A/N: Emily: We are back! And yes including George.

George: Yes I am here!!!!!!!!! Miss me?

Emily: We managed to get this chapter done in amongst revising.

George: Yeah right! You haven't even picked up a book yet!

Emily: Ssssh!

Disclaimer: Don't sue me I need my money because I am seeing TROY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter Twenty-Five – The Pirate, the fridge and the unsuspecting balls.

"No matter where I move, you always seem to find a way to compromise my masculinity!" Groaned George as Yoshie sped up hoping to over take Eowyn's horse.

"Are you feeling any better now?" Asked Eowyn.

"He doesn't look any better." Noted Merry watching George turn pale as Yoshie shifted beneath him.

"How the hell do you ride these things without your balls shriveling to the size of peanuts?!"

Eowyn shifted uncomfortably in her saddle; "I wouldn't know." She finally chocked out.

"This is worse than the time I accused that girl of being a necrophiliac! Yeesh that girl could kick hard!"

Merry giggled, "I wish I knew what that meant."

"I fear you do not." Commented Eowyn with raised eyebrows.

"Freedom!" Emily cried as the group finally made their way out of the Paths of the Dead.

Emily did a wacky dance then collapsed in an exhausted heap on an ominous black stone.

"We will rest here tonight." Stated Aragorn pulling Emily up and guiding her back to her two elves. "Emily? I don't suppose you could do anything about this so called clone elf." Asked Aragorn with a reprimanding tone pointing to Orlando.

"Yes sir!" Drawled Emily.

Aragorn shook his head and returned to Elrohir and Elladan to talk tactics.

"I don't want you to go." Pouted Emily.

Orlando smiled, "I don't think I'm cut out for this alternate Universe gig. Hey you could always come and visit me if you ever return to Earth."

Legolas frowned and threw a glare at Orlando.

"Legolas, you of course would be welcome too." Said Orlando through gritted teeth.

"Will you stay with us until we get to the Anduin?" Asked Emily.

"Whatever you wish." Grinned Orlando. "You had better go to sleep if you wanna come up with an idea to get me back!"

Emily snuggled up in between Legolas and Orlando.

"How far is this Minas Tirith then?" Squeaked George as Yoshie went over a bump.

"Just half a days ride longer." Sighed Eowyn, fear evident in her voice.

"Hey don't worry you'll be fine." Comforted George. "Merry'll protect you."

Eowyn looked down at the sleeping hobbit in front of her.

"My heart tells me you would not ride into this battle if you knew the outcome was defeat, but my mind tells me that we do not stand a chance. My mind also tells me that you are crazy and would ride into certain death on a whim." Eowyn shook her head. "Which do I trust? My head or my heart."

"Your mind is certainly on the right tracks." Smiled George realizing that the chances of him and Yoshie making it through this were slim to none. "I am following my heart into battle coz' there no way in hell that I am going to let Legolas think he is the one taking care of Emily. I was the one that shoved her in the shower when she shit in her nappy (diaper), I was the one who pulled out one of her baby teeth so she could have a grown up tooth and I was the one who beat up her ex-boyfriend when he said that she was one pound over his dating weight."

Eowyn smiled; "I thought Eomer and I were close but your love for sister knows no bounds."

"Don't say that out loud again I will lose all street-cred!" Grumbled George.

"Oooooh the sea!" Squealed Emily. "I haven't seen the sea in years!"

Orlando also seemed happy to the sea but Legolas became strangely stoic. (A/N: George: If that elf could become anymore stoic he would be made out of stone.)

"What's wrong with your elf?" Asked Orlando.

"Hmph?" Emily turned around to notice Legolas had wondered fro the group and was staring out to sea. "Could you excuse me for a second?"

Orlando nodded as Emily slowly approached Legolas.

"Beware the call of the sea…It went something like that or maybe the call of the tree…no no that's wrong you live in trees." Emily looked up to see Legolas smiling down at her.

"I forget how much you know."

"Yeah well I don't exactly ooze intelligence." Sighed Emily. "Want to talk about it or are you going to remain abnormally stoic and leave me to come up with an idea of how to get Orli back home. Unless you would prefer him to stay?"

"I will help." Said Legolas uber quickly.

"Goody, with your brains and my looks we shall be invincible!" Cheered Emily. 2Or maybe that should be with your brains and your looks!"

Legolas took Emily's hand and began their return to where Orlando was sitting.

"Emily, there is something there is something black beneath your eyes." Realized Legolas.

"It is called eye-liner."

"Why is it there?"

"Jack Sparrow!"

"Who?"

"He is a pirate." Explained Orlando.

"He is my role model!" Smiled Emily.

"You picked a pirate for your role model?" Asked Legolas warily.

"Not a pirate! THE Pirate!"

"This is all well and good but can THE Pirate get me back home."

Emily pulled on her perplexed face.

"Fantastic!" Sighed Orlando.

"How did you get here?" Asked Legolas.

"Well we kind of went through a fridge." Answered Emily.

"A fridge!" Exclaimed Orlando.

"What's a fridge?" Legolas asked.

"This is a fridge." Emily produced a shiny white Smeg fridge out of her bag. "I wonder what mum will do when she sees her fridge missing?" She gulped.

"Now what?" Asked Orlando seemingly unconvinced with the whole fridge idea.

"Well I suppose you have to jump in it."

"Jump in it?"

"Yeah. Just take a run up and dive, then presto back on earth."

"Where exactly in earth?"

"Well two possible locations really. One, you could end up back where you were or two, my kitchen floor."

Orlando scratched his head, "Well here goes nothing."

Emily opened the fridge door and signaled to Orlando to start running.

Smack

Orlando lay in a heap at the base of the fridge rubbing his head.

"Any other ideas?" Asked Emily backing away from the disgruntled actor.

"He needs to copy exactly what you did." Suggested Legolas.

"Oh! He needs to trip! George fell in and I tripped over! OK, Orlando take another run up and Legolas when he gets nearer the fridge stick your leg out."

Legolas seemed very happy with this plan and stood by the fridge. "Well come on Orlando we've got a battle to get to."

"Be nice!" Scolded Emily.

Orlando resigned to his fate and began to run again.

thump, smack.

"No more." Groaned Orlando before he passed out.

"I'm out of ideas." Moaned Emily as she and Legolas sat on a nearby rock and watched as Orlando slept at the base of the fridge.

Twenty minutes later…

"Maybe the time space continuum has been altered causing the time barrier to be distorted resulting in a impasse in the portal's frequency." Concluded Legolas.

"Strawberry Trifle!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Emily jumping up into the air. "Legolas you are a genius! We are the Smart party!"

"Care to explain?" Asked Orlando who had woken up two minutes earlier.

"Strawberry trifle is the portal, not the fridge. We fell into the trifle it just happened to be in the fridge at the time." Emily pulled a strawberry trifle out of her bag and placed it on the floor."

"You are sure?"

"Positive."

"Well I guess this is goodbye then." Orlando pulled Emily into a hug. "Hey don't forget what I said about visiting if you are ever on the planet."

"I won't! Bye Orli!"

Orlando approached the trifle. "I don't have to fall into this do I?"

"I think stepping into it will suffice!"

Orlando placed one foot into the trifle and with that he was gone.

"About time!" Cried Aragorn waiting impatiently on one of the ships.

"Meanie!" Yelled Emily back. "Just coz' he is cuter than you!"

"Eomer! Take your eored down the left flank! Gamling, follow the King's banner down the center! Grimbold, take your company right, after you pass the wall."

The Rohirrim had reached Minas Tirith. The Orcs began their march towards them and the ground shook beneath their feet.

"Courage, Merry, courage for our friends." Whispered Eowyn.

"Oh bollocks who's chuffing idea was this!" Gulped George.

"Forth! Down fear of Darkness! Arise! Arise! Riders of Theoden! Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered!"

"Hmmm hhmmh hmmm…" The nervous humming had begun.

"Forth, Eorlingas!" Cried Theoden.

The horses spurred and began their descent towards the Orcs.

"Smeg it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cried George as Yoshie and he galloped towards the Orcs.

A/N: George: I am afraid that there could be another long break while I force Emily to revise!

Emily: Thank you to all the yummy reviewers!

Rainbow Dreamer: I would never force you to revise. It would be inhumane!

Shadowz: Hello you pesky 97th reviewer! Did I mention we currently have over 100 reviews! Drinks all around!

Anime no Megami: I am trying to perfect my psychotic laugh right this second. I sound like a inebriated Zebra.

Pretendingtobesane: The brains are rebelling! Ah the pirate's life for me!

Jade: I always get done in for spending the whole of Computer class looking at yummy Orli websites" The evil school has blocked fanfiction.net from the internet browser! Evil School!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayiicaalimé: Orlando is gone. Happy now you fiend?! You get a lift to school tomorrow you lucky thing you, I'm felling generous!

Tidus'luvr99: Ooooh I hate my English teacher too! She is a monochrome, mulleted, bint! Yes I shall say it again my English teacher is a bint!

Emily: Hey did I mention I am seeing TROY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ayiicaalimé told me Orli is naked in it!!!!!! Emily faints