CHAPTER 46
A/N: It's Halloween in this chapter. I'm trying to nail all the important holidays/celebrations around the time when they're really supposed to happen in the real world, but obviously it's tough to do that. So, here's a late Halloween chapter!
And as always, thanks for the reviews!
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Mimi walked into Jaylynn's room with her bottle in hand. She lifted the baby out of her bassinet and sat down in the rocking chair. "It's a little late for this, Jay. Mommy's tired," she yawned. After Jaylynn finished the bottle she took her out into the living room and sat her down in the swing, where she dozed off almost automatically. She settled the blanket around her and sat back down on the couch, tucking her feet underneath her.
It was late, a little after one. It was funny how she actually considered one am late now. Before she would have been lucky if she had gotten back to her apartment before six am.
But things had changed over the last year, more than she would have ever thought possible. Everything was very different. She was different. She wasn't the Mimi Marquez that she used to be. She hadn't been to a good party since she first found out she was pregnant. She only drank occasionally now, and even when she did, she usually took a few sips of whatever Roger was having and left it at that. She had been through withdrawal and survived her addiction. Hell, she wasn't even Mimi Marquez anymore. She was Mimi Davis.
She and Roger had made it, finally.
She pulled the blanket up around her and settled her chin on the arm of the couch. Angel had been gone for one year today. One year. 525, 600 minutes. It had been the first time in a long time that she had actually taken the initiative to sit down and think about her. The last time she had done this was right after Christmas. Roger was out with Wes, and she had been home with Mark. They spent the rest of the night looking through photo albums and remembering.
She might as well do that tonight.
She leaned forward and pulled out the one heavy photo album that contained all of their pictures. Every single one of them.
But when she rested it on her lap, she couldn't open it. It didn't feel right. Not without—
The door opened and Roger walked in. "Hey," he greeted. Once he pulled off his boots, he pulled something out of his pocket. "Happy early Halloween morning." He tossed a Snickers bar at her and it landed in her lap.
She looked down at it and placed it to the side. "Thanks," she said quietly.
"Are you okay?" He frowned slightly at her.
She nodded. "Yeah. I'm just doing too much thinking." She stood up and walked over to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she leaned into his chest.
"Well don't think too much, okay?" He said, kissing her lightly.
"I know. How was work?"
He shrugged and picked up Jaylynn, rocking her slowly against his shoulder. "Crowded. Boring."
She smiled at this. "How can it be crowded and boring?"
"It just was. I wanted to be home and not there."
Mimi walked into their bedroom and curled up underneath the sheets. Roger came in about a minute later with the baby monitor. He set it on its usual place on the nightstand and quickly stripped down to his boxers and crawled in next to her. His arm found her hip and he pulled her in close, and she settled her head on his chest.
"What's bothering you?"
She shrugged and looked up at him. But when she did so, all the emotions that she had been holding back came flooding to the surface and she was done for. Her eyes started watering and a lump formed in her throat. She rolled off him and flat back onto the pillows and started crying.
Roger sat up, his eyes wide. "Whoa Mimi, what's wrong? It's okay, it's okay, I promise," he said softly.
She sat up and collapsed into his arms as he rubbed her back. "No, it's not okay," she sobbed. "It's not."
"What's not okay?" he asked.
That only made her cry harder. "I don't—I don't want to die. I don't want you to die. Because if I go, if I'm not here, I'll miss her. I'll miss everything about her. I won't make it to see her first boyfriend. I won't make it to her prom. She's gonna get married without me telling her how beautiful she looks. She'll graduate high school without me telling her how proud I am of her. And it's all because of some stupid, fucked up mistakes that I made before I had her. It's not fair. Why can't I? All these other parents are going to see their kids grow up and be happy and I can't see that. I can't, Roger. I want to be able to, but I can't. Because I know I'm never going to make it that far. And it kills me to know that one day I'm going to have to say goodbye to her, and I won't be ready for it. I can't say goodbye to her. I can't say goodbye to you," she cried into his chest.
Roger didn't know what to say to her to make her feel any better, partially because he felt the same exact way. They weren't going to make it much farther past her early teens—and that was if they were lucky. It killed him too, and the only way he made himself feel better about it was to not think about it much—if at all. There'd be a time and a place where yeah, he'd have to sit down and be forced to think about it, but that day wasn't today. They were both healthy as they could possibly be with the virus. They weren't going anywhere fast. They still had years left. And that's all he could tell her for now.
"Shh, baby, it's okay. She's gonna be beautiful no matter what happens. Because you know what? She's never gonna be alone. She's going to have Mark, and Jackie. Plus Maureen and Harvey. And she'll have Collins and Dan too. For as long as they have left, she'll always have them. Plus my mom, my dad, and my sister. Lisa and Matt, too. She's gonna have all these people surrounding her and giving her all of this love that's she never going to be alone. Never. She'll always have us, too. Because no matter when we die, there's gonna be pictures, and stories to tell, and tons of memories that we're going to make with her. She'll never forget us, baby. Never. I promise. I love you. Okay?" He kissed her softly and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "I love you."
She nodded and calmed down a little at his words. "I know. I love you too. So much, Roger. I love you," she whispered.
"I know, baby. I know." He kissed her and pulled her back down on the bed with him. "I'm gonna bring her in her and let her sleep with us tonight, okay?"
Mimi nodded and let him slide out of bed. Roger returned with the baby. She was awake, but calm. He set her down in between them and tucked the blanket around her. "Did Daddy wake you up?"
Jaylynn attached her hand to Mimi's finger as Roger rubbed her tiny stomach. "I wonder if she actually knows what you're saying."
Mimi laughed and rolled her eyes. "No more then you do when I wake you up in the morning to take your pills."
Roger grinned and kissed her. "Night baby. Don't worry about it, okay? Any of it. Get some sleep for me."
"I love you."
"I love you too," he said to her. "And I love you," he laughed, smiling down at Jaylynn.
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Mark yawned and walked into the living room, where Michael Jackson's 'Beat It' was playing. "What are you doing?"
Jackie turned and sat up. "Trying to work out. It's the best thing to do at seven am when you're wide awake," she smiled at him.
"Yeah, that's exactly why I don't. Don't you go to the gym with Harvey and Maureen anyway?"
She nodded again. "Yeah. Okay I was bored! And there was nothing on TV. So I didn't want to sit and vegetate while you were still sleeping," she said, blowing out a puff of air.
Mark laughed, leaned over, and helped her stand up. "I thought exercise was supposed to make you happy?"
"Hello?" she pointed down at her stomach. "Not when you're lugging around extra weight, it doesn't."
"Only a month and a half left," he said before he kissed her.
"So did Lisa call you last night?"
He nodded. "Yeah. She's allowed to walk around and everything, but her doctor wants her to take it easy. Which means no taking Noah trick or treating tonight with Matt. And no driving."
"They're going to Scarsdale?"
"I think so. She mentioned something to me about it, but she said that Matt's parents are coming over my parent's house. So whatever, it's a long story," he shrugged.
"Okay," she yawned widely. "Is it okay if I hang out with Harvey tonight? He wants to get Maureen something nice for her birthday and apparently can't shop for himself, so he needs my help."
"Yeah, that's fine. I was going to hang out with Collins tonight anyway."
She grabbed him by the arm and started pulling him down the hallway. "Enough talk. Now I'm tired."
"But I just got up," he pretended to whine.
"So? You don't have to work today. Come and lay down with me."
"Jac—"
"Bed. Now."
"Okay," he laughed.
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"Hey."
Roger walked into the bedroom and kissed Mimi before sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Hey," she smiled at him, yawning. "What time is it?"
"Noon."
Mimi stared at him. "What? Did you feed her? Did you change her diaper? Did you put her down for a nap on time?"
Roger laughed and kissed her again. "Yes, relax. She's my kid too. Plus, Collins has her now."
"Collins is here?"
"No. He came up when you were still sleeping and asked if he could watch her until I take her to my mom's."
"Okay. Uncle Collins is gonna spoil the shit out of her," she added, laughing. "It's kind of a good thing Dan is still on that business trip in Florida or she'd come home with five extra shopping bags of clothes."
"Yeah true. So you guys are gonna hang out when I'm at my mom's? I can't believe I have to take Jaylynn all the way to Scarsdale so I can show my parents, my brothers, and my sister her fucking Halloween costume. So they can take a roll of pictures of her dressed up as a pumpkin."
"Ew, somebody's got a stick shoved up their ass this morning. I can't wait to bribe your mom into showing me the pictures of what you dressed up as for Halloween. I already have the ones of your naked ass," she winked.
"So what? I was cute. Plus I didn't actual have a lot of costumes. I just went out with Jimmy and we toilet papered houses, with my little brother Joey."
"I forget that you're such a bad ass."
"So do you wanna get drinks tonight when I get home? Maybe with Mark, Jackie, and Collins?" he asked. "After I get back from celebrating our daughter's first Halloween," he added quickly before Mimi gave him another look.
"We'll see. I want to see what Collins is up for. He might just want to stay home, and that's fine with me."
"Alright. So, what do you wanna do?" he said suggestively.
Mimi sighed and straddled his lap. "Hmm. Well, did I tell you what my doctor said last week?"
"No, not really."
She whispered something in his ear and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Roger grinned at her. "So what the hell are we waiting for? Jesus Christ, you waited this long to tell me? Let's go!"
Mimi laughed as he started kissing her neck. "It's only sex, babe. Breathe."
"Only sex? Have you completely forgotten that I haven't had sex with you since August 31st? Exactly two fucking months of me, Roger Davis, being celibate. No sex. Do you know how hard that was?"
"I'm sorry," she smiled, running her hands through his hair. "But we can now, so…what are we waiting for?" she giggled. The doorbell rang. "That—would be Collins."
Roger moaned and dropped back against the pillows. "Dammit."
Mimi sighed and kissed him. "Rain check?"
"Yeah," he grumbled. "I'm not being an asshole about this, am I? Cause you know I'd wait for you however long."
"No you're not. Believe me, two months is a record for us. And I want it just as much as you do. Thank you for being so patient," she winked before answering the door.
Collins smiled and walked in. "Hey. Did I interrupt anything?"
Mimi laughed. "Nope, nothing. Roger was just about to get laid," she joked.
"Roger's always about to get laid," Collins reminded her.
Mimi took Jaylynn from him. "Were you good for Uncle Collins?"
"Hell yeah she was. She's gotta be one of the best babies ever."
"Say that to me again when she wakes you up at three am," Mimi said. She placed Jaylynn in her swing.
"Remind me before I leave and I certainly will," he added.
Roger walked out of the bedroom and shoved his hands in his pocket. "Hey," he greeted Collins.
"Hey. Sorry about fucking up your plans to fuck," Collins replied cheerfully.
He shrugged and sat down on the floor near Jaylynn's swing. "Yeah, what the hell. You ready to go see Grandma and Grandpa?"
"The bottles are in the fridge, and everything else is in her bag. Plus the pacifier. Don't forget it, or you'll regret it."
"Wow Meems, motherhood makes you rhyme. Who would have thought?" Collins teased. He grabbed a soda from the fridge and sat down on the barstool in the kitchen.
Ten minutes later, Roger had managed to get Jaylynn dressed in her tiny pumpkin Halloween costume without much of a problem. Mimi had to help him get the hat on, but other then that, he was pretty proud of himself.
"She's got to be the cutest pumpkin ever," Collins acknowledged. He had finished his soda and was starting to eat an apple. "Angel would have probably dressed up to match her."
Roger looked at Mimi and she smiled sadly at him. "Yeah, she would have."
"Of course she would have, Collins. Angel looked good in whatever she was wearing," Mimi reminded him.
Roger wrapped Jaylynn up in her blanket and slung the bag over his shoulder. "I better get going."
Mimi walked over to him and kissed him. "Have fun. Take lots of pictures and have your mom send some to me. Be nice, and don't let Jimmy con you into going out." She kissed the top of Jaylynn's head. "Bye baby. Be good for Daddy. And look cute."
Roger kissed her before heading towards the door. "Bye guys."
"Bye," Collins said. He finished off his apple and tossed the core in the trash.
Mimi rested her chin in hand and looked at him. "So how are you?"
"Honestly? I'm okay," he answered. "I thought it would be a lot worse. I thought I wouldn't want to get out of bed today. But I did. It was hard, but I did it. I had my coffee, and I read my paper. Then I went out and bought flowers and went to the cemetery. I ran into Angel's mother there and we had breakfast at this little café near the river. Then I came home and watched Jaylynn. I have to say my day's been pretty good so far. Better than I ever expected."
"That's really great. I'm glad," Mimi smiled, resting her hand on top of his.
"Yeah. So what about you?"
"Me?" Mimi sighed and brushed a curl out of her face. "I'm okay. I miss her. So much sometimes I don't know what to do about it."
"I know. And I don't think the missing her part will ever go away. It still feels like a fresh wound to me, but a wound that's trying to heal. One day that wound will become a memory, and everytime I think of her I'll remember her just how she was and not think so much about the pain of losing her."
"Yeah."
Collins smiled at her. "Come here."
Mimi smiled and he wrapped his arms around her, giving her a warm hug. "Thank you for always being there, Collins."
"You're welcome. Now what's this I hear about Roger wanting to go out and get drinks tonight?"
Mimi laughed. "You know how he is. I told him it was up to you."
"I can't pass down a good drink offer."
"Then we'll go," she smiled.
"We will. And we'll all get smashed," he laughed.
"Of course," she winked.
Collins stood up and stretched. "Want to go harass Mark? We haven't done that in awhile."
"Ooh sounds tempting. Let's go. We should prank call him all day and drive him crazy."
"Good idea." Collins picked up the phone and grinned mischievously. "Hi, is your refrigerator running? Is that so? Well, you better go catch it!" He slammed down the phone and gave Mimi a high five as they both tried to stifle their laughs.
"Awesome. I can't believe he fell for it. My turn!" she beamed. Collins passed the phone to her. "Hello, is a Mister Pis. N. Yurpanse there?"
Collins held his side as he started laughing hysterically. Mimi held a finger to her lips.
"GUYS! I KNOW THAT'S YOU!" Mark shouted through the wall.
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