Disclaimer: 1) I have no money. 2) There are no copyrights in my name. Conclusion: I do not own trigun or cowboy bebop or any other anime and you shouldn't try to sue me…. any questions?
A/N Many thanks to browneyes for the review. And since that brings me up to my total of one interested reader I can commence upon chapter two…. And then we'll see.
Lunch was over and Principle Wolfwood was giving the Vice principal a sever dressing down for once again disrupting the kitchen staff and then interrupting the gum teachers.
"If word gets out that you favored those students… giving them donuts in the middle of the day! What were you thinking? Not to mention all the policies you violated."
"Don't worry about it," Vash said with not the least bit of concern.
"I'm afraid I am going to have to call in the superintendent."
"No, not him!"
"Yes, the dread superintendent Dr. Bluesummers…"
"No! Not that! Anything but that!"
"In fact I already called him and he will be expecting you in his office shortly."
"But he's scary!" Vash whined.
"You have left me with no choice, you think I want to lose my job over these fiascos of yours?"
"Show a little mercy, what kind of a churchman are you anyway?" Vash complained.
"Look, just go see Legato, I had Julia pick up a peace offering for you. Just give him the nice frozen cheesecake and he'll be too preoccupied to even notice you."
"A cheesecake? You call that a peace offering? I killed the guy remember?"
"Now Vash, I think you are overreacting. How many times do I have to explain that he wasn't really dead, just almost dead? Besides you don't really need your temporal lobe, it's only the part that regulates emotions and keeps people from going on murderous rampages, his was malfunctioning anyway!"
"Why don't you go see him then?"
"Good heavens no, now get going or you will be late for your appointment."
Vash shot a nasty look at Wolfwood and then stormed out forgetting the cheesecake. So a second later he stormed back in, snatched the frozen desert from Wolfwood's impassive secretary and stalked off all in a sulk to visit the dreaded Mr. Bluesummers.
Wolfwood, seeing as he now had some free time decided to go and check up on a certain english teacher.
Luckily it was her planning period so Mrs. Millie Thompson-Wolfwood was sitting at her desk eating a pudding.
"Hello honey!" Wolfwood said loudly.
"Oh, hi Mr. Priest!"
"Ummm, Millie first of all I'm your husband so you don't have to call me Mr. and second of all I'm a principal now, not a priest."
"I know that Mr. Priest. What are you doing here though?"
"I just wanted to see you."
"Why don't you get out of here Wolfwood, hasn't superintendent Bluesummers warned you about visiting on school hours?" Mrs. Stryfe broke in rudely. She was typing away busily on a typewriter. Wolfwood craned his neck to see that her typewriter was equipped with red ink and she had somehow figured out a way to cram corrections and into the margins of her student's papers. Wolfwood winced inwardly at the idea of a teacher being able to fit so much neatly written criticism into one paper.
"And stop reading over my shoulder, that's got to be a breach of student confidentiality or something."
"Sorry," Wolfwood said under his breath. He left the two English teachers with a friendly wave at his wife, who was still obliviously eating pudding, "Bye Big-girl," he said as he left.
"Bye Honey," Millie called after him.
Wolf wood smiled at that. His smile stayed on his face for approximately five seconds. Out in the hall stood one of the home economics teachers menacing a small brown and white welsh corgi. It's paws were mud caked and a bit of some kind plant hung from its mouth.
"How dare you try to eat my bonsai trees? You ungrateful little wretch! No one touches my bonsai plants and lives…" Mr Black raved at the dog and most of the class was standing in the doorway watching while the second teacher, Mr. Spiegal, inspected the contents of the fridge.
"Hey, Jet, isn't there any meat in here? I mean is it so much for a guy to ask? The principal is standing right behind you by the way. How could you deprive us all of pork in our pork fried rice? Grudges over food aren't pretty you know."
Jet, upon hearing that his superior was behind him adopted a much abashed pose with a hand behind his head and a nervous laugh, "I mean, naughty doggy, you should stay out of my plants…"
"Cursing in front of the students are we Mr. Black?"
"Sorry Mr. Wolfwood. It won't happen again I am sure."
"See that it doesn't, and see that you get your dog cleaned up and out of the school building."
"The dog won't be a problem," Black picked it up and retreated into his classroom. Wolfwood stood impassively in the hall and listened to the resolution to the whole problem.
"Well Spike, after this stunt you should have about, oh say, 14 pounds of dog meat to work with."
"Ed would kill you for eating that dog, and like I said grudges over food are messy."
"Well, I know that there is something more to this school Spike."
"You keep saying that but I haven't seen anything that even resembles a bounty, let alone a good one."
"Well, in the meantime it keeps us fed."
"And Faye has a new outfit every day."
"Without running us into debt at least."
"Yes, I only wish you had written the budget proposal properly."
"I don't have time for your whining Spike. Thanks to this mutt my poor bonsais are dying."
"What about us?" one of the boys in the class asked.
"Ummm… cook some tofu or something, there should be a recipe around here somewhere…"
Wolfwood shook his head at the lazy teachers and continued down the hall. He didn't really have much of a plan but interesting things always seemed to happen around here.
Meanwhile Vash was waiting in Legato's waiting room.
"Next," Legato called after an interminable wait. Vash eyed the now soggy frozen cheesecake box nervously. Something about the term frozen mad him doubt that leaving the cake out in the open for 45 minutes was good for it.
"Ummm, here you go Mr. Bluesummers…" Vash said as he handed over the desert.
"Thanks," Legato responded snatching it and opening it, "This is good!" he exclaimed through a full mouth as he inhaled the cake, "Say, don't I remember you from somewhere?"
"Ummmm…"
"Yeah, you're the guy who killed me! I'm right, right? Do I get a prize now?"
"No. You must have me confused with someone else, I'm a pacifist. And I am the vice principal and I'm in trouble about some donuts remember?"
"Oh yes, I remember now… you're a jainist right? You don't even believe in stepping on grass because it's a living thing right? Oh that sounds exciting… hey I know what would be funny… I could make you run around the football field and sing songs about death, destruction and mayhem."
"Wait… you mean that green springy stuff is alive? And it kills it to walk on it? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm a murderer and I didn't even know it! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what would Rem say? I am a plant-killer…"
"Would you stop that? This display must stop, and you are getting tears everywhere… you look like a big red waterfall… gahhhh stop crying you big baby! That's it… I am making you into the new cheer-leading coach. Your team will be at the big game tomorrow night and they will do this cheer… on the grass!" Legato scribbled out a cheer and Vash stopped crying took the paper and left.
"I'm a murderer…" he kept muttering to himself as he walked. Every few steps he twitched crazily, "A murderer…"
Back in his office Wolfwood was honing his basketball skills by throwing copies of last year's graduating class's permanent records at the trash can. He had just crumpled up a particularly large one when his computer started beeping at him. He scrambled out of his sloppy slouch and lunged for the computer. A message popped up in the corner.
'hello wolf-wolf, this is ed-ed.'
'Ed? Where are you. The school computers don't allow instant messages.'
'Ed-ed knows that. But ed-ed is bored.'
'Bored? Ed you are supposed to be teaching a class right now!'
'Yes, Ed-ed taught them how to hack into networks, they are practicing changing their grades.'
'ED! You can't teach them that kind of thing!'
'But I did… isn't that good?'
'No! Ed, get Mr. Black to supervise your class and report to Dr. Bluesummer's for disciplinary action! Immediately.
Radical Edward sat in Legato's waiting room interminably.
Finally the vice principal emerged muttering something about murder. Ed shook her head and peered into the dark office of the superintendent.
"Next!" Legato called. Ed walked in. Traces of cheesecake littered his desk, "What are you here for?"
"Ed-ed taught the kiddies to hack into the school network and change their gradies, that's what Ed-ed did."
"I see. Principal Wolfwood was mad about this?"
"Yes, Wolf-wolf said it violated school policy."
"Alright, then you leave me no choice but to make you join the cheerleading squad. Vice principal Vash is the new coach and you will be practicing with him tonight for the big game tomorrow."
"Alright," Ed agreed amiably and left the office feet slapping the ground happily. She returned to her class and decided to change the security codes on the grading system so that her students would no longer be able to hack into it. Soon everything was back to the way it would have been had she not taught them to hack in.
'I fixed the grade Wolf-wolf,' she instant messaged that principal.
'good, but stop with the instant msging.'
'okay Wolf-wolf.'
'and don't call me that!'
Ed didn't respond to that.
A/N okay then… please review and tell me what ya think. More to come if ya like it…