Kel tried to cry herself to sleep, with no avail. Her dress was too tight,
and when she lay down, she had trouble breathing, and she did not wish to
die in the night, so she rose and took it off. Just as she had taken the
first layer of fabric off, there was a knock on the door.
Kel sighed and wiped her eyes. "One moment, please." She said. She threw a dressing robe over what was left of her dress. She thought herself to look rather silly, her dressing robe, undone, showing the tan coloured lace of the corset she wore, with it falling over her massive skirts.
She opened the door a crack, just to make sure it was not someone she needed to be decent for. It was only Fhire, so Kel opened the door and let her in.
"Could you have not gone to your own rooms?" She asked.
Fhire smiled. "I could see the light through the door. I thought I would come calling." She did a sloppy curtsey.
Kel smiled. "Very well. Sit down." She said, and Fhire sat in an arm chair by the window. "I believe you enjoyed yourself tonight, am I correct?" Kel said.
Fhire blushed. "Yes." She squeaked.
Kel smiled again. "Fhire, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I did the same thing, when I was your age."
Fhire grinned, sitting up. "Really? With whom?"
Kel looked her squire in the eye. She was actually interested. Kel shook her head, chuckling. "No one you know." He thought about it. "Well, maybe. Cleon of Kennan. I had a romance with him when I was a squire, but he had to marry to help his family. He came back just days before I got you as my squire, asking for me back, but I turned him down."
Fhire nodded. "Are you glad you did?"
Kel nodded. "With all my heart. The night he came back," he paused, "was the night that Dom kissed me."
Fhire giggled. Kel knew that they both felt like young court ladies right now, giggling about their first kisses after a ball. They chatted for a little while, the talk shifting, as it always did, from kissing to weapons. After a while, they began to speak of squiring and page training.
"Did you know that there is another girl in the palace? Aleydis, I believe her name is." Kel said.
Fhire grinned. "Of course I know her. She is my sister."
Kel nodded. "that would be a reason to know her, wouldn't it?" She yawned. "Gods, it's late. Come now, it's time for bed. She ushered Fhire back to her rooms and removed the rest of her dress, falling asleep as soon as she hit her mattress.
The next few weeks passed without mention. There were one or two more balls, but Kel spent most of her time practicing, and working. As a knight, she had to be ready for action at any time, but through the weeks she only left the city once, to deal with a group of bandits who had ventured too close to the city.
One day, at the very beginning of September, Kel went back to the river. It was hard for her to do- she had not been since the fateful day almost five months ago. It was still hot out, and Kel desperately wanted a swim. But really, she just wanted to clear her mind. She wanted to tell herself that everything that had happened on that afternoon had been an accident, an abnormality, that if she went back, it would all be fixed.
She took Hoshi down with her, but she didn't ride her. It was a long walk, almost two hours, but Kel enjoyed it. Her friends knew where she was, in case she took too long, and she had a small lunch with her. As she got closer to the water, she could hear a voice. She left Hoshi to wander, with the order to not go closer to the water yet, and ventured down, closer to the voice.
It was a man's voice. That she could tell. She look around a corner. He was alone. He was only talking to his horse. Kel smiled, until she realized who it was- Dom. She spun back and threw herself against the tree, fighting back tears. "This was not a good idea," she whispered to herself, over and over.
She regained her composure and slowly stepped out from behind the tree, taking quick strides towards the water, Hoshi trailing behind. Dom looked up as she walked past him, his eyes following her all the way to the water. She threw down her blanket and pulled out her lunch. She ate it slowly, trying to check if Dom was still staring at her. He was.
"Can I help you with something?" She said coldly. She hated to be so mean. She wished she could just run over and kiss him, but she knew it impossible.
Dom slowly shook his head. They stared at each other for a moment, when Kel went back to her food. Slowly, Dom looked back down to his book.
They sat in silence for almost an hour, barely noting each other, except on the rare occasion that they both looked up at the same time.
Kel had been staring at him for a few minutes when she decided enough was enough. She sighed and threw down the book she had been reading. "That's it." She said, getting up and striding over to Dom. He looked up at her, no emotion in his eyes.
"Look, Dom," she said, knowing that no matter how hard she tried she was going to tell him everything. She didn't try to stop herself, she just let everything pour out. "I have just about had enough of this. I love you, I know that, you know that. As far as I could tell, you loved me back. I did not mean that you were simply a distraction, I meant that you would distract me sometimes. I was not telling you that I don't want to be with you, quite the opposite.
"I want to be with you forever. I love you, more than I have ever loved anything, and more than I think it possible to love anyone else. And if you could just get it through your fat head that I am willing to give things up for you, I am willing to sacrifice. I am just not willing to sacrifice my entire life. That is not because I don't love you enough.
"It's because I love you too much. I know that if I gave up this life for you, I would change, and not for the better, and I fear that you would not love me any more. I would have to leave being a knight to have a family, and you would lose your job for marrying. I said no because it would ruin your life more than mine. And if you cannot see that, than you deserve a silly little court lady to dance with."
She turned on her heel and strode back to Hoshi. She quickly threw everything into her pack, leapt on her horse, and galloped away.
She quickly unsaddled Hoshi and asked the stable boy to groom her for her. She had never done that before, even though she was allowed. She felt, as she had been taught, that it was a knights duty to tend to his horse. But she couldn't do it right now, so she left her horse with Jan.
Kel ran back to her room and locked the door. She checked Fhire's room, but, as she had given the girl the day off, she was out somewhere with her year mates. Kel locked the door between their rooms as well, just in case, and collapsed on her window seat.
She didn't cry. She wanted to, but she felt dried out, shrivelled, like a prune, like she had nothing left in her to cry. She knew why. She had stood up for herself, and for what she believed in, and she had told Dom the truth. She had told him how she felt, and it was up to him to respond.
She tried to read, but her brain wouldn't focus. She tried to write, but her hands were shaking too much. She settled on looking out her window, her head pressed up against the cool glass.
No one came to her room. It was only early afternoon, yes, barely three o'clock, but she was anxious. Four o'clock, and no one came. She was just about to go out to the stables to thank Jan when there was a knock on the door.
Kel felt her chest tighten. Slowly, she rose and walked to the door. Left foot, right foot, she told herself. The person knocked again, more softly this time. Kel put her hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. She felt the cool brass ball in her hands. It was sticky with the sweat of summer. She felt it click, and slowly pulled the door back to show her Dom.
He looked stern. He did not look happy, but then again, he did not look angry.
"Thank you." He said, his voice a whisper, as if he hadn't spoken in days.
He did not break his gaze. Kel did not budge. With all that she had said and done to get him to come back, that did not seem like enough. She hadn't done him any favours.
He looked at her. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat. Kel gripped the doorknob tighter in anticipation for what he might say.
"I'm sorry." He said to her. Kel didn't move.
"I'm sorry, Kel." He said again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He faded off. Kel continued to stare at him until she could not hold it any more.
She smiled. Very slowly, the almost frown that had been set on her face tilted upwards. It was the tiniest of smiles; Kel could see that Dom barely acknowledged it. She felt like she didn't know how to smile anymore, it had been such a long time since she smiled at him. Every time she had seen him, it had been Yamani lump that he saw.
Finally, she found herself almost grinning at him. He looked confused. Was she mocking him, he must have thought. Before he could ask, Kel kissed him. She didn't know why, she didn't even feel it the right thing to do. She just kissed him. She reached forward and held on to him, her eyes closed, her lips clinging to his. She pulled back away from him and went back to the way they had been standing before, except this time, Kel was blushing immensely.
Dom stared at her. As if on cue, he smiled at her, and Kel let herself breathe. It would be all right. She didn't know how, but they would plough through it. Together. Kel smiled back, and she kissed him again. Everything fell into place. They stood there for a long time, just kissing each other, familiarizing themselves with each others mouths.
Neither of them noticed Neal and Yuki walk by on their way to dinner, giggling uncontrollably.
* * * * *
Kel didn't go to dinner that night. By the time she and Dom pulled apart from each other, the meal had started, and it would have been rude to go in late, Dom said.
They stayed in Kel's room, sitting by the window, Kel in Dom's arms, talking about everything in their lives that the other had missed for such a long time.
Kel couldn't understand it. everything seemed so comfortable together. If they had been speaking of anything else, it would be like they had never been apart.
Dom didn't go back to his room that night. They had so much to say to each other that they stayed sitting on the window seat until almost dawn, and when Kel fell asleep, Dom carried her to her bed and fell asleep beside her.
Kel woke up to a knock on her door the next morning. It was late- almost ten o'clock, later than Kel had slept in years, but then again, she had not slept until dawn, barely five ours earlier.
She didn't move. She was too comfortable. She pretended to still be asleep, hoping that the person would leave. They didn't. Dom, who had been lying on top of her bed, instead of in it, rolled off and went to the door.
Fhire was standing there with a plate of toast and juice. "Good morning, sleepy heads." She said, grinning. "I know that you have not eaten anything since breakfast yesterday, except a tiny lunch, so I brought you something." She thrust the toast at Dom as Kel rolled over to look at her.
Fhire walked over and gave her the juice, and flopped down on her bed. Dom leaned against the wall as he ate his toast. As soon as they had finished, Fhire took their plates and walked to the door to her rooms. "I think you two should get up soon. Neal was very excited." She winked at Kel, who rolled her eyes as her squire closed the door.
"Let's never fight again." Kel said as Dom came and sat with her. "I hate the way they treat us after we do."
Dom smiled. "It doesn't bother me too much. At least they leave us alone." He pushed her over.
Kel laughed as he kissed her neck. "I've told you before, that tickles!" Kel said, laughing.
"I love you so much, Protector of the Small." Dom said.
This time, Kel heard him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow, I have now updated three times in the course of 8 hours. 5 am, then I went to sleep, and now I'm updating twice. I rock. Boo-yah.
This story is now tied for most chapters, and long in the lead for most words. And, it's my favourite! (this is just between my stories, so you know, though I do rock)
"You look familiar, have I threatened you before?"
-unolimbo
Kel sighed and wiped her eyes. "One moment, please." She said. She threw a dressing robe over what was left of her dress. She thought herself to look rather silly, her dressing robe, undone, showing the tan coloured lace of the corset she wore, with it falling over her massive skirts.
She opened the door a crack, just to make sure it was not someone she needed to be decent for. It was only Fhire, so Kel opened the door and let her in.
"Could you have not gone to your own rooms?" She asked.
Fhire smiled. "I could see the light through the door. I thought I would come calling." She did a sloppy curtsey.
Kel smiled. "Very well. Sit down." She said, and Fhire sat in an arm chair by the window. "I believe you enjoyed yourself tonight, am I correct?" Kel said.
Fhire blushed. "Yes." She squeaked.
Kel smiled again. "Fhire, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I did the same thing, when I was your age."
Fhire grinned, sitting up. "Really? With whom?"
Kel looked her squire in the eye. She was actually interested. Kel shook her head, chuckling. "No one you know." He thought about it. "Well, maybe. Cleon of Kennan. I had a romance with him when I was a squire, but he had to marry to help his family. He came back just days before I got you as my squire, asking for me back, but I turned him down."
Fhire nodded. "Are you glad you did?"
Kel nodded. "With all my heart. The night he came back," he paused, "was the night that Dom kissed me."
Fhire giggled. Kel knew that they both felt like young court ladies right now, giggling about their first kisses after a ball. They chatted for a little while, the talk shifting, as it always did, from kissing to weapons. After a while, they began to speak of squiring and page training.
"Did you know that there is another girl in the palace? Aleydis, I believe her name is." Kel said.
Fhire grinned. "Of course I know her. She is my sister."
Kel nodded. "that would be a reason to know her, wouldn't it?" She yawned. "Gods, it's late. Come now, it's time for bed. She ushered Fhire back to her rooms and removed the rest of her dress, falling asleep as soon as she hit her mattress.
The next few weeks passed without mention. There were one or two more balls, but Kel spent most of her time practicing, and working. As a knight, she had to be ready for action at any time, but through the weeks she only left the city once, to deal with a group of bandits who had ventured too close to the city.
One day, at the very beginning of September, Kel went back to the river. It was hard for her to do- she had not been since the fateful day almost five months ago. It was still hot out, and Kel desperately wanted a swim. But really, she just wanted to clear her mind. She wanted to tell herself that everything that had happened on that afternoon had been an accident, an abnormality, that if she went back, it would all be fixed.
She took Hoshi down with her, but she didn't ride her. It was a long walk, almost two hours, but Kel enjoyed it. Her friends knew where she was, in case she took too long, and she had a small lunch with her. As she got closer to the water, she could hear a voice. She left Hoshi to wander, with the order to not go closer to the water yet, and ventured down, closer to the voice.
It was a man's voice. That she could tell. She look around a corner. He was alone. He was only talking to his horse. Kel smiled, until she realized who it was- Dom. She spun back and threw herself against the tree, fighting back tears. "This was not a good idea," she whispered to herself, over and over.
She regained her composure and slowly stepped out from behind the tree, taking quick strides towards the water, Hoshi trailing behind. Dom looked up as she walked past him, his eyes following her all the way to the water. She threw down her blanket and pulled out her lunch. She ate it slowly, trying to check if Dom was still staring at her. He was.
"Can I help you with something?" She said coldly. She hated to be so mean. She wished she could just run over and kiss him, but she knew it impossible.
Dom slowly shook his head. They stared at each other for a moment, when Kel went back to her food. Slowly, Dom looked back down to his book.
They sat in silence for almost an hour, barely noting each other, except on the rare occasion that they both looked up at the same time.
Kel had been staring at him for a few minutes when she decided enough was enough. She sighed and threw down the book she had been reading. "That's it." She said, getting up and striding over to Dom. He looked up at her, no emotion in his eyes.
"Look, Dom," she said, knowing that no matter how hard she tried she was going to tell him everything. She didn't try to stop herself, she just let everything pour out. "I have just about had enough of this. I love you, I know that, you know that. As far as I could tell, you loved me back. I did not mean that you were simply a distraction, I meant that you would distract me sometimes. I was not telling you that I don't want to be with you, quite the opposite.
"I want to be with you forever. I love you, more than I have ever loved anything, and more than I think it possible to love anyone else. And if you could just get it through your fat head that I am willing to give things up for you, I am willing to sacrifice. I am just not willing to sacrifice my entire life. That is not because I don't love you enough.
"It's because I love you too much. I know that if I gave up this life for you, I would change, and not for the better, and I fear that you would not love me any more. I would have to leave being a knight to have a family, and you would lose your job for marrying. I said no because it would ruin your life more than mine. And if you cannot see that, than you deserve a silly little court lady to dance with."
She turned on her heel and strode back to Hoshi. She quickly threw everything into her pack, leapt on her horse, and galloped away.
She quickly unsaddled Hoshi and asked the stable boy to groom her for her. She had never done that before, even though she was allowed. She felt, as she had been taught, that it was a knights duty to tend to his horse. But she couldn't do it right now, so she left her horse with Jan.
Kel ran back to her room and locked the door. She checked Fhire's room, but, as she had given the girl the day off, she was out somewhere with her year mates. Kel locked the door between their rooms as well, just in case, and collapsed on her window seat.
She didn't cry. She wanted to, but she felt dried out, shrivelled, like a prune, like she had nothing left in her to cry. She knew why. She had stood up for herself, and for what she believed in, and she had told Dom the truth. She had told him how she felt, and it was up to him to respond.
She tried to read, but her brain wouldn't focus. She tried to write, but her hands were shaking too much. She settled on looking out her window, her head pressed up against the cool glass.
No one came to her room. It was only early afternoon, yes, barely three o'clock, but she was anxious. Four o'clock, and no one came. She was just about to go out to the stables to thank Jan when there was a knock on the door.
Kel felt her chest tighten. Slowly, she rose and walked to the door. Left foot, right foot, she told herself. The person knocked again, more softly this time. Kel put her hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly. She felt the cool brass ball in her hands. It was sticky with the sweat of summer. She felt it click, and slowly pulled the door back to show her Dom.
He looked stern. He did not look happy, but then again, he did not look angry.
"Thank you." He said, his voice a whisper, as if he hadn't spoken in days.
He did not break his gaze. Kel did not budge. With all that she had said and done to get him to come back, that did not seem like enough. She hadn't done him any favours.
He looked at her. He coughed slightly, clearing his throat. Kel gripped the doorknob tighter in anticipation for what he might say.
"I'm sorry." He said to her. Kel didn't move.
"I'm sorry, Kel." He said again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He faded off. Kel continued to stare at him until she could not hold it any more.
She smiled. Very slowly, the almost frown that had been set on her face tilted upwards. It was the tiniest of smiles; Kel could see that Dom barely acknowledged it. She felt like she didn't know how to smile anymore, it had been such a long time since she smiled at him. Every time she had seen him, it had been Yamani lump that he saw.
Finally, she found herself almost grinning at him. He looked confused. Was she mocking him, he must have thought. Before he could ask, Kel kissed him. She didn't know why, she didn't even feel it the right thing to do. She just kissed him. She reached forward and held on to him, her eyes closed, her lips clinging to his. She pulled back away from him and went back to the way they had been standing before, except this time, Kel was blushing immensely.
Dom stared at her. As if on cue, he smiled at her, and Kel let herself breathe. It would be all right. She didn't know how, but they would plough through it. Together. Kel smiled back, and she kissed him again. Everything fell into place. They stood there for a long time, just kissing each other, familiarizing themselves with each others mouths.
Neither of them noticed Neal and Yuki walk by on their way to dinner, giggling uncontrollably.
* * * * *
Kel didn't go to dinner that night. By the time she and Dom pulled apart from each other, the meal had started, and it would have been rude to go in late, Dom said.
They stayed in Kel's room, sitting by the window, Kel in Dom's arms, talking about everything in their lives that the other had missed for such a long time.
Kel couldn't understand it. everything seemed so comfortable together. If they had been speaking of anything else, it would be like they had never been apart.
Dom didn't go back to his room that night. They had so much to say to each other that they stayed sitting on the window seat until almost dawn, and when Kel fell asleep, Dom carried her to her bed and fell asleep beside her.
Kel woke up to a knock on her door the next morning. It was late- almost ten o'clock, later than Kel had slept in years, but then again, she had not slept until dawn, barely five ours earlier.
She didn't move. She was too comfortable. She pretended to still be asleep, hoping that the person would leave. They didn't. Dom, who had been lying on top of her bed, instead of in it, rolled off and went to the door.
Fhire was standing there with a plate of toast and juice. "Good morning, sleepy heads." She said, grinning. "I know that you have not eaten anything since breakfast yesterday, except a tiny lunch, so I brought you something." She thrust the toast at Dom as Kel rolled over to look at her.
Fhire walked over and gave her the juice, and flopped down on her bed. Dom leaned against the wall as he ate his toast. As soon as they had finished, Fhire took their plates and walked to the door to her rooms. "I think you two should get up soon. Neal was very excited." She winked at Kel, who rolled her eyes as her squire closed the door.
"Let's never fight again." Kel said as Dom came and sat with her. "I hate the way they treat us after we do."
Dom smiled. "It doesn't bother me too much. At least they leave us alone." He pushed her over.
Kel laughed as he kissed her neck. "I've told you before, that tickles!" Kel said, laughing.
"I love you so much, Protector of the Small." Dom said.
This time, Kel heard him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wow, I have now updated three times in the course of 8 hours. 5 am, then I went to sleep, and now I'm updating twice. I rock. Boo-yah.
This story is now tied for most chapters, and long in the lead for most words. And, it's my favourite! (this is just between my stories, so you know, though I do rock)
"You look familiar, have I threatened you before?"
-unolimbo