CHAPTER 51

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I'm glad you guys really enjoyed that last chapter because I really enjoyed writing it. :o)

Just as a heads up, we're now into mid January 1998. Wow, time flies. Jaylynn's almost five months old, and Luke is just about two months.

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Roger stuck his head in Mark's room and grinned. "Hey."

"Hi." Mark pulled his eyes away from the laptop screen and stopped typing. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I've come to bother you." Roger jumped obnoxiously onto the bed and grabbed a pillow, which he placed under his head before stretching out.

Mark rolled his eyes and resumed his typing. "Then go bother Collins or something. Try Maureen."

"Can't. Collins is at class, and Maureen is trying out for that play, Chicago, or something."

"Then go entertain yourself with your guitar. Or watch TV. Or play with your daughter. Go sit out on the fire escape. Just don't bother me," Mark said irritably.

Roger sat up and stared at Mark. "What's your problem?"

"You."

"Okay." Roger lied back down on the bed.

"Don't you take a hint, or something?" Mark slammed the screen of his laptop down and placed it on the nightstand.

"Christ, okay. I just figured that since both of our women are out somewhere we could hang out."

"Yeah. You, me and the two kids," Mark reminded him.

"They're both sleeping. Jay's been down for about an hour and Luke's still sleeping, isn't he?"

"Yeah."

Roger groaned and shook his head at Mark. "So we could watch football. Or hang out and watch a movie. We haven't done that in awhile."

"I'm not in the mood."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not, okay!"

Roger glared at him and got up off the bed. "Forget it. Forget I even mentioned anything."

Mark sighed. "It's not you. I'm just, I don't know, pissed at Jackie."

"What? Why?"

"Because, you know how she's been at auditions and back and forth between here and the ballet school for the past week?"

"Yeah, so?" Roger sat back down and stared at Mark.

"She's trying out for the major spring ballet production. Actually she already tried out. She went back today to see what part she got in it."

Roger ran his fingers through his hair in confusion. "So isn't that a good thing?"

Mark nodded and tried to shake his head at the same time. "Yeah, in a way it is. But she just had the baby a little over a month ago and she's already back dancing? Plus, if she gets a part she'll be doing five shows a week through March and April. I just don't want her to be doing too much too soon."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, but you can't stop her from having a life. Before she met you, dancing was her life, remember?" he laughed. "She came all the way from Australia to dance here. You were just sort of an add on package to that deal."

"Oh great, thanks."

"Come on, Mark. It was only a joke. You know she loves you."

"Yeah I know. But I don't think she should be dancing this soon."

"Well did the doctor say it was okay?" Roger asked.

Mark nodded again. "Yeah, she went for her six week checkup two weeks ago. I told you that. She's pretty much healed up and she said she feels fine and almost normal. But I still don't think she should be dancing."

"If you tell her no, you're going to really piss her off. And then you both are gonna be miserable and impossible to live with until you patch things up." He tossed the pillow at the headboard of the bed. "She's gonna go back either way, sooner or later. But you can't really hold her back. She loves what she does. You've just gotta realize that and let her dance until she decides not to anymore."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't want her to hurt herself."

"She won't hurt herself. She's been dancing since she was three years old, right?"

"Right."

"She's trained at it, so she'll be fine. Just let her have her space and do what she wants to do."

Mark grinned at him. "Since when did you become so smart?"

Roger shrugged and stood up. He walked over to the doorway and leaned against the wall. "Probably all that Oprah I watch with Mimi when we're bored and Jaylynn's asleep."

Mark flipped him off. "Get out of here."

"Gladly. But you still owe me a football date."

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Jackie walked back into the loft later that afternoon. She dropped her dance bag on the couch and took of her coat and gloves before slipping off her shoes.

"Mark?"

"Hey," he greeted, walking out of the baby's room. "How was it?"

"Good." She kissed him and walked into the kitchen.

"Just good?" He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and opened it. He took a sip and then passed it to her. "What'd you get?"

She sipped the water and set it down on the counter. "Odette. Harvey got the male lead."

"So isn't Odette the female lead?"

She nodded and yawned. "Yeah."

"Congratulations," he grinned as he pulled her close. "You deserve it."

"You mean that?"

"What do you think?" he laughed as he kissed her again. "I just don't want you to do too much too soon."

"Funny, I've been getting that a lot. Most of the people there were surprised that I tried out."

Mark wrapped his arms around her stomach. "I guess you showed them."

"Yeah, I guess I did." She took another sip from the water bottle. "So what's for dinner?"

"I don't know. What do you want?"

"Do we actually have anything?" Jackie pulled away from him and opened the refrigerator door. She took a quick look around and frowned. "Guess not."

"Take out?" Mark suggested. "Let me ask Roger what he wants to get, because they probably don't have food either."

"I don't care. A salad's fine for me."

"That's it?"

Jackie nodded, a little surprised at him. "Yeah. I'm hungry, but not that hungry."

"Okay," he sighed. "I just wish you would eat more."

"Well I have to cut back for rehearsals and the show. You know that," she reminded him. "But whatever, if it makes you happy I'll have pizza or Chinese tonight."

"Yeah."

She nodded. "Then I will. Did Luke get up yet at all since I left?"

"A little bit. But then he just fell back asleep. He'll probably be hungry when he gets up though."

"Okay. I'm gonna go take a shower. Let me know what you end up getting." She kissed him another time before leaving the kitchen.

"Yeah, sure."

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"No. Because I said so." Mimi twisted the phone cord between her fingers and picked up the pacifier that Jaylynn had just flung onto the ground from her swing. "No. I don't want her to see her. I don't care—excuse me? No."

Roger watched Mimi closely as he took off his leather jacket and boots. "What's going on?" he mouthed to her.

She only glared and turned her back on him. "Jesus Christ, just because!" she shouted, flinging the pacifier into the sink. "No. Tell her not to come. I don't want to see her. Fine. Fuck you too."

"What happened?" Roger slid onto the barstool and drummed his fingers against the top of the counter.

"Nothing."

"Goddammit Mimi, that's the third time you've fucking been on the phone with your sister this week," he yelled at her. He sighed and rested his head in his hands. "So cut the shit and tell me what happened."

Mimi glared at him and brushed by him. "Not with you talking to me like that," she replied huffily. "What's with you?"

"I asked you first," he retorted. "And nothing's with me. I'm just tired and didn't get any sleep last night."

"Oh, big surprise. You think I get sleep at night?"

"Let's not make it all about you today, okay?" he snapped back at her.

"I'm not! You're the one who jumped down my throat the second you walked in the door!" she shouted at him. "Christ, Roger."

"Can we just not argue? And pass me the Tylenol because I have a headache."

Mimi reached into the cabinet and pulled out the white bottle. "There." She unscrewed the cap and threw it at him. The bottle hit the edge of the counter and the cap popped off, causing the pills to scatter all over the floor. "Shit!"

Roger groaned and stared at her. "Great."

"Don't get me started!" she shouted at him. She sat down on the floor and started picking up the pills and gathering them in her hand. She placed two Tylenol in front of him. "Just take it and shut up."

"Mimi, come on." He swallowed the two pills with the glass of water she had just handed him. "It's not a big deal. Just calm down."

"No, it is a big deal. Everything's a big deal with us and this stupid fucking apartment! Like sometimes I just think I need to get away from here."

"From me?" he asked stupidly.

"No. I don't know. I'm just tired of having Mark always asking a ton of questions like he's God, or something. I'm tired of you constantly having people over here from work, from the band. It's just like we get no peace around here because there's always someone or something running through that door every hour of the goddamn day."

Roger stood up and grabbed his AZT bottle and took those pills as he tried to think of something to say. "So what do you want me to tell you? And where is this all coming from, because you've been fine the past few days."

"I don't know." She walked into the bedroom and curled up on her side, facing away from him.

Roger made sure Jaylynn was still asleep before following Mimi. "Baby?"

She didn't answer him as he walked into the room. He stretched out on the bed next to her and started rubbing her back in slow circles, like he used to do for her when she was pregnant. He sighed and rested his hand on her hip. "I know this probably isn't the best time to tell you, but I have to go away for awhile again. The tour for the CD was set up last night. I'll be gone on and off for the next three months."

"Okay."

"You're not mad?"

"I honestly don't care what you do, Roger."

Roger sat up and stared down at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just don't understand you. Okay great, you have a music career. It's what you always wanted, right? But musicians aren't supposed to have a wife and a kid to tie them down."

"Mimi—I'll call you—"

"No. You won't!" She had started to cry by now. "You won't call me! You won't come home!"

"Holy shit, Mimi, what the hell's going on?" he asked her. He pulled her close and she rested her head on his shoulder. He then wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead while she continued sobbing.

"Everyone's abandoning each other. My mother, god I'm so pissed off at her! But I don't know why I'm keeping her from Jaylynn. Maybe it's because I don't want her to leave her like she left me when I was growing up. I don't want her to see her, but I do." She wiped at her eyes. "And Dan. Danny's sick Rog. I had lunch with Collins today and he told me everything."

"What—how? He was okay. He was fine when we saw him a few days ago," Roger said. "He was fine." He sighed dropped his hands into his lap. "How sick?"

"Collins took him to the clinic two weeks ago for his appointment, and they had to do the blood work and everything. Well they diagnosed him with Kaposi's sarcoma."

"The bruising on the skin?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah. Except it's not really bruises."

"Oh." Roger swallowed and stretched out onto his back. Mimi was still sitting up and had her arms wrapped around herself. "Does Mark know?"

She shrugged. "I don't think so. Unless Collins went and told him right after he told me."

"Jesus. But Dan's—32."

"Yeah. I know."

"So can't they do anything for him?"

"They can. But it spread, so his options are chemo, radiation, and heavy medication. He's going to be sick for however long he has left."

"How long is that?"

"The doctors say three months, maybe less. Depending on what else it spreads to and how fast it does." She started crying again as she said this and curled up next to Roger. "I just can't believe it. And Collins, god he doesn't deserve this all over again."

"I know."

"But it's going to happen to him and I don't want it to. It's not fair," she repeated. "It's just not. They're both good people. Collins finally found someone again after Angel. It's not right."

"I know."

She grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and wiped her eyes. "I hate it."

"I'm not going."

"Going?"

"On tour. Fuck it. Forget it. I'm not leaving. They can get a fucking replacement. I'll quit if I have to. I'm not going and abandoning you all right now. I'll regret it if I do."

Mimi shook her head and let out a deep breath. "Dan won't let you do that."

"I don't care."

"Roger, he wouldn't want you to. You can even ask him yourself and he'd tell you the same."

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself for three months!" he exclaimed, frustrated. "I'm not."

"So what? You're going to sacrifice your musical career?"

"I'll get the tour postponed or cut back. If I can't do either one I'm quitting. I'll talk to Wes. I'll talk to our fucking manager."

Mimi nodded and pressed her head against his shoulder. "Okay. I'd just really feel better about you being here with me."

"I know. I'm staying." He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her. "I'm not going anywhere."

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