What A Difference A Year Makes

Author: Barb

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: PG

Summary: Harm and Mac look back on the year of their lives following Hail and Farewell.

CHAPTER 3

1100

21 May 2005

JAG Headquarters

Annual Picnic

Bud was passing by Mac's blanket, "Hi, Ma'am, uh, I mean Mac."

"Hey, you're getting better at that Bud, I mean Lieutenant Commander Roberts. It suits you, you know." She said with a smile.

"Well thanks, Mac, it feels good too." He smiled. "So, no Harm yet?"

"No, it's early, I didn't really expect him to make it before noon. But in the mean time I've been sitting here enjoying the day; getting a little sun, people watching."

"And eating," he laughed as he looked at her feast.

"Of course eating, Bud, what else is there?" she laughed lightheartedly. She wrinkled her nose, "Oh and I've been trying to read this book all morning, but I just can't seem to get my mind around it today, must be all the activity."

"Well, Harriet wanted to know if you'd be interested in watching the babies for a little while."

"Are you kidding? I'd love to. Let me clean my plate. Tell Harriet I'll be over in about 15 minutes, okay?"

"Sure. I'll let her know." He said as little AJ ran over crying after falling down and scraping his knee. Bud said goodbye, turned and bent to soothe AJ, then led him over to the first aid station for a Spiderman Band Aid.

FLASHBACK

Mac was reluctant to get up - she hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time. Just a few more minutes of snuggle time, she begged. She slowly worked her way from under the covers and stood up. She could hear Harm on the phone ordering her favorite Chinese dinner and salivated. She hadn't realized how hungry she was, and guessed that was a good sign.

She borrowed a towel and took a shower. Harm had the best shower head in the world, that coupled with the hard water; the staccato beat on her head and shoulders gave her renewed energy, and she just stood there, eyes closed for countless minutes savoring the feeling, then grudgingly soaped up and rinsed off.

Mac dried herself off and dressed, then packed her dress uniform away and headed down to the land of the living.

"Harm, I can't tell you how grateful I am for everything." She smiled. "I'm actually starting to feel a little more human." She walked over to him; he seemed to sense her need, and enveloped her in his arms. He rubbed his hand up and down her back while the other held the back of her head and ran his fingers through her hair.

Then the dam burst.

Mac started crying softly, just a few sniffles, but Harm didn't think anything of it. But he held her fast and started to rock her back and forth ever so slowly. He made the mistake when he asked her if she was okay. No, she wasn't.

"Harm....I....I can't...." She cried and tried to pull him in closer, she needed to feel him, and started weeping uncontrollably. Harm's heart broke, he closed his eyes and pulled her closer, trying to soothe her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

"I'm right here, Mac. Shhhh, it's going to be okay, I promise. Whatever it is, I'll be here for you, we'll get through it together, like Butch and Sundance, you'll see."

Mac choked on a laugh and nodded into his chest, her face was flushed and her breath coming in short bursts, but it seemed like hours before Mac was able to calm down. She finally was able to pull her face away from Harm's chest, "Look what I did to you, you're soaked. I got you all wet." And she started to cry all over again. At that, Harm picked her up and carried her over to the couch, where he set her down. She wouldn't release her hold on him. "It's okay Mac, you don't ever have to let go." And she didn't.

END FLASHBACK

Mac made her way over to where Harriet was sitting with the babies, a nice shady spot. She had taken the twins out of their stroller and was cradling them in the crook of each arm. "Perfect timing Mac, I was just getting ready to feed them. Do you want one?"

"Yeah, of course. Which one do you want me to take?"

"Well, they're both a little fussy right now with all the excitement, but I think Abby. I'll take TK," and handed the little girl to Mac along with her bottle.

Mac cradled Abby and brushed her finger over Abby's fist. Abby grabbed for it and held on tight, squirming in Mac's arms. "Oh Harriet, they're both so adorable. I can't believe how big they've gotten." She put the bottle to Abby's mouth and caressed her cheek with her finger. "How do you do it Harriet? How do you manage to take care of four at once?"

"I get a lot of help from Bud, and little AJ is becoming a big help too. You get used to it."

"Do you ever miss it? JAG?" she asked.

"I did for the first couple of months. But then I realized how lucky I am to be able to stay home with them." She reflected back before she continued, "Now, no, I don't miss it at all, there's not much time for anything else." Mac smiled and nodded her head.

Harriet had finished feeding TK, he'd sucked down his bottle in record time, and he was freshly diapered and sleeping on the blanket. Bud came over and helped Harriet up, they wanted to go watch little AJ play soccer, and Jimmy was busy finger painting. Mac assured them she would be fine and to go and not worry.

A few minutes later, Abby finished her bottle. Mac burped her and changed her, then held her up to her shoulder, sitting with her eyes closed, lost in her thoughts and humming to the baby while rocking her lightly and rubbing her back, when she felt him.

She opened her eyes, looked up and smiled, and let out a satisfied sigh, "Hi. I missed you."

FLASHBACK

Mac regained her composure finally, after the Chinese food had arrived and gotten cold. But it didn't matter. Harm had one arm around her shoulder and held her hand as she told him about her illness, that she may not be able to have children. He cringed at the thought of just how bad his timing had been. Would the timing ever be right for them, he wondered silently. "I'm so sorry, Mac. God, I feel so stupid. I never meant to hurt you, I hope you know that."

Mac squeezed his hand. "There was no way for you to know, Harm. It's okay."

"But there is a remote chance?"

"Some, but the doctor said not to count on it, not to get my hopes up." She thought for a moment, "But if I wanted to try and take the chance, before it's too late..." she said tentatively. Harm gathered her up in a hug that answered her question, and held her that way for a very long time.

Baby steps. The following Monday Harm and Mac went back to work as usual, but things were never the same again. It didn't take long to get back into the rhythm of friendship - sure, they worked together, and opposed each other in the courtroom at times, but they never let themselves get too far apart or take each other for granted. Life, they realized, was too short.

Harm gave Mac the space she needed but was never further than a phone call away. Mac saw the doctor regularly and had just stopped taking the pain medication. She had been learning a new biofeedback technique and so far it was working pretty well. That, and Harm had learned how to give her massages. The pain was still there but it was becoming more manageable.

As the days and weeks went on, a new dance had started.....with tender smiles, little touches, and of hugs bursting with love. A couple of months passed and now Harm and Mac spent just about all their time together. Before they knew it, and without words, he became her lifeline, and she, his. The summer had waned, had become Indian summer and then the winter.

One chilly Saturday night, they sat together at Mac's, watching a rented movie on TV and eating popcorn. There was a fire crackling in the fireplace, Mac was snuggled up to Harm's lap on the couch and he was tracing lazy circles on her back, his feet propped up on the coffee table. Harm looked down to find Mac sleeping and he found himself watching her instead of the movie. He smiled at how peaceful she looked, reached his hand up and over her hair, and wondered what he would ever do without her.

He didn't want to disturb her, but Harm knew if Mac stayed like this she'd have one sore neck later, so he tried to nudge her awake.

"Mac, it's time to get up. You should get to bed now."

"Mmmmm, no, I want to stay here."

"Come on sleepyhead, you'll be much happier sleeping in bed. Come on, you'll thank me in the morning," he said as he rubbed her back.

Mac stretched and sat up, briefly wondering where she was. Then she looked at Harm and smiled. Harm stood up and reached out to help her. Mac was looking at him with a grin he'd never seen before. "What?" he asked.

"You woke me up."

"I know, I'm sorry. You looked so peaceful, I hated to do it to you." He said as he wrapped his arms around her and leaned in for a light kiss.

"I was dreaming."

"Yeah, about what?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

"You know," she eyed him coyly.

"I do?" Gulp.

"Of course, you were there, silly." She laughed.

"Well, that clears that up."

"Would you like me to refresh your memory?" She asked as he reached for his hand to lead him to the bedroom.

Harm was startled. This was the....they hadn't yet.....not that he didn't want to....not that he didn't dream of one day.....he swallowed. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life, Harm. Come on. It's time."

END FLASHBACK

"Don't get up." Harm motioned for Mac to stay where she was. Not that she had much choice. He kneeled down and kissed her. "Who do we have here?"

"This is Abby. You remember her Harm, it's only been a couple of months. She hasn't grown that much." She chuckled.

"I've been watching you. You're a natural Mac," he said with a smile. "You should see your face right now," and reached out to touch her belly. She was going into her seventh month.

"You should see yours, you know, you're positively glowing."

"I don't think men glow, Mac, but I'll take your word for it. So, you're feeling okay?"

"Oh, Harm, today is such a good day," and gave him a kiss.

"Marry Me, Mac."

"Harm, I hate to break it to you, but we're already married."

"Love me forever?"

"Absolutely."