Chapter One - "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

We decided to put up chappie one for you as well. Aren't we generous our payment should come in forms of used banknotes, if not possible reviews will do!

Geo: You're such a review whore!

Disclaimer: After some good bartering I now own Emily! *George smiles smugly as he watches Emily tidying his room*

"Oww my arse I think my arse is broken.... Nope still there" George began rubbing his backside with one hand and wiping his eyes with the other. He peered up to see his sister, Emily hurtling towards him.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emily crash landed into George as he tried (but failed) to roll out of the way.

"Well that landing could have been better," groaned Emily as she moved aside to she what she had landed on. "Ah George what are you doing there?"

George mumbled something then pushed Emily out of the shrub and heard her go thud on a stone floor.

After a few seconds of silence Emily finally said something, "Umm.... George you might want to come out here."

"Will you quit bitching you have broken my backside, my arse is in about six pieces back here."

"No I think you might want to see this!"

"Oh for the love of Buffy what is it..! OK... me thinks we have fallen into wonderland and you are Alice and that would make me the rabbit!"

"Umm George does this look strangely familiar to you or is just me that thinks we have just landed in the middle of Rivendell in the world of the Lord of the Rings?" Emily began to glance around at all the faces that were studying the two of them. "This would be the council of Elrond wouldn't it?"

"Right that it's I'm gonna kill you, you have dragged me into one of your warped dreams, get here you little..." Yelled George. He began to chase Emily round the stone table, which the ring was placed on.

"Stop!" Bellowed a voice from the right.

Lord Elrond rose from his seat, "Who are you and what land do you represent? You dress strangely and speak with an accent never heard in these parts before."

"Well that's rude! How would you like it if we said you dressed weirdly? I mean God some people today have no respect, just because you were agent Smith in the Matrix does not mean you can be all gittish."

"Umm Em you are talking to a figment of your imagination, no offense to you Lord Elrond." Added George politely.

"I can assure you I am no figment of her imagination, now answer my questions!" Bellowed Lord Elrond.

"Well I am George, just George but you can call me God, and this is my blathering idiot of a sister Emily, you can call her dumbass. We are from earth and by a bizarre series of event we have ended up in your world. So if you will excuse us Lord Elrond we will just leave and try and find our way home. Come on Em stop staring at Legolas." George grabbed Emily's arm,

"I was not staring and you ain't gonna get away with that dumbass comment."

"Wait how did you know my name and the name of the Prince of Mirkwood?" Inquired Lord Elrond.

"Oh well, there's this book called...."began George.

"Wait, what George was going to say was that we can see into the future, we know all your names, well most of them anyway and we know the fate of the ring." Smirked Emily.

"What are you doing?" Whispered George.

"Duh, why would we want to go home, we're in middle-earth, think of all the fun there is to be had."

"Oh well in that case, yeah we can see into the future!" Shouted George.

"Then I ask for you two to stay and attend this council for you seem very wise," beckoned Lord Elrond.

"Did he just say you were wise?" Laughed George pointing at Emily.

"Shut-up!"

"Strangers from distant lands" Lord Elrond glanced over at Emily and George who are seated to the right of Frodo, he then continued, "friends of old you have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor."

"Why does he always say the word Mordor as if he has just had his jaw dislocated?" Whispered Emily. George began to laugh but soon stopped as he caught the look he was getting from Boromir.

Lord Elrond began to speak again "Middle-earth stands on the brink of destruction, none can escape it, you will unite or you will fall."

"Ouch! Holy cow what are these chairs made from? Serious butt cramp happening over here!" Everyone turned to see George jumping up and down again rubbing his backside.

"Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom." Lord Elrond tried to ignore the yelps and giggles coming from George and Emily.

"So it is true," began Boromir as he stroked his beard. "In a dream I saw the eastern sky go dark, but in the west a pale light lingered, a voice was crying doom is near at hand."

"Way to lighten the mood Boz," sniggered George who had got over his butt cramp.

"Isildur's bane is found, Isildur's bane..." Whispered Boromir as he reached for the Ring.

"Here we go!" Sighed Emily.

Gandalf leapt up and began to spout out Black Speech, the sky grew dark and the elves began to cringe.

"Can I go hug Legolas he looks in pain?" Whimpered Emily.

"No you can't, hey is it me or does this sound like a Slipknot song?" George began imitating the Black Speech as he started to head bang. Emily who was not impressed quickly pulled him back into his chair.

"Never before has any voice uttered the words of that tongue here in Imladris." Growled Lord Elrond.

"I do not ask for your pardon Master Elrond, for the Black speech of Mordor may yet be heard in every corner of the west, the Ring is altogether evil!" Retorted Gandalf.

Boromir began to rise.

"Here we go again!" Muttered George.

"It is a gift, a gift to the foes of Mordor, why not use this ring?" Boromir carried on but seemed to be losing all interest from the surrounding council. They were all staring at Emily who was lip-synching every word that Boromir uttered.

"By the blood of our people...yeah yeah yeah, heard it all before now will you just sit down and get it into your head that you cannot wield the one Ring OK?" Emily was screaming by the time she had finished her sentence.

"You forgot your medication didn't you?" Added George at the most inconvenient time.

"The One Ring answers to Sauron alone, it has no other master" Aragorn wasn't going to let Emily steal that line.

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?" Smirked Boromir.

"Oooh Legolas' line is coming now," squeaked Emily

"I'm going to throw up," muttered George under his breath.

"This is no mere ranger!" Legolas cried

"Don't you love it when he gets all forceful?" Sighed Emily

George raised his eyebrows and began to mimic throwing up much to the surprise of Frodo who trying not to pay attention to the two teenagers.

"He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn, you owe him your allegiance." Continued Legolas.

"Aragorn! This is Isildur's heir!" Remarked Boromir.

"And heir to the thrown Gondor," added Legolas.

"Yeah you tell him Legolas!" Shouted George who soon returned to his chair after another strange look from Boromir.

"Havo dad, Legolas," spoke Aragorn quietly.

"That means sit down," remarked Emily

"No shit Einstein!"

"Gondor has no King, Gondor needs no King," boasted Boromir as he returned to his seat.

"That's what you think," added Emily helpfully.

"Aragorn is right, we cannot use it." Gandalf began to stir in his seat.

"Hey Em do you reckon Gandalf's got butt cramp now?" Asked George seriously.

"Somehow I think not." Emily was now slightly worried about George and his obsession with butts.

"You have but one choice, the ring must be destroyed," demanded Lord Elrond.

" What are we waiting for?" Gimli rose with his axe.

"Well this should be funny," giggled Emily, "Dwarves make me crack up!"

Legolas who had heard this comment broke his icy gaze and began to smirk.

Gimli brought down his axe on the Ring, which sent him flying backward, and shattered his beloved axe.

"Nice one poindextor!" Grinned George.

"What I think George was trying to say was that, the Ring cannot be destroyed Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess, the Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom..." Lord Elrond was interrupted.

"Mount Doom well that sounds fun, I mean the name just gives it that edge of 'oh come and play here' don't you think?" George had gotten a little over excited.

Lord Elrond knitted his brow in confusion and carried on, "only there can it be unmade, it must be taken deep into Mordor..."

Emily placed her hand over her mouth hoping not to laugh at the way he said Mordor.

"...And cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came, one of you must do this." Lord Elrond looked round expectantly.

"Any volunteers?" Added George.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor, it's black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs, there is evil there that does not sleep, the great eye is ever watchful, it is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Stated the ever-optimistic Boromir.

"Sounds a bit like your room don't it George?"

George pinched Emily's forearm until it went purple.

"Not with ten thousand men could you do this, it is folly!" Finished Boromir.

Legolas rose sharply, "Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said? The ring must be destroyed!"

"If you say one word about how manly he looks I will shove this chair so far
up your arse that you will be able to sit down using your face." Yelled George, who had sensed the sudden urge for Emily to start swooning over the elf prince.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!" Snarled Gimli.

"I sense a fight do you reckon they know how to bundle in Middle-earth?" Asked George.

"I fear the answer to your question is no, now hush your mouth, Legolas looks cute when he's angry." Replied Emily.

"And if we fail, what then? What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?" Boromir began to growl.

"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an elf, never trust an elf!" Shouted Gimli.

"Big mistake!" Chuckled George as all the elves rose and warfare broke out at the council.

Gandalf began to rant on and Frodo looked a bit schizophrenic. "Um… Frodo it's your line now," whispered Emily as she nudged him with her elbow.

Frodo rose and above the noise his small voice cried out, "I will take it," which was followed by;

"About bloody time!" From George who was seriously fed up with the seating.

"I will take the ring to Mordor, though I do not know the way," said Frodo.

"Hey Frodo I have a map in my bag, here it is, well have fun, off you go then!" Smirked Emily.

"You are going to change the story, give me that map," snapped George.

"On second thoughts why not let Gandalf go with you?" Said Emily quickly shutting up.

"I will help you bare this burden Frodo Baggins for as long as it is yours to bare." Said Gandalf much to the relief of Emily.

"If by my life or death I can protect you I will, you have my sword." Pronounced Aragorn who was quickly followed by Legolas with, "And you have my bow." Legolas joined Aragorn and Gandalf by Frodo's side but the look on his face changed dramatically when Gimli stepped forward. "And my axe!"

All of a sudden the two teenagers collapsed on the floor in fits of laughter. "Did you see his face?!"

"The elf's got to put up with that dwarf for the whole journey!" The laughter subsided when Boromir began to speak but he was soon interrupted.
"Yeah whatever you're going too and so is Sam who is hiding behind that shrub and Merry and Pippin who are behind those columns." Said an extremely bored George. The pre-mentioned hobbits joined the others and Lord Elrond began to speak again.

"Nine companions..." He paused

"Have you forgotten your lines?" Inquired Emily.

"I want you and your brother to go with them."

"Uh Uh No way am I trailing though snow and over mountains just so some really tacky ring gets thrown into a hole." Yelled George.

"I agree, I think we should stay here!" Added Emily.

"You would be of great use to us Lady Emily and Master George," spoke the quiet voice of Legolas.

"We're going George!" Said Emily quickly changing her mind.

"What! No! Just because some pretty elf boy flutters his eyelids you change your mind!

"Pleeeeeeaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeee!" Begged Emily.

"Oh go on then but I want some decent weapons none of that poxy dagger
stuff the hobbits get lumbered with." Moaned George.

"Eleven companions..."

"Em doesn't count she's got no brain," butted in George.

"Eleven companions, so be it, you shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."
Announced Lord Elrond finally.

"That was a bit over dramatic and before you say it we are going to Mordor
Pippin!" Said George and Emily in unison.