A Little Note- And a little insanity.  Okay, I know it has been mad long time since I updated but I have been so busy with this little thing called school.  It's so stressful, but I have found time to write this.  And I was in a major writers block until a couple of weeks ago and then I wrote this and then I lost power for TEN FRICKEN DAYS.  *growl*  COLD SHOWERS FOR TEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!  And I'm not sure who I'm supposed to thank for my reviews but its only showing me like ten of my reviews when there are nineteen.  OH WELL.  So here it is Chapter Four, brand new and fresh… So fresh and so clean… randomness.  And I don't even listen to rap, how do I know that?  SIGH… oh well. 

Rating- PG 13 for angst and language.  Yeah, I know.  ^^

Disclaimer- not mine

Chapter Four- Torn

            Sirius stumbled as he clambered off the still moving bike, the realization hitting him that he was never going to see them again, or hear their voices again.  He fell to his knees, he wasn't aware that they began to sting and bleed through his jeans, he had just skidded across concrete, of course they were going to sting and bleed.  But Sirius didn't notice any pain at that moment, he didn't notice anything right then except the wreckage that lay before him.

            He didn't see Hagrid rummaging through the rubble, looking for James, Lily, and Harry; he didn't notice the yellow eyes that were staring at him through the bushes.  All he could see was that the broken glass, shreds of wood, and sheets of metal that was a burning foundation.

            His dark tan skin was illuminated by the glowing green light that was floating above his head.  Sirius caught his breath in his chest, heaving lightly, clutching his cloak.  Suddenly, he unknowingly grabbed at his perfect locks and pulled, screaming into the night, sobbing uncontrollably.  A rise of guilt spread through him, he shuddered horribly, it was as though he was having a seizure.  Blood from where Sirius had cut his face on Peter's window dripped into his hands and he was quieted, something about it turned on his senses.  Everything was brighter, in focus.  He heard loud, hammering footsteps and the hum of the motor cars on the roadway was deafening.  Hagrid walked over to Sirius and pulled him up from the underarms, standing him upright.  His intensified senses quieted slightly, letting Hagrid pat him on the back.

            "Don' you worry, Sirius.  It'll be alright, we'll find 'em and have a proper burial an' all," Hagrid muttered, sniffing slightly, comforting Sirius as best he could.  "Now c'mon, help me find 'em.  Tha's it."  They walked back over to the ruins of the house and began to sift through it all.  Hagrid tore off another piece of his cloak and gave it to Sirius.  "Now, pu' pressure on that cut, we don' need you bleedin' to death," Hagrid said as Sirius brought it up to the gash.

            They didn't speak, there were no words to describe the horror that was before them.  They knew what was waiting for them somewhere in the rubble, somewhere in that rubble was the dead bodies of their best friends.  They were loving, kind, caring, there was no reason for them to die, and it was all Sirius could do to hold back his anger.  He lifted up a particularly heavy door, grunting with the effort as it fell to the ground.  Sirius put his hands on his hips and looked up to the sky.  He saw the Dark Mark, really, for the first time.  He had felt it, but never looked into the horrid scull's eyes.  He had seen it over the Bones's house, but it was not the same.  It stood for all the destruction before him… but then… a sort of light bulb went off in his mind.

            Sirius looked to Hagrid who was illuminated in the sickly green light, "How, how did this happen?"  They had both been so overwhelmed by the shock that they hadn't even thought about why the house was destroyed.  Avada Kedavra was quick and silent, it did no destruction except swiftly take away life as the wind blows dust in the air.  Hagrid's eyes grew wide, he didn't know and didn't know what to think.

            Sirius looked  back to the rubble, the thick, churning feelings of guilt, fear, and outrage coming slowly back where before there had only been numbness.  He wasn't focusing on the destruction, he was picturing what it would be like to… something caught his eyes.  He nearly dove to remove the large piece of wood, there underneath, was Lily.  Here beautiful green eyes stared up at Sirius with a dark emptiness, the emptiness that was death.  Sirius shuddered horribly and reached down to close her eyes.

            "Hagrid," Sirius choked.  "Hagrid, I found Lily!"  his voice rose slightly and Hagrid looked over, his eyes growing wide once more.  As Hagrid walked over Sirius began lifting the largest pieces around Lily, and there, there laying a few feet away with his face and hands turned towards Lily, was James.  Sirius this time did not stifle his scream, he did not choke.  He yelled into the night, a yell so fierce that Hagrid thought something had attacked him.  Though you could not tell because it was so loud and so drawn out Sirius had yelled a name, one name, it wasn't Voldemort, it was Peter.

            It hadn't been real until Sirius had seen James reaching out for Lily, seeing the last moments play out in his mind.  James hearing the yells from Death Eaters, knowing that it was Voldemort, giving Lily a fleeting kiss and telling her to run with Harry, but she could never have made it out in time.  Seeing that they couldn't run, James knew he had to fight.  He didn't just know, he was racing for the opportunity to slay the one who had ruined his life and lives of his family and friends.  James moved forward slightly from their spot at the top of the stairs where they had run when they had heard the voices.  His wand was drawn and his face was taut with anger and fear.

            He whispered, "Its him, Lily.  Take Harry, run."

            Lily looked up from Harry, her eyes brimming with tears, "I can't… I can't leave…"

            "GO!"  But before Lily could have a chance to argue, a looming shadow came up the steps and James lifted up his wand and began to shout a curse, a curse he told himself that he would never use.  But it did nothing and the shadow laughed.  James turned to look back at Lily, as if he was saying sorry, he had failed.  Then a brilliant, sickening green light filled the room, James and Lily's hands were reached out towards each other and James fell, his eyes wide and frightened, and still.  Lily let out a horrible cry, then turned to Voldemort, a courage in her like she'd never known.

            "NO!  Kill me, leave Harry alone.  Kill me instead!" her voice was hysterical, she didn't know how else to act, all she knew was she must protect Harry.  She put him behind her back and then, just as she raised her head to look back up at the man who had ruined everything…. She knew no more.  The light filled the room once more and Harry woke.

            The image faded then and Sirius was reminded of Harry.  He must find Harry.  The dream-like theory of what had happened to his two best friends had only increased his burning passion to find Peter and murder him, but first, Harry.  But Sirius didn't have very far to look.

            A quiet voice filled the now dead silent night, "Paddy?"  Sirius whipped around so quickly he nearly fell over.

            "Oh my God, Hagrid!" he yelled to the half-giant who had ambled over to the other end of the yard to search for the baby.  There was Harry, rubbing his eyes with one hand and clutching the baby blue blanket that Sirius had given him that afternoon.  Sirius strode over to Harry in two long steps and swung him up into his arms.  He held him so tight that baby Harry swatted him gently on the shoulder.  "You are alive, thank heaven you are alive!" Sirius said, everything seemed to brighten again, he was brought back home, to the real world.  Nothing had the black lining anymore, everything was as it should be.  Harry was alive, there was some hope.  But how had he survived?

            At that moment something came running out of the bushes to meet Sirius.

            "Remus!" Sirius said, holding baby Harry tightly to him.  He felt so protective of the child, he couldn't let him go, had to feel his even breathing against his own ragged breaths. Remus came running up- to Sirius, unable to keep himself out of sight any longer.  Hagrid stood off to the side, for he, after all, had not been so close to Lily and James, Remus and Sirius were.  HE could tell them of the plan to take the baby to Number 4, Privet Drive in a moment.

            Remus was breathing heavily; his eyes were bloodshot from the tears that he could not stop from flowing as he had stood behind the brush that harbored Godric's Hollow, his face in his hands, his frail body racked with bone shattering sobs.  But Harry… Harry was okay.  He was in Sirius's arms, holding on to a blue blanket with a few holes and the ring from an old stain that never went away. 

            "Mommy?" Harry said his voice sad as if he could know what had happened.  He rubbed his head, rubbed the odd shaped cut that had planted itself above the between of his eyes.  Remus and Sirius looked down at Harry; they saw the sorrow in his eyes as if he would be able to remember this night forever.

            "Y-you've got to get him out of here!" Remus said through heavy breaths.  "Take him to Grimmauld, He'd never look there!"

            Sirius shook his head, "No, I can't take him there; my family would be just as bad as Voldemort.  They think, thought, that Lily and James were blood traitors, how could they harbor their child in their home?  And besides, I don't want Harry around that filth."  Sirius was firm and Remus thought for a moment and then his eyes grew wide with a realization.

            "Take him to…" but Sirius never found out where he was to take Harry.  Hagrid had walked over and at this time interrupeted their conversation.

            Hagrid shook his head, "Dumbledore wants me ter take 'Arry to his Aun' and Uncle's house in Li'l Whinging."

            Sirius looked at Hagrid and clutched Harry to him tighter, "Are you sure?  I mean I could take him and hide.  He'd never find me, I wouldn't –."

            "No.  I've got to go Li'l Whinging. Dumbledore's orders!"

            "But…"

            Remus gave Sirius a look that he had never seen before, it was contempt, fear, and comprehension mixed into one, "Listen to Hagrid.  Give Harry to Hagrid and let him take him to his Aunt and Uncle's house.  It is for the best, Dumbledore knows best."  And then, reluctantly, Sirius handed the baby over to the giant that was Hagrid and they began to flag for the Knight Bus.

            "Hagrid, wait!" Sirius said quickly before the violent bus got a chance to come.  "Take my motorbike, I," something changed in his voice.  It became harder, "I won't need it anymore."  Hagrid looked at him quizzically for a moment but nodded. "Wait," he walked over to Hagrid and looked into the eyes of his godson for one last time and kissed him on the forehead.  Remus looked at Sirius, his eyes threatening to fill up once again with tears; Sirius was being more of a dad than he could.  It was heart wrenching but uplifting at the same time.  Remus walked over and kissed Harry on the forehead as Sirius had done and watched as Hagrid threw one leg over the monster of a bike and rolled off into the darkness. 

            They watched as the bike faded in the starry array that was laid out before them.  Sirius turned on his heel, his wand out, his hands clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white.

            "Sirius, where are you going?" Remus asked after him, his voice worried and fearful.

            Sirius looked back, a horrid look of determination and anger in his eyes, "I'm going after Peter."