A/N: Emily here! George is in Dorset visiting his girlfriend! Boring!

Anyhow this chapter was written while listening to some Death Metal so I apologize if it is slightly weird!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Blame George.

Chapter Seventeen – Let the battle commence

"Haldir my man!" Called George as the remainders of the Fellowship arrived at the top of the stairs to which Haldir was standing at the foot of.

"Mae govannen Haldir!" Greeted Aragorn with an embrace. "You are most welcome."

Legolas said nothing as he greeted his fellow elf, as nothing needed to be said.

"Haldir! I didn't mean those things I said in Lothlorien. You're not a dumbass. Ok you are but I luv ya!" Cried Emily as she began to kiss his boots much to his surprise.

"Hey, I'm your elf!" Pouted Legolas.

"We are proud to fight alongside men once more." Stated Haldir with pride.

"Ooooh lots of yummy elves to declare mine!" Finished Emily with much excitement.

****

"Hey George, that weapon thingy you wanted, I've tied it up behind the fourth column in the courtyard." Explained Emily to her brother.

"You've tied it up?"

"It was biting my shoes!"

"Ok, now I've decided that if you take up position on the…"

"Emily can I speak with you?" Asked Legolas as he entered the room with Boromir and Haldir.

"Yeah sure anything for my blondie bear!" Giggled Emily.

Boromir and Haldir couldn't help but smirk and snigger much to the prince of Mirkwood's annoyance.

"I…well…we have decided it would be best if you stayed in the caves with the women and children, seeing as you are in fact female."

"Do you want me to punch you again, because that bruise healed way to quickly?!" Asked Emily with great displeasure.

"She punched you?" Sneered Haldir.

Legolas ignored this and carried on, "Sweetie I need you to do this for me. I need to know you are safe."

"Urgh! George reason with these morons!"

"Urm I kinda agree with them." Mumbled George quietly but not quietly enough.

"You what?!" Screeched Emily.

"Look as much as we make fun of the situation it's still dangerous, and as much as I hate to admit it but I like having you around. Em, it sucked majorly when you died last time. Come to think of it I don't think it was the pepper spray that made me cry. Hey I love you kid even more than blondie bear over there." 

Legolas, Boromir and Haldir stood in amazement that this psycho child they had been traveling with could produce such a moving speech.

"I don't know whether to hug you or hit you." Said Emily. "Fine, but only on one condition. If things start to get really bad I can come and kick some Orc ass before we all succumb to doom."

"Agreed." Grinned George.

"Legolas?"

"All right then, but I won't let things get that bad." He replied with confidence.

****

"This sucks!" Moaned Emily to no one in particular.

It had been ten minutes since Legolas had said good-bye to her and left her in the caves; she was already starting to feel the effects of boredom.

 "I know how you feel." Sighed Eowyn.

"You talking to me?" Asked Emily who was carving something into the rock wall.

"Yes I was just saying, it's not the best thing to be female."

"Are you kidding me?! It's great being female, well it is back on earth anyways. Behind every brave elf, man, hell even dwarf there is a smart woman!"

"I think you mean behind every elf, man and dwarf there is a cave to put the smart women in!" Countered Eowyn.

"Ok you win."

****

George was humming the national anthem so loudly that even the Uruks in the far distance could hear him faintly.

"What would it take for you to just shut-up?!" Cried an exasperated Aragorn.

"Huh? Oh the humming. I can't help it. I hum when I'm nervous." Answered George.

"Well could you go and find something to keep you occupied?" Asked the Dwarf.

"You are going to regret asking that." George said as he pulled out a camera and smiled wickedly.

Legolas and Gimli stood side by side on the Deeping wall as they stared out at the approaching danger.

"This ones for you Em." Whispered George as he advanced upon the two from behind.

As quick as Emily can insult Aragorn George had placed Gimli's hand on Legolas' derrière and had taken the most incriminating picture he could possibly take.

Aragorn approached his two companions, the dwarf with a newly acquired black eye and Legolas with a slightly red set of knuckles.

"Well lad, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night." Grunted the Dwarf.

"Your friends are with you Aragorn." Said Legolas.

"Lets hope they last the night!"

"Where is George?" Asked Aragorn.

"He said he went to feed his weapon and deliver something to Emily." Said a puzzled Boromir.

"Feed his weapon!" Yelped Aragorn.

"Whatever that boy is planning it cannot be good!" Sighed Gimli. "Liz warned me about him."

"Liz? Whatever happened to her?" Asked Aragorn.

"Lets just say she is in a better place right now." Smirked Boromir.

****

"Elizabeth! Where is your Math Course work?!"

****

"Here you go Yoshie, some grass for you." Cooed George. The little green dragon refused to eat it. "You don't like grass huh, never mind plenty of bad guys to eat soon."

A/N: George: In case you are wondering Yoshie is that little dragon in Super Mario World that eats all the bad guys that Mario meets while riding him. (And you thought it couldn't get anymore weird)! Oh by the way we do not own Yoshie or Mario either!

****

"Emily this is for you." Eowyn handed over a photo to Emily. "One of the guards said your brother wanted you to have it."

"Open the doors!" Screamed Emily.

"Why what's wrong?" Cried Eowyn.

"Just do as I say!"

"I am only to let you leave if things become extremely bad." Reasoned Eowyn.

"They just did, for one hairy arsed Dwarf!"

"I'm sorry but I can't let you go Legolas would kill me."

"Right this second you should be more concerned with the fact that I am about to kill you!"

"Guards open the gates now."

"My lady we are under strict orders from Prince Legolas not to let Emily out under any circumstances." Replied the Guard.

"Legolas said that?!" Cried Emily. " He is so in for some punishing."

Emily began to daydream… "Oh crap no time for that now!" She yelped. "Back passage! Gamling said there was a way out through the mountains!"

"You've spoken to Gambling?"

"No, in the film he says there is a way out!" Emily picked up her bag and began frantically searching the walls of the cave.

"Emily, I do not think this a good idea…"

"Bingo!" Cried Emily as she found a small dark hole, which opened out into a passageway. "See you dudes later!" She yelled as she crawled into the darkness.

"Shouldn't someone follow her?" Asked one of the guards.

"That passageway leads right into the battle!" Said Eowyn.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Except for the fact it leads to the side of the wall the Uruks are on!" Cried Eowyn as she flopped to the floor and buried her head in her hands.

****

"Yeesh it is dark in here! Ooooh wetness! I hope that was not what I think it is!"

****

All was silent except the persistent drumming of the Uruk-Hai's footfalls.

"Show them no mercy," Aragorn began in Elvish, "For you will receive none."

"What's happening out there?" Cried Gimli as the Uruks stopped short of the wall.

"Shall I describe it to you or would like me to find you a box?" Smirked, the oh so wonderful, Legolas.

Gimli despite all recent feelings for the elf still found it in him to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Asked George as he arrived atop his steed.

"What the…" Gasped Legolas.

"…" Said Gimli.

"Holy arse head and hole!" Exclaimed Boromir.

"What it's my weapon?! Yoshie meet everyone. Everyone meet Yoshie." Grinned George.

"What is it?" Gulped Aragorn.

"Well duh! It's a dragon."

"That is a dragon!" Smirked Haldir. "Well if you think that is going to cause any damage you are seriously mistaken boy."

"Watch your tone Elfie. Yoshie eats guys like you for breakfast. Oh and I mean that literally."

"We have no time for this. Assume your positions." Mediated Aragorn.

"George. Be careful, I don't know what Emily would do without you." Said Legolas.

"Cheers mate. Hey maybe having an elf in the family wouldn't be such a bad thing!" Smiled George as he and Yoshie took their place along the wall.

****

"Where the fuck is that torch?" Hollered Emily as a big gob of ice water dribbled down her back.

****

The Uruk-Hai pounded their spears on the ground; their snarls and growls could be heard in the caves.

Aragorn drew his sword and the men drew their bows. A stray arrow flew.

"Let the battle commence." Whispered George into the night.

****

A/N: Emily: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, we wanted to kind of split Helms Deep into two parts. The next part is already planned but it would be cool to know what you think so far, so we can make appropriated adjustments before we finalize the next one. However, if all goes to plan all you Haldir fans are in for a bit of a shocker.

Thank you to all our wonderful reviewers!

Lil' Smartass – You are just bitter because you got jenked! R.I.P

Tidus'luvr99 – Puke Valley? I don't want to know do I?

Shadowz – Yay Aragorn bashing! The badgers might be a bit much. TROGDOR!

Ayiicaalim – Hiya hunny, that's a bad cough you got there. Please carry my books I'll get you that mallet I promised!

Pretendingtobesane – Poor Liz! You would not say that if you knew her! VEGAS! The closest I get to gambling is being asked to play strip poker by the pervy kid that sits at the back of my class!