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Chapter Two -A wasted Journey

"The Ring bearer is setting out on a quest for Mount Doom, you who travel with him no oath nor bond is laid out for you to go further than you will." Began Lord Elrond.

"Hang we only just finished the Council of Elrond scene!" Interrupted George.

"That's the power of the movies, look see those prop men moving scenery over there," replied Emily.

"Oh right!" Said George, "Keep up the good work!"

Lord Elrond continued, "Farewell, hold to your purpose, may the blessings of Elves." (close up of Legolas).

"Aren't the lighting guys working magic?" Sighed Emily

"Yeah I mean imagine what Gandalf would look like without the right lighting," added George.

"Please don't put that image in my mind, that Lembas has already upset my stomach." Gulped Emily.

"If you are quite finished," growled Lord Elrond, "May the blessings of Elves and men and all free folk go with you"

"Are free folks the Middle-earth equivalent of swingers?" Asked George.

"It doesn't mean they swing, it's just that they can't find permanent partners I mean look at Gimli, he's vertically challenged, his beard contains more than just dried food, he grunts instead of speaks and well the list goes on and on and on and on."

"Yeah I get the picture Em!"

"The Fellowship awaits the Ring bearer," announced Gandalf.

"Mordor Gandalf, is it left or right?" Whispered Frodo

"Right!" Laughed George

"Ignore him, it is to the left," replied Gandalf.

The Fellowship set off for Mount Doom plus two eccentric teenagers, a melee of panoramic views follow leading to a manly scene of the Fellowship passing in between two boulders.

"Em try and look more manly, puff your chest out and frown!" Whispered George.

"If I puff my chest out anymore I'll explode!" Snapped Emily.

The Fellowship settled on a hillside, Boromir tries to teach Merry and Pippin to sword fight.

"We must hold this course west to the Misty Mountains for forty days, if our luck holds the Gap of Rohan will be open to us." Stated Gandalf.

"Gandalf, George and I have a few questions," began Emily as herself and
George sat either side of the wizard.

"Are the Misty Mountains really misty or just a bit muggy, is Mirkwood
murky, is Rivendell really in a dell coz it seems a bit too big to fit in a
dell, why does Rohan have a gap in it and why are you the only one who can't
pronounce Cahadras probably?"

"Oh look a rock," answered Gandalf, as he quickly moved away.

"Do you get the feeling that no one likes us?" Asked Emily.

"Nope that's just you they don't like!"

"Hey look, Crebain from Dunland!" Called Emily, seeing the dark cloud approaching.

"What is that?" Asked Sam

"I just said, it's Crebain from Dunland!" Shouted Emily

"Nothing it's just a whiff of cloud," replied Gimli

"No it's Crebain, Is anyone listening to me?!" Screeched Emily

"It's moving fast, against the wind!" Added Boromir

"Hello people you might want to hide!" Yelled George.

"Don't bother they're not listening, come on I've found us some rocks to hide behind." Called Emily.

"Crebain from Dunland!" Shouted Legolas.

"Nah you don't say!" Came a loud voice from behind a rock.

"Hide!" Bellowed Aragorn.

"Bout bloody time to!" Came another voice from behind a different rock.

Aragorn jumps behind the same rock as George.

"Jesus Christ! They won't need to see us to know we're here, I mean Lord Almighty have you never heard of Odor Eaters?!" Cried George.

"Odor Eaters?" Whispered Aragorn.

"Never mind!"

The Fellowship crawled out from behind their rocks as the Crebain from Dunland left.

"Spies of Saruman, the passage South is being watched, we must take the pass of Cahadras!" Exclaimed Gandalf.

"Before we go I think you lot owe us an apology!" Stated Emily.

"Why?" Asked Boromir

"I said they were Crebain from Dunland and did you listen? No I think not!" Emily answered.

"They are right," began Legolas, "We do owe them an apology, Lady Emily, Master George, we are sorry"

"I think I'm going to faint!" Sighed Emily.

"OK Em, a little too much excitement for you for one day, Legolas try and warn her before you speak," said George catching the over worked up Emily.

"Would you like me to carry her?" Asked a very concerned Legolas.

"No she'll be fine, just gimme some water"

The Fellowship looked on as George threw the water over Emily's face.

"Hey! I was dreaming about having a pillow fight with Legolas and OK I'm going to shut up now while I still have some dignity left," cringed Emily as she dragged herself back up onto her feet.

****
"Three, Two, One…"

Frodo trips and falls flat on his face in the snow.

"See, complete and utter idiot," laughed George.

"Hang on, don't Boromir get his grubby little hands on the ring now?" Asked Emily as Boromir leans down and picks something up.

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt…"

"Here we go, talking about his little thing and in front of the Hobbits, no shame!" Added Emily.

Boromir continued, "... Over so small a thing, such a little thing."

"Boromir! Give the ring to Frodo!" Called Aragorn.

As the Ring was handed back to Frodo, Emily whispered to George: "Can you say dead before the end of the first film!"

****

Halfway up Mount Cahadras.

"Look I don't see why we didn't wait at the bottom, we're only going to have to turn around and go back again!" Moaned Emily.

"How bout you quit bitching and we introduce a little fun into the proceedings!" Grinned George.

George begins to make a snowball.

"Genius! Pure Genius!" Laughed Emily, following her brother's lead.

"So who first?"

"How about Aragorn, a snowball might do him some good!"

The snowball goes hurtling past Aragorn and hits Boromir right in the back of the head.

"Well Boromir will do," added George

"What was that!" Shouted Boromir, "It was freezing!"

"A snowball my dear Boromir!" Laughed Emily in a mocking tone.

"A snow what?"

"Don't tell me you don't do snowballs either, yeesh!" Said George, "Watch, pick up some snow roll it into a ball and throw."

The snowball flew at a great speed hitting Legolas directly in the face. The elf didn't seem too bothered as he brushed the snow off him.

"Hey no fair, elves don't feel the cold," sulked Emily.

Suddenly the Hobbits soon followed suit and the two men and Gimli came under a barrage of ball shaped snow. It wasn't until Gandalf stepped in and began moaning about the lack of time that the snow warfare grounded to a halt.

Ten minutes later...

"I'm cold!" Moaned George

"I'm colder!" Replied Emily

"What you going to do about it?"

"Get another cloak!"

"Yeah right! Who's gonna give up their cloak for you?" Laughed George in between the clunking of his chattering teeth.

"Just you wait and see!" Giggled Emily as she walked ahead to the front of the group.

Five minutes later...

"Hey where did you get that cloak from?!" Yelled George as Emily walked towards him.

"Ha! A certain Elf!"

"No fair!"

"Don't worry, Legolas is just about to say, 'there's a fell voice on the air!' And we'll soon be off this mountain!" Answered Emily.

"There's a fell voice on the air!" Called Legolas.

Emily and George nodded to each other.

"It's Saruman!" Yelled Gandalf

"Hey! Look I'm cold, you're cold, trust me this time, it'll will save us a
lot of time if we just turn around now and make our way to the Mines of
Moria, and before you start Gandalf we're going to end up there anyway
before or after Saruman covers our arses in snow." Called Emily

"She's right, we must get off the mountain!" Yelled Aragorn.

"Let the Ring bearer decide," spoke Gandalf in a small voice.

"We will go through the mines," answered Frodo.

"At last someone sensible!"


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A/N PLEASE REVIEW I DON'T LIKE TO BEG!

Em: George doesn't but do! Please Please Please Please Please Review!