A/N: George: Hello we are back for a speedy return. Sod 80 reviews 79 is close enough! I am proud of all you little reviewers!

Emily: Now are you ready for this because a lot of blood, sweat and tears went into this!

Disclaimer: Whatever we jenked we jenked it for you and not to line our pockets.

Chapter Twenty-Two – Meet you outside the CGI city.

"Well we aren't going to solve anything here, are we?" Sighed Emily.

"Fine, come on Legolas." Called Emily, walking towards Arod and Yoshie. Legolas not having a clue what was being said stayed where he was.

"Legolas. We." George pointed dramatically at himself, Emily and Legolas, "Must. Go. To. The. Horses." George pointed at the horses. Legolas raised an eyebrow. George strolled over and pushed the offending eyebrow back down. "This is hopeless! Legolas! Horses! Now!"

Legolas rose suddenly, ^Please don't do that again^

He walked over to Arod and in one swift movement pulled himself and Emily up onto the horse.

^Are you coming?^ Smirked Legolas watching George trying to catch Yoshie who was blinking profusely.

 ****

^Aragorn we have a problem!^

On arrival to Dunharrow Legolas had gone in search of Aragorn straight away.

^What is it? Is something wrong?!" Said the anxious Ranger.

^It's Emily and George!^ Began Legolas.

^Well I could have told you they were a problem from the moment we met them!^

^They are speaking another language. I cannot understand a word they are saying!^

^Isn't that a good thing?!^ Laughed Aragorn.

^This is not funny. How are we supposed to communicate with them? What if they need to warn us about something? Remember what Galadriel said.^

^How do you mean they are speaking another language?^

^See for yourself.^ Legolas pointed Aragorn in the direction of Emily and George who were arguing over the pigment of green a blade of grass was.

^Emily? George? How are you this fine day?^ Asked Aragorn warily.

"Didn't Legolas tell you? We can't speak Westron! Stupid human!" Laughed George.

"Wait, we're human you idiot!" Said Emily scratching her head.

^Legolas was right. How did this happen?^

^I am always right^ Smiled the elf as he approached. ^Do you think it is a sign of things to come?^

^It could be. Despite their outer appearance they know things that only the wisest know. Oh how I wish Gandalf was here.^ Sighed Aragorn.

"Gandalf! Did you mention Gandalf?! No he's coming back isn't he?! Noooooo!!!!!!!" Cried Emily.

Legolas rushed to her side. ^Melamin, what is wrong? Has something happened to Gandalf?^

"Gandalf is coming! Hide! Quick George find a rock!"

George leant down and picked up a rock.

"No you imbecile! A rock to hide behind!"

^A rock, I don't understand.^ Legolas looked on in confusion.

^You don't think they mean that Gandalf has been hurt?" Asked Aragorn.

^By a rock?^ Asked an incredulous Legolas.

George found a big boulder and started to wave frantically at Emily. This drew everyone's attention.

^Not any little rock! But a huge one! Oh Gandalf!^ Cried Aragorn.

^It can't be!^ Legolas shook his head in disbelief. ^Emily tell me not Gandalf has fallen.^ Legolas looked pleadingly into Emily's eyes.

"Legolas looks upset! What do I do?" Emily panicked.

"The universal language of nodding. Nod." George suggested. Emily did as he said but Legolas seemed only to become more distressed.

"No that didn't work!" Emily placed her arms around Legolas. "It's OK I won't let Gandalf hurt you."

^This is a sad day for all.^ Aragorn bowed his head and began to walk away.

"They really must be upset that they cannot understand our witty mannerisms!" Cried George with glee.

"I think they are just scared that Gandalf is on his way back." Emily left Legolas sitting on the bolder George had found and followed her brother who was approaching Aragorn.

They found Aragorn glancing in the direction of the mountains; a green mist began to form revealing the figure of the King of the Dead.

"Ahhhhhhh!!!!!! Ghosts!!!!!!!!! Exorcist we need an exorcist!" Shrieked George.

"Never fear Emily is here with her trusty Holy Water." Emily pulled out a bottle and began to splash the substance over the side of the mountain.

"Em that is not Holy Water, its VODKA!"

"Exactly! Russian Holy Water!"

^What's going on?!^ Cried Gimli who had wondered over in search of food.

^No idea. Better leave them to it^ Aragorn led Gimli away preparing to tell him the sad news of the morning.

"Will you stop?! It's gone now!" Stated George.

"Did I exorcise it? Asked Emily hopefully.

"Yes little one, you scared the big bad ghost away." Answered George patting Emily on the head.

"I have an idea! Fun time!" Emily dragged George over to where Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were seated.

"Aragorn?" Emily kneeled in front of the man. "Would you like a make-over?"

^Legolas what is she saying?^

^ The universal language of nodding. Nod.^ Suggested Legolas.

Aragorn nodded his head slowly, before he could change his mind Emily had him seated directly in front of her, comb in her right hand, hairspray in her left.

Twelve hours later…

"Ta da!" Emily announced the end of Aragorn's ordeal.

^What did she do?^ Squeaked Aragorn reluctantly.

^It is hard to say really.^ Sniggered Legolas desperately trying to calm the laughter brewing in his throat.

^Legolas a mirror!^ Cried Aragorn.

^Why do you ask me for a mirror?^

Aragorn glared at the elf.

^Fine, fine but do not break it!^ Sighed Legolas grudgingly handing over the mirror.

Aragorn made a strangled cry, then some form of grunt before passing out on the floor.

"Well I though he looked radiant!" Pouted Emily.

^Melamin, I think it is time you went and rest.^ Said Legolas pointing to one of the tents.

"George? I think Legolas wants to have sex with me!" Stated a confused but willing Emily.

George stomped over to Legolas slapped him with a leather glove, then proceeded to drag the poor elf by his ears away from his sister.

"Hey! Bring back my elf! I wasn't protesting at having a love slave!" Called Emily after her brother.

Soon after George reappeared looking rather guilty.

"What did you do to my elf?!" Roared Emily.

"It turns out after a lot of frantic gestures and a notepad that Legolas was telling you to go to sleep." George looked at his feet.

"We need to sort out this language barrier!" Sighed Emily.

"Any ideas?" Asked George positioning himself across from his sister.

"We could teach them English."

"Or we could learn Westron."

"Bad idea, Westron's such a flemmy language."

"Oooh! Idea, magic bag!" Yelped George.

"Huh?"

"If you can produce Quad bikes, TNT and a green dragon from that bag I think the English language should be a doddle."

"Well it is worth a try. Magic bag I want the English language." Emily waited for a moment until a large lump formed in the base of the bag.

"The darkness of the sky is oppressing me, a thousand dark blades of grass are caressing my skin. Tis were a strange land I have befallen in!"

"Emily? Who's this dude?" Asked George prodding the newly formed man.

"I believe this is Shakespeare." Said Emily with her mouth wide open.

"Hark fair maiden, young sir, what day is this?" Said Shakespeare.

"It's Happy Historical Figure Day at the Middle-earth Aquarium. Do you have a reservation?" Asked George with a grin.

Shakespeare was about to retort when an elongated pink tongue wrapped around his ruff and pulled him into the waiting oblivion that is Yoshie's stomach.

"You ate Shakespeare!" Snapped Emily.

"Go Yoshie! That's for all the essays I had to write at school you bastard!" Cried George.

"Well that's just great. First speck of hope and…" Before Emily could continue Yoshie began to squeak.

"Em the dragon is spazzing out! What do we do?!"

"It's your dragon!"

"I think it's going to explode!" George ducked behind the infamous bolder.

Emily looked on as Yoshie squeezed out an egg.

"Baby!" Emily squealed with delight.

"Not to put a dampener on the delightful situation, but who or what in their right mind would impregnate Yoshie?!" Squirmed George.

"Maybe we should crack it" Said Emily shaking the egg slightly.

"Could work." George began to tap the egg on the bolder until a small crack appeared.

Unpredictably (as most of this fanfic is) a flow of words flew out of the egg and spread over the land.

"It's the English language!" Laughed Emily. "Yoshie you're a star!"

Emily embraced the dragon that sat happily bouncing up and down.

"Alls well that ends well! Bedtime now, me very tired." George yawned dramatically.

****

Elrond, followed closely behind by Elladan and Elrohir arrived silently in the night at Dunharrow in search of Aragorn.

Meanwhile a certain Elven Prince was heading in the direction of a certain human's tent.

Legolas carefully pulled up the flap to Emily's tent, hoping not to disturb George who slept in the tent next to his sister's.

"Ah Prince Lustolas of Smirkwood. What brings you here this fine night?" Smiled George.

Legolas span round at the sound of George's voice emanating from a dark corner.

"I understand you!" Stated Legolas with great surprise. "How?"

"Emily and I solved the problem. However, you have avoided the question."

"Oh. I thought this was Emily's tent?" Asked Legolas carefully.

"It was. However, I thought it in her best interests if I moved her."

"Where?"

"Somewhere, where horny little elves can't find her! Goodnight Legolas!" Grinned George as he watched the disgruntled elf return to his tent.

****

"Take the Dimholt road." Stated Elrond as he turned to leave.

"Where are you going?" Asked Aragorn.

"I have to tell someone something that should have been said long before." Answered Elrond.

"What about me?" Whined Aragorn.

"Go forth and tell Eowyn to leave you alone. I will not have you cheating on my daughter!"

*Grumble grumble* Aragorn went to find Brego leaving Elrond in the King's tent.

****

"Master George are you here?" Elladan and Elrohir popped their heads into George's tent.

A mass of tangled sheets began to shift and roll.

"Do you think that is him?" laughed Elrohir.

"He reminds me of you, dear brother, whenever I have the unfortunate task of waking you up!" Elladan said as he observed George's head poke out from the blankets.

"Oh great more horny elves! Look Emily is not here! Go away! Yeesh that girl must have some kind of elf radar." Grumbled George.

"We are not here for Emily we come looking for you master George." Said the twins in unison.

"Sorry I'm not gay." George pulled the blanket back over his head. "Hey maybe I have an elf radar."

"Master George, our father wishes a word with you." Said Elladan.

"And who might your father be?" Asked the blanket.

"Lord Elrond." Answered Elrohir.

"Lord Elrond's gay!" Cried George.

"I believe we may, as you would say, have our wires crossed." Offered Elladan.

"Our father wishes to talk to you, no more." Explained Elrohir.

"Well that's a lot clearer. Fine, where is he?" Asked George has his untangled himself from his blanket.

"He is in the King's tent awaiting your arrival." Answered Elladan.

"Hey could you guys do me a favor?" Inquired George.

"Of course master George." Answered the twins.

"If that Legolas turns up looking for Emily can you hit him over the head or something?"

"We shall see what we can do." Smiled Elrohir.

George, after a good ten minutes of tripping over his shoelace and walking in the complete opposite direction of the King's tent, finally made it to Elrond.

"Lord Elrond what can I do for you this perfect night for sleeping?!"

"I am sorry for disturbing you George but I have something very important to tell you. I have waited too long I fear. It is time for you to know the truth."

"It's OK I already know." Smiled George.

"You do?!" Elrond's eyebrows stretched upwards trying to reach across the expansive forehead in hope of hitting his hairline.

"Yeah, it's OK being gay. Hey my best mate Boz is gay. I've got no problem with it."

"What!"

"Those twins of yours just informed me. Though I don't really know what your sexuality has to do with me."

"I am not gay!"

"Denial, such a powerful thing." George sighed.

"I do not know what your brother's have been saying but it is not true!" Snapped Elrond.

"Fine, whatever… Hang on…did you…huh?" George was babbling. "Brothers…you said brothers! Huh?..What?!"

" No I didn't!" Gasped Elrond mentally kicking himself.

"Oh yes you did Agent Elrond!" George was on his feet approaching the Elven Lord.

"I am sorry George, I should have told you straight away!"

"Told me what?!"

"George, I am your father."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! That's impossible!"

(A/N: Does this remind you of anything?)

"I am afraid it isn't. I know this is a shock to you but…"

George had passed out on the floor.

****

"George, wake up. Wake up!" Emily was kneeling over her brother.

"This is all my fault!" Cried Elrond.

"Don't worry father, if he is anything like us he will be fine in few moments." Elrohir offered.

With this George shot up. "Wuh?! Emily! Oh my God I had the weirdest dream. There were these clones and they came for me. Then Elrond told me he was my father! It was uber scary!" George began to look around the tent. Everyone except Gimli, who was eating, was standing looking at him. "Can I help you?" Asked George.

"They were worried! So was I! That dream you just told me about wasn't a dream." Emily pointed over to Elrond and the twins.

"Good to see you awake little brother." Smiled Elladan.

"What? How? When? I need some Russian Holy Water!" George gasped.

"Well you see George. I used to be a pornstar in a past life and got around a bit in your reality." Lord Elrond answered shaking his head.

"I am having serious words with mum if we ever get home!" Sighed George.

"Hey! I always thought that your ears were too big for your head!" Laughed Emily.

"Yeah well, I always thought your forehead was too big for your head!" Grunted George.

"Actually, Elrond is not my father, just yours!" Shouted Emily. She stood up abruptly and ran to Legolas. "There's nothing wrong with my forehead is there?"

"Your forehead is perfect, mellamin." Legolas proved his point by kissing Emily softly on her forehead.

"You mean we're only half related!?" Cried George.

"Yes." Said Emily somewhat sadly.

"No, you're my sister, you've always been my sister. You can't now be my half sister. No! This is your fault!" Yelled George pointing at Elrond.

"It's OK for you! You've gained two rather cute elves as your brothers in the process and the bloody Evenstar as your sister!" Screamed Emily.

"Hey!" Grumbled Aragorn in Arwen's defense.

"Now I'm going to be known as the ugly sister!" Emily dropped to the floor and sat crossed legged with a deep frown marring her face.

"You shall never be known as ugly." Legolas scooped Emily up. "I think it would be best if we discussed this later, this has been very trying on Emily and George, we have a battle to ride to soon. We are all in need of some rest."

"I am afraid I will have to leave you now." Stated Aragorn. "I must ride through the paths of the dead."

"Then I shall be coming with you!" Grunted Gimli in between trying to pick bits of meat from out of his teeth.

"Not this time. This time you must stay, Gimli" Said Aragorn.

"Have you learned nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?" Legolas smirked.

"Might as well accept it. We're going with you, laddie!" Laughed Gimli.

"We shall also be joining you little brother." Stated the twins.

"What? Aragorn's also your brother! I'm related to Aragorn! That's it I'm turning to drink!" George opened a bottled of vodka with his teeth and downed it in one.

"Wherever Legolas goes so do I." Demanded Emily.

"Mellamin, I do not think it is safe for you." Legolas said.

"When has any of this been safe?! Also, whom was it that exorcised that ghost earlier?!" Emily beamed with pride.

Legolas sighed in defeat, knowing he could not dissuade Emily from coming.

"I suppose he'll be coming too!" Groaned Gimli pointing at George who has drunken himself into a stupor.

"George?" Asked Emily.

"uunhhbnnnn." Mumbled George.

Emily knelt next to her brother and pulled his head into her lap.

"You're not coming with us are you?" Sniffed Emily trying to hold back the tears.

"How did you guess?"

"Well I may only be your half sister but I know brain."

"You'll always be my sister, even if I'm riding on Yoshie with the cavalry and you are sailing into Gondor on a pirate ship!"

"Aye Avast!" Called Emily amidst tears.

"Good hunting lil' sis." Said George pulling himself up and wrapping his arms around Emily.

"Good hunting big bro." Said Emily in return.

"You keep that elf of yours away from the sea OK?" Whispered George.

Emily laughed. "And you take care of Merry for me and make sure you take care of that Nazgul."

"Don't Eowyn…"

"Remember when I said she wasn't all she seemed to be? You'll see what I mean." Emily gave George one last hug and a Nurofen tablet the size of a hockey puck!"

"Meet you outside the CGI city!" Shouted George as his sister disappeared out of sight. 

****

A/N: Emily: That was one uber long chapter!

George: Well a lot of revelations in that chapter! Elrond being my dad! Legolas getting horny! Not to mention the fact that Emily and George have been split up!

Due to the length of this chapter all replies to our wonderful reviewers will be in the next chapter. Here's a little thank you to you all: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!