Chapter Nine:
It's still here!
A/N: What??? You guys are s till reading this? Don't you think this is the most horrible thing that you have ever read in your entire life? I do.
Oh, and now the guys are on the Highwind.
Cloud: Cid, can't this thing fly ANY faster????? PLEASE??
Cid: what's the matter man??? I thought you get motion sickness....
Cloud: That is overran by the fact that we all have a lady waiting at home for us...
Cait Sith: I don't...
Vincent: neither does Yuffie, there you go!
Cait: Oh hush, Author's pet!
Vincent: I like being her pet... she only chains me up once in a while!
Cloud: Kinky little one, kinda like Tifa was a couple of ni- (cuts off) never mind
Cid: I vote we go to the northern crater first...
Cloud: No, we have all the materia there that is up there... where are a few spots in this small planet we haven't seen yet?
Cait Sith: how about the sleeping man, near Junon?
Vincent: Lucrecia's cavern? That may do it....
Cid: How about the rocket's launch site?
Barret: How about the small island to the very far north of the crater...
Cloud: We got knights of the round from there....
Vincent: yeah....
Barret: Okay, shoot me then!
Vincent: Okay! (Grabs a gun, any gun and shoots Barret in the butt)
Barret: HEY!
Vincent: Hey, yourself, you asked for it....
Red: Here we are, at.... the sleeping man's cave!
Barret: I will go check....
(after a few minutes)
Barret: (stumbles in) No.... no materia in there....
Red: What happened to you?
Cid: Pull yerself tagether man! What the FUCK happened?
Cloud: Hmm?
Barret: Turk...turk....
Red: TURKS?
Barret: NO! (Controlling himself now) TURKEYS! Wild ones...
Cloud: Let's rest here for the night?
All agree.
(Later that night)
Vincent and Cid are in the same tent.
Cid: (covering his ears) SOMEBODY WAKE HIM UP!!
Barret: (comes running into the tent)
Cid: (looks at Vincent) He is having a nightmare!
Vincent: (thrashes about)
Barret: (smacks Vincent awake) I thoug' ye' said you didn' have any nig'mares anymer! Ya fuckin' Foo'!!!
Vincent: (waking up) Hah! That is only when I am with Beth.... something about her....
Cid: than take yer nigh'mares out of here ya god damned shit eating piece of FUCKING MORON NUTS !!!!!!!
Vincent: Sorry.....
()()()
(The next morning)
Cid: I didn't get any sleep last night.....
Cloud: okay... take us up Captain!
Cid: Sure thing there fa-er- favorite personal friend of mine.... (smiles)
Vincent: where are we heading?
Cloud: to the chocobo ranch, we need a gold chocobo for this...
Vincent: Lucrecia's cavern?
Cloud: Yep....
Cid: (yells) HOLD ON!!!!
The ship lurches left, everyone flys to the left of the ship.
Barret: I think someone broke my fall.... (moves his arm)
Vincent: I think your fat ass just broke me! (Throws him off) Careful.... my limit break is up....
Cloud: So is mine.... it may come in useful, save it.
Cid: (brings the highwind down.... hard)
All: Oh.....
Barret: If you see any teeth lying around, they are mine....
Red: here are some of mine....
Vincent: NO RED! Those are my....
Red: (explodes)
Vincent: Bullets....
Red: (comes back to life) how...Beth isn't here...
Vincent: She gave me that little trick, just in case...
Barret: Good going.... that will come n handy, won't it?
Cid: (picking up his cigs, that went flying all over the floor) Come her my babies... papa loves you, come back to daddy now....
Vincent: (glances at Barret and makes a face)
Barret: (nods)
Zak: I.... think I will stay here and fly the ship closer to you guys....
Barret: Chocobo-phobia!
Zak: No... it's not that.... its uh............uh.......... yeah, it's that.....
They all get out of the ship and walk into the chocobo farm
Barret: Hmm.... Cloud, Cid, me, Vincent, Cait Sith, Red and.... one, two, three, four, five, six.... six chocobo!
Cid: They only have.... (looks in the stall) Six chocobo....
Vincent: Say thank you....
All: thank you Vincent...
Vincent: Bow to me and pray Muhaha- just joking.....
All: (Bow to him playfully)
Cid: (sarcastically) Lord Vincent, what do we do NOW?
Vincent: Let's go to Lucrecia's cavern.... (jumps on a chocobo)
Chocobo: WARK!!!
Cloud: Sure! (Jumps on a chocobo, but lands hard)
Chocobo #2: WARK!!! (starts pecking Cloud)
Cloud: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid and the others get their own chocobos.
Red: I will name him Squishy and he shall be mine... and he shall be my Squishy!
Cid: ?!?! (looks at Red) hmmm?
Red: (baby talk to the chocobo) Come here Squishy.... come here.....
Squishy the Chocobo: Wark.....
Cid: What the fuck???? ARE YOU CRAZY.......
Barret: (whispers to Cid) Let him.... he has had a rough few last days...
Red: (yells) Hi-YA!!!! (Squishy takes off)
Cloud: (still being pecked) OUCH!!!
Vincent: Here.... (slaps the chocobo Cloud is riding on)
Chocobo: wa-RK!!! (starts running off)
Cloud: (holding on for dear life) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Vincent: (gently pats his own bird) Giddy up.... (the bird moves)
The others follow....
()()()
Vincent: (yelling to Cloud) HOLD ON!!!!!
Cloud: (now holding onto the tail feathers of the chocobo) I............................am...................... trying TO!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: (sighs) Hi ya.... giddy up, giddy up......... (catches up with Cloud)
Cloud: Help......
Cid: (stops the chocobo)
Red: (riding up) Woah Squishy!
Squishy stops.
Barret: (brings his half dead chocobo to a stop) Okay, are we where we need to be?
Chocobo Barret was riding on: (falls over dead)
Barret: Hmm..... must have been a bad one.....
Cloud: Barret, it was a GOLD chocobo.... really, LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!
Barret: I am trying the Atkins diet....
Red: One carb doesn't mean one whole chocolate cake...
Cid: I went on Slim Fast, that works too....
Cloud: I am on the Seafood diet.... see food, eat it....
Red: I think you should try the Cosmo Canyon Diet for beginners, its simple.....
Cait Sith: Well, I.... uh..... Reeve.... went on the Fat away trimming body and shape treadmill all radishes diet.....
Barret: I heard of that... isn't it that F.A.T. B.A.R.S.T.A.R.D. thing?
Cait Sith: Yes.... and HEY!
Barret: I am not going to go on the FAT BASTARD diet!
Red: (hugging his chocobo) I love my Squishy!
Squishy: Wark.... (hugs back)
Vincent: guys... back at the matter at HAND!
Cloud: yeah.... uh...... (looks at Cid) what was that?
Cid: Uh, we are looking for that materia! (Smacks Cloud)
Vincent: (sighs) Let's go in the CAVE!!! (starts to transform into Chaos)
Cloud and Cid: Good idea!!! (goes into the cave)
Lucrecia: ........ who dares... come and bother me?
Vincent: Lucrecia, have you seen a materia around here?
Lucrecia: No... leave
Cloud: You heard the little lady.... (turns to leave)
Lucrecia: Wait, Vincent.....
Vincent: ?........?
Lucrecia: Two things.....
Cid: hurry up!!!!!!!
Cloud: (waits) yeah.....
Lucrecia: (points to the walls of her cave) This..... I think is materia......
Cid: (goes over to the wall) Yep... it looks like a summon materia Cloud....
Cloud: Support....
Cid: Summon....
Cloud: Support!
Vincent: It's a support.... it's BLUE!
Cid: oh.... sorry....
Vincent: that is one thing... what is the other thing....
Lucrecia: Your new loves,' all of them....... I shall kill them all......VINCENT VALENTINE, YOU HAVE SINNED!!!!!!!!!!!!! (disappears)
Vincent: SHIT!
Cid: (grabs Cloud by the hair) LET'S GO!!!
Cloud: TIFA!!!!!!!!
The three guys run out, holding a chunk of the support materia.
Vincent: WHERE IS ZAK WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED HIM??????
Barret: Wha'???
Red: huh???????
Cid: THAT #$(%#( LOON IS GOING TO KILL THE WOMEN!!!!!!!!
All the guys run over the hill, the confused chocobos stare at each other.
Squishy: Wark.... (sad Squishy)
Zak: (pulls the Highwind up over the mountain and throws the ladder to them.
Vincent: ME FIRST!
Cid: NO ME!!!
They all scramble up the ladder.
Cid: (runs into the cockpit) Zak!
Zak: Hey guys!!!
Vincent: (throws Zak aside) To the Mansion NOW
Cid: Nah, I thought I might take the scenic route OF COURSE I AM GOING TO FLY!!!!!!!!
Chapter Nine:
What, are you still here?
Beth and the girls are sitting around a sparkling clean house, watching a sappy movie.
Beth: Girls, did you hear something?
Tifa: Yeah...
Yuffie: We'd better go outside....
The girls run outside.
The girls see a familiar looking woman standing in front of the house.
Lucrecia: I demand to see the one they call BETH!
Beth: What do you want, and who are you?
Lucrecia: I am Lucrecia, your death.... how DARE you seduce Vincent, hasn't he sinned enough?
Beth: hmm.... who are you to talk? He has moved on with his life....
The highwind comes crashing down.
Vincent: (runs out) I told you FAST, not RECKLESS!!!!!!!!
Cid: I was going FAST.... you said nuting about Reckless...
Vincent: I know that it is bad... but.... (looks at Lucrecia) HEY! Lay off the goods! Er....
Beth: (now being backed into a corner by Lucrecia) Your not helping Vincent....
Lucrecia: (has Beth against the side of the mansion, ready to strike) You are nothing to me, I have killed far worse!
Beth: So have I!
Lucrecia: Stay away from him!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: No!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: No!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: I said that you can have him, because I don't want the sulking bastard anymore.... (Vanishes)
Beth: (laughing)
Vincent: that was simple...
Beth: Too simple... (hums)
Lucrecia: (back at her cave) there... that should take care of the little heathen! .......... wait a second.... oh well!
Vincent: (looks at the materia that he got form Lucreia's cavern) Hmm... I wonder what it does....
Beth: (grabs it) I cast it with Fire... (equips it and yells) FIRE!
The mansion explodes, everyone runs outside safely.
Barret: What da fuc'????
Cid: My CIGARETTES!
Cloud: Who's having the bon fire?
Marlene: FIREWORKS Daddy!
Beth: Oops...
Cloud: Magnify materia? That's what it must be.... what Shin-Ra had wanted.
Beth: Ya think there numb nuts?
Tifa: Numb nuts? Try no NUTS!
All: (laugh)
Cloud: (blush) Teef I told you not to tell!
Tifa: Oopsy...
Beth: Uh.... (looks around) now where will we stay?
Kukarui: Beth, you're the author... just make it reappear.
Beth: So.... fine....
The house reappears.
A/N: That is all I have for right now, that may be all I write, just add on one final chapter of pointlessness!
It's still here!
A/N: What??? You guys are s till reading this? Don't you think this is the most horrible thing that you have ever read in your entire life? I do.
Oh, and now the guys are on the Highwind.
Cloud: Cid, can't this thing fly ANY faster????? PLEASE??
Cid: what's the matter man??? I thought you get motion sickness....
Cloud: That is overran by the fact that we all have a lady waiting at home for us...
Cait Sith: I don't...
Vincent: neither does Yuffie, there you go!
Cait: Oh hush, Author's pet!
Vincent: I like being her pet... she only chains me up once in a while!
Cloud: Kinky little one, kinda like Tifa was a couple of ni- (cuts off) never mind
Cid: I vote we go to the northern crater first...
Cloud: No, we have all the materia there that is up there... where are a few spots in this small planet we haven't seen yet?
Cait Sith: how about the sleeping man, near Junon?
Vincent: Lucrecia's cavern? That may do it....
Cid: How about the rocket's launch site?
Barret: How about the small island to the very far north of the crater...
Cloud: We got knights of the round from there....
Vincent: yeah....
Barret: Okay, shoot me then!
Vincent: Okay! (Grabs a gun, any gun and shoots Barret in the butt)
Barret: HEY!
Vincent: Hey, yourself, you asked for it....
Red: Here we are, at.... the sleeping man's cave!
Barret: I will go check....
(after a few minutes)
Barret: (stumbles in) No.... no materia in there....
Red: What happened to you?
Cid: Pull yerself tagether man! What the FUCK happened?
Cloud: Hmm?
Barret: Turk...turk....
Red: TURKS?
Barret: NO! (Controlling himself now) TURKEYS! Wild ones...
Cloud: Let's rest here for the night?
All agree.
(Later that night)
Vincent and Cid are in the same tent.
Cid: (covering his ears) SOMEBODY WAKE HIM UP!!
Barret: (comes running into the tent)
Cid: (looks at Vincent) He is having a nightmare!
Vincent: (thrashes about)
Barret: (smacks Vincent awake) I thoug' ye' said you didn' have any nig'mares anymer! Ya fuckin' Foo'!!!
Vincent: (waking up) Hah! That is only when I am with Beth.... something about her....
Cid: than take yer nigh'mares out of here ya god damned shit eating piece of FUCKING MORON NUTS !!!!!!!
Vincent: Sorry.....
()()()
(The next morning)
Cid: I didn't get any sleep last night.....
Cloud: okay... take us up Captain!
Cid: Sure thing there fa-er- favorite personal friend of mine.... (smiles)
Vincent: where are we heading?
Cloud: to the chocobo ranch, we need a gold chocobo for this...
Vincent: Lucrecia's cavern?
Cloud: Yep....
Cid: (yells) HOLD ON!!!!
The ship lurches left, everyone flys to the left of the ship.
Barret: I think someone broke my fall.... (moves his arm)
Vincent: I think your fat ass just broke me! (Throws him off) Careful.... my limit break is up....
Cloud: So is mine.... it may come in useful, save it.
Cid: (brings the highwind down.... hard)
All: Oh.....
Barret: If you see any teeth lying around, they are mine....
Red: here are some of mine....
Vincent: NO RED! Those are my....
Red: (explodes)
Vincent: Bullets....
Red: (comes back to life) how...Beth isn't here...
Vincent: She gave me that little trick, just in case...
Barret: Good going.... that will come n handy, won't it?
Cid: (picking up his cigs, that went flying all over the floor) Come her my babies... papa loves you, come back to daddy now....
Vincent: (glances at Barret and makes a face)
Barret: (nods)
Zak: I.... think I will stay here and fly the ship closer to you guys....
Barret: Chocobo-phobia!
Zak: No... it's not that.... its uh............uh.......... yeah, it's that.....
They all get out of the ship and walk into the chocobo farm
Barret: Hmm.... Cloud, Cid, me, Vincent, Cait Sith, Red and.... one, two, three, four, five, six.... six chocobo!
Cid: They only have.... (looks in the stall) Six chocobo....
Vincent: Say thank you....
All: thank you Vincent...
Vincent: Bow to me and pray Muhaha- just joking.....
All: (Bow to him playfully)
Cid: (sarcastically) Lord Vincent, what do we do NOW?
Vincent: Let's go to Lucrecia's cavern.... (jumps on a chocobo)
Chocobo: WARK!!!
Cloud: Sure! (Jumps on a chocobo, but lands hard)
Chocobo #2: WARK!!! (starts pecking Cloud)
Cloud: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid and the others get their own chocobos.
Red: I will name him Squishy and he shall be mine... and he shall be my Squishy!
Cid: ?!?! (looks at Red) hmmm?
Red: (baby talk to the chocobo) Come here Squishy.... come here.....
Squishy the Chocobo: Wark.....
Cid: What the fuck???? ARE YOU CRAZY.......
Barret: (whispers to Cid) Let him.... he has had a rough few last days...
Red: (yells) Hi-YA!!!! (Squishy takes off)
Cloud: (still being pecked) OUCH!!!
Vincent: Here.... (slaps the chocobo Cloud is riding on)
Chocobo: wa-RK!!! (starts running off)
Cloud: (holding on for dear life) Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllppppppppppppppppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Vincent: (gently pats his own bird) Giddy up.... (the bird moves)
The others follow....
()()()
Vincent: (yelling to Cloud) HOLD ON!!!!!
Cloud: (now holding onto the tail feathers of the chocobo) I............................am...................... trying TO!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: (sighs) Hi ya.... giddy up, giddy up......... (catches up with Cloud)
Cloud: Help......
Cid: (stops the chocobo)
Red: (riding up) Woah Squishy!
Squishy stops.
Barret: (brings his half dead chocobo to a stop) Okay, are we where we need to be?
Chocobo Barret was riding on: (falls over dead)
Barret: Hmm..... must have been a bad one.....
Cloud: Barret, it was a GOLD chocobo.... really, LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!
Barret: I am trying the Atkins diet....
Red: One carb doesn't mean one whole chocolate cake...
Cid: I went on Slim Fast, that works too....
Cloud: I am on the Seafood diet.... see food, eat it....
Red: I think you should try the Cosmo Canyon Diet for beginners, its simple.....
Cait Sith: Well, I.... uh..... Reeve.... went on the Fat away trimming body and shape treadmill all radishes diet.....
Barret: I heard of that... isn't it that F.A.T. B.A.R.S.T.A.R.D. thing?
Cait Sith: Yes.... and HEY!
Barret: I am not going to go on the FAT BASTARD diet!
Red: (hugging his chocobo) I love my Squishy!
Squishy: Wark.... (hugs back)
Vincent: guys... back at the matter at HAND!
Cloud: yeah.... uh...... (looks at Cid) what was that?
Cid: Uh, we are looking for that materia! (Smacks Cloud)
Vincent: (sighs) Let's go in the CAVE!!! (starts to transform into Chaos)
Cloud and Cid: Good idea!!! (goes into the cave)
Lucrecia: ........ who dares... come and bother me?
Vincent: Lucrecia, have you seen a materia around here?
Lucrecia: No... leave
Cloud: You heard the little lady.... (turns to leave)
Lucrecia: Wait, Vincent.....
Vincent: ?........?
Lucrecia: Two things.....
Cid: hurry up!!!!!!!
Cloud: (waits) yeah.....
Lucrecia: (points to the walls of her cave) This..... I think is materia......
Cid: (goes over to the wall) Yep... it looks like a summon materia Cloud....
Cloud: Support....
Cid: Summon....
Cloud: Support!
Vincent: It's a support.... it's BLUE!
Cid: oh.... sorry....
Vincent: that is one thing... what is the other thing....
Lucrecia: Your new loves,' all of them....... I shall kill them all......VINCENT VALENTINE, YOU HAVE SINNED!!!!!!!!!!!!! (disappears)
Vincent: SHIT!
Cid: (grabs Cloud by the hair) LET'S GO!!!
Cloud: TIFA!!!!!!!!
The three guys run out, holding a chunk of the support materia.
Vincent: WHERE IS ZAK WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED HIM??????
Barret: Wha'???
Red: huh???????
Cid: THAT #$(%#( LOON IS GOING TO KILL THE WOMEN!!!!!!!!
All the guys run over the hill, the confused chocobos stare at each other.
Squishy: Wark.... (sad Squishy)
Zak: (pulls the Highwind up over the mountain and throws the ladder to them.
Vincent: ME FIRST!
Cid: NO ME!!!
They all scramble up the ladder.
Cid: (runs into the cockpit) Zak!
Zak: Hey guys!!!
Vincent: (throws Zak aside) To the Mansion NOW
Cid: Nah, I thought I might take the scenic route OF COURSE I AM GOING TO FLY!!!!!!!!
Chapter Nine:
What, are you still here?
Beth and the girls are sitting around a sparkling clean house, watching a sappy movie.
Beth: Girls, did you hear something?
Tifa: Yeah...
Yuffie: We'd better go outside....
The girls run outside.
The girls see a familiar looking woman standing in front of the house.
Lucrecia: I demand to see the one they call BETH!
Beth: What do you want, and who are you?
Lucrecia: I am Lucrecia, your death.... how DARE you seduce Vincent, hasn't he sinned enough?
Beth: hmm.... who are you to talk? He has moved on with his life....
The highwind comes crashing down.
Vincent: (runs out) I told you FAST, not RECKLESS!!!!!!!!
Cid: I was going FAST.... you said nuting about Reckless...
Vincent: I know that it is bad... but.... (looks at Lucrecia) HEY! Lay off the goods! Er....
Beth: (now being backed into a corner by Lucrecia) Your not helping Vincent....
Lucrecia: (has Beth against the side of the mansion, ready to strike) You are nothing to me, I have killed far worse!
Beth: So have I!
Lucrecia: Stay away from him!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: No!
Lucrecia: Yes!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: No!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: No!
Beth: Yes!
Lucrecia: I said that you can have him, because I don't want the sulking bastard anymore.... (Vanishes)
Beth: (laughing)
Vincent: that was simple...
Beth: Too simple... (hums)
Lucrecia: (back at her cave) there... that should take care of the little heathen! .......... wait a second.... oh well!
Vincent: (looks at the materia that he got form Lucreia's cavern) Hmm... I wonder what it does....
Beth: (grabs it) I cast it with Fire... (equips it and yells) FIRE!
The mansion explodes, everyone runs outside safely.
Barret: What da fuc'????
Cid: My CIGARETTES!
Cloud: Who's having the bon fire?
Marlene: FIREWORKS Daddy!
Beth: Oops...
Cloud: Magnify materia? That's what it must be.... what Shin-Ra had wanted.
Beth: Ya think there numb nuts?
Tifa: Numb nuts? Try no NUTS!
All: (laugh)
Cloud: (blush) Teef I told you not to tell!
Tifa: Oopsy...
Beth: Uh.... (looks around) now where will we stay?
Kukarui: Beth, you're the author... just make it reappear.
Beth: So.... fine....
The house reappears.
A/N: That is all I have for right now, that may be all I write, just add on one final chapter of pointlessness!