A/N: Hello to all!!!!!!!!!!

Emily: I have just found a scrumptious piccie of Legolas with his crown on! Heart-breakingly beautiful! *swoons and falls over*

George: Whatever! Thank you to NiphrediL-GED, sucks about your modem. Thank you as ever for your reviews.

Emily: And a thank you to Tidus'luvr99 another loyal reviewer. I love sugar highs I had one on Friday and apparently I tried to climb into a pizza box – (This I don't remember but this could be due to the rum I had consumed earlier.)

Disclaimer: I think every company we have ripped off wants to sue us so it is time to beg. Please don't sue us, please, we own absolutely nothing!!!!!!!!!

Chapter twelve - Gandalf the Pink.

Whatever trace of hope that was left was quickly place in a sack and thrown off the nearest bridge when Gimli dug out one of the hobbits' wee belts from the pile of burning Uruk flesh.

"Hiro hyn hîdh ab 'wanath." Whispered Legolas.

"Must hug." Gasped Emily.

"We failed th...AH Mmmm!" Mumbled Gimli as George strolled passed 'accidentally' knocking the dwarf into the pile.

George jumped off the bridge, grabbed the sack of hope and reopened it;

"They are still alive!"

"What?!" Beamed Boromir.

"Aragorn, where do you belong?" Asked George.

"This is no time for someone to start lecturing me about being King!" Grunted Aragorn.

"No. I mean what are you good at?"

Emily raised an eyebrow.

Aragorn stood puzzled.

"Yeesh! Humans!" Sighed George. This remark earned a smirk from Legolas. "Aragorn you are a ranger! You belong with the nature!"

"He means you belong in the dirt." Smiled Emily.

Aragorn looked down.

"A hobbit lay here." He began.

"Bingo!!"

"And the other. They crawled. Their hands were bound. Their bonds were cut!" Aragorn picked up some rope. His voice had hope in it and he looked around more frantically.

"George I am worried." Said Emily.

"The hobbits are fine!"

"Not about the hobbits. About my bladder!"

"Is this really the conversation you want to be having right now." Groaned George.

"Answer me this. Have you ever, in the entire time we have been here, needed to go to the toilet?"

"Now you come to mention it, no!"

"What's going on?!" Yelped Emily.

"Well it must be because we are in a fanfic."

"Huh?"

"When was the last time you read a fanfic or watched a movie where the lead character goes to the toilet?"

"Not ever that I can remember."

"Point proved! You won't need to go to the toilet, pluck your eyebrows, shave your underarms, wax you legs and bikini..."

"That's enough now!!" Screamed Emily.

"Fangorn forest." Finished Aragorn.

Emily and George found themselves looking up at dense, dark mass of tangled trees.

"Alan (Ground Force Dude) Titmarsh anyone?" Remarked George.

****

"Orc blood!" Spat Gimli.

"Urch! How do you know that? I would hate to find out what pizza topping you like." Gulped Emily.

"These are strange tracks." Murmured Aragorn.

"I think he's getting the hang of that!" Chirped Boromir.

"I'm starting to like you big B." Smiled George.

"The air is so close in here." Observed Gimli.

"This forest is old. Very old." Sighed Legolas.

"Evacuate the forest. Retreat! Follow the exit signs!" Babbled Emily.

"Um... You guys carry on I'll sort this moppet out." Grinned George.

The Fellowship just nodded.

"What is your problem?"

"He's coming back!"

"Who?"

"Gandalf!"

"And?"

"I have visions of him with an axe doing impressions of the dad from 'The Shinning.' You know - Heeerrrreee's Gandalf!" Said Emily all jittery.

"You have issues! Look he is a good guy."

"That's what he wants you to think but really he is one scary buttmunch."

"So he is just waiting to become all evil then!" Sighed George.

"Yes. Just like Legolas."

"How did Legolas come into this?"

"He is evil."

"Huh?"

"You just have to look into his eyes. You can see it. One day he is going to get sick of being perfect and snap."

"No more Discovery channel for you missy!"

"I am being serious."

"So am I, those documentaries you watch are freakish! Look if I promise to stop Gandalf if he attempts to do a bad impression of 'The Shinning' will you carry on?"

"I suppose so."

"Full of memory and anger." Legolas' eyes searched the forest as he saw Emily and George rejoin the group. "The trees are speaking to each other."

"Gimli, lower your axe." Snapped Aragorn to a startled dwarf.

"Aragorn, nad no ennas!" Called Legolas as he moved forward.

"For those of us who don't speak Elvish?" Snorted Boromir.

"Shut up! I love it when Legolas speaks Elvish, isn't he dreamy?" Swooned Emily.

"If you say so!" Grumbled Boromir.

"Man cenich?" Aragorn asked.

"The White wizard approaches." Answered Legolas.

Emily let out a small whimper as a white light appeared and despite the Fellowships best efforts their weapons were no use against the wizard.

"You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits." Spoke the wizard in a robotic voice.

"Where are say?" Shouted Aragorn shielding his eyes from the harsh light.

"Mummy! I want my mummy!" Squealed Emily.

"I am here for you Lady Emily, do not be afraid." Whispered Legolas placing a hand on her shoulder.

If Emily had not been comatosed she might have used this delightful opportunity to secure a relationship with the pleasant elf, but instead she stood there with her mouth open like a fish with a broken jaw.

"They passed this way. The day before yesterday." Answered the wizard with a tinge of joy. "They met someone they did not expect. Does that comfort you?"

Stupid questions deserved stupid answers;

"Yes master!"

A/N: Emily: Now there is stupid and then there is stupid but that was just bizarre. Did you write that bit George?

G: I think you'll find that 'yes master' is a piece of literary genius!

E: Urm...Yes I am sure Tolkien would be proud. OK back to Aragorn!

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Bellowed the ranger.

Gandalf stepped forward leaving the Fellowship in shock and Emily gripping onto her elf.

"Yo! Gandalf, I know you went through the whole transformation of becoming Gandalf the White, but was painting your nails really necessary?" Asked George.

Gandalf began to blush.

"I shall call him Gandalf the Pink and he shall be mine! And he shall be my Gandalf!" Smiled George.

"If I agree to no more Discovery channel then you are not allowed to watch Finding Nemo!" Cringed Emily ay her brother's inane way of quoting his favorite film.

Gandalf, finally picking up his dignity said, "One stage of your journey is over. Another begins. We must ride to Edoras with all speed."

Gandalf began to whistle for Shadowfax.

"I do not understand Shadowfax always..." Gandalf stopped when he saw Emily trying to look inconspicuous next to the very conspicuous white horse. "That is my horse!"

"Was your horse. I have commandeered it." Grinned Emily.

Gandalf's face tightened, "You have what?!"

"Em, about Gandalf being evil!" Snapped George.

"Give me Shadowfax now!" Boomed Gandalf.

"What do I get in return?"

"A slap!" Coughed George.

"Fine Fine have the horse, but remember to give him cookies three times a day!" Pouted Emily.

"YOU CHILD ARE AN ANNOYANCE!" Screeched Gandalf.

****

A/N: Time to go to Rohan!!!!!!!!!

Emily: One problem, we need to actually write the next chapter for us to get to Rohan.

George: Good point!

Emily: Sorry guys but the next chapter may take some time but hopefully it will be worth the wait. I am doing my GCSE's this year and the teachers decided to give us all our coursework at the last minute so I'm a bit snowed under at the mo.

George: And what with this pesky degree I am studying writing is becoming a bit slower, but never fear because we have already planned what is going to happen so it's just a case of finding time to write and post. I'm sure a few reviews wouldn't hurt to speed up the proceedings!

Emily: Review Whore!