'm a firm believer in education.
PIPPIN
And yet you've become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES
The most powerful man the world? Oh Pippin, don't exaggerate. What about the Pope?
PIPPIN
I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.
CHARLES
Well, I happen to agree with you.
(Lewis charges in with a sword. The leading players whispers to the young man.)
LEADING PLAYER
Pippin's half-brother, Lewis. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight-lifting, Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.
LEWIS
Father, father!
CHARLES
Lewis, Pippin has returned.
LEWIS
(Looks at Pippin.)
Hm.
(Turns to Charles.)
Father, I'm just dying to fight those Visigoths. When can we go? Huh?
PIPPIN
(To Charles.)
You're going to war against the Visigoths?
LEWIS
Uh huh! That's the next one.
CHARLES
It's going to be a glorious campain.
LEWIS
Those Visigoth women are.... Oh, sorry. I don't mean to shock your bookish sensibilities.
PIPPIN
I'm just shocked you're interested in women now.
LEWIS
(Angered)
Why you....
(He lunges at Pippin.)
FASTRADA
(Offscreen.)
Boys, play nice.
(We see Fastrada slink toward the throne. The leading player explains to the young man.)
LEADING PLAYER
Fastrada, Pippin's stepmother. Devious, crafty, cunning, untrustworthy....
(Notices Fastrada is shooting her a death look. The leading player is intimidated and continues on a more positive note.)
But a warm and wonderful mother, dedicated to gaining the throne for her darling son, Lewis.
FASTRADA
Lewis, look what mommy has for you. Surprise!
(She gives him a breast plate.)
LEWIS
Oh, thank you, mother. Isn't it a beauty? Look how I shine!
(He leaves to go try it on.)
PIPPIN
It really is beautiful.
FASTRADA
(Coldly.)
Welcome home, Pippin.
(Crossing to Charles.)
My darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I've overdrawn my allowance account.
CHARLES
You're overdrawn again?!
FASTRADA
Oh, don't be angry, my lord. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother.
(Turns to the camera.)
Just like all you housewives and mothers out there.
(She smiles innocently and slinks away. The leading player rolls her eyes.)
CHARLES
Well, son now we can have our talk.
PIPPIN
Right.
CHARLES
So, son....
PIPPIN
So....
CHARLES
Um.... Oh, would you look at that? It's almost noon. I've got to go.
(He gets up.)
PIPPIN
But father!
CHARLES
It's been lovely chatting with you, son. We'll have to do it again some time.
(He leaves. Pippin looks at the leading player, who simply shurgs.)
(The court of King Charles is enormous and royal. Charles sits on his thrown, sleeping and snoring loudly. The leading player and the young man stand in one corner.)
LEADING PLAYER
(Whispers.)
The royal court of Charles the Great, a giant on the battlefield and in the bedroom.
(Pippin burst through the doors excitedly.)
PIPPIN
Father!
(Charles awakens with a start.)
CHARLES
What? Oh, Pippin. Yes, what is it?
PIPPIN
(Disappointed by Charles' unenthused response.)
I'm home.
CHARLES
Home?
(It dawns on him.)
Well yes! Yes you are! How did things go in... um... uh....
PIPPIN
Padua, sir?
CHARLES
No thank you, it gives me gas. How did things go at school?
PIPPIN
Very well, sir. Some of my tutors....
CHARLES
(Interrupting.)
Good, good. I'm a firm believer in education.
PIPPIN
And yet you've become the most powerful man in the world without it.
CHARLES
The most powerful man the world? Oh Pippin, don't exaggerate. What about the Pope?
PIPPIN
I rank you ahead of the Pope, sir.
CHARLES
Well, I happen to agree with you.
(Lewis charges in with a sword. The leading players whispers to the young man.)
LEADING PLAYER
Pippin's half-brother, Lewis. Addicted to the physical, Lewis loves weight-lifting, Lewis loves wrestling, but most of all, Lewis loves Lewis.
LEWIS
Father, father!
CHARLES
Lewis, Pippin has returned.
LEWIS
(Looks at Pippin.)
Hm.
(Turns to Charles.)
Father, I'm just dying to fight those Visigoths. When can we go? Huh?
PIPPIN
(To Charles.)
You're going to war against the Visigoths?
LEWIS
Uh huh! That's the next one.
CHARLES
It's going to be a glorious campain.
LEWIS
Those Visigoth women are.... Oh, sorry. I don't mean to shock your bookish sensibilities.
PIPPIN
I'm just shocked you're interested in women now.
LEWIS
(Angered)
Why you....
(He lunges at Pippin.)
FASTRADA
(Offscreen.)
Boys, play nice.
(We see Fastrada slink toward the throne. The leading player explains to the young man.)
LEADING PLAYER
Fastrada, Pippin's stepmother. Devious, crafty, cunning, untrustworthy....
(Notices Fastrada is shooting her a death look. The leading player is intimidated and continues on a more positive note.)
But a warm and wonderful mother, dedicated to gaining the throne for her darling son, Lewis.
FASTRADA
Lewis, look what mommy has for you. Surprise!
(She gives him a breast plate.)
LEWIS
Oh, thank you, mother. Isn't it a beauty? Look how I shine!
(He leaves to go try it on.)
PIPPIN
It really is beautiful.
FASTRADA
(Coldly.)
Welcome home, Pippin.
(Crossing to Charles.)
My darling, before I forget, the royal treasurer informs me I've overdrawn my allowance account.
CHARLES
You're overdrawn again?!
FASTRADA
Oh, don't be angry, my lord. You know how confused I get about money. After all, I'm just an ordinary housewife and mother.
(Turns to the camera.)
Just like all you housewives and mothers out there.
(She smiles innocently and slinks away. The leading player rolls her eyes.)
CHARLES
Well, son now we can have our talk.
PIPPIN
Right.
CHARLES
So, son....
PIPPIN
So....
CHARLES
Um.... Oh, would you look at that? It's almost noon. I've got to go.
(He gets up.)
PIPPIN
But father!
CHARLES
It's been lovely chatting with you, son. We'll have to do it again some time.
(He leaves. Pippin looks at the leading player, who simply shurgs.)