CHAPTER 54

Just a little bit of a refresher:

Natalie Murphy was Jackie's best friend. She was engaged to Harvey (April's brother) who is now married to Maureen. (They eloped in Chapter 52). Natalie was killed in a car accident in the very early chapters of this story. Right now, it's been a little over a year since her death, and about a year and a month since Mark & Jackie first met/started dating.

Those of you that asked, there will be some kind of resolution between Mimi and her mother, but that won't come for at least a few other chapters.

Annala asked, "…whatever happened to Joanne?". Basically, Joanne is in Boston pursuing her law career. She and Maureen broke things off early in this story, leading to Maureen's temporary move to Los Angeles to be closer to her fiancé at the time, Chad. Chad was part of the reason why Maureen & Joanne broke things off, because at a benefit that they both attended, Joanne caught Maureen "flirting" with him and said enough is enough. From there, Maureen and Chad started a relationship, which led to a quick engagement. Things didn't work out with Chad, and after a short engagement, she was back in the East Village permanently (and single again) by July. From there Jackie introduced her to April's older brother Harvey and they started dating. They eloped after about eight months of being together and are now married (at least in Las Vegas).

Also, as of right now we're more than halfway done with this story. I can't really give you a good estimate as of when this will all be completed, but hang in there with me.

Thanks once again to all of my reviewers. I've talked to a few of you online and you guys are wonderful. Thanks so much for that.

Now enjoy this chapter!

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MARCH 1998

"They're gonna lose."

Collins glanced at the screen and shook his head. "Nah. They'll make another touchdown this quarter." He bounced Jaylynn on his knee and took a sip of his beer.

Roger shrugged. "We'll see."

Jaylynn crawled off of Collins knee and pulled herself up on Roger. "Ba."

"Bottle," Roger pronounced. "Budweiser."

Collins smirked and shook his head. "Can't wait to see what this kid's alphabet's gonna be."

Jaylynn grasped the beer bottle and looked up at Roger. "Da."

"Yeah Jay. Dad. Daddy." Roger placed his beer on the table and picked her up. "Daddy."

"So how are you holding up with everything?" Collins questioned him.

"What do you mean?"

Collins leaned back against the couch. "Parenting. The band. Mimi's mother. Just to name a few."

Roger sighed and let Jaylynn play with his earrings. "Parenting's great. She's at least starting to sleep through the night some days. Sort of talking."

"Yeah. Beer," Collins laughed.

Roger laughed and shrugged. "The band's a tough decision. The CD didn't do as great as we thought it would, but it didn't do bad. We have a hell of a lot more gigs, but the whole tour thing is at least out of the question for most of us. Plus with Jaylynn I don't want to leave. Wes doesn't want to leave his kid and wife either. We might get into the studio again this summer and record something new and see where that goes."

"Yeah. What about Mimi?"

"Mimi's good. She went to her doctor today so I'm just waiting for her to get back. She said she's been feeling fine so I guess that's a good thing. But the thing with her mom is really stressing her out. She doesn't understand why her mom's being so difficult. I know she's upset about it, but she won't come out and say it."

Collins leaned his head against the couch. "That's Mimi. She won't say anything but you know she's upset."

"Yeah. She told me like two weeks later that her mom showed up here and they got into a fight."

"Where you home?"

"Yeah. I was giving Jaylynn a bath."

"Wow. She didn't say anything to you?"

"Nope. She's talked to my mom about it. Went out to lunch with her a few times. I think she kind of needs someone to take over that mom role I guess."

Collins nodded. "Yeah."

Roger was silent for a minute before continuing. "Hey I really wanted to apologize for what happened at Dan's funeral. I didn't mean to blow up at everyone like that. I don't know—I guess everything just really got to me that day."

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Collins picked up his beer and took another sip. "I figured something was bothering you."

"Yeah."

"Ba!" Jaylynn was clapping her hands together and waving at Collins.

Collins laughed. "We really have to work on her alphabet."

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Mark slipped of his coat and started loosening his tie the moment he walked into his apartment. He dropped a folder onto the coffee table, not even bothering to worry about whether or not papers had fallen out of it. He was just so damn tired that all he wanted to do for the next ten hours was sleep without being woken up.

As he made his way down the hall, he peeked into Luke's room only to find the baby sound asleep in his crib. He couldn't help but think that it was about damn time he had fallen asleep. Luke had been extremely fussy last night and didn't want to be put down for anything, causing Mark to stay up most of the early morning rocking him back and forth to give Jackie a break.

"Jac? Where you at?" he yawned.

"Here."

He followed her voice into their bedroom. Jackie was hanging up some of their clothes in the closet and kicking the dirty clothes to the side. "How was he today?"

"Better. I think he wore himself out last night."

"Yeah." Mark sat down on the edge of the bed. "You kind of remind me of my mom. She does that a lot. The whole cleaning thing."

"Well I figured that if I'm sleeping with you I might as well do your laundry and take care of your son," she laughed at him. "Because your laundry and Roger's laundry would just sit in a dusty corner until both of you realized that your only other option would be to start your own nudist colony. Camera and all."

"Ha ha." He tossed a rolled up sock at her head.

"Jerk." Jackie rolled her eyes and sat down next to him. "How was work?"

"Work was work. Same as always."

"Yeah." She flopped down on the bed and yawned. "Are you as tired as I am?"

"That would be a hell yes."

"Did you eat anything?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I had something at work."

"Want anything else?"

"Just a great nap with my beautiful fiancée," he added.

"Are you just overtired or trying to be flattering?"

"Both." He shut his eyes and then reopened them. "My mom called."

"What did she want?"

He stretched his arms over his head and flipped over onto his side. "She wants us to come up to Scarsdale this weekend, but I told her that I'd have to check your rehearsal schedule. Plus she wanted to know about the tickets to opening night of the ballet."

"I have back to back rehearsals this weekend, but I'll call her tomorrow and let her know that I reserved two tickets front row for her and your father."

"Plus me right?"

"Of course. Plus you, Mimi, Roger, Maureen, and Collins. All front row. Right next to each other," she smiled.

"Two weekends left until opening. Nervous?"

She shook her head. "Not really. I think I get less nervous with each ballet I do."

"Yeah."

Jackie crawled off the bed and exited the bedroom, heading towards the closet in the living room.

"So much for my nap!" he called after her. Groaning, he stood up and followed her down the hall. "What are you doing?"

Jackie had opened the closet door and was now digging through it, pulling out boxes left and right. Many of them were hers, left untouched from when she had moved out of her apartment and into the loft, but a few of them were also Mark's. "I can't find them. Shit." She started opening the boxes and pulling things out of them.

Mark was amazed at how fast newspaper and Styrofoam peanuts piled up in the small corner of the living room. "What can't you find?"

"I just can't find them! I don't know where I put them!" She dug around some more and pushed more boxes out of the way.

"Maybe I can help you?" he suggested.

"No, you can't. I can't find them."

"Can't find what?"

"You're gonna get better, and you're gonna dance in front of thousands of people."

Jackie kept digging through her boxes and tossing things to the side as her breath caught in her throat. She didn't want to relive this again. Not right here.

"You keep my pointe shoes. I know they're your size. When they wear out, you keep them. This way I'll know I'll always be dancing in your heart."

She couldn't find them. She couldn't find the shoes. Natalie's shoes. Where were they? She didn't even know what had made her think of the shoes at that moment, but she had to find them. She had to.

"You have Mark. I know a keeper when I see one. Hang onto him. He's falling in love with you."

Jackie leaned back against the wall and pressed her hand to her mouth. She couldn't think straight. Natalie's death hadn't hit her this hard since that night at the hospital when she had said goodbye to her. Now everything was running through her head too fast for her to comprehend, and she couldn't handle it.

"Harvey. You take care of Harvey for me. I love you both so much."

"Don't go, I need you here with me."

"I'll always be with you. Forever."

She slumped against the wall and started sobbing into her knees.

Any sense of exhaustion that Mark had felt had been wiped away in the second it took him to comprehend that Jackie had completely broken down in front of him. He didn't know exactly why at this moment, but he had a feeling it had to do with Natalie. He dashed across the room and knelt in front of her, automatically pulling her into him.

"It's okay." He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay Jac."

"She didn't do anything wrong," she sobbed. "Nothing. She didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay. I know she didn't."

"But she didn't! Harvey and Maureen got married and she didn't do anything wrong!" Jackie pulled away from Mark and slumped against the wall again.

"What? Maureen and Harvey are married? Since when?"

"Since two weeks ago. They went to Las Vegas."

"What the hell for?"

"I told you! To get married. They wanted to elope."

"Was that Maureen's idea?"

"Christ Mark I don't know. It was both of theirs."

Mark started picking up the newspaper and tossing it in a pile. "So they just pick up and get married?"

"Yeah I guess so. What? Do you have a problem with it?"

"No." He honestly didn't have a problem with it. He was happy with Jackie and their son. He didn't feel anything for Maureen anymore. "I'm just surprised."

"Yeah well so was I."

Mark sat down against the wall next to her. "So what are you thinking about Harvey and Maureen?"

She shrugged. "I guess I'm feeling a little betrayed by it. Not intentionally or anything, but I mean, Harvey was supposed to marry Natalie. They were together for almost four years before he even proposed to her. We were still going to college." She wiped at her eyes.

"Yeah I know what you mean."

"But then Natalie died in that freak accident. I just saw her the same day. But an hour later she was in the hospital and by the morning she was dead. Then Harvey takes off for Los Angeles, comes back, meets Maureen, and eight months later they're not just engaged but married. I don't know how I'm supposed to take that."

Mark just nodded and stroked her hair as she continued talking and crying on the floor.

"He's my best friend and I love him to death. It's not like I love Maureen any less either. It's just hard for me to see the two of them together since Natalie is gone. I just never expected him to want to date someone else this soon, let alone marry them."

"Well if you look at it, no one's relationships are really that normal. Look at Roger and Mimi. They're together for a year, then she gets pregnant and they end up married five months later. Then you and me. We start dating. Three months after that you're pregnant and we're engaged. Look at my sister. Noah's one and she's still with Matt. No one's perfect around here, but that doesn't mean we're not happy. You get what I'm saying?"

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. It's just hard for me to get used to them together."

"I know."

Jackie dropped her head in her hands. "There's gotta be something wrong with my head. I can't go a day without something bothering me or getting depressed. Sleep would be really great."

"Did you talk to your doctor about it?"

"I go to see her next week."

"Then maybe you should talk to her about it? Collins could probably get you into Life Support one night with him, just to talk. Or we could find you a really great therapist. You could talk to Roger. A lot of people bond with bartenders," Mark joked.

"Yeah." She looked around at the boxes. "I really need to clean all of this up."

Mark helped her stand up. "I'll do it. You go take a nap and I'll feed him when he gets up."

"Thanks sweetie." She kissed him and rested her head against his shoulder. "I feel really bad about everything. I know you're tired."

"I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you."

"He's not up right now. Come lay down with me."

Mark agreed and followed her into the bedroom, glancing into Luke's room as he passed down the hall.

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Jackie woke up much later that night. Glancing out the window, she realized that it was already dark out and had no recollection of the time. Mark wasn't lying next to her, and all she heard in the apartment was the sound of the TV in the other room.

She walked down the hall and found Harvey lying on the floor with Luke. The baby was playing contentedly and smiled when he saw Jackie come into the room.

"When'd you get here?" she yawned, taking a seat on the floor next to them.

"A few hours ago. Mark had to run up to his mom's so he called me and I came over to watch the little guy."

"Were you good for Uncle Harvey?" she cooed at Luke, tickling his belly.

"Yeah he was good. We watched the swimsuit competition on ESPN together."

Jackie rolled her eyes and laughed. "He's four months old!"

"Yeah so?" Harvey placed the pacifier in the baby's mouth. "I'm starting him early."

"How's the wife?" she teased him.

"Maureen's fine. She's at the theater tonight rehearsing."

"Yeah."

Harvey reached over next to the couch and handed Jackie a box. "Here."

She opened the lid and parted the tissue paper to reveal a pair of pink toe shoes, slightly broken in and worn at the very top. Natalie's. "Oh."

"Mark told me you were looking for them earlier." His eyes dropped down to the box. "They were at my place."

"You mean he told you about my freak out session."

Harvey shrugged. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. I've had my fair share. Look under the paper."

Jackie pulled out the tissue paper and found a framed picture. It had been taken two summers ago in Australia. Harvey was standing near a propped up surfboard and was flexing his muscles with a goofy smile on his face, while Jackie and Natalie were standing on either side of him smiling.

"Oh wow. This was such a long time ago." She felt her eyes start to water and wiped at them quickly. "Thank you."

He nodded. "I just wanted to let you know that just because I love Maureen now doesn't mean I love Natalie any less. My feelings for her will never completely go away." He glanced at the picture. "You never stop loving someone, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know."

"It's just that I think it's time for me to start moving on. Maureen makes me really happy. She's got this great personality that just lights up a whole room and just puts a smile on your face. She's helped me through a lot of everything I was feeling with Natalie's death. She really likes you a lot Jac. She told me the other night that she was worried that you'd think she was trying to replace Natalie."

"I know she's not."

"That's what I told her. But she still was worried about it. You guys seemed to have hit it off before we got married."

"We did. She's been a great friend to me. It's just sort of hard to see her with you and not think you still belong to Natalie."

"It's sort of what I went through after April died. My parents didn't know what to do and were so protective of me. Here I was, living out my career and my mom would keep showing up at my apartment just to make sure I was okay and was happy. I think they were really worried about me for awhile there."

"That you'd end up like April?"

He nodded again. "Yeah. I think they expected to wake up one morning and realize that I was gone too. It got better. I stopped being mad at April and the whole situation. I knew she had problems but I was still angry. But now I let go of it and I'm at peace with it. When I think about her I don't see the bad, I see the good. She'll still always be my little sister. That's what you have to remember with Natalie. Just because she's gone, a part of you will always recognize her as your best friend. You can't replace that."

Jackie wiped at her eyes again. She picked up the baby and rubbed his back. "I think it's been one hell of day. Your mom was crazy today wasn't she?"

"Not crazy. Insane."

Jackie laughed at him and walked into the kitchen. "Food's in the fridge. Help yourself."

Harvey pulled open the refrigerator door. "Oh shit, you've got shrimp!"

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