CHAPTER 42
A/N: Whoa, sorry it took me so long for me to get this chapter up. I've been working again, so I haven't had that much time to sit down and write. The next chapter should be up much sooner.
And for those who read November, the next chapter (Chapter 11) is in the process of being worked on. Don't worry; it'll be up soon, by the end of the week latest. I kind of have some writer's block there.
Don't forget to review! And thanks for all of the great ones on the last chapter!
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* * * *
Collins grinned and whistled as he entered the waiting room. He was immediately side tackled by Maureen, who had rushed at him impatiently. Mark and Jackie stood up more civilly as did Dan and Harvey.
Collins rubbed his shoulder. "Jesus Mo, I'm sorry the zoo is on vacation, but you're gonna have to find a way to contain your animalistic behaviors. Rowr," he teased.
She ignored him. "So? What did Roger say?"
Collins grinned as Dan came up behind him and slipped his hand through his. "Girl. Six pounds, ten ounces, 19 and a ½ inches long. Jaylynn Angela," he announced.
Maureen beamed and rested her head against Harvey's shoulder. "Can we see them yet?"
Collins nodded slowly. "Yeah, but only two at a time. Roger's practically sleeping already, and Mimi's exhausted. They're letting the baby stay in the room until the pediatrician comes by."
"Couldn't Mimi request the baby to stay in the room overnight if she wanted to?" Jackie asked.
Collins nodded. "Yeah, they'd let her do that, but she told them that it's okay
if they take her to the nursery. Understandable, because she and Roger have
almost been up for a full 20 hours straight. And she hasn't been getting much
sleep even before the baby was born."
"I agree with her on that," Mark added. "She's been pretty miserable the last few days."
Maureen nodded. "Yeah. So can I go and see her now or what?"
"Patience is a virtue," Dan reminded her, laughing.
* * * *
"I brought you some water from the vending machine."
Mimi looked up at him and smiled. She was holding a sleeping Jaylynn in her arms and rocking her every so often. "Thanks babe."
Roger set the bottled water on the nightstand and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "How is she?"
"She's good. I tried feeding her a little, but she was more sleepy than hungry," she added, pointing to the bottle of formula that was set on the nightstand as well. "The nurse said it's okay if she doesn't want to take any, and not to push her at first. She'll let us know when she's hungry, I guess. Kind of like you when I don't feed you right away when you get home from the bar."
Roger grinned. "Are you hungry yet?"
Mimi shook her head. "Nah. What time is it?"
"A little after four."
"Okay. Can you take her for a bit? I kind of wanna get some sleep," she said, yawning. "That doesn't make me a bad mother, does it? Because I don't want her to slip out of my arms if I fall asleep," she added quickly.
Roger lifted Jaylynn into his arms and kissed Mimi's forehead. "Nah, you're tired. Get some rest."
Sandra knocked on the doorframe and walked into the room. "Roger?"
Mimi looked over and yawned. "Hey Sandra."
"Hi sweetie." She leaned over the bed and kissed Mimi on her cheek. "Roger honey I just wanted to let you know that your father and I are going to head back to Scarsdale, but we'll be back later tonight with some food, okay?"
Roger nodded. "Thanks Mom, but you really don't have to cook us food and bring it all the way here."
She shook her head and ran her hand over the baby's stomach. "No, it's fine. Ziti okay? I should have everything for it in the house."
Roger looked over to Mimi and she nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Thanks."
Sandra gave him a kiss on the cheek and smiled down at Jaylynn. "She's really beautiful. I'll see you both later then."
Just as Sandra left, Mark and Jackie walked in. Roger looked up and smiled. "Hey." He shifted Jaylynn in his arms and tucked the blanket back around her.
"Hey," Mark greeted. "Wow. Rog, she's really beautiful."
"She has Daddy's good looks," Mimi said, yawning.
Jackie smiled and sat down on the edge of Mimi's bed. "She's so tiny. How do you feel?"
Mimi shrugged. "Really, really tired. And believe me, she was not feeling tiny when she came out. For a second there I thought she was easily nine pounds. It was worth it though, but I'm all stitched up."
Jackie made a face and looked over at Mark. "I probably will be too. How many stitches do you have?"
"Three tiny ones, I think. She kind of ripped towards the bottom of my—"
"Okay! And we're done talking about this now!" Mark interrupted after receiving a desperate look from Roger.
"What's wrong Marky? Don't want to hear about vaginas this early?" Mimi teased him.
He blushed and shook his head. "Not when I have to eat following the conversation," he groaned.
Nurse Jan knocked on the door and smiled. "Hey Mimi. How are we feeling?"
"Pretty sore down there, if you know what I mean."
Jan nodded. "I'll page the anesthesiologist and have him come down and give you another smaller dosage of the epidural to help you out. Dr. Wilson should be by with some painkillers soon," she added.
"Okay."
Jan walked over to Roger and Jaylynn. "I'm going to have to take her to the nursery now so the pediatrician can examine her. I'll give her a sponge bath too and get her settled into her bassinet."
Mimi nodded and looked over at Roger. "Roger, can you go with her?"
He grinned and kissed Mimi on the forehead. "Sure babe. Anything else you want?"
Mimi shook her head. "No. Just go with her and make sure she gets settled okay."
"Alright. See you guys later," he added to Mark and Jackie.
"We better get going anyway. Let you get some rest and all," Jackie said. She gave Mimi a hug, and Mark kissed Mimi on the cheek.
"We'll be back later tonight."
"Bye guys," Mimi yawned. She turned onto her side and shut her eyes.
* * * *
SEPTEMBER 6th
Mimi gingerly stepped onto the hospital bath mat and pulled on her sweatpants and tee shirt, wrapping her robe around herself. Her stitches hurt more then she thought they would and she probably shouldn't have been up and walking around, let alone taking a shower, but considering she hadn't taken one for almost three days, she was feeling pretty grimy and disgusting.
She walked out of the bathroom and sat back down on the hospital bed, carefully toweling her curly hair off. She then quickly pulled it up into a damp messy twist and stretched out onto the bed once again.
"Hey."
Mimi looked up at Roger. "Hey."
Roger pulled up a chair and handed her a bag of food. "I figured I should get you something before I came here. Hospital food blows."
She nodded and looked in the McDonald's bag. She pulled out a hash brown before handing the rest back to him. "Thanks."
"That's all you want?"
"Yeah. I don't need anymore fat accumulating on my body," she said, picking at the hash brown.
"Baby…"
Mimi shrugged and took a sip of water. "Did you sleep okay?"
"I guess. It was pretty empty without you there."
"Yeah," she answered.
Roger patted her hair. "Did you take a shower or something?"
"No, I just dumped a fucking bottle of water over my head. Yes, I took a shower," she said sarcastically.
He sighed and leaned back in the chair. "By yourself?"
"Yeah."
"I thought you were supposed to have someone help you?" he asked.
Mimi stared at him. "Oh yeah, because I really want a nurse helping me out when I'm showering."
"Okay okay. Calm down. You should have called me and I would have helped you out," he winked.
She rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "You know we can't do anything for awhile anyway."
"Yeah, I know, but I was just kidding around," he added.
"Uh huh," she mumbled.
"What's wrong now?" he asked, drumming his fingers alongside the bed.
"Wow, I really like how you phrased that. 'What's wrong now, Mimi? What are you bitching about now?' Really great."
"I didn't mean it like that!" he said defensively. "I just, I'm really trying to be nice here and you're biting my head off for it," he added.
"God I want to go home Roger," she said quietly. "But I'm just really scared of going home by myself with her."
"Yeah, I know. But seriously—if Mark can do it in December, we can do it now. Plus we're not as anal as he is," he joked. "And you won't be by yourself, I'll be with you."
"Can we go see her? Because I'm so tired of sitting in this room."
Roger nodded and helped her stand up. "Sorry, but you have to use the wheelchair. Hospital policy, or some bullshit like that."
She rolled her eyes and sat down in it. "Won't it ruin your bad boy image?"
He laughed and kissed her. "I ran into the pediatrician on my way up here."
"Oh. What did she say?" Mimi asked.
"They got the preliminary results back from Jaylynn's blood test," he said, pushing her down the maternity ward and towards the nursery.
Mimi turned her head and looked up at him. "Is she?"
"She's negative babe. She said she'll retest her in six months, and that sometimes you won't be able to tell until they're closer to two years old, but she says that it's good that your OB put you back on the AZT after that other doctor took you off, because if you weren't on it, she'd probably be positive right now. She's going to draw her blood again at her one week appointment, but other than that, she's good for now."
Mimi took another look at him and started crying. "Roger she's okay. Our baby's okay," she cried.
Roger crouched in front of her and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey…everything's gonna be okay. Jay's fine. She's healthy." He rubbed her back softly.
"Yeah I know. But she couldn't have been. We just got really lucky, and I don't think I could have lived with myself if she was positive because of some stupid, fucked up mistakes I made with my life."
"I know baby. But she's okay, and she's gonna be okay. And we just have to keep telling ourselves that."
"I know. And I love you, you know that right? And I'm sorry for being so difficult," she apologized.
"I love you too."
* * * *
Jackie sat up when she heard the buzzer to the apartment door ring. Mark reached over her and attempted to grab the alarm instead. "I'll get it. Go back to sleep."
"Mmm okay," he yawned, half asleep.
She stood up and pulled on a hoodie over her tank top and boxer shorts. She passed down the hall and unlatched the door and opened it.
"Um. Hi."
"No. You can't be here. No, if Mark or Roger sees you, no—you can't," she hissed at him. "Josh you can't just show up on my doorstep—no."
He nodded. "Yeah. I know, but I have to tell you something. I need to talk to you."
Jackie stared at him and sighed. "What?"
"I just—can I come in or something? Or can we go and get some coffee and talk?"
"Josh…" Jackie sighed. She stepped to the side and let him walk in. "You're fucking killing me, you know that? You're pushing it, really," she whispered at him. "I have a fucking restraining order placed on you! If anyone catches you—"
"I know. But I needed to risk it to come see you," he said urgently.
She threw her hands up in frustration. "Just—sit there. And don't move from that spot." She pointed to the kitchen chair and he sat down in it. "And don't try anything stupid, because Mark's asleep and Roger's in the other room. Let me get some clothes on and we'll go out somewhere. Just don't move, because I don't trust you."
"I know. I won't. And you shouldn't."
She was about to say something else, but instead walked back down the hallway and closed the bedroom door behind her. She picked out a clean pair of stretchy sweatpants and changed into them and pulled on her sneakers.
Mark sat up and stared at her. "Where are you going?"
"Just down to Collins. I'll be back soon, okay?" she lied.
He shrugged and lied back down. "Okay."
Jackie walked back down the hall. Josh was still sitting on the chair, tapping his fingers on the table. Something didn't look right about him to her. He seemed more quiet, and more apologetic, but he had every damn reason to be. "Let's go." She grabbed her purse and made sure her cell phone was in there.
He nodded quickly. "Okay."
They ended up at a Starbucks on the corner. Jackie paid for two lattes and handed one to him before sitting down at a table near the door. "So. Talk."
"I know that no matter how many times I apologize to you nothing can change what I did to you, Mark, or Roger's wife. But I want you to know that I couldn't control what—what I did really. Because I didn't know—didn't really understand," he said quickly.
Jackie rolled her eyes and was about to stand up. "Bullshit. You're telling me that all the times you beat me and landed me in the hospital was something you didn't know that you were doing? So when you shot Mark and attacked Roger's wife, you didn't know what you were doing then, either?"
Josh reached out for her elbow but then retracted his hand. "Just—don't go yet, okay?"
"Then explain to me and stop bullshitting your way through it," she demanded, sitting back down.
"I went to the doctor's and I took some tests—all kinds. Anger management, stress, depression, you name it, I took it. And the results came back two weeks ago."
Jackie shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. "Okay?"
"Jac, they told me that I'm bipolar and that I have symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia."
Jackie's jaw dropped and she stared at him. "What?!"
He nodded. "They put me on medication for it—for everything. That's why—you remember all the fights we had?"
"Yeah."
"That's why everything happened, and I'm sorry if you don't believe me, or if you think I'm just using it as an excuse, but I never wanted to hurt you Jackie, but I couldn't control what my brain was telling me to do. I was sick, and I didn't even know it. I didn't know what was wrong with me."
"Oh. I'm really sorry to hear that," she said quietly. "But I know, I understand that you couldn't help yourself. But regardless of that, people still did get hurt, Josh."
He nodded. "I know. But I just wanted to tell you. You had a right to know. And I am going to group therapy three times a week, and that's been helping a lot."
"That's good," she added. "I want you to get better?"
"Really? I thought you hated me."
"I don't hate you," she sighed. "You did a lot of things that were wrong—to me and to people I care about. But I don't hate you. I can honestly say that I don't trust you anymore at all, but I don't hate you."
"Okay," he answered.
"So where are you staying? In your apartment?"
He nodded. "For now. I'll probably go back to work soon."
"That's good." Jackie looked down at her watch. "Well, um Mark's probably up by now and he most likely figured out that I wasn't at Collins' apartment. Do you need anything?"
He shrugged and shook his head. "Not really. Would it be okay if I still saw you sometime? Maybe around the holidays, or something?"
Jackie contemplated this for a second and nodded. "Yeah. I guess. Just um, call ahead on my cell phone, okay? Don't show up at the loft or call the main line."
He nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Josh stood up awkwardly and smiled at her before walking in the direction of
the door. "Thanks for giving me the time to talk to you, even after everything
I did. I appreciate it."
Jackie nodded. "Yeah."
"I'll see you then. Bye."
Jackie watched his retreating back and grabbed her purse, jogging to catch up with him. "Josh wait."
"Yeah?" He turned around and looked back at her.
She jotted something down on paper and ripped it out of her wallet and handed it to him. "Here. Just take care of yourself for me. And don't do anymore stupid half assed things that you pulled with us, okay?" she smiled.
He looked down at the paper pressed into his hand. "This is a check for five hundred dollars," he said, shocked. "I can't take this from you, I don't deserve it."
"Just use it to get back on your feet, okay? Call it an early Christmas present, I don't know."
"I can't repay this."
Jackie shrugged. "I'm not asking you to."
"Thanks Jackie. For everything." He hesitated at first, but gave her a kiss on her cheek.
"Bye Josh."
He smiled at her. "Bye Jackie-O."
She smiled at the nickname he had used so long ago. It had been a long time since anyone had called her that, especially him. Jackie watched him leave and kept her eye on him long enough until he eventually disappeared into the city crowds.
* * * *
Jackie reentered the loft and pulled off her hoodie. She hung it on the hook and walked down the hall and into the living room.
"Where were you?"
She jumped and turned to look at him. He was sitting on the couch and staring at her. "Jesus Christ Mark, don't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Just don't, okay?"
"You weren't at Collins. He said he didn't even see you this morning."
Jackie shrugged and walked into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of juice. "So what is this, you have to check up on me now?" she said harshly.
Mark stood up and walked over to her. "No, but I was just worried about you. Where were you?"
"I went out with someone," she answered.
"Who?"
"Does it matter?"
Mark sighed. "Jackie."
"Fine. You'll probably flip and go off on one of your designated Mark Cohen tantrums though. Josh showed up here this morning and told me he had to tell me something. So after debating with myself for a few minutes, we went out to Starbucks and we talked. There you have it," she added bitterly.
Mark stared at her. "You what? Jackie, he's a fucking psycho! He could have hurt you and nobody would have known about it because you didn't tell me where you were going. I can't believe you went out with him after everything he did. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Jackie slammed the glass down in the sink and it shattered. Fragments of glass cut the top of her hand. "Fuck!" she shouted out. "There's nothing wrong with me, okay! So don't sit here and act like it's all about you!"
"So you trust him then?"
"Goddammit no! Far from it! Mark he has a fucking mental disorder! He's bipolar and symptomatic paranoid schizophrenic. I wasn't about to turn him away on our doorstep! We just talked, and he apologized and explained to me that he's on medication for everything. He's going to therapy; he's trying to get better. Nothing can change what he did to you and Mimi—no amount of apologizing. I know that. He knows that. You know that. But I don't hate him—I don't trust him. There's a difference."
"This is un fucking believable. I can't believe this!"
"What's so unbelievable? The fact that I can forgive people and stand up to them? The fact that I can use my backbone for once instead of slinking away under pressure? Stop hiding Mark, you're no good at it."
"Just god—fuck you Jackie! I'm so fed up with you."
"No. You want to talk about being fed up? I called my mother weeks ago and told her that I was pregnant and engaged. She's planning on coming up for the holidays. You haven't said shit to your mother! I'm fucking six months pregnant and you haven't even told her yet! You haven't opened your mouth and told her that we're supposed to be getting married and she's supposed to have a grandchild!"
"Well I'm sorry if I'm so busy trying to support you and the baby that maybe I haven't gotten a chance to yet!"
"Oh bullshit. You've had plenty of chances. You just haven't taken any of them up."
"Maybe it's a sign?"
She glared at him. "Excuse me?"
"Maybe we should get married or have a kid. Maybe it's a sign."
"Well maybe you should have thought about that when you forgot the condom!" she screamed at him.
"Well maybe you should be on birth control and none of this would have happened!" he retorted.
Silence set in for a few minutes as the reality of what had just been said had set in. Jackie grabbed the dishtowel off the sink and wrapped it around her hand. She sat down on the kitchen table and rested her head on the table without saying a word to him.
Mark sighed and pulled up a chair next to her and gently unwrapped her hand. He grabbed the alcohol from underneath the sink, cotton balls, and a few band-aids. "Jac I'm sorry."
She lifted her head up and rested it against the back of the chair. "You don't want this baby, do you?"
"Jackie you know I want this baby. I love you, I want this baby."
"Alright. Ow," she winced, looking down as he started cleaning out her cuts.
"Sorry."
"Yeah. I don't want to fight with you."
"I know." He added the band-aids to her hand and then pulled her towards him. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes as his other arm wrapped around her growing waist. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back. "I think we're both just really stressed out about everything."
"I know. I'm sorry too."
"Yeah." He kissed her and continued rubbing her back. "I'm gonna call my mom today, okay? I swear."
She nodded. "That's fine. Can we just go lay down first or something?"
"Sure. Let's go." She stood up and followed him into their bedroom. They both stretched out again under the comforter
"I really do love you Jackie. And I'm sorry I flipped out on you today."
"I know. I love you too," she said, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes.
* * * *
Review? Please? ;)
NOTE: Just wanted to make sure that you all knew that Mimi was bottle feeding Jaylynn, and not breast feeding her. I've done tons of research on just about everything medical or law related in this story, and obviously if Mimi breastfed Jaylynn, the HIV virus has a good chance of passing from the milk to the baby. So, I just wanted to let you all know that before I got any reviews questioning me about it, lol.