A/N: George: Hey we're back.

Emily: We didn't go anywhere!

George: Oh. Anyway Thank you to Silent Banshee for their review. Detail, hmmm? We will try, it's just we're only good at the funny stuff. The putting it down on paper bit (or computer screen as it were) is tricky but we will do our best.

Emily: Oh and as for lil'Smartass you little…

George: Don't do Em she's not worth it.

Emily: She's ruining the excitement!

George: We could assassinate her.

Emily: Good idea. I apologize for her putting a spoiler in her review. She is claiming to be our BETA reader well if that is the case why is she condemning the grammar. You can't be doing a v. good job then can you Liz?!

George: Anyway here is chappie four, for all you lovely readers out there. *kisses the computer screen*

Disclaimer: G: put Legolas back. E: I don't want to, he's mine! G: No he is not!  

Chapter Four - "Two down, Nine to go!"

"Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria" confirmed Gandalf as he tried to be heard over the loud sobs of Gimli.

"As much as I don't like the Dwarf I kinda feel sorry for him!" Squeaked George with a crack in his voice.

"He is dead then" Gandalf bowed his head. "It is as I feared!" The hat was removed.

He lent down and picked up a book that was being held by a rotting dwarf corpse.

"If you want something to read I would recommend 'The Unfinished Tales' that book is brilliant!" Voiced Emily.

"Umm Em that corner looks like a good hiding place!" Whispered George as he noticed Gandalf handing his staff and hat to Pippin.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I would like to be safe when the shit hits the fan so I have been eyeing up certain areas where Orcs might not find me and my TNT!"

"I thought I told you that you weren't allowed anymore TNT"

"I don't see why.." Legolas interrupted George.

"We must move on. We cannot linger."

"Listen to the elf. Big trouble heading this way!" Called George from behind a well thought out hiding place.

Gandalf read on undeterred by the warning of the elf and the slight whimpers curling round boulders, which concealed two petrified teens.

This would of been a useful time for George to warn Pippin of the dangers of fiddling with things that ought not to be fiddled with but instead decided to say;

"Timber!"

All of the Fellowship turned towards the well, which Pippin was standing by and watched as a dwarf corpse fell into the oblivion followed by a chain attached to a bucket. Emily and George were more interested in watching the poor little hobbit squirm as the continuous crashes of the falling crud sounded from the opening of the well.

"Fool of a Took!" Bellowed Gandalf as he slammed the book shut.

"What he means is you're a complete and utter pranny!" Voiced a boulder in the corner of the tomb.

The tomb began to tremble and Orc cries sounded from the deep, or what could of been Orc cries if it wasn't for George and his rather good Orc impressions.

"This maybe a good time to vacate the premises" squealed Emily as she began heading for the door. She halted as two black arrows imbedded in the door next to her head. "Or maybe we should stay here!"

Before she could whimper again Boromir grabbed her and dragged her away as Legolas and Aragorn sealed the door.

"Hey Em! What do you reckon to Pepper spray?" Called George.

"Right now I reckon you should shut up and start praying!"

"Yeah I could do that but Pepper spray would be a wicked way to stop those Orcs with those big bulging green eyes!"

"Hush!" Bellowed Boromir. "Speaking has no place in combat!"

"Oh right so it's OK for you to say 'look they have a cave troll' but no I can't plan ways of saving mine and my sister's butt!" Retorted George.

"How sweet you were thinking up ways to save me!" Laughed Emily.

"What Cave Troll?!" Called Boromir with a puzzled look marring his face.

"That one!"

At that moment the Cave Troll came crashing into the tomb swinging his mallet above his head. The Fellowship switched to fighting mode and began their assault on the number of Orcs that came piling into the room.

"You know what George?" Began Emily, "If I wasn't such a wimp I would probably enjoy this.... Infact what the hell" Emily pulled out a sword from her bag and joined in the fighting.

"Great now I have to follow her and stop her from getting herself killed" George began to run forward " Too late!" George stopped in his tracks and watched as Emily's left shoulder was pieced with an Orc arrow. He run to his sister's side and knelt down holding her hand.

"You can't die this is supposed to be a comedy!" Cried George.

"Don't worry I 'll do a Gandalf and come back. I promise." She shut her eyes but quickly opened them again.

"Just before I go you better cry 'cause I would cry if you died. Oh! One more thing don't forget my bag!" With that she was gone.

"Where's that f**king Orc, I'll teach it to kill my sister!" Roared George.

****

After the Cave Troll was killed and George had been dragged away from stabbing the same 'dead'  Orc for ten minutes the Fellowship watched as Frodo

revealed his Mithril vest.

"You are full of surprises Master Baggins!" Beamed Gimli.

"Come we must move on is everyone all right?" Gandalf began to glance about the room.

"Where is Lady Emily?" Everyone paused at the sound of Legolas' concerned voice. After a few moments of silence they turned to George to see tears rolling down his face.

"Still yours tear Master George she is at peace now" Gimli bowed his head to the teenager.

"We must move now!" Cried Gandalf as Orc cries became present again.

The Fellowship began to move; George paused and picked up Emily's bag, "Trust her to have such a girly bag!" He began to run but quickly turned back and called, "See you later Em! I knew that Pepper spray would come in handy, look real tears!"

****

The Fellowship ran through the Dwarf-city of Dwarrowdelf, pursued by Moria Orcs, which seem to spring from all sides. Soon they were surrounded.

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!" Bellowed Gimli in an attempt to scare the Orcs off.

"Yeah like thats gonna work!" Smirked George noticing Legolas also rolling his eyes at the idiocy of the Dwarf.

A terrific rumbling shook the ground causing the Orcs to turn and flee. With this Gimli let out a strangled laugh thinking his fierce roar had scared them away.

"Even if you dropped your trousers which may I add would put the fear of God into anyone! You still are not the reason that the Orcs have run away." Yelled George as he pointed towards the orange glow that was approaching.

"What is this new devilry?" Whispered Boromir to the Wizard who looked deep in thought.

George knew what was coming so decided to make his exit. "Hey Guys! I might just leave now I mean the Hobbits trembling with fear I can handle but when the elf looks scared I think the best option is to RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And with that he fled the scene and disappeared though the doorway that led to the bridge.

"A Balrog" began Gandalf in answer to Boromir's question; "A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you." He finished using George's brilliant advise; "Run!!"

The Fellowship kick started into action and passed through the doorway George went through a few minutes ago.

Meanwhile....

"Who needs to jump when you have wooden planks?! Oh I better take them away I don't wanna ruin one of the best parts of the film. I love that bit where Gimli doesn't wanna be tossed. Ahh so much gayness which they aren't aware of!" George has resulted in talking to himself as he carried on his journey to the bridge of Khazad-dum.

Finally reaching the bridge George stopped in the middle of it and sat down admiring the view.

"I wonder how long that Fellowship of mine is going to be! What shall I do?" George peered down into the gloom. "Let me see" smirked George as he began to rumage through the bag which he had removed from his sister.

"That is disgusting! No wonder Legolas doesn't fancy her!" He pulled out a half eaten toasted sandwich and cast it over the edge. He began to listen to see how long it would take to reach the bottom.

Ten minutes later...

A faint splat could be heard as the toasted sandwich finally touched base.

"I would really hate to be Gandalf right now, speaking of Gandalf here he comes now I hope he doesn't slip on that. I had better get a shimmy on"

"You cannot pass!" Bellowed the old wizard as he turned to face the Balrog.

George looked up to see the light from outside peering in and as always resulted in leaving the Fellowship.

George sat on a rock facing the opening, which led back into Moria. "Emily please hurry up and get back here. I promise I won't tell Legolas about the shrine you've got in your room and I promise not to tell all your friends you secretly fancy Sean Bean."

He looked back up as the Fellowship trudged out of Moria. His eyes followed the elf as a look of sorrow crossed his face. "Emily would have loved to have seen that!"

"So what's with all the sad faces?" Gleamed George forgetting what had just happened on the bridge.

"Gandalf has fallen!" Cried Gimli.

"Oh yeah!"

"You knew this would happen?!" Called a shocked Aragorn.

"Well yeah"

"Why did you not do anything about it?" He roared.

"Because I know every action has consequence, you shall see I am right in time!" George sat down again and began to sulk. "I wish Emily was here!"

"Get me out of this bag!" Screamed the bag.

"What the......." George walked over to the bag and tipped it upside down. A cascade of junk, CD's, various pictures of Orlando Bloom, another toasted sandwich and a teenage girl poured out of the swollen bag.

"Took you long enough!" Breathed Emily as she picked herself up and brushed herself off.

"Sorry! I didn't know you had set up lodging there! For all I knew you were back on earth telling Mum and Dad I left the fridge door open!"

"God! One minute I'm kicking Orc butt, then I end up in Harry Potter land which may I add is seriously disturbing! That Daniel Radcliff is about as believable as Busted saying they are a punk band, and then I end up in a bag with a toasted sandwich which has evolved into an intelligent life form intent on taking over the world!"

"Have you been eaten polo's again? You know they send your sugar level through the roof!"

Emily sent a death glare to her brother who began to inch away towards Aragorn.

"Legolas, get them up." Called Aragorn, still in disbelief that this girl had come back to life.

"Give them a moment, for pity's sake!" Cried Boromir who even though his concern for the hobbits was genuine he was also in need of a moment of rest.

"As much as I don't like the dude, Boromir has a point!" Gasped Emily who looked as if she was going to pass out. "Traveling through different realms has its downsides and tiredness is one of them not to mention the nausea!" *whatever you do don't throw up in front of the elf*

"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with Orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlorien." Pronounced Aragorn.

"Who died and made you leader? Wait...Hang on...Don't answer that." George had a knack of saying the most stupidest of things.

"It is wonderful to have you back with us and I know you are tired but Aragorn is right Lady Emily, we cannot stay here. Let me help you up" Legolas offered his hand to Emily who was too exhausted to realize whose hand it was.

"Fine I am up!" Emily took the hand offered and looked up at the elf. *Be calm your only holding his hand, don't make a prat of yourself again. Be graceful and ladylike then maybe you will stand a chance*

"Not likely once he sees the contents of your bag!" Called George who knew exactly what his sister was thinking.

**********

George: On to Lothlorien.

Emily: What's that button down there?

G: Don't touch it!

E: Why?

G: It is dangerous!

E: How so?

G: Well if it was safe more people would prod it! (hint, hint).