October 16, 1979
...
A slow murmur of water had reached my ears long before the rain had begun to pound. The water was beyond carving paths along my windows - it had reached its full extent, giving way to flurry of rage. I sighed inwardly, longing for some similar kind of release.
But before all that had been the soft, slow murmur of water. Therefore, I couldn't blame the weather at all - it'd given me a fair enough warning.
I nearly jumped when I heard my front door pounding. Upon opening it, my heart sank - yet I smiled again. "Lily."
"Hello, Remus," she said cheerfully. She looked around her for a moment. "You won't make me wait out here with the rain, will you?"
"No." I closed the door behind her.
She brushed off her cloak, but kept it on. "I won't be staying long, I just wanted to let you know the news."
"An owl wouldn't have worked?"
She laughed. "Not entirely."
"What is it then?"
She smiled, ducking her head. "James asked me to marry him."
My lips slightly parted, as I wasn't sure whether to speak or not. She'd killed me right there.
I swallowed, hoping the rain would pound harder. "He did, did he?"
She only nodded, eyes perfectly bright - seeing no conflict at all beyond her own joy, and my hesitant smile.
"Why didn't he tell me himself?" I managed to ask.
Her smile faded. "Well, he doesn't know."
I laughed - empty again. "How could he not know if he - "
"I didn't answer him."
It was a cruel joy. The first time I felt a genuine smile inside of me, it was at a moment when I couldn't show it. I managed to remain subjective. "Why not?"
Her eyes looked beyond me as she thought of him. I wished I could close mine. "It's so sudden," she said. "I mean, doesn't it take love longer than that for - for" Her eyes widened. "Does he even love me?"
I wearily struggled to detach myself from my own thoughts, but found myself narrating them anyway - vaguely enough that only I knew what I was talking about. "He loves you, Lily. He's loved you as long as I've known him, which is as long as he's known you. It's sudden to you," I said. "Because you never realized it. But don't you think he's waited long enough?"
How long have I waited for this chance?
She looked back at me. In my eyes, for once, I saw hers. Couldn't she see me? Couldn't she see how wretchedly horrible I was? She'd seen beyond my monster before any one else could have even imagined to. Couldn't she see beyond this lie? She shook her head, smiling tremulously. Warm tears of pure bliss filled her eyes, and she touched my arm.
"You'll come to the wedding, won't you?" she asked me, smiling the brightest I'd seen her than any of the times she'd been around James.
Despite the years I'd waited, I found I'd missed the last opportunity. I'd missed it...
"I wouldn't miss it for the world."
I wondered how much more of this I could take. I'd felt my heart breaking before - every single time James kissed her. But never had I ever felt it tear like this - like an inward scream I could never let out for fear of dying along with it. Before I could feel any more pain, she jumped forward, wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek, crying.
"Thank you, Remus," she whispered in my ear. "Thank you so much."
I felt I could have cried right there as well, but for all the wrong reasons.