CHAPTER 63
In no particular order, thank you to H2O Angel, EMI, Jan, Michelle, Amy, Kelby, liz (boho), and DevDev for the awesome reviews! Thank you for helping me break 300!
Now onto the next chapter, enjoy!
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MARCH 26th
Roger paced the living room nervously. Would she show? She was already twenty minutes late. Maybe she had gotten lost. Would Mimi kill him for doing this to her?
"Daddy?" Jaylynn looked up at him from the floor where she was messily scribbling with crayons on construction paper. "Juice please."
"Sure baby." He checked his watch one more time as he headed into the kitchen. He heard Mimi coughing again from the bedroom and then looked back at Jaylynn. "What kind do you want?"
"Apple!"
"Okay," he laughed, checking the lid carefully on the cup before walking out of the kitchen and setting the juice on the table. "Just don't spill it."
"I won't." She took a sip of the juice and then resumed her coloring when the buzzer went off. "Door!"
"I know," Roger laughed again. "Don't move, okay?" He walked over to the door and opened it. Finally. She was here.
"Hello Roger. It's nice to see you again."
Roger nodded and greeted Mimi's mother uncertainly. "Hi Anita. Thanks for coming last minute."
"No, it's not a problem. Anything for you. How is she?" Anita took off her coat and hung it on the rack by the door.
"She's…holding on. She's tired."
Anita nodded grimly and crouched down on the floor next to Jaylynn. "Hi. What are you drawing?"
Jaylynn held the paper up and smiled. "A picture of Mommy and Daddy."
"It's a very nice drawing."
"Yup. Who you?"
Anita looked up at Roger as if to get a sign that it would be okay to tell the toddler the truth, that she was, in fact, her grandmother. Roger nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well sweetheart, I'm your Grandma Anita. Your mommy's mom. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but I live very far away, across the ocean, in Argentina. I'll show you one time, okay?"
"Okay."
Mimi's mother stood back up and brushed off her tan pantsuit. "She's in the bedroom, then?"
"Yeah. She doesn't really get up until a little later. Then she sits with Jaylynn for the rest of the night."
"Okay. I'll go in to see her, then."
Roger nodded and bent down to pick up Jaylynn. "How about we go see Uncle Mark?"
"Oh, okay!"
Anita smiled briefly and pushed the bedroom door open. The dim room was illuminated by the sunshine coming in from the shaded window. It gave the room a very surreal feeling. Mimi was sitting up in the bed, the covers down across her waist. Her dark brown curls were pulled back into a half up, half down style, and she had her eyes closed lightly. She didn't stir when Anita entered, so the woman figured that she was dozing peacefully.
"Mimi chica," she whispered, taking a seat on the bed near her waist. She grasped her daughter's hand loosely and squeezed. "Oh, Mimi."
Mimi opened her eyes and blinked, taken aback at her mother's appearance on her bed. She started coughing violently and reached for the glass of water that was on her nightstand. "Mama? What are you doing here?"
"Roger—he called me. I got here as soon as I could. How are you?"
"The same. I'm not getting any better. You didn't have to come all this way. It was a long flight for you."
"No, no. The flight was fine."
Mimi adjusted herself and placed the glass back on the nightstand. "Did Carl come with you?"
"No, he stayed in Buenos Aires. Just me."
"Yeah. It's been…awhile. Almost a year and a half since I've seen you."
"I know. And I've been meaning to come here every day since then. I know you probably won't believe this, but that fight—Mimi, we said a lot of things out of anger. I wish we could have both lended each other an ear and listened before things got out of hand. I can't take back the hurt I've caused you, but I just want you to know that it's not intentional. I've missed out on a lot of things, Mimi. I have. I know that."
"You have. All I ever wanted to do was make you happy and proud of me," Mimi whispered. "I never expected things to turn out the way they did, you know?"
"I know, baby. Deep down, I've always been proud of you. You're my little girl. I love you," Anita whispered, taking Mimi's hand again. "I know that growing up, everything wasn't always so easy. Especially with the divorce. But you, you were tough. Strong. A fighter."
"I think growing up in Queens, I had to be," she laughed a little bit, before that laugh turned into a cough.
"I always felt that I had to let you go so much earlier then everyone else. You were so independent from the start, so headstrong and stubborn, just like your father. And then when you got older and starting hanging around with the boys, different crowds, and different friends. I cherished our relationship enough to let you have your freedom. I didn't want to take that away from you. I always viewed you as a bird that would go south for the winter and come around again when the time was right. You were so free, Mimi. You grew up before your time."
"And now, I'm flying south again, before my time. Except this time, I won't ever be coming back." Mimi's eyes started to water and she broke down in sobs. "I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry I let you down."
Anita stroked Mimi's hair as she laid her head in her lap, crying. "You never let me down, baby. I let you down. I don't know why I moved away. I regret it now—I wish I could have helped you with so many things. With money, with your health. I wanted to see Jaylynn grow up. I should have been there for you. I'm sorry. I want you to forgive me, Mimi chica. Can we forgive each other, before it's too late?"
Mimi nodded and started coughing again. "I feel like I wasted so much time. I can't even do half of the things I want to now or see half of the people I want to see."
"You've lived a good twenty three years, sweetheart. Lots of very happy memories that you'll take with you. You have a beautiful daughter with Roger. And you'll always have a special place in my heart that never fades. Marcela Concepcion, from the minute you were born, your father and I both knew that you would have to fly free. And you did, baby. You flew away and back to us." Anita kissed Mimi's cheek and wiped away the tears that had fallen. "You did."
"I'm scared, Mama. I don't know—I don't know what to do, or how to say goodbye."
"And it's okay to be scared. When the time comes, you say your goodbyes, and then you think good thoughts. Happy thoughts that'll keep a smile on your face. Then before you know it, you're father will be waiting for you. Hmm? Second to the right, and straight on 'til morning."
"Peter Pan."
"You used to love that movie, remember? We used to watch it every day practically. You knew it by heart."
"I did," Mimi sighed. "And I'd like to watch it with Jaylynn while I still can." She sat up again and wiped her eyes.
Anita handed her a tissue and smiled. "She'll never forget you."
"I'm trying to make as much memories as I can with her. It's hard. I wish she was a little older."
"She'll remember you. We'll all make sure of that." Anita patted Mimi's leg. "Now how about we go and see my granddaughter, if you're feeling up to it?
"Okay," Mimi nodded. "I'll have to introduce you two."
Anita held out her hand and wrapped it around her daughter's shoulders protectively. "I already have."
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Jackie uncapped the Sharpie marker and scribbled another label onto the large cardboard box that was sitting in the middle of the kitchen. She yawned and stretched, adjusting the black bandanna that was wrapped around her head in the process.
"Hey, Ma! Look!"
Jackie looked over, where Luke was sitting next to her. He picked up the two pots and banged them loudly together. "Shh!" Jackie laughed. "Don't wake up your sister."
"Sorry," he giggled. "Here go."
"Thanks, babe." Jackie ruffled his light blonde hair and put the pots into another box with the others. "Hey, I think it's time for your nap."
"No."
"Yes," she insisted. "Come on. "Daddy said he'd take you to the park later if you go to sleep right this second—"
"Oooh! So I can feed the birdies. Okay, okay, I go to sleep." Luke ran down the hall and Jackie hurried after him. Lately, he had been getting in to everything and taking off in the blink of an eye.
Within minutes, she had settled Luke into his crib and tucked the sheets in around him. Jackie made a mental note to talk to Mark about getting him his first bed sometime soon, probably right after they moved into the townhouse uptown. He was quickly outgrowing the crib, and she figured that if they got Luke out of the crib and into a real bed sometime next month, she could use the crib for Hannah, just when she would start to outgrow her bassinet. Plus, it would make the move much easier.
Mark and Jackie had finally settled on a nice, spacious townhouse uptown, not too far away from Central Park. It was in a development of townhouses and in a pretty nice neighborhood for Manhattan. Not as close to the East Village as Mark would have like, but it was closer to SFP Productions, his job, and the New York City Ballet, her job. The townhouse had three separate bedrooms, a room that could be converted either into another small bedroom or an office, and two and a half bathrooms. The living room had a deck attached to the very end with a great view of the street and New York City bustle below. Plus, it had a very full kitchen that Jackie loved.
The bottom floor housed the living room, kitchen, one bathroom, office, one of three bedrooms and separate den. Jackie knew she would end up converting this space into an area for the kids to hang out. The top floor held the master bedroom and other bedroom, as well as the master bathroom. Pretty much, it was a great place, and they were paying a pretty affordable rate.
The best part of the whole thing was that her and Mark had agreed about Sydney, for once. Jackie had ended up inheriting the house from her father, so that meant from late November to early April; they had the option of living there for those months, right during the Sydney summer. Mark had even gotten the opportunity to have his production work emailed to him straight to his laptop, meaning that whenever they decided to head down there, it was okay. Jackie knew there would be times when only she and the kids could go, but that was fine by her. She needed to be able to go home, and this was the closest way possible of doing that.
She felt Mark's arms around her stomach and the kiss on her neck. It automatically shook her out of her thoughts.
"Hey," he greeted. "Kids asleep?"
"Yeah," she nodded, turning around to kiss him. "How was lunch with Roger?"
"It was okay. He was a little quiet, but that's understandable." He looked around and winced. "How's packing going?"
"It's going okay. Pretty much everything is done, I guess. Luke just fell asleep and Hannah's been down for about an hour, so it gave me some time to myself."
"Good. So how busy are you right now?"
"I'm taking a break, why?" Jackie asked him.
"We just haven't had a lot of time to ourselves lately and I was was wondering if, maybe…you'd be interested in doing a little something else?"
"Hmm…like what?"
Mark grinned and shrugged. "Oh, you know. Talking, maybe."
"Talking? Is that what you call it now? Let's just remember where the talking got us nine months later last time," she laughed.
"Now whose mind is in the gutter?" Mark kissed her neck again and ran his hand over her stomach. "Come on, the offer's about to expire," he teased.
Jackie ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "I guess it couldn't hurt any."
"Good. 'Cause I've been looking forward to this for awhile." He scooped her up and carried her into their bedroom, where for the next half an hour, they took full advantage of the fact that Luke and Hannah were sound asleep for the time being.
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Mimi lifted her head off of Roger's shoulder sleepily. "Movie's over?"
He nodded and wrapped the blanket around them tighter. "It has been for awhile now."
"Why didn't you wake me up? It's after midnight," she smiled, burying her face in his chest. "We could have at least gone into the bedroom instead of staying on the couch all night."
"Yeah. I don't know, I guess I wanted to watch you sleep. Old habit. How are you feeling?"
"I wish I could say I was feeling okay. I can't even walk to the bedroom anymore without feeling like my lungs are collapsing," Mimi told him honestly. " I just, Roger, would you hate me for saying this?"
"No, go ahead." He ran his fingers lightly over her arm.
"Sometimes I wish that death would hurry up and come claim me or whatever. I'm so sorry, that sounds really morbid but I can't go on this way. It hurts too much. I wish I could actually run after Jaylynn like I used to be able to. Now I can't even take two steps without you having to help me."
Roger said nothing at first, and instead kept running his fingers up and down her arm. "I know, baby. I know."
"But do you?" She shook her head. "Come on, let's go to bed."
"Yeah." Roger helped Mimi up off the couch, but last minute, decided to pick her up and carry her the rest of the way to their bedroom.
"Remember how many times you used to carry me up the stairs to the loft just because?" Mimi whispered, holding onto his neck tightly. "And how much fun we used to have, when I was still able to go out. God Roger…I feel like this is it. I'm almost done. Like something inside of my body is telling me that it's almost time to shut down and for me to let go. I just have this sinking feeling that everything's almost over."
Roger set her gently down on the bed, without tucking her in. "Are you scared?"
"A little bit," she said softly. "Come here."
He obeyed and stretched out gently on top of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his nose. "You've always been so much stronger than me, Mimi."
"That's not true…"
He nodded and kissed her. "It is true. You always have been, with everything. Sometimes I like to think I am, but you, wow. You're the love of my life. From the first day I met you, you had this ability to light up the room. You drew me in, even when I didn't want to be around anyone. I always could be around you. Everything you did—you taught me so much. I wouldn't trade anything for any second, not even the fights. They made us what we are today."
"They have," she giggled. "And did we ever get into some bad ones. Half of the time I was kind of afraid Mark would kill us in our sleep."
"Yeah," Roger smiled. "He has put up with a lot of our shit over the years. But it's been one hell of a ride, don't you think? And definitely worth it."
"We grew up a lot. Changed a lot. We all have. I think that's kind of what's worth it in the end. We've become this tight little family that would go to hell and back for each other. That's what I'm going to miss the most. When most people think of New York City, they think of muggings and pollution. But I think of family, and most importantly, you. New York City is your city, Roger. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Roger was silent and the got up off of Mimi for a second. He ruffled around in the drawer and took out a small, white candle and lit it silently before setting it on the nightstand. He then laid back on top of her and kissed her once again.
"That's always gonna be our candle, Mimi. We're always gonna have our life and memories together, and our song. Whether or not you're here, that fire, the spark that lighted our relationship from the start is always right here." He took Mimi's hand and raised it to his chest, kissing her fingertips lightly.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too." He ran his fingers through her hair as his kissed her, with more passion than the previous ones. Soon enough, they were both clinging to each other like oxygen, and Roger slowly lifted Mimi's tee shirt over her head. "You're okay with this?"
"Let's just make it last," she breathed heavily.
Roger nodded, and the image of this night was forever imprinted into his memory, just as the wax melted from the candle he had lit for Mimi, four years before.
It may well be that we will never meet again in this lifetime So let me say before we partSo much of me is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories' end
I know you have rewritten mine
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I've been changed
For good.
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Review, please.
Lyrics credited to Wicked's 'For Good'.