Author's Note: Hehee, I know it's been awhile. I'm sorry. To the few people who have been reading this and leaving reviews: I thank you!!! I know this isn't perfect and I will fix it up again later sometime so don't mind the errors if you discover them, lol. I hope you like this chapter. :)





The ground doesn't always stay beneath my feet

and these heavy burdens weigh me down

With heavy heart and flustered mind

I can only hope safe passage is found






Out of Reach

Chapter Three






'How... I can't do it anymore...'

Her eyes threatened to tear as she watched his back. She felt weak inside, hopeless and stupid. Drained of all the energy she normally emitted freely from an endless reserve that never faltered before. But now... it took everything in her power just to simply smile for him and sustain it.

'Is this what it feels like... to be dead?'

She was numb to everything now. His gentle ways, his politeness and consideration, his fleeting moments of sincere affection... she used to feel butterflies in the pit of her stomach, a gentle stirring of an appreciative love only for him-always for him. But waiting, as it seemed, turned into more waiting and now the feeling had faded. They had a routine, a safe comfortable routine that he wouldn't break. She felt denied somehow. She'd fallen in love and was convinced by her friends that he shared the same sentiment, so where was her 'happily ever after'?

A defeated sigh escaped from her mouth and she looked longingly at him

'Kenshin... What am I to you?' She slowly turned and decided to go through her basic warmups in the dojo to begin practice for the day and maybe think about nothing for a change.

Kenshin visibly relaxed and let out the breath he had been holding. He had heard her stop on the porch and felt the depression in her ki as she stood there, most likely watching him. He stopped his chore and stared into the water, unseeing.

'What is wrong with me?'

'A rhetorical question, Ken-dono.' Kenshin closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

'I don't need you anymore...' He stated calmly and surely. He felt the Battousai within him smirk.

'Sure.'

A breeze caught him and he shivered as it tickled his skin and cooled him. Kenshin then noticed the banging coming from the dojo.

"Aaaa...Sessha sincerely hopes that Yahiko-chan is not in there, de gozaru..." He stood up slowly and wiped his hands on his hakama. Unfastening the rope that bound his sleeves up to his shoulders, he headed towards the door to the dojo and peeked in. He was stunned into shock by what he saw. Kaoru was breathless but continuing to put strain on her body by demanding more than she was capable of giving. It appeared as though she was crying and yet she was hardly making any sound. Her hair was messy, barely contained in the ribbon she had used to tie it with. Her gi was slightly gaping open in the front and she was covered in sweat. He reached out for her ki and was startled.

"Kaoru-dono..." He interrupted softly. She froze with her back to him, halfway between an exercise strike of her bokken. She lowered it so that it was hanging from her hand, pointed toward the floor of the dojo, but she didn't turn to face him.

"Hai, Kenshin?" Something was wrong. She expected something from him. He had known this but was too afraid to act on it.

"Are you okay, Kaoru-dono?" He took a few steps towards her to inspect her more closely. She tensed though and increased the distance between them as she went to return her bokken to the rack. Her hand rested with her bokken in its place for awhile, her head bowed low.

"I am. Do you need something?" She asked, still refusing to look at him. He became perplexed and somewhat disappointed that she chose to lie and retraced his steps back to the door. His eyes rested on the floor now, a part that he had repaired long ago. A part of their past...

"Aaaah... only to know what you want for dinner, de gozaru." He glanced up through the safe veil of his red mane to watch her.

"Anything is fine, Kenshin." He looked away, dismayed, and then left, knowing that he had not said or done the thing that she had been hoping for.

'You're destroying her.' The voice had a rough definitive quality to it. The truth was always hard to take.

'Hai. And it's time that Sessha stopped...' He thought. A sense of finality took over and he knew there would be no stopping him this time. This was for the best, she would realize it and come to terms with his decision. A vagabond was simply that and he had stayed here far too long already.

Kaoru somberly joined Yahiko and Kenshin for dinner, barely making eye contact let alone speaking any words of wisdom. She sat lifelessly in her place and gingerly ate her dinner, although she hardly ate any of it before she state she was finished and excused herself. Kenshin was concerned but didn't show it and he let her be.

'You are cold and cruel, Ken-dono.' Kenshin glared at the mockery in the Battousai's comment.

'It won't help no matter what. Kaoru deserves someone who-'

'Isn't a coward. If you let me out more often, we wouldn't be in this predicament. You are lacking in communication skills.'

'Last time I knew, so were you.' Kenshin countered. His adrenaline was pumping fire through his veins now. Later, he planned to release his pent up frustration in the privacy of the woods..

'So now you have a sense of humor-it doesn't help with the present situation.'

'I've already decided what I'm going to do, so go away.'

'I know what you're thinking. It only supports the statement that I made earlier, coward.'

'You're awfully sociable today.' Kenshin heard a cough and looked up to see Yahiko staring at him oddly. He smiled his Rurouni smile, knowing that his thoughts must have been displayed across his face and in the color changing of his eyes.

"Kenshin, why don't you tell Busu you love her? I'm sure everything would be better if you did," Yahiko supplied, having put two and two together. Kenshin smiled tenderly at his simple answer.

"It's much more complicated than that, de gozaru." Kenshin rested a comforting hand on the young man's shoulder. Yahiko looked up at him with anger written in his features.

"It doesn't have to be!" He shrugged Kenshin's hand off and stormed away.

'You sure have a way with the people you love...' Kenshin ignored that comment and started washing the dishes.

Kenshin opened his eyes and focused on where he was. On his way home- he remembered. He looked down at the box he carried in his hands. Tofu. It didn't seem all that important anymore. He forced himself to take a step and then another, taking it one at a time until he reached the gates.


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One of the thing's she realized after waking from a dreamless sleep, was that she felt nothing but warm. She sat up and noticed that she had fallen asleep in the same field she had appeared in when she first arrived.

The sun seemed out of place in the crystal clear blue sky. She briefly wondered how could any sky be so.... blue? There were no clouds marring it's perfection. And it seemed to go forever, so deep and extremely mind-boggling.

The sole survivor of the line of Kaimyas wandered through this place, lost in thought and wonderment. If she was dreaming this whole ordeal, how come it felt so real? And if she was not, how could she return to her family? People who came here... it didn't seem like they could just go back to whatever life they had momentarily left and everything would be okay again.

Kaoru soon found herself at a pond. Trees grew around it, making it seem surreal in the way that they framed the pond. Many beautiful flowers peeked out from bushes or the tall grass here and there, but so did some weeds. 'Odd', she thought, 'weeds seem to follow in the after life as well, I guess.' She sat down on a huge rock that overlooked the pond by a foot or two and lowered her feet into the water. Ripples waned out but Kaoru was discouraged to feel nothing. She leaned over and found she had no reflection either.

"Like the rain I once knew, I am powerless...destined to fall..." A small voice said in a songlike fashion. Kaoru's head snapped up and her eyes fell upon a young beautiful woman who came out of the woods and appeared to be her age. She was dressed in a wedding kimono.

"This place seeks to bring comfort.. But I find none," she said, making eye contact with Kaoru. "Do you find it ironic?" A nod answered her question.

"We are here because of a 'why' and yet we'll never know. Maybe this is the farthest we're suppose to go. No one really knows for sure."

"I worry for my friends," Kaoru simply stated, not knowing what else to say. The lady nodded and looked away with a sad smile.

"Do you remember life as a child? Everything was beautiful then and full of mystery. So eager to grow up. Where did the time go?"

"I was never allowed such novelties. My father was killed when I was young and I had to grow up quickly," Kaoru shared. The lady smiled in apology and then walked away. 'How horrible,' she thought, 'the lady must have been stolen away right before her wedding.'

This place offered no solace, only depression. Being constantly reminded of those one left behind didn't help time pass along too well. If time existed here at all.

Kaoru fisted her hands in her hair, becoming restless and irritated. She didn't like this. She wanted to be the same Kaoru she was before. Not that she really was any different, but these hands, these were not her hands. And this hair... It did no good that she didn't understand where she was or why.

This place. It resembled so much of her city and yet there were subtle differences. Things were off somehow, missing that homely quality that made them unnoticeable, yet very important. She was beginning to miss the afternoons in the dojo and the walks to the market. Here, she didn't feel completely whole. The woman had told her to go wander around a bit, it might clear her head. But she found herself more confused and somewhat angry. She wanted to know how her friends were doing. She wanted to see them.

A giggle caught her attention and she looked over to see the girl twirling around, arms outstretched. The girl stilled and spotted Kaoru. With a wave and a big whole-hearted smile, she skipped over to Kaoru and jumped into a sitting position next to her.

"It's almost time, mother told me," she exclaimed to Kaoru. Her hands were clasped and she was smiling uncontrollably. Her enthusiasm radiated off her in waves, and it was almost contagious.

"Is she your real mother?" Kaoru asked. The girl giggled and then pretended to pout.

"Nooooo! Silly! My real mother is waiting for me." She pointed upward, raising a finger to her lips as if to hide a secret. Kaoru's mouth formed an 'o' and she was suddenly very sad again. The poor girl- and she was so happy.

"What is your name?"

"Aya."

"How long have you been here, Aya?" The girl stilled and pondered this question.

"I asked mother that and she said 'no time here. It does not exist. That is why I do not age.' But time still going for my daddy. He is still there and that is why I am here."

"I see. Can you see your father?" Hope scratched at her heart. 'Kenshin.'

"Only....only when he prays," the little girl whispered. Kaoru watched the whole demeanor of this young vibrant girl diminish into a quiet meek child of innocence. She felt compassion swell within her and she threw her arms around the girl in a big hug.

"My mother used to tell me, when I was your age, that hugs were the best medicine money could never buy because they are free and special," Kaoru whispered to the girl. She was so small in her arms that Kaoru thought about what if would have been like if she had given birth to a child of her own. But the thought quickly floated away, into the back of her mind and she stood up when the girl reached for her hand and began to lead her away.

"Nothing is ever simple. It may appear to be that way but in all honesty...any action has reactions and many, countless consequences, whether they are good or bad. One decision can change a lifetime in a split second-and no one would know." Kaoru listened respectfully as she tried to mimick the old woman's hands. They were so deceiving the way they wove and handled the yarn. How did she do that?

"Now, I know you have a lot on your mind that you would like to sort out, but I would like to ask you some questions. Maybe to get you started?" The woman proposed. Kaoru looked up for a bit and nodded, then returned her concentration to the task her hands were warring over. She slouched and moved around in her seat before finding a comfortable position and then bit on her bottom lip as she worked.

"Why do you think you are here?" Her voice sounded much more serious than Kaoru thought she had ever heard her speak before. Kaoru stopped knitting and stared at the woman's wrinkly face.

"You said it was because of something..."

"But why do you think you are here?" The woman asked again. Kaoru took in a deep breath and examined her work.

"Honestly, I don't know. I truly thought I would die and that would be it," she answered. The woman nodded, setting down her needles and yarn for the time being.

"Well, let me ask you this: Do you have something to live for?" Kaoru froze and her eyes couldn't move away from the yarn in her hands. She thought of her dojo, her ancestors, her father... Sanosuke, Yahiko, and...

"I do." She lifted her head and looked the old woman in the face, confidently. "I do."