Chapter 21
phoenix the 1st: Nah, Tala is the cutest. I just love those eyes. *sighs dreamily.
Cat in the web: Still a few chapters to go yet. Maybe they don't make it at all. :p
Padfootlet: Welcome. Hope you find this once you get to this page. Glad you're liking it and yes, Boris is a bastard. ^_^
Bloody Mary: I like to keep an even mix of drama, action, angst and humour. Just that sometimes there ends up more of one than the others. -_-
Castles in the Sky: Nothing serious. My computer had an upgrade and it wasn't working so it had to go back, and it took them a week to amend the problem, that's all. However, I do have a large load of homework... but I'll get over it. And I think you'll like this chapter.
DranzerGirl: I'll have to write a Bryan/Panas story one day. But anyway, keep reading and enjoy!
russle: I read your review and laughed. I showed it to a friend and she laughed. I showed it to my sister and she laughed. Not telling you why, but I think you'll work it out eventually. :p
LadyOrient: Indeed it is, and we need a bucket of cold water for this chapter. ^_^
eyriess: Does anything ever go as planned? *thoughtful*
KuronekoHikage: O_O;; Um... tempting... #-_-#
Fire4Ice: I will! I will! I will!
umi n secylia: Good to hear.
Reiven: Not yet they're not.
Little bit longer, this one. Actually, it's pretty much the normal length.
Disclaimer: See first page
"Tomorrow's the big day." Tala sighed, shivering as he set the razor aside, splashing water up over his face.
Bryan looked up toward him from where he sat cross-legged on his bed, rearranging his pack to make room for food. "Nervous?"
Tala hesitated, then nodded. "We were born in this Abbey. It's been our home our entire lives. We've never known anything else."
"Not quite true, Wolf. We've spent a couple of days at the Hiwatari's, as well as the nights at the hotel near the stadium."
"You know what I mean, Falcon."
Bryan shrugged, fingers playing over the lid of a box at the bottom of his pack and quickly covering it up before Tala could see it. "Anyhow, Wolf, the Abbey has only ever been a place that we lived. It's never been 'home'."
Tala smiled, stepping from the bathroom and moving to the bed to sort through his own things. They had decided that Ian and Spencer would carry the blankets, while he and Bryan would carry the food, saving the other two needing to repack their own bags when it came time to leave. However, it would mean only one blanket between two, so they would need to run the idea by the other two in the morning.
Tala looked up as he carefully stacked everything into the pack. "When we get out of here, what's the first thing you want to do?"
Bryan paused, frowning. "I'd like to go to a movie, just to see what it's like."
"I want to go to a restaurant or café, and eat anything I want without having to worry about Boris telling me off for eating foods not on our diet."
"Mm. Like that." Bryan closed his pack. "Walk down a street and have time to stop and smell the roses."
Tala nodded his agreement. "Go to a circus or theme park, and ride the roller coaster till I'm sick."
"Go to a drag race, or drive a go-cart."
"A boat ride."
"The zoo."
"Definitely the zoo." Tala thought for a moment. "Travel and see the Seven Wonders of the World."
"Or simply just travel." Bryan smirked. "Eat ice cream 24 hours a day."
Tala laughed. "Can't say no to that one. I've always wanted to try ice cream. And, of course, chocolate."
Bryan nodded. "Go to a night club, or rock concert. Dance the night away."
"Music!" Tala grinned from ear to ear. "It's been so long since I heard music." Tala closed his pack, dropping it beside the bed. "Oh Bryan, I can't wait to get out of here."
"I know exactly how you feel, Tala." Bryan set his own pack down on the floor, looking up. "The one thing I've always wanted to do is actually take some lessons in learning how to wood carve properly."
"You should. You have a real natural talent." Tala turned so that he was facing him. "I might take some drawing lessons. Or maybe learn to play an instrument."
"I've always wanted to learn guitar." Bryan sighed, eyes distant. "It's beckoning us, Tal, the freedom. All our lives it's been training, drills, orders, punishment, curfews." His eyes twinkled as he met Tala's icy orbs. "I'm gonna stay up all night, just wandering the streets, and coming home the next morning."
"I'd prefer the next afternoon." Tala reached out, taking Bryan's hands in his. "There's so much we've never done, isn't there? We never really had a childhood. We never really lived. And now the opportunities here…"
"It scares you," Bryan finished, closing his fingers around Tala's. "The Abbey's secure, and, in many ways, sheltered. Out there, the freedom, is so vast and limitless. It's… daunting."
Tala nodded. "Very." He paused. "But there is one thing. When I experience all these new things… I want to do it with you."
Bryan met his eye, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Then you shall. You honestly don't believe I would simply let you run free in the big bad world without supervision, do you?"
Tala gaped, then mock growled. "I am not a child."
"Well you sound like it, kid." Bryan ran his gaze over the others expression. "All wide eyed innocence and naivety."
Tala slid closer to Bryan, reaching out to trail his fingers over the strong jaw. "I know you're as excited about it as I am, Bry, only you won't allow yourself to show it."
Bryan touched Tala's face in return, tracing the contours with his fingertips. "It's been years since I've shown emotion. Felt any true emotion. My memories of happiness and excitement… are distant. Almost out of reach."
"Then you must create new memories. Break down the barriers and open yourself up once more." Tala rested his forehead against Bryan's, the two sitting in silence for a long while before Tala spoke. "Bry?"
"Hmm?"
Tala met his eye. "Were you and Panas… actually involved? Or were you just joking?"
"I don't joke." Bryan raised an eyebrow. "Are you jealous, Wolf?"
"No, just curious." Tala reached up and absently ran a hand through Bryan's hair. "How many have there been?"
"Just Panas and you, that's all." Bryan met his eye. "Panas and I… it was more experimental than anything. We'd developed a crush on each other, we kissed a few rimes, nothing more than that. I was 14, he was almost 17, and just after that we were put into different training groups anyhow."
Tala hesitated. "You're my first."
"Bullshit." Bryan frowned. "How come? Guy as cute as you should be able to pick up a lover easy."
Tala smiled faintly. "I've had crushes and some of the guys have made advances, but I've never really had the nerve to do anything about it. I guess… I guess I was just waiting for the one."
Bryan pulled back, watching him. "And you think I'm 'the one'?"
Tala met and held his gaze. "I don't know. I'm unsure about these things. I want to say yes, but I can't if I'm unsure."
Bryan's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "You're never unsure about anything. I cannot remember a day where you were unsure."
"Well I'm unsure about this." Tala sighed, brushing the hair back from Bryan's face. "I know I love you. I want nothing more then to spend every moment of my days with you… but how do I know that won't change?"
"You don't." Bryan shrugged. "Life is one big gamble, and love is the wild card. The card you have may be the one to win the game, or it might be one that seemed good at the time but turned out to be completely useless. And it doesn't help that the cards in your hand are always changing either."
Tala blinked. "So the wild card might be good one minute, but a throw away the next?"
"Yes. But at the same time, that wild card might be the best card you could ever get, but you don't know that."
Tala groaned. "It's confusing."
Bryan chuckled. "One reason why I'm glad I do not sense emotion."
It was Tala's turn to narrow his eyes. "Actually, I think you do sense emotion, only you don't know it."
"I think I'd know it, Wolf. Besides, they made sure I sense no emotion."
Tala shook his head. "No, I believe you do. Why did you get involved with Panas?"
Bryan scrutinised him. "Because I was physically attracted to him, like I am you."
Tala nodded, leaning forward. "And why did you break up with him?"
"Because it didn't…" Bryan's voice trailed off as he blinked.
Tala nodded knowingly. "Because it didn't feel right. Your heart told you it was wrong, and you listened. You weren't in love with him."
Bryan snorted. "He's better as a friend anyway. I know what you're doing, Wolf. You're trying to tell me that the key to my emotions is my heart. Well, there's been a lack of communication between my heart and my emotions for some time now."
"Then repair the link." Tala tilted his head to the side. "Or you can let me do it for you. So tell me, does this feel right?"
Bryan glared at him for a moment, then looked away. "We're back to the 'unsure' issue."
"Can't escape that, can we?"
"No way in hell." Bryan caught the time out of the corner of his eyes and blinked. "Time flies."
Tala spotted the clock. "Time does. And here I was telling Ian and Spencer to go to bed early."
They shuffled, sliding between the sheets of the bed for the last time, Bryan reaching back to hit the light switch as Tala settled in against him. Bryan smiled, finding and tracing Tala's face in the darkness, bringing his lips down to follow the path created by his fingertips. Tala sighed contently, one arm sliding around Bryan's waist as lips met in a long goodnight kiss.
As Tala slowly drifted off into a dreamless sleep, Bryan was left contemplating his words before slumber eventually caught him.
Now that's what I call a heart-to-heart. And some of those things they want to do are so everyday its scary.