A/N: George: No one wanted me back! I feel cheap and used!

Anyway! Happy Valentines to everyone who didn't get any cards. Valentines sucks if you're single! I'm not *smiles smugly*

Thank you to Fairypunk for her ONE AND ONLY review! You rock Han!

Come on people. The more reviews the better the updates. Between you and me Em's getting a bit slow with the writing, a couple more reviews will get her to speed up.

Disclaimer: F**k the disclaimer. Is that even possible?!

Chapter seven - Etiquette and moisture.

"Today we are going to learn how to speak," announced Aragorn.

"Excuse me?" Yelped Emily and George.

"Lady Galadriel has asked me to keep the two of you under control! Ergo I'll be conducting a number of etiquette lessons."

"Ha Ha Ha is this some kind of sick joke?!" Said George in a monotone voice.

"As the future King of Gondor I am the person with the right qualifications to turn you two rebellious ratbags into well spoken young adults!"

Emily and George looked at each other as a look of bafflement crossed their faces.

"Did he just say that he wanted us to become adults!" Gulped Emily.

"I think he did!" Replied George, "Run!"

The two teens turned on their heals and disappeared into the forest only to be met by Legolas and Boromir who were sent to foil their inevitable escape.

"How come you got to be dragged back by Legolas?" Whined Emily as Boromir pulled her along by her wrist.

"Right lets make a start! Otherwise I'll get my whip and chair out!" Gleamed Aragorn, "Now the issue of swearing! There is to be no more of it!"

"Your shitting me right?!" Laughed George.

"George! No more swearing! Do you understand!" Shouted Aragorn.

"Now when you say no swearing, do you mean every swear word that has ever passed my lips!?" Inquired Emily.

"F**king hell!" Muttered Legolas under his breath.

"What did you just say?!" Bellowed Aragorn.

"He He! The elf just swore!" Giggled the two teenagers.

"I think the elf needs to be punished! Can I borrow that whip of yours Aragorn!" Laughed Emily.

"I apologize I think it is hanging around with these two too much!" Legolas rose and left the scene.

"Now where was I, Oh yes no swearing!"

"Yes Sir," groaned George and Emily.

After three hours of continuous lists of words, which could be considered as swear words, George finally drew out his last word.

"How about Nutsacks?"

"No nutsacks!" Sighed Aragorn.

"I'm done!"

"Thank Valar! Right lesson two, how to conduct ones self at dinner."

As soon as the mention of dinner sprang into the equation Gimli, shortly after followed by the rest of the Fellowship, joined the teenagers and Aragorn at the table that had been laid out by the elves.

"Cutlery is to be used!" Snapped Aragorn as Gimli proceeded to dunk his hand into the bowls of food presented to them.

"Maybe we're not the ones who need to learn table manners!" Grinned George as he stared at Gimli who was stemming an attempt to drown his beard in a goblet of wine.

"Legolas?"

Legolas turned slowly towards Emily who was seeking out his attentions.

"Yes Lady Emily?" Why did he have the distinct feeling he wasn't going to like what was about to come from her mouth.

"Can I feed you?"

Legolas froze not sure what to say. He needed an excuse to leave.

"I'm not that hungry! I'll think I will go and have a bath." Legolas began to rise from the table, but then noticed a grin on Emily's face. Feeling the need to clarify this he shouted back, "ALONE!"

Emily frowned and buried her chin in her hands, which were supported by her elbows on the table.

"Elbows off!" Snapped Aragorn.

Emily answered by sticking out her tongue.

"Hey Aragorn! Do you like see-food!?" Sniggered George as he presented the entire contents of his mouth to the table. This sight even made the resilient Dwarf feel a bit queasy.

Aragorn seeing that this was a hopeless cause decided to move off table manners.

"I have noticed that you two are lacking in the ability of decision making!"

"No we aren't! Are we?" Snapped George.

"We do make decisions! Don't we?" Added Emily.

"He just mucking around! Aren't you Aragorn?"

"See what I mean?!" Laughed Aragorn.

Aragorn lent back on his chair and placed his feet on a nearby rock, which on contact let out a noise that could have easily been interpreted as a fart. Being the immature teenagers that they were Emily and George crumpled over in fits of laughter.

Aragorn raised an eyebrow and glared at them, "Just grow-up!"

"Not possible!" Yelled George as Emily poked him in the ribs after he 'accidentally' pulled her hair.

Aragorn sighed and left in search of Legolas who he found perched up a tree.

"I thought you were going to have a bath?"

Legolas leapt off the branch he was sat on and landed gracefully next to Aragorn, "I said that to avoid being ask stupid questions by a certain human!"

"I thought you liked her?"

"When did I say that?!" Questioned Legolas.

"Oh just something you mumbled in your sleep!" Laughed Aragorn. Legolas raised his eyebrows in horror, but before he could retaliate Aragorn began to speak:

"I want you to keep a close eye on Emily for me"

Legolas laughed, "For a minute there I thought you wanted me to take care of Emily!"

"I do"

"Huh!"

"As stupid as they may seem they are very valuable to Middle-earth, I cannot keep an eye on them both therefore I trust that you will help share this task."

"Couldn't I look after George?"

"I feel that Emily is the greater handful, with your keen senses and the fact that she fancies the pants off of you, you are much better for the job!" Aragorn stood tall and showed the King in him, trying to pull rank over Legolas.

"You are not King yet, and don't forget that I am a prince so if anyone is going to be pulling rank it shall be me!" Snapped Legolas.

"Please Legolas, pretty please! I won't tell anyone what you mumbled in your sleep!"

"Fine but if I accidentally shoot her with my bow it will be your fault!" Legolas pranced away in search of Emily hoping that it would take a long time to find her.

****

"As your current guardian I will be teaching you the art of sword fighting" Aragorn handed George a sword.

"Great!" Proclaimed George sarcastically. "Why does Em get the elf? I bet she having a great time! Learning archery, elvish, how to walk silently! I think someone up there is punishing me for something."

To the astonishment of George the future King of Gondor fell to his knees and began to cry.

"Ahh! Moisture! Snot and tear! Urmm... Hankie!" George pulled out a tissue from Emily's bag and placed it on Aragorn's head. "Why the tears?"

"Everyone likes that blasted elf! No one loves me!" Wept Aragorn as he reached for the white tissue which was set upon his flop of hair.

"Hey come on that's not true! Loads of people like you!" Squirmed George amongst the falling tears and running mucus.

"They do?"

"Of course!"

"Name them"

"You want me to name them?!"

"Yes"

"Well let me see"

"See you can't even name one!"

"You didn't give me a chance!"

"Well go on then name five"

"Five! As many as that! Well Arwen she loves you!"

"That's one"

"Legolas and Gimli, they wouldn't be following you otherwise would they?"

"I guess not. O.K. That's three." Aragorn persisted.

"Well urm... Agent Elrond likes you"

"Who?"

"Sorry I meant Lord Elrond!"

"One more!"

"One more.... Ummm... Well Boro... No wait he hates you... Ummm I know! Me!"

"You like me?"

"Yes and not just me, there are thousands of fangirls who love you back on earth!"

"You are lying you wanted to be with Legolas!"

"I was only joking, I think you are great and without you there wouldn't be a third film!"

"Excuse me? What are fangirls?"

"Never mind, now why don't we practice some sword fighting" George concluded, grateful that his lies had reduced the amount of snot that was trickling from Aragorn's nose.

Meanwhile...

"I have been given the job of looking after you, which in no way means that I am interested in you!" Stated Legolas.

Following Aragorn's example Emily fell to her knees and wept into the sleeves of her dress. Legolas feeling rather guilty knelt down and gathered up the crying form into his arms.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. Please stop crying!"

Emily wasn't about to let this moment end so issued more tears from her ever reddening eyes. Legolas didn't know what to do and after what Aragorn had said about Emily and George being significant to the future of Middle-earth, he felt for sure that if he didn't act quickly the Valar would surely punish him for his heartless actions.

"If you stop crying I'll let you have whatever you want," Legolas realized that this was possibly one of the most stupidest things that had ever passed his lips as soon as the words fell out of his mouth.

"Whatever I want?" Hiccupped Emily between tears.

Legolas noticing that the crying had begun to lessen decided to carry on with this course, "Whatever you want."

"Can I have a hug?" Whimpered Emily.

This was not what Legolas had expected, he felt for sure that by the next day she would have forced him to be her slave or something along those lines! Legolas complied and wrapped his arms tightly around Emily's waist. 'Maybe this human had more integrity that I first thought!' Reflected Legolas to himself.

Emily on the other hand was thinking that this hug was a first step into getting a certain elf prince to fall in love with her, especially after Aragorn had told her what Legolas mumbled in his sleep!

****
A/N George: As I said earlier Em is getting a bit slow with her bit. It doesn't help that she is not well and a bit depressed at the mo. Please help me cheer her up. The next update will most likely be next weekend. Thank you people.