Disclaimer: Do you really think that if I owned YGO I would be writing fan fiction? No, I didn't think so. It goes with out saying that none of this mine. I'm just borrowing it for your entertainment and mine.

Blame

They never blamed me; I'm not sure why that is. Maybe they thought I would go crazy and kill them as I had killed father. Or perhaps they believed, like I had for so long, that what they said was true. So many time had their words consoled me; "You're not to blame Malik. It wasn't your fault." or "The spirit took over your body, Master Malik. How could you have controlled it? Don't let it bother you anymore."
Not once did they suggest that I could have controlled this spirit. That he is a part of me and I have control over him just as he has control over me. How nice it would be to believe once again their reassuring words but no longer can I fool myself. I could have stopped my father's death if I had been strong enough. If I hadn't given in to his whispered words, his dark promises of threats that lingered in the halls of the tomb keepers. If I hadn't let my own love for Rishid control me.

Flashback

I stood there, shocked in the doorway watching as the torchlight flickered over the vivid red marks on Rishid's back.
My father's face was cruel as he turned to face Isis and I, his face contorted with an ugly rage. His voice cracking as he called out a threat to those who disobey the tomb keeper laws.
Listen to him. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about your pain at all. All he cares about is himself. He'll never let you see the sun again, to feel it's soft warmth. He'll keep any kind of happiness from you. He'll only cause you, Isis, and Rishid pain. Look at what he's already done to you, to Rishid...
As the spirit whispered those words my father raised his whip and I believed everything that had been said.
Hurry, the spirit whispered urgently, let me out and I'll protect you!
My consent came instantaneously as the whip lashed out to hit me. But it never struck.
I opened the eyes I hadn't realized I'd closed only to feel like I was in a dream, looking through another's eyes.
I saw my father's stunned face as Yami no Malik pulled the whip from my father's hands as he walked to where the sacred items were stored, taking the rod from it's place. I heard my father tell him not to touch it, to stop, heard Isis' scream as the spirit used the Rod to pin both, my father and her, to the wall. Heard him threaten Isis, felt my legs move forward, my cries of protest growing louder with each step, closing my eyes I heard the metallic hiss of the other me drawing the dagger concealed within the Rod, felt a mouth that was no longer my own twist in to a cruel smile, heard laughter in a voice that wasn't quite my own, felt the slight resistance my father's skin gave as the dagger plunged beneath his robes, past the barrier of his skin, to his heart. I saw the way his eyes bulged; the way his body shuddered as the dagger connected to my hand entered him again and again. I heard Isis' scream as she saw what I saw. Saw my father's crimson blood cover the wall as the spirit released him from the Rod's hold. I tasted the coppery tang of my father's blood as my tongue ran along the sharp blade. I felt the flat of the blade brush against my clothed leg as he wiped the remaining blood off, revealing glimmering gold; showing no hint of what it had participated in. I felt myself regain control as the spirit receded, cursing.
I fell to the ground, passing out, until I felt warm arms around me, clutching me to a toned body with a sweet smell I could almost place. Realizing it was Rishid I opened my eyes hoping what had happened was all a bad dream and Rishid had come to wake me from it.
"Don't look master Malik, don't look." He urged me. But I looked, looked and continued the scream that I had started when I was the spirit held me, trapped within my own darkness.

End Flashback

Once he's out I have no control but I can keep him in as long as I stay rational. As long as I keep my fear and pain at bay he can't come out. But I failed at that. I always fail, failed my father, Rishid, Isis. A weak failure. Weak enough to let the spirit to come out and harm Rishid; the only one who has truly loved me. Isis, my sister, please keep him safe. Rishid it's my fault, whether you believe that or not. For you I will wait, I will grow strong, and I will escape the spirit; this time for good. Then I will return to you.

A/N: Alright, this has been sitting in my notebook for the longest time but I finally got it typed and put up. I hope everyone liked it. I enjoyed writing it so long ago. You know the drill; now that you've read it review it, please. Ciao!