HIYA FOLKS! Alright, I don't wanna talk much, although I have a tendency to...HEY! I saw the greatest Spongebob episode today! With the Krusty Krab video thingy...the POOP episode...I almost died...lmao. People Order Our Patties. Not the other kind of poop, you sickos!!

*Hillary*

Wow, dresses suck. I was going to make a big stink about having to wear one, but Penny did it for me. I wanted to get the crap out of this store, though; my eyes were starting to itch and it smelled too much like mothballs. Link paid, and we walked back out into Kakariko.
"Now where do we go?" Legolas asked, looking around.
"Weapons," Link said, walking in a different direction.
"WOOO!" Penny shrieked. "Sharp and pointy ones?!"
"Yes, if I can trust you with them," Link said, shaking his head. They all were heading off without me, because my eyes became fixated on this gross woman, covered in mud, which was standing next to a muddy building. In her hand was a cat, and she was whacking it into the building repeatedly, and each time the cat made contact with the stone, it made this "reaar" sound. (Think "Monty Python and the Holy Grail.") I had to stifle my laughter, because even though I hated cats, it was kind of cruel. When the rest of the group finally noticed I was missing, they came back and stood at my sides, watching in horror at the muddy woman and her cat.
"That's so..." Legolas said.
"Disturbing..." Penny finished.
"Come on, guys," Link said, pushing us all along. I smacked right into Legolas; man he was fine. "Try not to pay attention to the very poor in Hyrule...especially the mentally insane..." Penny laughed, as well as Legolas. I just kinda walked along, taking in all that was around me. When I finally came back to earth, Penny and Link were arguing over something again.
"Can I PLEASE have a bottled fairy?" Penny asked, tugging on Link's sleeve.
"No."
"Please?!"
"No!"
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?!"
"No no NO! I can get them elsewhere for free! 50 rupees is a crime to charge!"
"But I wanna set it freeeeeee!!! And feel all tinglily and better again!" Link rolled his eyes, but when I looked over at Legolas, he had them fixated on Penny. I could tell he was in love. There goes my chance with him. And Link seemed to like her, too...well, my chances with either of them are going down the tubes as I type this inner monologue. How does she do it? Get guys wrapped around her finger? I need tips! Tips! Oh well.
"Here it is," Link said, smiling proudly, like he performed some great act by walking us down a dirt path. Legolas opened the door for Penny, then let it go as Link and I walked in.
"Thanks alot, Legs," I said sarcastically.
"Yeah, Mr. Manners," Link said, shoving him a bit.
"You're welcome," he said, kind of in a daze, watching Penny browse the shop.
"Come on Penny, Hillary, we'll find you something," Link said, bringing us together. "Legolas, what do you fight best with?"
"Bow. Bow and arrow," he said. Duh.
"Alright. Penny, what do you like to fight with?" Link asked.
"Fire..." she said with a glazed look in her eyes. "Fire and pointy things..."
"Right...so...Hillary, what do you like to fight with?"
"My fists," I said, watching Link's eyes become fixated on my clenched hands. "My fists, and baseball bats, and broken bottles. Makes 'em bleed faster." Penny, Link, and Legolas stared at me, and then blinked in unison. "What?!"
"Yep...alright. You each get your own set of bow and arrows, just in case, and a shield. Now, would you prefer daggers or a sword?"
"Daggers!" Penny exclaimed. "Better for running and jumping."
"Alright," Link said, taking down a pair of emerald-covered daggers. He handed them to an excited Penny, and then looked at me.
"Howabout you, Hill? Howabout a hammer or something?"
"A hammer?!" I screamed. "You give her elegant weapons and I get a hammer?!" Legolas started snickering, so I shoved him into a display of shields. "Shut up elf boy!"
"It was just a suggestion!" Link exclaimed, backing up. Penny looked over and started laughing.
"Go Hillary!" she cried. I smiled at her, and then focused my wrath back at Link.
"A HAMMER?!"
"Yeah, like, my Megaton Hammer?" Link mentioned sheepishly.
"A hammer? I want swords, Link, swords! Two of them! So I can slice people into three pieces without trying!"
"Hell no, I'm not paying for two swords. You get one."
"Two!"
"One!"
"Two!"
"One, or you get nothing!"
"Temper temper," the shopkeeper said, walking up to us.
"Back off, bud," I shouted.
"Come on, Hill," Link said. "You're getting one. Now, pick it out so we can leave." I grumbled, and picked out one with a jet-black handle and rubies. Link paid for everything, and handed Penny and I our gear.
"It's too bad," the shopkeeper said as we were leaving, "too bad that your redhead doesn't behave as well as your brunette! Because I'd offer you those for free if you let me have them both for a night!"
Penny and I screamed at the same time "WHAT?!"
"Come on, Penny," Legolas said, picking her up over his shoulder and rushing out the door. I ran at him full speed, but Link caught me first.
"YOU PRICK! YOU CAN'T TREAT WOMEN LIKE PROSTITUTES!" I screamed, trying to kick out of Link's grasp. "AND YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO READ AND WRITE! WHO FUCKING SPELLS 'SHOP' 'S-H-O-P-P-E'?" I screamed, referring to the sign outside the door. He just laughed as I was yanked out the door. Legolas was trying to calm Penny down, too.
"He can't!! I'm gunna kill him I'm gunna kill him!!!" she screamed, fighting Legolas, and making quite a scene. When Penny and I couldn't fight anymore, we just stormed off ahead of the guys.
"God, this place fucking sucks," I said to Penny as we stomped along, past the muddy lady and her cat, and to the steps out of Kakariko.
"No shit," Penny said, crossing her arms. "People can't treat us like that...like we're friggin pieces of meat..." Penny screamed out in anger. I sighed, and took out my bag of to hold stuff (Yes, Link got us those for our old clothes and other goods,) and pulled out my pants.
"You getting changed?" Penny asked. I shook my head, and pulled out my lighter from my back pocket. And NO I'm not a smoker!
"Here you go Penny," I said, handing Penny the lighter.
"What's this?" She looked at it, and then smiled gleefully.
"You said you liked fire alot, so, you can have that. It's my favorite zip-o, so take care of it, okay?"
"Wow! Thanks so much! I will!" Penny exclaimed gleefully, giving me a hug. She flipped the top and then lit it. "FIRE!" she exclaimed, running around. I smiled.

*Legolas*

Link and I watched the girls walking up ahead. When we saw Penny give Hillary a hug then scream "fire," we knew everything was alright again. I watched Penny dance around the field with a flame in her palm, kind of scary, I know, but she was so beautiful. Everything seemed to flow in slow motion when I watched her, the way her dress flowed in the breeze, the way her hair whipped about her as she ran, the way her dark eyes caught the sunlight...
"Legolas?" Link snapped his fingers in front of my face as I stood there, watching Penny dance with the fire in her hands. "Legolas, buddy, snap out of it," he said, and I turned to him.
"Huh, oh, yeah," I said, beginning to walk again. I crossed the quiet stream on a bridge and leaned against a tree, watching Penny run around.
"Doesn't that girl ever get tired?" Link asked, laughing, and shaking his head. I just shrugged, and sighed. Link looked at me funny.
"Hey, where's Hillary?" he asked, looking around. I just shrugged again, and he went off to search for her. I watched Penny run back up to me, the flame now out.
"Hey, Legolas!" she called, smiling at me. I almost melted then and there.
"Hey, Penny," I mumbled, smiling back.
"Look what Hillary gave me!" she said, holding out her hand. I reached out, and touched her hand. It was so soft...
"Legolas?" she asked. I snapped out of my trance, and grabbed the thing. "Isn't it cool?" I flipped open the metal case, and stared. There wasn't any fire...
"I don't get it..." I said, shaking it. She laughed, and grabbed it back. Again...with the hands...
"Here, you just hold this down and presto! Insta flame," she said, showing me the flame.
"Mmm..." I said, looking at the flame, then into her dark eyes. I don't know what came over me just then...a brief flood of confidence...and I tipped her chin up, and kissed her soft lips. She seemed shocked, but relaxed after a few seconds. She pulled away, and smiled. I smiled back, and went in for another kiss.

*Link*

I walked away from the lovesick puppy...I mean Legolas...and went off to find Hillary. I didn't see her anywhere...almost panicked...but then I relaxed. Can't find someone when you're a nervous wreck. I looked around, and noticed Hillary further downstream with Epona. She was sitting on the embankment with her feet in the water, dress pushed up to her knees. Epona had her nose nuzzled against Hillary's neck, and I could hear her laughing and humming to herself...sweet girl. I walked up behind them quietly, and watched for a minute before speaking up.
"That's a pretty song," I said, and she jumped.
"Cripes, Link, you trying to kill me?" she exclaimed, turning back around.
"Sometimes," I said, laughing. "What song was that?"
"Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata," she said, splashing her feet in the water.
"Huh?" She laughed.
"It's a famous piano piece by a famous composer that lived a while ago."
"Oh," I said, laughing. I sat down next to her. "You play?" I asked.
"Yep. And the drums, too," she said, pushing her long hair behind her ear.
"That's a real nice song. Do you sing, too?" I asked.
"No," she laughed. "I suck."
"No you don't! That was great!"
"Thanks, but I do. And that song is very solemn and melancholy...I'm suprised you liked it." I shrugged.
"Why did you come over here by yourself?" I asked, looking at her face. She didn't look back.
"I dunno, so you and Legolas could have time with Penny."
"Huh? We're a group, a group of four, and we should stick together." She just stared blankly at the water, silently. "So let's get going, alright?" She looked up at me, then back down at the water. I turned around to see Penny and Legolas locking lips. I almost hurled all over poor Hillary. "Gross! Get a room!" I screamed. They didn't even break the kiss, Penny just flipped me the bird. Hillary turned around, almost in anguish, and then turned back to the stream.
"Fuckin gross," she muttered. I cracked up.
"Come on, let's go before they remove eachother's tonsils," I said, pulling her arm. She yanked it back.
"Don't want to."
"Yes, come on!"
"No!" she splashed water at me. I screamed, and pushed her into the water.
"Ack! You got my dress wet!" she cried, splashing more water at me. The water was about waist-deep as she stood flat-footed on the bottom.
"It'll dry," I said, smirking. She walked to the edge, and held her hand out.
"Alright, let's go. Just gimmie your hand, it's really slippery on the edge here," she said, stumbling a bit. I grabbed her hand, and regretted doing it as soon as our palms met. She yanked me as hard as she could, and I toppled over her head first into the icy water. When I surfaced, she was already racing away, but I caught up to her quickly because the wet dress slowed her down. I grasped her sleek waist and hoisted her up over my shoulders, and threw her back into the stream. I jumped on her as soon as her head reached the surface, and we got into a major fight right there in the water. But now I can understand why she said she fought with her fists...damn they hurt. We struggled there for the longest time, until Legolas and Penny came over, hand in hand, to bitch us out or something.


Alright! My fingers hurt! And as always, review or die!!!!! I will send the plague to your house!! The swift, cold hands of death will decend upon you and your family!! Say, that's kinda catchy...I could be a poet or something...*smiles devilishly*