A/N: George: Hello people of fandom, and how are all we?
Emily: George is coming home for Easter this Friday so me in very good mood! Hence this chapter being posted today!
G: Well it's nice to be appreciated once in a while!
E: The thank yous to our reviews will be at the end of the chapter.
Disclaimer: Did you quote again?! No! Then why is it suing us?!
We own nothing!
Chapter fourteen - Taking the blame and missing home.
The main hall was bustling with people readying themselves for the journey to Helm's Deep. Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli and George were all sat round one of the tables staring perplexedly at the bowls in front of them.
"Is it safe to eat?" Questioned George as he prodded the glowing substance.
"Anything that is congealed and orange cannot be edible!" Gulped Boromir.
"How's the porridge?" Chirped Eowyn who had come over all giggly ever since George's arrival.
"Urm… its… well what can you say? It… urm…"
"Wonderful darling!" Mediated George, saving the stuttering Boromir.
"Oh good." She chuckled as she moved away.
"Even Gimli is thinking twice about eating it." Laughed Aragorn.
Gimli was about to grunt something when Emily entered looking very pale.
"Are you all right Em? You look a bit ill." Asked her concerned brother.
"I'm fine I just couldn't sleep, that's all." Gulped Emily.
"Why? Guilty conscience or something?" Laughed Boromir.
"What?! You can't prove anything. I'm innocent!"
"I… was just joking." Boromir shifted down the bench to let the flustered looking Emily sit down.
"Soooooooo anyone heard if Liz is awake yet?" Began Emily hoping to detract attention from herself.
"Last I heard she was gallivanting around the halls crying out Aragorn's name. See I told you she liked you." Smiled George directing he's last statement to the ranger.
"What's the deal with this girl anyway?" Asked Boromir. "I mean anyone who looks like the female equivalent to Gimli, has the personality of David Brent (Dude from the ever so wonderful office in case you are wondering) and fancies Aragorn has to have some kind of childhood trauma."
"Slightly harsh!" Yelped Emily.
"Harsh but fair." Chuckled George. "Anyway why are you standing up for her?"
"You're right! She tried to give out spoilers in her reviews! Down to the depths with that muttonhead…" Emily paused to find everyone had lost interest in her and were gazing towards the door. In fact not a sound was to be heard in the entire hall. Emily turned very slowly towards the door.
"Oh my…" pronounced George very slowly.
Emily was greeted with the sight of a pink haired Legolas who had yet to look in the mirror. (A/N: George: That's surprising!)
"What?" Asked a confused Legolas.
A sea of gawping faces was all he was answered with.
"You lot didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did you? Come on guys! Lady Emily what is going on?" Legolas pleaded.
"Maybe… you should… urm… think about… maybe washing… urm… your hair maybe..!" She squeaked.
"My hair?!" Legolas strode over to a basin of water and peered at his reflection. If anyone could have seen his face at this point in time they would have seen a look of sheer mortification, then the look of distress finished off with a bit of homicidal maniac.
The elf slowly turned around and glared at the table occupied by the Fellowship. The dwellers shifted uncomfortably in their seats unable to hold the elf's stare.
Finally, after what seemed liked hours Legolas spoke, "Who. Did. This? And what are their final words?"
Aragorn looked at Gimli, Gimli looked at Boromir, Boromir turned to George and George raised an eyebrow at Emily who looked at her trembling fingers.
"Tell me now!" Roared the elf.
At this point when Emily was just about to break down and confess all Liz walked in.
"Have you seen Aragorn?" She chirped.
"It was she!" Yelped Emily pointing frantically.
"Huh?"
Legolas turned to look at Liz. Not helping her situation Liz began to laugh.
"Nope that colour still doesn't match your eyebrows!"
"And the homicidal look is in this spring." Muttered George.
"You did this." Began Legolas.
"Me!? Who told you that?"
Legolas looked at Emily, who looked at George, who grinned at Boromir, who nodded at Aragorn, who prodded Gimli, who pointed at his porridge. Emily looked at George again pleading him with her eyes to do something. George rose.
"I think we all know what happened here. While we were all sleeping, that includes Emily, Liz here went gallivanting off to find Aragorn. When she couldn't find him she got bored and played this awful awful prank on the unsuspecting Legolas."
"I did?" Asked Liz looking very confused.
"That'll teach you to drink more than you can handle!" Stated Emily.
"I drank last night?"
"Exactly!" Ended George.
"It is just like the time when you got sooo drunk that you tried to put your bra on my Legolas."
Legolas coughed violently.
"OH NO! Not you my cardboard cut-out Legolas in my room." Explained Emily.
"Can I kill her now?" Asked Legolas coldly.
"As much as I would not lament being rid of her I'm afraid not. However, she should not go unpunished." Emily pulled out some handcuffs from her pocket and stared poignantly at Gimli who had started on the porridge.
****
The final preparations were being made as Emily helped Legolas wash the pink dye out of his hair.
"Is it coming out?" Gulped Legolas.
"Surprisingly yes! Although you did look cute with it in."
"I'll ignore that comment."
Meanwhile…
"I don't see why I am the one that has to be handcuffed to her." Grunted Gimli as he dragged Liz along while following George.
"Look it makes sense. Legolas would end up killing her. Aragorn she likes. Boromir is a friend and I would not impose this girl onto any of my friends, hence you my dear Gimli being left with the challenge."
"…"
"What was that Gimli?" Sniggered George.
****
At long last the people of Edoras and the Fellowship were ready to leave for Helm's Deep.
About an hour into the journey George dragged Emily out earshot of anyone or any elf that might hear.
"Explain!"
"It was an accident."
"How do you accidentally dye someone's hair pink!?" Yelled George slightly too loudly for Emily's comfort.
"When you are trying to dye it blue."
"Blue! Normally I would be surprised but it being you I can't even find it in me to gasp. Are you sure we are related?"
Emily looked at her feet.
"Hey! Don't get soppy it doesn't matter. In fact it cheered up a rather dreary breakfast. You haven't experienced Eowyn's cooking yet have you?"
"Thank you for getting Liz to take the blame."
"Anything for my baby sis!" George hugged Emily tightly.
"Do you think Mum and Dad are looking for us?" Asked Emily.
"Knowing Mum she's probably got the whole planet looking for us!"
"Shame it's the wrong planet." Laughed Emily.
"Your elf is looking for you." Said George letting go of his sister as Legolas approached looking very apprehensive. (A/N: E: He loves me!)
"Remember when you said the only person you would let me date without breaking his legs was Legolas Greenleaf?"
"That was when I thought he didn't exist so before you ask NO!"
"But he does look cute when he…"
"OK swooning over! Now go flee before me and remember, no dating till you're forty!" Yelled George as he left Emily and Legolas on their own.
"Are you all right Lady Emily?"
"Fine now that you are here." She gushed.
Legolas smiled, "You have not fallen out with your brother have you?"
"No No, we were just talking about Mum and Dad."
"You miss them." Stated Legolas.
"I'm a bit more worried about what they'll do to us if we ever get back."
"Do you want to go back?" Asked Legolas reluctantly.
"Are you kidding?! No power on this earth or any earth may it be top, middle or bottom could make me go back!"
"I am pleased, for there are a few here that would be sad to see you go."
"Would that include you Master Greenleaf?" Smiled Emily.
"Not saying a word." He sang back before running off with Emily in chase.
After taking over the group of trekkers Legolas abruptly stopped, Emily being the graceful creature that she is ran straight smack bang into the back of the elf.
"Warn me next time!" Yelped Emily rubbing her nose. When Legolas did not answer she peered round his solid form (A/N: E: He He He).
"They would be wargs wouldn't they?!" Whimpered Emily.
"Run! Tell Aragorn and stay with the women and children." Shouted Legolas. When Emily didn't make any attempt to move he shouted more loudly, "Quickly! Now!"
Eventually getting the message she began to run towards Aragorn waving frantically and gurgling slightly.
"Emily, what is it?" Asked Aragorn.
"W…wa…wa…hairy…teeth…war…w…w…w…"
"Leave this to me." Said George as he began to shake his sister violently. "Sprechen Sie English?"
"WARGS!"
"See I knew I'd find out, there are wargs coming. There are Wargs coming?! Holy Moley! Quick action stations!"
The riders of Rohan mounted their steeds.
"Emily, where are the keys?" Growled Gimli as he desperately tried to mount Arod with Liz still attached to his wrist.
"Oh no you don't! I'm commandeering that horse!"
Emily mounted Arod and George joined Boromir on his horse.
The horses made the ground tremble as they crossed the landscape. Then all of a sudden the Warg riders appeared over the hill. The true arrows of Legolas had already brought several down.
Back with the women and children Gimli was dragging Liz along as fast as his little sturdy legs could carry him.
"Where are we going?" Protested Liz.
"To Fight!" Roared the Dwarf.
Legolas seeing the horses approaching implemented a beautiful swing onto Arod. Upon noticing it was Emily behind him and not Gimli Legolas halted the horse.
"What? Come the battle is that way!" Cried Emily.
"I told you stay with the women and children!"
"Oh don't start that again. Come on we're missing the fight!"
"You are not to fight. I will not let you endanger yourself!" Shouted Legolas.
"Don't you start with the whole women are weak thing!" She groaned.
"I'm starting with the last time you fought you died thing!"
"But came back."
"I will not risk it again. Get off the horse."
"No."
"Emily!"
"I can fight just as well as you. Watch."
Before Legolas could say anything Emily being an extremely dirty fighter punched Legolas in the face knocking him off the horse.
"Sorry honey!" Emily winced before galloping off towards the screams and shouts of the fight.
"What are you doing down there?!" Laughed Gimli noticing Legolas on the floor.
"Don't start!"
Legolas, Gimli and Liz ran towards the battle.
"WOO HOO!" Cried George really getting into the swing of things. "Parry right, stab left, swing to the front and chop!"
"Are we winning?" Yelped Emily has she fell of Arod onto George,
"Dunno can't see!"
"Oh sorry." Emily rolled off him and quickly unsheathed her sword before a crazy looking Orc ran towards her.
"Nice lunge Em!"
"Urm… I think he just fell on the sword." Emily admitted.
"So where's Legolas then?"
"Don't ask!"
"Oh there's Legolas. He looks pissed and slightly bruised. What did you do?!"
"Now is not the best time to explain." Yelped Emily as an Orc fell off its Warg onto her.
"I'll save you Em. No wait hang on Aragorn looks a bit more in need. Hang on I'll be back in a mo." With that George had disappeared out of Emily's sight.
"Female flesh" Snorted the Orc.
"You can get ointments for that." She squealed as she dug her dagger into its flank.
Meanwhile Aragorn was taking a trip towards the edge of a cliff.
"Right TNT, its just you and me now. Aim and throw…" George launched the stick of dynamite into the air towards the rampaging Warg Aragorn was attached to.
Back with Emily…
"Hi Legolas." She whimpered. "Now before you kill me or maim me horribly, in my defense you were being slightly chauvinistic and a wee bit bigotry."
Legolas' nostrils flared. Not a good sign.
"OK I'll just find George…while you try and find it in your heart to forgive me." Emily sprinted off.
The stick of dynamite flew like the wind and with a precision that had to be a fluke imbedded itself in a rather crude place of the Wargs anatomy.
"Bulls eye!" Screeched George as the Warg exploded leaving Aragorn teetering on the edge of the cliff.
"That was close." Muttered Aragorn.
"Bloody elf can't take some friendly criticism." Emily picked up a hapless stone and threw it over her shoulder. The stone at quite a high speed hit Gimli on the head.
Now by a bizarre series of events the following occurred:
Gimli stepped back in a fluster and inadvertently trod on Legolas' foot, with the elf being in such a fowl mood he retaliated by striking Gimli on the head with his bow. This caused Gimli to fall over and take Liz down with him, now keeping in mind the gradient of the hill they were standing upon the tangled mass of Liz and Gimli began to roll. They rolled and rolled and my dear readers guess who they hit. Of course, dear Aragorn who was standing on the edge of the cliff.
"Who killed Aragorn, Gimli and Liz?" Yelled George as the three afore mentioned hurtled into the river below.
****
A/N: Emily: That was fun! I apologize to all Legolas lovers for hitting him. I promise I get my comeuppance next chapter when I get a bad case of the Mary-Sue!
G: Were flirting with that elf before young lady?!
E: Anyhow! Thank you to Blue fire elf princess – Don't worry as you can see I would never leave Legolas with Pink hair.
G: Thank you to Tidus'luvr99 – A fellow Loitered lover!
E: Look Lil' Smartass has reviewed again! How do you like being handcuffed to Gimli then? Everyone Liz aka Lil'Smartass is in fact 4ft tall and feel free to flame her character as she has often expressed wishes to flame my wonderful reviewers (How dare she????! You guys are great and keep us two lazy arses writing).
G: Thank you to pretendingtobesane – I am liked! Love the new name by the by.
E: Thank you to harukafan80 – George has no morals he can still gat annoyed believe me! He made my last boyfriend cry!
G: And lastly but by no means leastly thank you to Voyd – We got yummy cookies! Please do not give Emily anymore stapler ideas! And as for remembering… what do ya think Em..?
Emily: Well you guys ready for chapter fifteen, well get reviewing then maybe George will finish writing HIS BIT!!!!!!!!
George: I'm a busy dude! People to see, classes to skip you know the drill!