A/N: Like I have said before, this is the first one of my fan fictions, the very first I ever wrote. So it is just for fun and just for some laughs. I hope that everyone realizes that I know that this Beth is a Mary Sue, with the magic purse and magic door, but hey, like I have said before, it's just for a laugh.
Chapter Two-
AVALANCHE MANSION
The whole group falls into a large room. All land in a large pile on Beth.
Beth: (mumbles)
Vincent: What did she say?
Nanaki: I think she said (Mumbles)
Cloud: Where is Aeris?
Aeris: Ouch....
Tifa: WHOSE HAND IS THAT??
Cid: Sorr...
Tifa: (smacks at Cid)
Nanaki: That hit me!!!
Cait Sith: Something is poking me...
Barret: I thought that was Aeris!!
Cait Sith: Gross....
Aeris: GROSS!! (Smacks at Barret)
Vincent: OUCH!!!
Nanaki: This is just like one big Gang BANG!
Beth: (grumbles and kicks)
Vincent: (groans) OUCH!
Aeris: Sorry...
Nanaki: Ouch, that is my foot
Barret: Don't you mean your paw?
Beth: (mumbles)
Tifa: Who is THAT??
Cid: Uh... sorry (moves his hand)
Cloud: Cid!! Move your hand from my...
Aeris: (SLAP) WHO IS THAT??
Cait Sith: Ouch!
Aeris: Sorry Cait!
Cid: SOMEONE BIT ME!!
Nanaki: Yuck! Camel's again!
Cid: Salem!
Nanaki: Camels!
Cid: Salem!
Tifa: SHUT UP!! (kicks)
Cloud: Tifa.... (high pitched squeak) that... hurt...
Tifa: sorry Cloud...
Beth: (mumbles)
Vincent: (moves his arm to uncover Beth's mouth) What did you say?
Beth: I said Vincent, That better be you GUN!!
Vincent: Uh... (sly smile) If that is what YOU want to call it...
Cid: Well, it does shoot!
Beth: VIN-CENT!!! (smack)
Nanaki: Ouch!!
Beth: Sorry!!
Vincent: (laughs)
Beth: Tell me that is someone's weapon! Like a trident or something....
Cid: It's mine... but I don't think THAT is my trident... (winks)
Beth: (shudders) Gross....
Yuffie: Double Grossness!
Cloud: Where are we? (Looks around)
Beth: We are-ouch... would you watch your tail Nanaki????- at the new and improved Shinra Mansion..
Nanaki: Sorry...
Cloud: Shin-Ra Mansion??
Beth: Now the AVALANCHE mansion
Vincent: Doesn't LOOK too dingy....
Beth: Had it redone... it's very nice now...
Tifa: Really?
Beth: Yeah...
Cait Sith: One question though...
Beth: sure... (elbows at someone)
Cloud: Ouch.... ow....
Beth: Sorry... (whispers) not
Cait Sith: Why are we still in a PILE!!!
Beth: Let me UP!!!
Everyone gets up
Beth: Lets all sit down at this table and talk for a while...
Everyone sits down at a large table.
Beth: (sits down at the head of the table with others around her)
Tifa: This is a really nice place...
Beth: It took some work... but everyone has their own room and bathroom...
Nanaki: What about that library?
Beth: It now has almost every book that doesn't have anything to do with Shin-Ra!
Cloud: But what about the really long twisting stair case down there?
Beth: Oh, that is a slide and I installed an elevator too.
Cait Sith: A slide??? Cool...
Beth: Yeah, we also have a huge kitchen, a large family room, complete with super large Plasma television screen and PS2...
Barret: Sorry to interrupt, but do you have FFX-2?
Beth: Yes...
Barret: Cool!!
Beth: We have a fully stocked bar over here... (points) and most of the bedrooms are upstairs!
Vincent:... I am sorry Beth... but where is.... my room?
Beth: Where do you want your room?
Vincent: Down in the basement?
Beth: Okay, that's where your room is then..., but I did clean it up... it was a mess...
Vincent: O..... kay.....
Beth: We are now sitting in what is the dinning room...
All: Nice, wonderful...oh, look at that... ohh... ahh....
Beth: And for dinner tonight....
Cloud: (singing) Da da daa daaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Cid: (smacks Cloud)
Beth: Head Hunter steak!!
Cloud: uh... (holds head) no thanks... (still all recovering from the head hunters attacking him)
Barret: I am going to play FFX-2 now... (Goes into the family room) WOW!! That is one big, god damned mother fucking Television!!!
Beth: It's, I think, a 110 inches...
Barret: COOL! You even have Dance Dance Revolution Max... and the other two!
Beth: And two steel dance pads...
Barret: Awesome.
Nanaki: I am going down to the library to study...
Beth: that is also your bedroom... you will find it very nice there indeed, Red... or should I call you Nanaki?
Nanaki: Either is fine....
Tifa: (walks into the bar room) Boy this is nice!! A lounge too, complete with red crushed velvet sofas...
Beth: And almost every liquor known to man in there...
Aeris: Beth... where is my room?
Beth: Oh... in the back, you have a lovely view of the back garden...
Aeris: Garden? Oh boy!! (goes to check her room out)
Cid: where is my room? I need more cigarettes!!
Beth: Upstairs down the hall... can't miss it...
Cid: (runs upstairs)
Beth: Yuffie... could you go and get the paper?
Yuffie: Sure... (goes and retrieves the paper)
Beth: Thanks... (takes the paper and unfolds it)
Yuffie: Beth....
Beth: (Points) Upstairs, third level... can't miss it....
Vincent: I am going to check out my room...
Beth: Don't forget about the....
Vincent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Beth: Slide... (sighs and goes back to her paper)
Cid: (silently walks from his room to the bar, a cigarette in his mouth)
Cloud: where is my room?
Beth: Oh, upstairs... to the left.... I took the liberty of decoration it for you!
Cloud: Okay... I am going upstairs now.... (skips and hums up the stairs)
Cid: (holding a drink) Pansy ass!!
Beth: There are four other inhabitants to this humble abode... (smiles) They will be here in a few days...
Nobody heard her, they all went off...
Beth: (goes back to reading the paper)
(After a while from reading the paper)
Beth: GUYS!!!
Nobody hears her...
Beth: Grr.... (sprays some mist in her mouth) A-hem.... AVALANCHE!!!
Everyone runs into the dinning room and all over each other to get to hear Beth
Cloud: What is it??
Beth: (shows them front page) Shinra is rebuilt and they are up to no good!!
Aeris: This is so god damn cliche!
Cid: (coughs) Mary Sue!
Beth: I am NOT!
Cait Sith: Uh.... um.... (hums)
Barret: Great dat damn Shinra is going to do Sum'thin' horrible. Let's raid the place!!
Cid: WAAAAIIITTT!!!
Beth: Yes?
Cid: Where is the BATHROOM??
Tifa: One too many Cosmopolitans?
Cid: They where Vodkas!!
Beth: (giggles) Sure...
Cid: But where is the....
Beth: (points) There...
Cid: (Disappears into the bathroom)
Everyone waits around and just glares at each other silently.
Beth taps foot and looks at her watch. Looks at everyone else too.
After a few minutes Cid returns.
Cloud: Now, lets beat feet and skedaddle..
Cid: (grabs Cloud by the throat)
Tifa: (kicks Cloud)
Cid: Thanks Tifa!
Cloud: (shaken up) Lets GO!!
They all run out of the house and pile into the highwind.
Cloud: Tally-ho!!!! AWAY WE GO!!
Cid: (Kicks the shit out of Cloud)
Chapter Two-
AVALANCHE MANSION
The whole group falls into a large room. All land in a large pile on Beth.
Beth: (mumbles)
Vincent: What did she say?
Nanaki: I think she said (Mumbles)
Cloud: Where is Aeris?
Aeris: Ouch....
Tifa: WHOSE HAND IS THAT??
Cid: Sorr...
Tifa: (smacks at Cid)
Nanaki: That hit me!!!
Cait Sith: Something is poking me...
Barret: I thought that was Aeris!!
Cait Sith: Gross....
Aeris: GROSS!! (Smacks at Barret)
Vincent: OUCH!!!
Nanaki: This is just like one big Gang BANG!
Beth: (grumbles and kicks)
Vincent: (groans) OUCH!
Aeris: Sorry...
Nanaki: Ouch, that is my foot
Barret: Don't you mean your paw?
Beth: (mumbles)
Tifa: Who is THAT??
Cid: Uh... sorry (moves his hand)
Cloud: Cid!! Move your hand from my...
Aeris: (SLAP) WHO IS THAT??
Cait Sith: Ouch!
Aeris: Sorry Cait!
Cid: SOMEONE BIT ME!!
Nanaki: Yuck! Camel's again!
Cid: Salem!
Nanaki: Camels!
Cid: Salem!
Tifa: SHUT UP!! (kicks)
Cloud: Tifa.... (high pitched squeak) that... hurt...
Tifa: sorry Cloud...
Beth: (mumbles)
Vincent: (moves his arm to uncover Beth's mouth) What did you say?
Beth: I said Vincent, That better be you GUN!!
Vincent: Uh... (sly smile) If that is what YOU want to call it...
Cid: Well, it does shoot!
Beth: VIN-CENT!!! (smack)
Nanaki: Ouch!!
Beth: Sorry!!
Vincent: (laughs)
Beth: Tell me that is someone's weapon! Like a trident or something....
Cid: It's mine... but I don't think THAT is my trident... (winks)
Beth: (shudders) Gross....
Yuffie: Double Grossness!
Cloud: Where are we? (Looks around)
Beth: We are-ouch... would you watch your tail Nanaki????- at the new and improved Shinra Mansion..
Nanaki: Sorry...
Cloud: Shin-Ra Mansion??
Beth: Now the AVALANCHE mansion
Vincent: Doesn't LOOK too dingy....
Beth: Had it redone... it's very nice now...
Tifa: Really?
Beth: Yeah...
Cait Sith: One question though...
Beth: sure... (elbows at someone)
Cloud: Ouch.... ow....
Beth: Sorry... (whispers) not
Cait Sith: Why are we still in a PILE!!!
Beth: Let me UP!!!
Everyone gets up
Beth: Lets all sit down at this table and talk for a while...
Everyone sits down at a large table.
Beth: (sits down at the head of the table with others around her)
Tifa: This is a really nice place...
Beth: It took some work... but everyone has their own room and bathroom...
Nanaki: What about that library?
Beth: It now has almost every book that doesn't have anything to do with Shin-Ra!
Cloud: But what about the really long twisting stair case down there?
Beth: Oh, that is a slide and I installed an elevator too.
Cait Sith: A slide??? Cool...
Beth: Yeah, we also have a huge kitchen, a large family room, complete with super large Plasma television screen and PS2...
Barret: Sorry to interrupt, but do you have FFX-2?
Beth: Yes...
Barret: Cool!!
Beth: We have a fully stocked bar over here... (points) and most of the bedrooms are upstairs!
Vincent:... I am sorry Beth... but where is.... my room?
Beth: Where do you want your room?
Vincent: Down in the basement?
Beth: Okay, that's where your room is then..., but I did clean it up... it was a mess...
Vincent: O..... kay.....
Beth: We are now sitting in what is the dinning room...
All: Nice, wonderful...oh, look at that... ohh... ahh....
Beth: And for dinner tonight....
Cloud: (singing) Da da daa daaaaaaaaaaa!!!
Cid: (smacks Cloud)
Beth: Head Hunter steak!!
Cloud: uh... (holds head) no thanks... (still all recovering from the head hunters attacking him)
Barret: I am going to play FFX-2 now... (Goes into the family room) WOW!! That is one big, god damned mother fucking Television!!!
Beth: It's, I think, a 110 inches...
Barret: COOL! You even have Dance Dance Revolution Max... and the other two!
Beth: And two steel dance pads...
Barret: Awesome.
Nanaki: I am going down to the library to study...
Beth: that is also your bedroom... you will find it very nice there indeed, Red... or should I call you Nanaki?
Nanaki: Either is fine....
Tifa: (walks into the bar room) Boy this is nice!! A lounge too, complete with red crushed velvet sofas...
Beth: And almost every liquor known to man in there...
Aeris: Beth... where is my room?
Beth: Oh... in the back, you have a lovely view of the back garden...
Aeris: Garden? Oh boy!! (goes to check her room out)
Cid: where is my room? I need more cigarettes!!
Beth: Upstairs down the hall... can't miss it...
Cid: (runs upstairs)
Beth: Yuffie... could you go and get the paper?
Yuffie: Sure... (goes and retrieves the paper)
Beth: Thanks... (takes the paper and unfolds it)
Yuffie: Beth....
Beth: (Points) Upstairs, third level... can't miss it....
Vincent: I am going to check out my room...
Beth: Don't forget about the....
Vincent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Beth: Slide... (sighs and goes back to her paper)
Cid: (silently walks from his room to the bar, a cigarette in his mouth)
Cloud: where is my room?
Beth: Oh, upstairs... to the left.... I took the liberty of decoration it for you!
Cloud: Okay... I am going upstairs now.... (skips and hums up the stairs)
Cid: (holding a drink) Pansy ass!!
Beth: There are four other inhabitants to this humble abode... (smiles) They will be here in a few days...
Nobody heard her, they all went off...
Beth: (goes back to reading the paper)
(After a while from reading the paper)
Beth: GUYS!!!
Nobody hears her...
Beth: Grr.... (sprays some mist in her mouth) A-hem.... AVALANCHE!!!
Everyone runs into the dinning room and all over each other to get to hear Beth
Cloud: What is it??
Beth: (shows them front page) Shinra is rebuilt and they are up to no good!!
Aeris: This is so god damn cliche!
Cid: (coughs) Mary Sue!
Beth: I am NOT!
Cait Sith: Uh.... um.... (hums)
Barret: Great dat damn Shinra is going to do Sum'thin' horrible. Let's raid the place!!
Cid: WAAAAIIITTT!!!
Beth: Yes?
Cid: Where is the BATHROOM??
Tifa: One too many Cosmopolitans?
Cid: They where Vodkas!!
Beth: (giggles) Sure...
Cid: But where is the....
Beth: (points) There...
Cid: (Disappears into the bathroom)
Everyone waits around and just glares at each other silently.
Beth taps foot and looks at her watch. Looks at everyone else too.
After a few minutes Cid returns.
Cloud: Now, lets beat feet and skedaddle..
Cid: (grabs Cloud by the throat)
Tifa: (kicks Cloud)
Cid: Thanks Tifa!
Cloud: (shaken up) Lets GO!!
They all run out of the house and pile into the highwind.
Cloud: Tally-ho!!!! AWAY WE GO!!
Cid: (Kicks the shit out of Cloud)