Complete and Utter Nonsense
A Final Fantasy VII fan fiction. By: Beth Procarione
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the names here used, this is just for fun and I hope I don't insult anyone by doing this! THAT being said. start the funny,
O.K. Here's the scoop, Aries and Sephiroth are alive again, so are all the villains and there are a few extra characters along the way. Cloud is still semi-clueless and Vincent is still dark and mysterious, and yes, Cid still smokes like a chimney. This is set some time after the whole game is and it is a lot of fun.
Not my typical Fan Fiction; A/U; VERY A/U! In this one, the Beth used is the author and she is a Mary Sue; Yes, this is my original fan fiction, the FIRST! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Read and Review please!!!!!!!! But please be gentle, remember that this is the first fiction that I ever, ever wrote, I found it hiding somewhere in the bowels of my computer, so I thought, what the hey!
Kukarui is also known as BLUE.
Okay. Chapter One: Meeting the GROUP!
Beth: You guys are early. I am not ready yet.. (brushing teeth) wait..
Beth: Okay, let me get my purse and we are gone.. (walks over to closet door and opens it to revel the Final Fantasy VII land.) Magic Doors, gotta love them.. (grips her purse tightly and screams) Geronimo!!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps into the door, it closes behind her)
Beth: (falling from fifty feet in the air) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (stops to take a breath)eeeppp! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(THUD!) (Beth shaped crater)
Sephiroth: Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!! That's funny!!!!! (leaning against tree)
Beth: (getting up out of the crater and rubbing her head) Did YOU do that?
Sephy: YEP!!
Beth: (her door floats down to the ground, she looks at Sephy with an evil look in her eye)
Sephy: Hey.. (backs away) What are you. don't look at me like that...
Beth: Here, Sephy, Sephy!!(Smiles sweetly while motioning for him to come with her index finger)
Sephiroth: UH HUH!! NO WAY!!!!!!
Beth: (starts to run after him)
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (turns and runs around the field) OHHHHH! (slams into the magic door, now standing in the middle of the grass) owchie.
Beth: (walks up behind him and grabs him)
Sephy: Put me down!! Put me d- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Beth: (opens the door to show the bowels of hell) In you go!!
Sephy: (turns his Masamune so he won't go through the door) NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (looks in the door) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYY!!!!! Jenova: (sighs, sitting in the shade of the tree, painting her nails a pretty pink color) Told you this would happen son. (she's blowing on her nails to dry them)
Beth: (Grumbles and pushes Sephy, he won't budge) YESSSSSSSSS!
Sephy: (holding on for dear life) NO NO NO NO NO!!
Beth: (growls and keeps pushing) In. you.. GO!!
Sephy: (sword disappears) Oh SHI-
Beth: (laughs) In you go!!
Sephy: AHHH (Falls through the door)
Beth: (slams the door behind her and dusts her hands off) There. (Notices Sephiroth's Masamune on the ground) Ah-ha. (Picks it up and puts it in her magic purse) Now.. Where are the others?
(Jenova disappears)
(Beth looks around, humming to herself)
(As if on cue, the good guys come walking towards the field.)
Cloud: This way! My maties of fun!
Cid: Stop with that fruit talking you FRUIT!!
Cloud: It isn't fruity talking!
Cid: Yes it is!!
Cloud: Hey, I am terrifying!!
Cid: Yeah.... there is nothing scary about you at all!!
Cloud: I am too scary!! I can make any monster think twice about messing with me
Cid: The only thing that monsters may think twice about is that they are afraid of being butt-fu-
Aeris: Stop it you two!!
Cloud: Aeris!? What are you doing here??
Aeris: How am I supposed to know?
Tifa: Weren't you like DEAD?
Nanaki: Yes, I saw you die right in front of my face.
Vincent: Death is. cool. (expressionless face)
Cid: (puffs on his cig) Death is a far way off...
Vincent: Not with the way YOU Smoke, you chimney you!
Cloud: But how could she be alive??
Yuffie: Hey! (Completely distracted) MATERIA!!!! (Runs to it) MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!! YOU CAN"T HAVE IT!!!!!!!! (picks up a shiny rock)
Tifa: Uh. Yuffie. that's
Barret: Foo'! Dat ain't no damn materia!!
Yuffie: THAT IS MINE MY MATERIA!! (growls at Tifa)
Tifa: fine...fine... (continues walking)
Cloud: (sigh) what do you think Tifa.
Tifa: How am I supposed to know.?
Nanaki: Perhaps she came back because of.. of.
Barret: Stuf" it you overgrown dawg!
Nanaki: (sniff) I am not
Barret: Are too foo'!
Nanaki: Am not...Barret: Are too
Nanaki: Are NOT!!
Barret: ARE Not....
Nanaki: AM NOT
Barret: ARE TOO!!
Nanaki: AM NOT!!
Barret: ARE TOO FOO'!!
Cid: (interrupting) He is not.
Nanaki: (smiles warmly) Thanks Cid.
Cid: He's a furry cigarette lighter!! (Grabs his tail and lights his smoke)
Nanaki: (Sighs) I don't know what is worse.
Cait Sith: (lagging behind) Hey, guys. something is going to happen today.
Vincent: .may I commit yet another sin? Oh, more nightmares are going to come to me....
Cid: Shut up, nobody cares!!!
Vincent: You are an insensitive old GOAT!!
Cid: And I am about to shove my horns right up your.......
Aeris: Stop fighting!!!
Yuffie: We are going shopping for MATERIA??
Cait Sith: No. not that I can tell.
Tifa: than what is it??
Cloud: Guys, we have to find Sephiroth! He's alive again!!
Cait Sith: Something.(ignoring Cloud)
Nanaki: he is a little vague.(also ignoring Cloud)
Cloud: HEY!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! (runs circles around the group and dances the funky chicken) BRAWK RAAWWK WARRK WARRKKKK!!!!!!!
(A chocobo comes out of nowhere and pecks Cloud almost to death)
Cloud: Ouch....ow....ow..... ouch.......... ow... ouchies... owch....ow........... ohhhhhhhh....I am.... bleeding over here....
(Nobody seems to notice or care)
Barret: Fucking idiot Cat-spy is always a LITTLE VAGUE! God damn you!!!
Tifa: Well. I am tired. let's stop at this tree.
Aeris: that looks like very good spot to rest.
Nanaki: Yes, Let's stop.
Beth: Good idea. (Leaning against tree) Hello. (gives a cute little wave)
Tifa: Who in the world.
Barret: What the FUCK? You asshole! (glares at Cait Sith) WAS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT????
Cloud: (stands up all bloody and uses the Cure3 Materia on himself) Ouch....
Beth: Please. I am Beth. nice to meet cha!!
Yuffie: Is. that a.
Beth: Yep.
Yuffie: MATERIA TREE!!!!!! IT GROWS MATERIA!!!!!!
Beth: Sure it does.
Yuffie: (dances around tree) Yah!!Cloud: So who are you??
Beth: I am Beth.
Nanaki: Who is Beth.?
Yuffie: (climbs tree and humming)
Beth: Me.
Cloud: And who is me'?
Beth: Me is Beth.
Nanaki: Beth is.
Beth: ME.
Yuffie: (humming and laughing, stuffing her pockets with materia)
Aeris: Okay guys. you can only do one joke for SO long. She is Beth.
Cloud: She's who???
ALL: BETH!!
Barret: She looks like anudder fuckin' Author
Beth: I am Barret. but not the whole. um.Expletive part of that.
Aeris: Is that why I am alive again?
Beth: Yes ma'am
Cloud: Sephiroth too?
Beth: Come on. lighten up, I had to have some comic relief in this!!
Aeris: Where did he go?
Beth: (points to magic door, dramatically) In there.
Nanaki: Where does that lead to?
Beth: Where ever I want it to lead to. that's the beauty of it..
Cloud: (walks over and opens the door) HEY!! (just a door frame, in the middle of the grass) IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE! (sticks his head in the open door)
Beth: Well, DUH! I can't have that thing open to just anyone, can I?
Cloud: Where did you send him.
Nanaki: (his tail wags towards Cid and feels it getting hot) My tail is...
(Just then a ball of flames shoots up from the ground, incinerating Cid. There is the devil himself, holding onto a blackened and crispy Sephiroth)
Devil: (throws him on the ground) NO THANK YOU!!! (vanishes into a ball of flames again)
Cid: (charred and blackened, his cigarette smoking slightly, as is his hair) ow. STUPID DOG!! (chases after Nanaki)
Nanaki: I didn't do that!!
Cid: You incinerated me!! YOU DUMB SHIT EATING FUCK NUT!!!!!!!
Nanaki: (with Cid right on his heels) BETH HELP ME!!!
Cid: (runs into the magic door, shutting it on Cloud's head, Cid falls in a pile of ashes)
Cloud: HEY!! HE MESSED UP MY HAIR!!!!!!!!
Cid: (Now a pile of ashes)
Sephiroth: That was mean!! (stands up and dusts himself off)
Beth: AND moving my magic door so I would fall sixty feet from thin air wasn't?? WELL!??!
Sephiroth: It was only fifty feet.
Beth: Sixty.Sephiroth: fifty..
Tifa: (Pulls out script) Uh. he's right, I hate to admit that..
Cloud: (Thinking: Where did she pull that script from?)
Beth: (looks at script) Okay. I will give him that.
Cloud: Where's his. uh. Masamune?
Beth: (humming) I don't know. (whistles merrily)
Tifa: Where is that dog... Nanaki? (Looking around)
Nanaki: (hiding under a bush from Cid)
Barret: Dog? Like... DOG PILE!! (runs for Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: EEP!! (runs)
Beth: Watch out of the.
Sephiroth: (turns to run and runs into the magic door again)
Barret: (body slams Sephy)
Cait Sith: (jumps on)
Cid: (still smoking, just a cig in a pile of ash) ouch.
Beth: Sephiroth. go home.
Sephiroth: (mumbled from the two on top of him)
Beth: Guys. off.
Sephiroth: (Starts to run away.then runs back) HEY!! MY Masamune!!
Beth: Okay, do you want it?? (evil grin)
Sephiroth: YES!!
Beth: He wants it.
Tifa: OH no.. (covers eyes)
Aeris:(jumping up and down excitedly) Give it to him!! GIVE IT TO HIM.
Beth: (pulls a censored screen over her and Sephiroth) Give us just a moment here, will you kindly?
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Beth: (pulls screen up) there you go.
Sephiroth: (coldly) thanks. (sword in head)
Beth: Don't mention it.
Tifa: (uncovers eyes) Oh...
Sephiroth: (walks away)
Tifa: (grabs broom and dustpan to clean up Cid)
Aeris: (laughing her ass off) He asked for it.
Beth: Yep.
Tifa: Hey, Beth... could you... help?? (holds up the dustpan of Cid)
Beth: Oh, sure (Cid turns back to normal)
Tifa: (holding dustpan with Cid standing on it) AH!! (drops dustpan)
Cid:(falls on face) oh....
Nanaki: (comes out from hiding) ah...
Yuffie: (has climbed the materia tree and is now fast asleep)
Cait Sith: SEE!?? SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED!
Barret: You are still VAGUE! You god damned Cat!
Vincent: (sits under the tree) hmm... I think this is funny....Cid:( grabs for Nanaki's tail to light another cigarette)
Nanaki: (bites Cid)
Cid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RABID DOG LION!! GIT IT OFF GIT IT OFF!!!!!! (failing his arm wildly)
Nanaki: (holding on for the ride)
Cid: (Now dancing around, runs over to tree and starts banging Nanaki against the trunk)
Yuffie: (wakes up and falls out of tree onto Vincent)
Vincent: (gets a rude wake-up call) HEY!
Yuffie: NO! MY MATERIA!!! NOT YOURS!!! (beats Vincent)
Vincent: HELP ME!!!
Nanaki: (still biting Cid) Apologize..
Cid: LET GO!! (casts Ice on him)
Nanaki: (laughs) that's all you got?
Yuffie: (beating the living daylights out of Vincent) MY MATERIA MINE MINE MINE MINE
MIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: (sigh) This is normal..
Beth: For you it is.
Barret: What the fuck foo's!
Aeris:. wow. Yuffie is pissed..
Tifa: HOLD ON NANAKI!!
Nanaki: (growls) I am ... ow. ...trying to. (being beaten by a trident)
Cid: (beating Nanaki to get him off) OFF!!
Nanaki (still biting) Say please..
Cid: PLEASE?!?!?!
Nanaki: (lets go)
Cid: (grabs his arm) STUPID.SHIT!!
Nanaki: (pulls a toothbrush out of nowhere and brushes his teeth) YEEECK!!!!!!
Cloud: (Thinking: Where did he get that toothbrush from?)
Beth: (laughing) that's showing him Nanaki!!!
Yuffie: MINE MINE YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MY MY MATER...I....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Yuffie pulls out Cloud's weapon from behind her back and runs towards Vincent.
(Vincent jumps up and tries to run away from the mad Yuffie)
Yuffie: AND STAY AWAY!!!
Vincent: (hiding behind Beth) Yeesh...
Beth: (laughing)
Barret: DUDE! (walks over to Vincent) Pull yourself together MAN!! (slaps him around)
Vincent: (back to normal) Thanks... I needed that.
Beth: This is fun!
Nanaki: Yeesh!!(Gargling with mouthwash)
Cid: Come ON Nanaki!! It isn't THAT BAD!
Yuffie: (looking at Cait Sith) You aren't getting any of my materia... STUPID MOG!!
Cait Sith: I don't want your materia!
Nanaki: (Gargling now) Tastes like Camel!!!
Cid: You KNOW I smoke Salem!!
Vincent: Uh a GIRLIE Cigarette!!
Yuffie: Get away from me!! (backing away from Cait Sith)
Cait Sith: Uh... I don't want your materia....
Cid: IS NOT
Vincent: IS TOO
Cid: IS NOT IS NOT
Nanaki: (gargling and spits out the mouthwash on Vincent's shoes)
Beth: Yes.actually, it is.
Cid: Vincent's just a fucktard that doesn't know his smokes!
Yuffie: DAMN IT MOG!!! (starts running towards Cait Sith) STAY AWAY FROM MY MATERIA!!!
Cait Sith: (screams) Run away!!!
Vincent: (glares at Nanaki)
Cid: It isn't a girlie cigarette.
Beth: Yes. it is...
Nanaki: (scared) Uh.... oopsy.... sorry Vin..... (tucks tail between his legs, ears flatten on his head)
Vincent: (growls and turns into Chaos Limit Break)
Cid: Is not!!
Yuffie: (catches Cait Sith behind the tree, several screams are heard from Cait Sith) MINE MINE MINE MINE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Cait Sith: (knocked out cold)
Yuffie: That'll teach him to even THINK about taking my materia!
Nanaki: (SCREAMS and runs)
Chaos: (roars)
Beth: IS TOO!!
Cid: IS NOT!!
Beth: (pulls out a hammer out of her bag and bangs Cid on his head)
Cid: (turns Chibi)
Chaos: (attacks Nanaki)
Nanaki: (screams; hits limit break)
Chaos: (attacks again)
Nanaki (uses his Cosmo Memory Limit Break)
Aeris: (looks at Chibi Cid) What is that hammer.
Beth: Chibi-hammer, for random chibi-ness just for fun.
Cloud: As if there isn't enough going on around here right now?
Aeris: Oh.
Chaos: (growls and uses another attack)
Nanaki: (knocked out)
Chaos: (turns back into Vincent)
Cid: (tries to light a cig, but some random generic cop comes walking by)
Generic Cop: (glares at Chibi Cid) Sorry Kid, you have to be eighteen to smoke.
Cid: I have I.D!!! (frantically searches for his I.D.) I.... I don't have it....
Generic Cop: Sorry Kid.... no Cigs for you.
Cid: (fuming) IT IS...N'T.... FAIR!!!!!!!!!
Generic Cop: (vanishes)
Vincent: (brushes his hands off and looks at his shoe) hmm...
Tifa: (ignoring Cid and the Cop) Oh, uh.... sure.... Chibi Hammer....
Cloud: (looking at Chibi Cid) Ahhhh... he's cute... (puts finger up to tickle Chibi Cid)
Chibi Cid: (grumbles and bites Cloud's finger)
Cloud: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! RABID CHIBI!!!!!!!!!! (flails his arm around in the field)
Beth: (laughing at all the random chaos going on around her)
Cloud: (pulls Chibi Cid by the ear and tugs)
Aeris: Hey, could you... help?
Beth: Fine... (aims the hammer, but misses Cid and "accidently" hits Cloud)
Cloud: (turns Chibi too) HEY!
Beth: (innocently) oopsy...
Aeris: Could you change them... back please?
Tifa: Yes, Please....
Beth: (sighs) fine... (bangs them each on the head again, Cid gets hit less hard than Cloud)
Cloud: (Gets smashed, now out cold)
Aeris: Was that... necessary?? (looks at the knocked out Cloud)
Beth: Uh... (innocently) No, not at all... umm...
Cid: Uh, thanks, I think.... (lights cig) Ahhhhhhhhhhh..... I needed that... (inhales deeply)
Cloud: (still out cold)
Beth: (sighs) Oh, alright...
Cloud: (comes too)
Vincent: (looks at Nanaki) Oops... uh... hey BETH!!
Cloud: (Staggers over into the field) ohh....
Beth: (looks over at Nanaki and Vincent) What did you do??
Vincent: I don't remember...
Nanaki: (a little pile of charred ash)
Cloud: (several head hunters appear out of nowhere and start attacking Cloud) AHHHHHHHHHH!!
No One else seems to notice.
Beth: (sighs and Nanaki is back to normal)
Nanaki: hmm... I SAID I was SORRY!!
Vincent: uh... sorry?
Tifa: Oh... (sees the dead Cloud and uses life2 to cure him) There! Stupid!!
Beth: (giggles)
Red: (sighs) Forget it....
Beth: (smiles) Shall we go somewhere to sit down??
Cloud: Oh, sure...
Beth: (walks over to door and opens it, jumping in) Come on guys!!
Cloud: Yes! Let's go my sassy little groupies!!
Cid: (Glares at Cloud) WHAT!? (raises fist)
Cloud: Uh, I mean... Let's get going girlies!!
Cid: (hits Cloud)
Vincent and Nanaki follow Beth into the door...
Cloud: Did they just jump in there?
Cid: Nah
Barret: No
Cait Sith: Not at all...
Tifa and Aeris follow the others.
Cloud: Oh, Okay..
Barret and Cid follow after the others through the door.
Yuffie jumps in too.
Cait Sith grabs Cloud and jumps into the door
Cloud yells "WATCH THE HAIR" , it closes behind them.
A Final Fantasy VII fan fiction. By: Beth Procarione
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the names here used, this is just for fun and I hope I don't insult anyone by doing this! THAT being said. start the funny,
O.K. Here's the scoop, Aries and Sephiroth are alive again, so are all the villains and there are a few extra characters along the way. Cloud is still semi-clueless and Vincent is still dark and mysterious, and yes, Cid still smokes like a chimney. This is set some time after the whole game is and it is a lot of fun.
Not my typical Fan Fiction; A/U; VERY A/U! In this one, the Beth used is the author and she is a Mary Sue; Yes, this is my original fan fiction, the FIRST! AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Read and Review please!!!!!!!! But please be gentle, remember that this is the first fiction that I ever, ever wrote, I found it hiding somewhere in the bowels of my computer, so I thought, what the hey!
Kukarui is also known as BLUE.
Okay. Chapter One: Meeting the GROUP!
Beth: You guys are early. I am not ready yet.. (brushing teeth) wait..
Beth: Okay, let me get my purse and we are gone.. (walks over to closet door and opens it to revel the Final Fantasy VII land.) Magic Doors, gotta love them.. (grips her purse tightly and screams) Geronimo!!!!!!!!!!!! (jumps into the door, it closes behind her)
Beth: (falling from fifty feet in the air) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (stops to take a breath)eeeppp! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
(THUD!) (Beth shaped crater)
Sephiroth: Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!! That's funny!!!!! (leaning against tree)
Beth: (getting up out of the crater and rubbing her head) Did YOU do that?
Sephy: YEP!!
Beth: (her door floats down to the ground, she looks at Sephy with an evil look in her eye)
Sephy: Hey.. (backs away) What are you. don't look at me like that...
Beth: Here, Sephy, Sephy!!(Smiles sweetly while motioning for him to come with her index finger)
Sephiroth: UH HUH!! NO WAY!!!!!!
Beth: (starts to run after him)
Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (turns and runs around the field) OHHHHH! (slams into the magic door, now standing in the middle of the grass) owchie.
Beth: (walks up behind him and grabs him)
Sephy: Put me down!! Put me d- AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Beth: (opens the door to show the bowels of hell) In you go!!
Sephy: (turns his Masamune so he won't go through the door) NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (looks in the door) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOMMYY!!!!! Jenova: (sighs, sitting in the shade of the tree, painting her nails a pretty pink color) Told you this would happen son. (she's blowing on her nails to dry them)
Beth: (Grumbles and pushes Sephy, he won't budge) YESSSSSSSSS!
Sephy: (holding on for dear life) NO NO NO NO NO!!
Beth: (growls and keeps pushing) In. you.. GO!!
Sephy: (sword disappears) Oh SHI-
Beth: (laughs) In you go!!
Sephy: AHHH (Falls through the door)
Beth: (slams the door behind her and dusts her hands off) There. (Notices Sephiroth's Masamune on the ground) Ah-ha. (Picks it up and puts it in her magic purse) Now.. Where are the others?
(Jenova disappears)
(Beth looks around, humming to herself)
(As if on cue, the good guys come walking towards the field.)
Cloud: This way! My maties of fun!
Cid: Stop with that fruit talking you FRUIT!!
Cloud: It isn't fruity talking!
Cid: Yes it is!!
Cloud: Hey, I am terrifying!!
Cid: Yeah.... there is nothing scary about you at all!!
Cloud: I am too scary!! I can make any monster think twice about messing with me
Cid: The only thing that monsters may think twice about is that they are afraid of being butt-fu-
Aeris: Stop it you two!!
Cloud: Aeris!? What are you doing here??
Aeris: How am I supposed to know?
Tifa: Weren't you like DEAD?
Nanaki: Yes, I saw you die right in front of my face.
Vincent: Death is. cool. (expressionless face)
Cid: (puffs on his cig) Death is a far way off...
Vincent: Not with the way YOU Smoke, you chimney you!
Cloud: But how could she be alive??
Yuffie: Hey! (Completely distracted) MATERIA!!!! (Runs to it) MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!! YOU CAN"T HAVE IT!!!!!!!! (picks up a shiny rock)
Tifa: Uh. Yuffie. that's
Barret: Foo'! Dat ain't no damn materia!!
Yuffie: THAT IS MINE MY MATERIA!! (growls at Tifa)
Tifa: fine...fine... (continues walking)
Cloud: (sigh) what do you think Tifa.
Tifa: How am I supposed to know.?
Nanaki: Perhaps she came back because of.. of.
Barret: Stuf" it you overgrown dawg!
Nanaki: (sniff) I am not
Barret: Are too foo'!
Nanaki: Am not...Barret: Are too
Nanaki: Are NOT!!
Barret: ARE Not....
Nanaki: AM NOT
Barret: ARE TOO!!
Nanaki: AM NOT!!
Barret: ARE TOO FOO'!!
Cid: (interrupting) He is not.
Nanaki: (smiles warmly) Thanks Cid.
Cid: He's a furry cigarette lighter!! (Grabs his tail and lights his smoke)
Nanaki: (Sighs) I don't know what is worse.
Cait Sith: (lagging behind) Hey, guys. something is going to happen today.
Vincent: .may I commit yet another sin? Oh, more nightmares are going to come to me....
Cid: Shut up, nobody cares!!!
Vincent: You are an insensitive old GOAT!!
Cid: And I am about to shove my horns right up your.......
Aeris: Stop fighting!!!
Yuffie: We are going shopping for MATERIA??
Cait Sith: No. not that I can tell.
Tifa: than what is it??
Cloud: Guys, we have to find Sephiroth! He's alive again!!
Cait Sith: Something.(ignoring Cloud)
Nanaki: he is a little vague.(also ignoring Cloud)
Cloud: HEY!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! (runs circles around the group and dances the funky chicken) BRAWK RAAWWK WARRK WARRKKKK!!!!!!!
(A chocobo comes out of nowhere and pecks Cloud almost to death)
Cloud: Ouch....ow....ow..... ouch.......... ow... ouchies... owch....ow........... ohhhhhhhh....I am.... bleeding over here....
(Nobody seems to notice or care)
Barret: Fucking idiot Cat-spy is always a LITTLE VAGUE! God damn you!!!
Tifa: Well. I am tired. let's stop at this tree.
Aeris: that looks like very good spot to rest.
Nanaki: Yes, Let's stop.
Beth: Good idea. (Leaning against tree) Hello. (gives a cute little wave)
Tifa: Who in the world.
Barret: What the FUCK? You asshole! (glares at Cait Sith) WAS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT????
Cloud: (stands up all bloody and uses the Cure3 Materia on himself) Ouch....
Beth: Please. I am Beth. nice to meet cha!!
Yuffie: Is. that a.
Beth: Yep.
Yuffie: MATERIA TREE!!!!!! IT GROWS MATERIA!!!!!!
Beth: Sure it does.
Yuffie: (dances around tree) Yah!!Cloud: So who are you??
Beth: I am Beth.
Nanaki: Who is Beth.?
Yuffie: (climbs tree and humming)
Beth: Me.
Cloud: And who is me'?
Beth: Me is Beth.
Nanaki: Beth is.
Beth: ME.
Yuffie: (humming and laughing, stuffing her pockets with materia)
Aeris: Okay guys. you can only do one joke for SO long. She is Beth.
Cloud: She's who???
ALL: BETH!!
Barret: She looks like anudder fuckin' Author
Beth: I am Barret. but not the whole. um.Expletive part of that.
Aeris: Is that why I am alive again?
Beth: Yes ma'am
Cloud: Sephiroth too?
Beth: Come on. lighten up, I had to have some comic relief in this!!
Aeris: Where did he go?
Beth: (points to magic door, dramatically) In there.
Nanaki: Where does that lead to?
Beth: Where ever I want it to lead to. that's the beauty of it..
Cloud: (walks over and opens the door) HEY!! (just a door frame, in the middle of the grass) IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE! (sticks his head in the open door)
Beth: Well, DUH! I can't have that thing open to just anyone, can I?
Cloud: Where did you send him.
Nanaki: (his tail wags towards Cid and feels it getting hot) My tail is...
(Just then a ball of flames shoots up from the ground, incinerating Cid. There is the devil himself, holding onto a blackened and crispy Sephiroth)
Devil: (throws him on the ground) NO THANK YOU!!! (vanishes into a ball of flames again)
Cid: (charred and blackened, his cigarette smoking slightly, as is his hair) ow. STUPID DOG!! (chases after Nanaki)
Nanaki: I didn't do that!!
Cid: You incinerated me!! YOU DUMB SHIT EATING FUCK NUT!!!!!!!
Nanaki: (with Cid right on his heels) BETH HELP ME!!!
Cid: (runs into the magic door, shutting it on Cloud's head, Cid falls in a pile of ashes)
Cloud: HEY!! HE MESSED UP MY HAIR!!!!!!!!
Cid: (Now a pile of ashes)
Sephiroth: That was mean!! (stands up and dusts himself off)
Beth: AND moving my magic door so I would fall sixty feet from thin air wasn't?? WELL!??!
Sephiroth: It was only fifty feet.
Beth: Sixty.Sephiroth: fifty..
Tifa: (Pulls out script) Uh. he's right, I hate to admit that..
Cloud: (Thinking: Where did she pull that script from?)
Beth: (looks at script) Okay. I will give him that.
Cloud: Where's his. uh. Masamune?
Beth: (humming) I don't know. (whistles merrily)
Tifa: Where is that dog... Nanaki? (Looking around)
Nanaki: (hiding under a bush from Cid)
Barret: Dog? Like... DOG PILE!! (runs for Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: EEP!! (runs)
Beth: Watch out of the.
Sephiroth: (turns to run and runs into the magic door again)
Barret: (body slams Sephy)
Cait Sith: (jumps on)
Cid: (still smoking, just a cig in a pile of ash) ouch.
Beth: Sephiroth. go home.
Sephiroth: (mumbled from the two on top of him)
Beth: Guys. off.
Sephiroth: (Starts to run away.then runs back) HEY!! MY Masamune!!
Beth: Okay, do you want it?? (evil grin)
Sephiroth: YES!!
Beth: He wants it.
Tifa: OH no.. (covers eyes)
Aeris:(jumping up and down excitedly) Give it to him!! GIVE IT TO HIM.
Beth: (pulls a censored screen over her and Sephiroth) Give us just a moment here, will you kindly?
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Beth: (pulls screen up) there you go.
Sephiroth: (coldly) thanks. (sword in head)
Beth: Don't mention it.
Tifa: (uncovers eyes) Oh...
Sephiroth: (walks away)
Tifa: (grabs broom and dustpan to clean up Cid)
Aeris: (laughing her ass off) He asked for it.
Beth: Yep.
Tifa: Hey, Beth... could you... help?? (holds up the dustpan of Cid)
Beth: Oh, sure (Cid turns back to normal)
Tifa: (holding dustpan with Cid standing on it) AH!! (drops dustpan)
Cid:(falls on face) oh....
Nanaki: (comes out from hiding) ah...
Yuffie: (has climbed the materia tree and is now fast asleep)
Cait Sith: SEE!?? SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED!
Barret: You are still VAGUE! You god damned Cat!
Vincent: (sits under the tree) hmm... I think this is funny....Cid:( grabs for Nanaki's tail to light another cigarette)
Nanaki: (bites Cid)
Cid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RABID DOG LION!! GIT IT OFF GIT IT OFF!!!!!! (failing his arm wildly)
Nanaki: (holding on for the ride)
Cid: (Now dancing around, runs over to tree and starts banging Nanaki against the trunk)
Yuffie: (wakes up and falls out of tree onto Vincent)
Vincent: (gets a rude wake-up call) HEY!
Yuffie: NO! MY MATERIA!!! NOT YOURS!!! (beats Vincent)
Vincent: HELP ME!!!
Nanaki: (still biting Cid) Apologize..
Cid: LET GO!! (casts Ice on him)
Nanaki: (laughs) that's all you got?
Yuffie: (beating the living daylights out of Vincent) MY MATERIA MINE MINE MINE MINE
MIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: (sigh) This is normal..
Beth: For you it is.
Barret: What the fuck foo's!
Aeris:. wow. Yuffie is pissed..
Tifa: HOLD ON NANAKI!!
Nanaki: (growls) I am ... ow. ...trying to. (being beaten by a trident)
Cid: (beating Nanaki to get him off) OFF!!
Nanaki (still biting) Say please..
Cid: PLEASE?!?!?!
Nanaki: (lets go)
Cid: (grabs his arm) STUPID.SHIT!!
Nanaki: (pulls a toothbrush out of nowhere and brushes his teeth) YEEECK!!!!!!
Cloud: (Thinking: Where did he get that toothbrush from?)
Beth: (laughing) that's showing him Nanaki!!!
Yuffie: MINE MINE YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MY MY MATER...I....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Yuffie pulls out Cloud's weapon from behind her back and runs towards Vincent.
(Vincent jumps up and tries to run away from the mad Yuffie)
Yuffie: AND STAY AWAY!!!
Vincent: (hiding behind Beth) Yeesh...
Beth: (laughing)
Barret: DUDE! (walks over to Vincent) Pull yourself together MAN!! (slaps him around)
Vincent: (back to normal) Thanks... I needed that.
Beth: This is fun!
Nanaki: Yeesh!!(Gargling with mouthwash)
Cid: Come ON Nanaki!! It isn't THAT BAD!
Yuffie: (looking at Cait Sith) You aren't getting any of my materia... STUPID MOG!!
Cait Sith: I don't want your materia!
Nanaki: (Gargling now) Tastes like Camel!!!
Cid: You KNOW I smoke Salem!!
Vincent: Uh a GIRLIE Cigarette!!
Yuffie: Get away from me!! (backing away from Cait Sith)
Cait Sith: Uh... I don't want your materia....
Cid: IS NOT
Vincent: IS TOO
Cid: IS NOT IS NOT
Nanaki: (gargling and spits out the mouthwash on Vincent's shoes)
Beth: Yes.actually, it is.
Cid: Vincent's just a fucktard that doesn't know his smokes!
Yuffie: DAMN IT MOG!!! (starts running towards Cait Sith) STAY AWAY FROM MY MATERIA!!!
Cait Sith: (screams) Run away!!!
Vincent: (glares at Nanaki)
Cid: It isn't a girlie cigarette.
Beth: Yes. it is...
Nanaki: (scared) Uh.... oopsy.... sorry Vin..... (tucks tail between his legs, ears flatten on his head)
Vincent: (growls and turns into Chaos Limit Break)
Cid: Is not!!
Yuffie: (catches Cait Sith behind the tree, several screams are heard from Cait Sith) MINE MINE MINE MINE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Cait Sith: (knocked out cold)
Yuffie: That'll teach him to even THINK about taking my materia!
Nanaki: (SCREAMS and runs)
Chaos: (roars)
Beth: IS TOO!!
Cid: IS NOT!!
Beth: (pulls out a hammer out of her bag and bangs Cid on his head)
Cid: (turns Chibi)
Chaos: (attacks Nanaki)
Nanaki: (screams; hits limit break)
Chaos: (attacks again)
Nanaki (uses his Cosmo Memory Limit Break)
Aeris: (looks at Chibi Cid) What is that hammer.
Beth: Chibi-hammer, for random chibi-ness just for fun.
Cloud: As if there isn't enough going on around here right now?
Aeris: Oh.
Chaos: (growls and uses another attack)
Nanaki: (knocked out)
Chaos: (turns back into Vincent)
Cid: (tries to light a cig, but some random generic cop comes walking by)
Generic Cop: (glares at Chibi Cid) Sorry Kid, you have to be eighteen to smoke.
Cid: I have I.D!!! (frantically searches for his I.D.) I.... I don't have it....
Generic Cop: Sorry Kid.... no Cigs for you.
Cid: (fuming) IT IS...N'T.... FAIR!!!!!!!!!
Generic Cop: (vanishes)
Vincent: (brushes his hands off and looks at his shoe) hmm...
Tifa: (ignoring Cid and the Cop) Oh, uh.... sure.... Chibi Hammer....
Cloud: (looking at Chibi Cid) Ahhhh... he's cute... (puts finger up to tickle Chibi Cid)
Chibi Cid: (grumbles and bites Cloud's finger)
Cloud: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! RABID CHIBI!!!!!!!!!! (flails his arm around in the field)
Beth: (laughing at all the random chaos going on around her)
Cloud: (pulls Chibi Cid by the ear and tugs)
Aeris: Hey, could you... help?
Beth: Fine... (aims the hammer, but misses Cid and "accidently" hits Cloud)
Cloud: (turns Chibi too) HEY!
Beth: (innocently) oopsy...
Aeris: Could you change them... back please?
Tifa: Yes, Please....
Beth: (sighs) fine... (bangs them each on the head again, Cid gets hit less hard than Cloud)
Cloud: (Gets smashed, now out cold)
Aeris: Was that... necessary?? (looks at the knocked out Cloud)
Beth: Uh... (innocently) No, not at all... umm...
Cid: Uh, thanks, I think.... (lights cig) Ahhhhhhhhhhh..... I needed that... (inhales deeply)
Cloud: (still out cold)
Beth: (sighs) Oh, alright...
Cloud: (comes too)
Vincent: (looks at Nanaki) Oops... uh... hey BETH!!
Cloud: (Staggers over into the field) ohh....
Beth: (looks over at Nanaki and Vincent) What did you do??
Vincent: I don't remember...
Nanaki: (a little pile of charred ash)
Cloud: (several head hunters appear out of nowhere and start attacking Cloud) AHHHHHHHHHH!!
No One else seems to notice.
Beth: (sighs and Nanaki is back to normal)
Nanaki: hmm... I SAID I was SORRY!!
Vincent: uh... sorry?
Tifa: Oh... (sees the dead Cloud and uses life2 to cure him) There! Stupid!!
Beth: (giggles)
Red: (sighs) Forget it....
Beth: (smiles) Shall we go somewhere to sit down??
Cloud: Oh, sure...
Beth: (walks over to door and opens it, jumping in) Come on guys!!
Cloud: Yes! Let's go my sassy little groupies!!
Cid: (Glares at Cloud) WHAT!? (raises fist)
Cloud: Uh, I mean... Let's get going girlies!!
Cid: (hits Cloud)
Vincent and Nanaki follow Beth into the door...
Cloud: Did they just jump in there?
Cid: Nah
Barret: No
Cait Sith: Not at all...
Tifa and Aeris follow the others.
Cloud: Oh, Okay..
Barret and Cid follow after the others through the door.
Yuffie jumps in too.
Cait Sith grabs Cloud and jumps into the door
Cloud yells "WATCH THE HAIR" , it closes behind them.